


Advent Calendar 2019

by Phantje



Series: December 2019 [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Advent Calendar, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Best Friends, Continuous story, December - Freeform, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Angst, One Chapter A Day Leading Up To Christmas, Single Parent Phil Lester, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 118,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantje/pseuds/Phantje
Summary: Dan and Phil are best friends. Also, Dan loves Phil, but Phil doesn't need to know that, especially as it could unredeemably change their relationship. Also, Dan loves being part of Phil's daughter Ashley's life. As long as he can stay close to them and see them be happy, he should be fine.When Phil asks him for a favour, Dan agrees without hesitating, unaware of how much a taste of his dream life would affect him.A December-y story of Dan growing in his love for Phil, and Phil discovering his love which has always been there.I will upload one chapter each morning until the 25th of December. Enjoy! :)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: December 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587211
Comments: 248
Kudos: 198





	1. Adorable

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 1st December everyone! :)  
> I am back with a Phanfiction! I hope you enjoy this story and grow to love the characters. :)  
> See you tomorrow! I love and cherish you all! xx

** Sunday, 1st of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan’s desire to be different than other people did not extend as far as that he would wrestle with iOS technology to get rid of the hellishly annoying, mundane ringtone and install something that would represent his personality.

That was why Dan was now woken by a series of shrill tones.

Dan angrily silenced his phone and let his head fall back onto the mattress. The cushion had relocated at some place during the night which was why the fall was a lot longer than Dan had bargained for. He was, however, in enough of a sleepy state to not let this instance wake him completely.

For eight horrible more minutes, Dan fell asleep once again.

Who on earth had decided that eight minutes was the default setting for the snooze time?

Dan fumbled with his phone and put the alarm out for real, immediately setting one for the next day that was five minutes earlier. That way he could snooze twice, maybe.

He should have tried to stop himself from snoozing, but all humans were flawed. It just so happened that this was one of the areas Dan was flawed in.

Dan named the alarm ‘gte uo as sono as possbl’ which he would not read when the alarm rang the next morning, but he would have felt uncomfortable not naming it.

As much as the ringtone annoyed Dan, he did not change it. It made him spite society and that was the perfect way to start your day as a barista.

Dan clicked out of the possible ringtones with a groan when he saw that the default one was called ‘Radar’.

He kicked his legs out of the bed and rubbed his eyes.

Something cold and slimy touched his eyes and set Dan screaming. Blindly, he put the light on and inspected his hand.

A big sigh of relief fell from Dan’s lips when he discovered that the slimy thing on his index finger was glue that was a mere two stages away from hardening completely and being harder than granite.

Finally, defeat settled in with Dan. He stood up and made his way over to his small bathroom.

Just for the record, not even for Dan was it normal to wake up with dried glue on his finger at 5 am on a Sunday morning.

Dan had enough sanity left to be aware that this might seem weird for some people.

To be fair, he thought it was weird himself.

The reason why Dan had woken up in such a state was no one other than Ash. Or Ashley. Or Ash-girl. Not Ash-Bird though, that was, interestingly enough where Phil put the line.

Dan was not to call Phil’s precious offspring Ash-Bird.

Dan thought that was really unfair, considering that he had not had the disastrous idea of naming a living and breathing human being Phoenix.

Phil had tried to justify the mother’s decision, but nothing could convince Dan that the woman in question was a complete nutjob.

Phoenix. Really?

A bird that was reborn from its own ashes? That was not a name to give your new-born daughter.

Dan’s silent form of protest was never calling Ash by her initially given name.

Phil continuously pointed out that Dan’s form of protest was anything but silent, but judging by the fact that Phil had started calling his daughter Phiphi ever since he was left in the sole charge of her did show Dan that Phil might not be all too opposed to the idea of giving Ash a set of new names that one did not necessarily cringe at whenever they were uttered out loud.

So, because of his best friend’s daughter, Dan had woken up at ass-crack of dawn with glue on his hand.

A little bit of additional explanation might not be amiss at this point.

Phil had become a single parent with the sudden departure of the nutjob two weeks before he turned 32. The nutjob had not so much departed as that she had travelled to Phil’s place to dispose of her daughter and then leave herself, not to be heard of again for more than half a year.

Dan had been furious at her then, and he was just as furious whenever he thought of it since.

That was not to say that Dan wanted Phil, the nutjob, and Ash-girl to form a happy family. He was not alone in that either.

The reason Dan was so furious was that the nutjob had taken the coward’s way out, thrusting all responsibility at Phil. She could not have known that Phil would prove himself to be the best dad the world has ever seen.

Seeing that Ashley had spent the first months of her life with her mother, Dan was now determined to make her first proper Christmas a real event.

Dan was even willing to make huge sacrifices in order for Ash to have a special time.

Sunday marked a week since he had last seen either Ash herself or Phil. This was, not to be dramatic, the biggest sacrifice he had ever had to make in all his 28 years of life.

Dan had had the idea to ensure that Ashley’s Christmas was special on her birthday back in October. That had given him enough time to prepare something and be done in good time in order to enjoy the festive time himself, theoretically.

Of course, what had happened was that Dan had spent ages racking his brains for something to do. Finally, in the middle of November he had had a good idea but had somehow decided it would be great to wait with putting it into action until the last week of November.

What Dan had thought of had been an Advent Calendar. Not any calendar. A personalised A to Z of X-Mas for Ashley-girl.

This was, without exaggerating in the slightest, the project he had put most work in. He had nearly slept through one of his A-levels.

This was big. This had taken every creative bone he possessed.

Thankfully, everything had worked out.

Dan was proud of his work. So proud, in fact, that he would not at all mind this being considered his Magnum Opus. He would happily leave all the future literary fame to the real expert.

If someone should be literary successful (mind you, not literally) it should be Phil who was already getting paid for his written works as it was. Dan was essentially getting paid not to ever write anything again.

The one time he had tried to be creative, back when he had first moved up the food chain to store manager of the adequately sized Costa, he had the great idea to create new slogans.

The best he had come up with had been ‘Costa lot less’. It had needed a hearty laughing fit from Phil to show that this clever slogan was easily reduced to its first two words. Dan had nipped the whole slogan thing in the bud.

This did not stop Phil from saying ‘lot’ whenever Dan was stupid enough to use the name of the coffee chain he worked for.

Dan splashed water into his face after he had successfully got rid of the glue on his fingers. Thinking about Phil and Ash had already put the hint of a smile onto his face.

Now, finished with washing, Dan returned to his bedroom and switched the ceiling light on.

A full-blown smile appeared on his face as soon as he spotted his creation. Everything about the box in front of him looked a little wobbly, but he had poured his heart in and hopefully that would show to other people too.

Dan did not think he needed to be afraid of Phil’s reaction. They were best friends. He would know this meant a lot to Dan. He would most importantly also see that this was for Ashley. Phil loved his little girl more than anything else in the world.

No, Dan did not need to worry about Phil’s reaction to something he had made especially for Ashley.

Dan got dressed and quickly forced himself to eat an apple.

He left his apartment after checking he had all the keys he could possibly need, so to say, the keys for Costa, his own apartment and Phil’s.

Dan hurried to the bus stop and pulled his jacket a little tighter around him. This December was truly mercilessly cold.

Not that November had been any better, but Dan had spent so much time inside in the past week that the fresh and crispy air hit him especially hard.

The bus arrived and Dan sat down.

It had been a sensible idea not to take Ashley’s Advent Calendar, also known as Ashley’s X-Mas A to Z, or even Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza.

Dan was too tired to hold onto the box and anticipate the jolts the bus would cause. No, he would finish his shift at Costa and then go back home quickly to collect the box and then make his way to Phil’s apartment.

This was in no way an unusual series of events but considering how withdrawn Dan had been the week before, he decided it would be best to text Phil and actually ask for permission.

Good morning Phil!

I know you’re not up yet, but I wanted to ask

real quick if I can come around later – 9ish

at latest.

Dan put his phone away and stared out of the window, letting a stream of lights move past him.

He did not expect Phil to answer straight away, in fact, he would have probably started being concerned if Phil had replied at half past five on a Sunday morning.

Dan arrived at Costa. He opened the door and put on the lights. He had a few minutes to get the place ready and then the poor souls on their way to work would start flooding the café. Yes, even on a Sunday.

Five minutes before the first regulars were sure to arrive, Dan’s colleague Cameron fell through the door. Dan was not terribly mad that he had prepared the café on his own, as that meant he could easily leave five minutes early and take the bus that did not go on an unnecessary detour.

Dan got through his shift as well as he could. He did not dislike his work, far from it, but it was difficult to avert his thoughts from the box that was waiting in his apartment for him to take to Ashley and Phil.

His shift came to a close, and Dan was finally able to wave at his colleague, who raised a hand in reply and continued making another latte.

On his way out of the café, Dan met another colleague, smiled at them, mumbled something about a bus he needed to catch and finally was able to make his way into the general direction of his apartment.

As soon as he was seated in the bus, Dan took out his phone and saw, with a stupid smile already in place, that he had new messages from Phil.

Dan!

Is this code for you being abducted?

Full sentences?

Kidding, unless you’re not. In that case

I am deeply sorry.

You know the drill, bring something baked

and this house is yours.

Dan grinned at his phone. He felt the last bit of tiredness leave him as he reread Phil’s texts.

Just left costa.

On my way. Will be there soon.

LOT

Dan rolled his eyes and put his phone back into his pocket. Somehow, the bus journey back to his apartment was always quicker than the one to work.

Dan left the bus at the next stop and rushed to his apartment. He collected the box, quickly putting it into a big M&S bag and then making his way over to another bus stop that would take him straight to Phil’s home.

It was not at all weird to have this bus schedule as well memorised as the one he needed for work. It was coincidence if anything.

Phil would have opened the door for Dan even if Dan had not bought any baked goods, but as he was at least as hungry as he imagined Phil to be, he left the bus one stop early and bought brioche buns that were still a little warm.

Armed with the brioche buns, Dan made his way to Phil’s apartment. He was excited to see his two favourite humans again.

Also, he had just climbed the stairs. The second fact was obviously what had caused his heart to speed up. Nobody needed to think that was because of Phil.

The door was opened, and Phil smiled at him with an alert looking Ashley on his arm.

“Tea is almost ready. I’ll give it another two minutes at most.” Phil stepped aside and waved for Dan to come inside.

“Phiphi and I missed you.”

Dan was amazed that Phil thought he could just say something like that.

Dan kicked his shoes off, took a deep breath and followed Phil and Ash into the kitchen.

Phil’s POV 

So far, Phil’s favourite month of the year had been May.

That had been when Phiphi had first started sleeping reliable long stretches of time. She had slept decently before too, but it had taken Phil a long time to get used to her sleeping schedule.

Long nights and early mornings were common. Somehow, Phil found long nights induced by a wailing child harder to bear than when he just stayed up reading, writing or watching something.

Maybe, hearing Phiphi wail was more of an ordeal because Phil’s heart throbbed painfully whenever she did that.

The days where she woke up in the middle of the night were thankfully over now though. Ever since May, it only happened rarely that Phil was woken up by a crying Phiphi.

Phil was a festive person and had looked forward to Christmas at least since the 19th of October. Once Phiphi’s birthday was over, Phil felt it was appropriate to look forward to the abundance of hot drinks, biscuits and other festivities.

With being in favour of the whole festive episode, Phil had thought that December was a good contender for favourite month of the year, but right at this moment, it did not seem like anyone else shared that opinion.

December started with a crying Phiphi.

Phil sat up in his bed immediately. He rubbed his eyes and grabbed for his glasses on the bedside table. He was doing so blindly and subsequently had an array of fingerprints on the glass.

Phil tumbled into Phiphi’s room and picked her up. He rubbed her back comfortingly and rocked her gently.

Phiphi soon calmed down and the tears stopped flowing.

“Did you have a nightmare, Phiphi?” Phil asked and stroked the still wondrously tiny head.

Phiphi yawned and let her head fall against Phil’s shoulder.

“Let’s try and sleep some more.” Phil said and carried Phiphi to his room.

Phil climbed onto the bed and somehow wrestled with the blanket so that it was lying around his shoulders. Phil placed Phiphi in his lap and covered her with the ends of the blanket.

Before long, Phiphi was sleeping again. Phil leaned his head against the headboard, but he had never found it terribly easy to fall asleep sitting up.

Phil waited until he was certain that Phiphi had settled down before he grabbed his phone.

It was quarter to seven in the morning.

Phil might have been happier not to know that actually.

There was nothing he could do about that now, though.

Phil’s eyes trailed away from the time and landed on a message he had received from Dan.

To say that Phil was relieved would not have been enough. For about a week, Dan had hardly ever replied to a text Phil had sent, and he had never come around.

Phil did not know what had happened for Dan to behave that way, but he was more than happy to have him back.

Dan’s text said:

Good morning Phil!

I know you’re not up yet, but I wanted to ask

real quick if I can come around later – 9ish

at latest.

Phil started smiling and typing. It took a little while to send his replies to Dan because Phil’s left hand was lying on Phiphi’s tummy, and Phil knew better than to try and take it away.

Eventually, Phil was done and happy with his messages. For anyone reading his texts it might have seemed a little rude to demand Dan brought something to eat but that was just Phil’s way of inviting Dan to have breakfast with Phiphi and himself.

Also, this was probably what was kindest on Dan. Not acknowledging that Phil thought Dan’s behaviour from the week before was off, was the nicest thing he could do right in that moment.

For a few moments Phil scrolled through his tumblr. When he noticed that his eyes were getting heavy, Phil quickly put his phone away and closed his eyes.

Sacking towards the left, Phil managed to fall asleep after all.

Phil was woken by a loud buzzing sound. He jolted a little and woke Phiphi in the process. He quickly picked her up and prevented her starting to cry.

“Good morning, Phiphi.” Phil smiled. “Are we ready to start the day?”

Phil grabbed his phone and read the message Dan had sent him.

Just left costa.

On my way. Will be there soon.

LOT

Phil’s reply was absolutely obligatory. Dan needed to be reminded that even he had some flaws. There were millions of things Dan was absolutely amazing at. Thinking of slogans that complimented the store he worked for was not one of them, though.

“We better be. Dan is coming around for breakfast.” Phil told Phiphi. “We have to get you dressed.”

Phiphi turned to look at him. “I hear what you’re saying. I will think about getting dressed too.” Phil nodded sagely.

He stood up and went back to Phiphi’s room picking up a striped shirt that looked harmless until you paid attention to what the lines were made of.

Tiny ‘Ho!Ho!Ho!’s were forming the stripes. Dan had given this to Phiphi, laughing uncontrollably.

Phil had done his bit with an eyeroll, not sharing how much he liked the shirt himself.

After putting some stretchy leggings on Phiphi, Phil carried her back to his room and changed his pyjamas for some dark sweatpants and a grey hoodie. It was still too early to bother with contact lenses, so Phil stuck to his glasses.

Being dressed, Phil quickly went to the bathroom and then sat Phiphi down on her chair in the kitchen, boiling water for tea for the breakfast with Dan.

Afterwards, Phil lay the table and because Dan was not yet there, Phil cut some apple slices for Phiphi and slowly started heating a little bit of milk.

Her drink of choice was milk with a dash of tea. In order for that to seem even mildly digestible and enjoyable, Phil heated up the milk and let the tea cool down.

Dan had laughed at him for that practice, but as he hardly ever didn’t laugh at something Phil did, Phil did not mind all too much.

Phil had just thrown teabags into the pot and poured water over it when the doorbell rang.

Phil picked up Phiphi and made his way over to the door. He opened it and was met with a smiling Dan.

“Tea is almost ready. I’ll give it another two minutes at most.” Phil said as a greeting. He already made his way towards the kitchen again when he decided that the greeting was a little feeble at best.

“Phiphi and I missed you.” Phil added and placed Phiphi back into her chair.

Dan arrived in the kitchen and handed Phil a bag from the bakery.

“Brioche buns.” Dan said. “You look gorgeous, Ash. What a phenomenal jumper.”

Phil ignored Dan and asked: “Didn’t you have another bag?” A gigantic M&S bag was not going to pass him by.

“I did.” Dan smiled. “Breakfast first though.”

Dan sat down on his chair, which was the one on Phiphi’s left side. Phil always sat on her right side.

“How are you Ashley-girl?” Dan asked Phiphi and tickled her.

“You had a bit of a nightmare, didn’t you, Phiphi?” Phil asked. He took the milk off the stove and poured the hot tea into Phiphi’s mug to cool down.

“A nightmare? Poor thing. You don’t need to be afraid. I am here now.”

“Excuse me? What about me?” Phil laughed.

“Oh, of course. If you ever have a nightmare, tell me. I will be there for you too.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Phil rolled his eyes.

“Fabulous.” Dan grinned.

Dan told Phil about his morning shift while Phil fished the teabags out of the pot. Dan managed to avoid saying Costa out loud, knowing that Phil would never miss an opportunity to annoy him.

Phil grabbed Phiphi’s cup, poured the milk over the tea and screwed the suckle top on it. He handed the cup to her all while telling Dan about the new piece he was working on.

The article he was asked to write was properly interesting for a change, but Phil would have told Dan anyways.

After breakfast, Dan picked Phiphi up and danced with her through the kitchen while Phil cleared the table.

It was more enough for him that he got to listen to Phiphi’s squeals and Dan’s laughing.

Once Phil was done, Dan handed Phiphi back to him and told him to go and wait in the living room. Phil raised his eyebrows at Phiphi who happily made a grab for them. Phil wiggled his eyebrows even more excessively and carried Phiphi into the living room.

Phil sat down on the sofa and placed Phiphi on his lap.

“Will you ever tell me what you did last week?” Phil called.

“I was literally about to, Phil. You have to spoil everything.” Dan said accompanied by some rustling.

“Oh.” Phil managed before Dan turned around the corner and walked towards the sofa.

“I forgive you.” Dan said graciously. His eyes were gleaming. Phil smiled encouragingly but kept quiet.

“The reason I did not have any time last week was that I am an organisational genius.” Dan said and then pulled out a box from behind his back.

Dan placed the box onto Phil’s lap and picked up Phiphi to sit her down on his own lap as he sat down next to Phil.

“What is this?” Phil asked.

“Phil, it literally says what it does on the tin… well, cardboard.” Dan laughed.

For the first time, Phil looked at the box and saw numbers and letters. He looked a little closer and saw some of the letters spelling out:

A1 S19 H8 L12 E Y24 ‘S X–MAS E5 X T20 R18 A V22 A G7 A N14 Z25 A

“Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza?” Phil asked.

“I’d like some curry thanks for asking.” Dan grinned.

“Forget it. You tricked me into saying ‘your’ name.”

“Rules are rules. You said Ashley, so I get to decide what we have for dinner. You did the exact same thing when you made me read the birthday card you had written to her out loud.”

“You also love pizza.” Phil defended himself.

“That’s beside the point. You love curry.”

“Fine. We’ll have curry then.” Phil sighed. “Will you tell me what this is now?”

“It’s what is says. It’s Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza. You could also say it’s Ashley’s X-Mas A to Z.” Phil looked blankly at Dan. “For heaven’s sake, Phil. It’s an Advent Calendar for Ashley.”

Now, Phil saw the remaining numbers and letters scattered across the top of the box.

Every letter and number was beautifully designed. Phil loved the Q17 especially.

“You did this?” Phil asked in awe.

“Last week.” Dan said proudly.

“Impressive.” Phil studied the box. He lifted it and noticed how light it was. He didn’t comment but showed Phiphi what Dan had made her.

“Go on, open the first flap.” Dan smiled nervously.

“Give me your hand Phiphi.” Phil said, holding out his own. Phiphi put her hand in his and Phil opened the flap while holding onto her hand.

Phil did not know what he had expected, but it certainly had not been for there to be a string attached to the flap on whose end there was a small envelope.

Phil let go off Phiphi’s hand and tried to get the envelope out of the opening.

“Ah. I miscalculated that. Or I didn’t calculate that. Sorry.” Dan grimaced. Phil laughed and bent the envelope slightly so that it fit through the hole.

“Go on, open it.” Dan said.

“I am.” Phil grinned. It was funny to see Dan this nervous. He really didn’t have to be so nervous. Whatever turned out to be in that envelope, Phil was sure to love it, as was Phiphi.

Phil turned the letter around and read: ASHLEY in capital letters. He turned it around again and opened the envelope. Dan had not glued it shut, which was a good thing. Phil would have hated to destroy any part of this calendar.

Phil pulled out the folded sheet of paper and smoothed it out. A DIN A5 paper was neatly covered in Dan’s handwriting with a couple of sketches in between.

“Do I read this now?”

“What do you normally do when you are presented with letters on a page?” Dan asked. He still looked as nervous as before.

Phil smiled at Dan and Phiphi and started reading out loud.

**ASHLEY**

_Once upon a time, there was a clever writer – arguably even more clever than the one out of whose feather these lines flow._

_Anyways, once upon a time, there was a very clever writer. His name was William Shakespeare._

_William is known for his theatre plays and poems. He also created a lot of words, without which words in the English dictionary would be really rather lonely. (Lonely is one of them, you see?)_

_We do not only have the plays, we also have quotes from the plays._

_One of William’s most famous quotes is:_ What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

_Even if the rose would have an entirely different name altogether, it would still smell just as sweet._

_The same is true for you, Ashley. No matter if as Ashley, Phiphi, Ash, Phoenix, Ash-girl you are always the sweetest, most adorable girl alive, cherished by those that know you._

_Ever since you turned to me with a smile when I called your name – thanks again for that perfect birthday present – you have consented to the role I play in your life._

_You ruined my triumph when you turned to your father after he called “Phiphi!” with an even brighter smile, but really seeing you be both Ash and Phiphi, something only the most perfect person can achieve, was the real present._

_You are unique. You are you and I hope you always will be._

“Dan.” Phil said and folded the paper once again.

“Sorry. Is it horrible?” Dan kept his eyes fixed on the back of Phiphi’s head.

“No! Of course not. It’s amazing! It’s out of this world. It’s perfect. It must have been so much work!” Phil took a breath. “You are not saying something like this will be behind every flap, do you?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“It’s more like stories for most of them.”

“You wrote something for every day?”

“Yes.” Dan looked up finally and grinned at Phil.

“You are unbelievable.”

“Thank you.”

“No. Thank _you_.” Phil grinned. He placed the box down and pulled Dan into a hug, which was long overdue.

Phil had not seen Dan in a week, after all. He had wanted to hug him as soon as he came through the door. Things have always been better when Dan was there.


	2. Bountiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2nd December! :) Enjoy the chapter!   
> I will see you again roughly the same time tomorrow. xx

** Monday, 2nd of December  **

Dan’s POV 

After listening to Phil reading the Advent Calendar out loud, Dan was immensely relieved to see that Phil had seemed to appreciate his efforts.

Phil was of course a way superior writer than Dan would ever be, but at least he managed to appreciate the gesture.

Dan had stayed the entire day at Phil’s place.

Every now and then, Dan tried to convince himself that that was because Phil was not low on stock on one of his favourite scented candles, but that was so poor an excuse, that even he had trouble to believe himself.

Sadly, not even Ashley was the most honest explanation for Dan’s always prolonged stays at Phil’s place.

The only honest explanation was Phil himself.

A lot of parameters came into play to make it absolutely impossible for Dan to leave sooner than he absolutely had to, but everything always led back to Phil.

Phil’s home was a lot more comfortable than Dan’s place, but that was really only because Dan loved anything that looked like Phil.

Phil had a better sound system for listening to music, but really, any music always sounded better when Dan listened to it with Phil.

Phil’s couch was a lot more comfortable too but being able to smell the scent that was nothing but Phil hugely added to that.

It did not matter all too much what the real reason was for Dan to stay so long. He knew, and Phil did not need to know.

Fact was, Dan had stayed long at Phil’s place.

They had read a couple of picture books to Ashley and then watched two episodes of a cartoon program.

Dan had made a cup of tea for Phil and himself and got a cup of watered-down apple juice for Ashley. When he came back to the living room, Phil had Ashley on his left knee and the Advent Calendar on his right. He pointed at the different letters and quietly talked to Ashley about the corresponding numbers.

Dan quickly placed the cups he was holding on the floor and snapped a few pictures.

Phil was so engrossed in the calendar that Dan even managed to take an artsy picture with the cup of tea in focus and Phil and Ash in the background. The cup in focus was Ashley’s bright pink cup with a suckle top. The picture was perfect.

After the cup of tea, the three of them went on a little stroll. It was only to the closest supermarket with a little detour on the way back to the curry place, but it was a walk, nevertheless.

Whenever Dan was with Phil and Ash, he had dinner at a much more reasonable time than he did on his own. After dinner, Phil put Ashley into her pyjama, and Dan tucked her in.

Sadly, this meant that with work the next day, Dan did not have much reason or chance to stay for much longer. After one last cup of tea, Dan felt compelled to say goodbye and make his journey home.

“Text me when you get home.” Phil had said when waving at Dan and closing the door.

“Will do!” Dan had saluted. Phil had laughed.

Hearing Phil laugh was always the perfect end to a day.

At home, Dan had quickly texted Phil and gone to sleep after taking a long shower. Phil had not replied, but Dan was reconciled as he still had Phil’s laughing in his ear.

The next morning, Dan was woken once again by the merciless sound of ‘Radar’ far too close to his ears. Dan snoozed the alarm and promptly fell asleep again.

Eight not at all relaxing minutes later, Dan was woken again and forced himself out of bed.

After washing his face and brushing his teeth, Dan had a glass of water and rushed out of the door to get to Costa.

Once Dan had unlocked the door, he switched on the lights and started the machine, preparing a coffee for himself.

Cameron arrived before long and wordlessly prepared a cup of coffee for himself.

Dan raised his cup as a toast. Cameron stared at him and put on the apron and attached the name tag.

“Why are you so chipper?” Cameron asked.

“Am I?” Dan lowered his cup.

“I believe you are.” Cameron rolled his eyes. “No comparison to yesterday at least. You were this far away from being gloomy.” Cameron pressed his fingers together.

“It was early.”

Cameron raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And it’s any later now, is it?”

“It’s Monday.”

“Worse.”

“It’s December.”

“It was December yesterday too.”

“Just let me be happy.” Dan grumbled.

“I would, but you are chipper and that is infinitely worse.” Cameron sighed.

“Shut up.” Dan shoved Cameron and clinked their cups together. “Let’s have a good day.”

“If you say so.”

Cameron finished his cup of coffee and was soon the usual obnoxious and happy self he annoyed Dan and the customers with. Work with him at his side was the perfect balance of annoying and hilarious that made time pass quickly.

During the lunch break, Dan checked his phone to see if Phil had written anything.

There was no exact law stating that he could not check his phone when there was nothing to be done in the shop, but Dan was keen to escape Cameron’s glances, so checking the phone in his lunch break it was.

Phil had indeed written. Dan clicked on the messages and was already smiling.

Good morning.

You are coming over later, right?

Asking because of the calendar.

Can I open it without you?

You gotta ask Ash. She’s the authority.

Dan walked to the nearest supermarket and bought a meal deal which was a great thing to do in summer and a stupid thing in winter.

Dan’s hands were essentially frozen when he made his way back to Costa.

Cameron nodded knowingly but was nice enough to prepare a hot cup of coffee for Dan.

When he returned from the back of the shop with his apron on, Cameron had already put sugar and cinnamon inside. Dan squirted caramel inside, knowing that Cameron disapproved of that and would never give a person he considered a friend a concoction of similar style.

Dan appreciated being considered a friend, but he also loved caramel.

Cameron disappeared on his work break, another, a lot younger colleague took his place and Dan worked in near perfect silence apart from the loud breaths the machine was taking and the quiet radio.

Dan finished his shift with only a short embarrassing episode where Dan let out a scream when his phone started vibrating and emitting the same annoying set of shrill rings it had done twice already that morning.

Dan had set a reminder to go and buy baking utensils the evening before, which was a remarkable thing in and of itself. That did not however take anything away by the embarrassment that surged through Dan at having screamed at full volume in Costa.

Cameron laughed at him and sent him on his way. Dan quickly explained what had happened, which only made Cameron laugh harder.

Dan gave up and undid the apron and left to buy ingredients before making his way to Phil’s place.

Dan climbed the stairs to Phil’s place and rang the doorbell.

On instinct, he started running through muse’s discography in his mind.

He and Phil had the deal that if he got through twice, he was allowed to use the keys and let himself in.

The door opened, and Phil smiled at Dan with Ashley balanced on his hips. Dan’s heart skipped a beat. Dan was so used to that by now, that he paid it no mind.

“First Simulation Theory?” Phil asked.

“You wish. Second Absolution! You are getting slow, old man.” Dan grinned.

“That’s how you speak to me in my house?”

“No, that’s how I speak to you in front of your house. Inside your house, I say:” Dan stepped inside: “You look good for your age.”

“You know full well that’s worse.” Phil closed the door and shoved Dan’s shoulder.

“What have you got there?” Phil asked and handed Ashley over to Dan to pick up the bag of groceries Dan had brought.

“I can tell you what that is.” Dan said and walked into the kitchen.

“Well do.” Phil followed him.

“Did you read B?”

“Phiphi said I could.”

“So you know. We are going to bake.” Dan beamed. As if on cue, Ashley started clapping.

Phil’s POV 

December yet had every chance to be the best month after all.

The first reason being that Phil had not been woken by a crying Phiphi that morning. Phil had woken up on his own and that was a nice feeling.

The second reason for December looking amazing was the box in the living room.

When Phil had first seen the Advent Calendar, he had not been able to appreciate just how great it truly was. Dan had gone out of his way to make something for Phiphi. He had put a lot of effort into the calendar and it had definitely paid off.

Phil got up and changed into the same sweatpants from the day before but with a different jumper. He then made his way to check if Phiphi was already awake.

She wasn’t.

Carefully, Phil retreated his steps but left the door ajar. Phil walked to the small desk he had crammed into one small corner of the living room.

Phil opened his laptop and logged into his mail account. There were a couple of things from the papers he wrote for which he immediately sorted into his work folder.

The first mail he actually clicked on was from an estate agent he had hired to look for a bigger but affordable place.

The mail invited Phil to come to a potential property on Monday.

There was a link to the complex the property was part of.

Phil read through the bullet points on what made the complex ‘special’. When Phil reached the part of where it said that the complex prided itself on the abundance of young happy families, he knocked his whole pile of notes onto the floor.

Yes, he needed a bigger place, but apparently, he also needed to find someone that would be willing to deceive some landlord and make them think he was a happy family.

Phil could not suddenly start dating. Not when the appointment was on Monday. He needed someone that was already used to the concept and would do Phil a huge favour.

Dan.

There was no one else Phil could possibly ask. Either Dan would do this for him, or Phil would have to look at a completely different sort of property.

Phil could not pressure Dan into doing this. He needed to ask and accept whatever answer Dan gave him.

Phil picked up the things he had thrown down and quickly wrote a reply to the agent telling him he was interested. Maybe, that was a bit too optimistic, but Phil needed to show interest, or the property would be gone immediately. That was the way things worked.

The next set of mails did not make Phil create even more of a mess. Once he had read and replied to the ones that were easy to deal with, Phil heard noises coming from Phiphi’s room.

Immediately, Phil stood up and made his way over to her.

Phiphi looked at him and smiled brightly.

“Good morning, Phiphi.” Phil smiled. Phiphi made grabby hands. “You missed me? Is that why you woke up?”

Phil picked Phiphi up and felt and smelled the full nappies.

“No.” Phil sighed and carried Phiphi to the changing station as if she were a bomb likely to go off any second. This delighted Phiphi and made her wiggle enthusiastically.

“Don’t move. You’ll get dirty. You are dirty. You’ll make it worse.” Phil groaned. Phiphi giggled.

“You made it worse.” Phil sighed. He picked Phiphi up again and went straight to the bathroom.

Phiphi giggled through the entire thing which lifted Phil’s mood considerably.

“Let’s go and do the Advent Calendar, shall we?” Phil asked her and picked her up after he had put her in a new fluffy outfit.

Phil decided to ask Dan whether it was okay for him to do the calendar on his own. Dan was working so not on his phone. Phil first gave Phiphi something to eat and then made himself a cup of tea he shared with Phiphi in the living room.

He put on some music and watched Phiphi built towers with bricks or push around and inspect her cuddly toys.

At some point, his phone pinged and announced a message from Dan.

You gotta ask Ash. She’s the authority.

“Phiphi, let’s go and open the Advent Calendar.” Phil said and stood up. Phiphi looked at him with big eyes.

Phil grabbed the box and settled down next to Phiphi on the floor.

“Day number two. Letter B.” Phil said and opened the flap, with enthusiastic help from Phiphi.

“Well done.” Phil praised and pulled the small envelope through the hole. “B stands for Baking.”

**BAKING**

_It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a badger in possession of a good appetite is in want of a brownie. Not any brownie, of course. A brownie made from the best Belgian chocolate he has stored in his burrow._

_This badger, you have to know, is Belgian. He has got a lot of Belgian chocolate and the best at that too._

_In the entire animal kingdom, he is known for his rich stock of chocolates._

_This Belgian badger has three brothers, all of which have an even greater appetite than himself. The only thing this badger can do now is get baking. This Belgian baking badger is known for his bountiful repertoire of cakes. The very best, word widely agreed, is his Belgian chocolate brownie._

_Because it is soon time to decorate the burrow festively which is a job that needs all hands available, the badger decides to bake the best brownies he ever baked._

_In order to do so, he calculates every step carefully. Every ingredient is carefully measured but most importantly, the badger puts his entire heart into the brownies._

_He melts the chocolate carefully, stirring consistently as not to burn it, singing soft melodies to show his appreciation for the Belgian chocolate and the joy it is going to bring everyone._

_To ensure the most perfect of bakes, the badger stays with the brownies for the entire time that they are baking in the oven. He shows his support – and he makes sure that none of his badger brothers tries to steal a piece before he has carefully given everyone their due._

_This Belgian badger is against breeching any kinds of rules, fairness rules in particular._

_So, once the brownies have baked in the oven, he leaves them to cool on the kitchen countertop, guarding them ever so watchfully._

_The problem is that the little Belgian badger is terribly tired because of all the baking and watching. Right next to his beautiful brownies, he falls asleep._

_The other badger brothers have watched in awe the love their brother has poured into the brownies. Even the one that had originally wanted to have all brownies for himself can see that the brownies will taste even better when they share._

_Quietly, so as not to wake the hard-working brother, the badger brothers set to work. One lays the table, one cooks the tea, one slices the brownies._

_Only when a beautiful meal is prepared, do they wake their brother and invite him to choose his seat._

_The badgers eat and drink and chat and laugh until their badger bellies are filled to the brim._

_When everything is quite eaten up, the three non-baking brothers applaud their talented baker badger brother and thank him for the treat._

_The Belgian baking badger is positive that these were the best brownies he had ever had and that was more because of his brothers than because of the best Belgian chocolate._

The very best thing about this story Dan had created for Phiphi to enjoy were the small sketches at the side.

Phil had enjoyed the sketches the day before, but this time, they were a little more elaborate and completely playing along to the story Dan told with words.

“See Phiphi, this one over here is the Belgian baking badger.” Phil said and pointed at the plumb little fellow Dan had drawn onto the page.

Phiphi studied the page with widely opened eyes. She had not even studied her all-time favourite picture book this intently when she had first seen it and immediately fallen in love with it.

Dan was an artist and a writer which was far more than enough already, in Phil’s opinion. Dan did not really have to be the most attentive and genuinely kind person to walk the earth on top of that.

He could have at least left some of Phiphi’s affection for Phil.

Phil took the page from Phiphi’s hands and folded it back into the envelope.

“That was a nice story, wasn’t it?” Phil asked Phiphi.

Phiphi smiled and grabbed a cuddly beaver which Phil thought was the closest to a non-verbally yes he had ever come with Phiphi, apart for that one time at her birthday party where she had headbutted the cake because Phil had asked if she wanted to try it.

At some point, Phil put Phiphi down for a little nap. Dan would be coming around later, and Phil knew that Phiphi would like to be awake for that. Also, Dan deserved to see Phiphi her cheerful self and not the overly tired and cranky self.

While Phiphi was sleeping, Phil finished an article he had been working on that was a little on the dull side. The editor would not even mind, probably, so neither did Phil. He had articles he could look forward to, so it did not matter all that much that he sometimes simply needed to write in order to put food on the table.

Being a journalist was certainly a tricky business, but at the moment, Phil had enough steady jobs that made it possible for him to plan his future and even allow himself to think about upsizing.

Life was good.

About half an hour after finishing one critical piece, Phiphi woke up again.

Phil had done about enough work for the day. He could always sit down at the desk when Phiphi was sleeping again, or he could get up earlier the next day. Either way, for the moment, he was not too far off from the daily goal.

Phil had just got Phiphi a cup of watered-down juice when the doorbell rang. Phil picked Phiphi up again and started running through muse’s albums in his head.

He could not remember how he and Dan had first thought of this method to determine the point at which Dan was free to open the door with his own set of keys, but it did work a treat and it was funny at that too.

Phil opened the door and smiled at Dan. This was not something he made himself do. It was a natural reaction from his body upon seeing Dan.

“First Simulation Theory?” Phil asked.

“You wish. Second Absolution! You are getting slow, old man.” Dan smiled. 

“That’s how you speak to me in my house?”

“No, that’s how I speak to you in front of your house.” Dan made a step forward. “Inside your house, I say: You look good for your age.”

“You know full well that’s worse.” Phil closed the door behind Dan and playfully shoved Dan’s shoulder.

Dan took this lightly and kicked his shoes off.

Phil spotted a Tesco bag Dan was holding. “What have you got there?”

Phil handed Phiphi over to Dan and grabbed the bag.

“I can tell you what that is.” Dan said and carried Phiphi off into the kitchen.

“Well do.” Phil frowned.

“Did you read B?”

“Phiphi said I could.” Phil defended himself.

“So you know. We are going to bake.” Dan turned around and looked at Phil with a near identical shine in his eye like the day before.

“Bake?” Phil asked and frowned.

“We sure are.”

“Now?” Phil asked while Dan sat Phiphi down on the counter and rolled up her sleeves to help her wash her hands.

“Yes. Any other plans?” Dan turned back to him with an uncertain smile.

“No. I have got news that’s all, or well, a question really.”

“That can wait. Now, we bake.” Dan said.

About a quarter of an hour later, Dan had succeeded in terrorizing Phil to wash his hands thoroughly and put on an apron. Dan had also tied a tea towel around Phiphi.

“What on earth are these for?” Phil asked motioning to his and Phiphi’s outfits.

“This is a baker’s protective gear.” Dan said and took his phone out to take pictures.

“Hilarious.” Phil deadpanned.

A further fifteen minutes later, Phil realised that his and Dan’s idea of baking were not exactly identical.

All Dan had done was heat up a bowl of marshmallows in the microwave with some spoons of butter.

And now, he was stirring rice puffs into the mixture with Phiphi’s help.

“And this is baking, is it?” Phil asked. He had stolen Dan’s phone and had taken a few nice pictures of Dan with Phiphi, but now, he was ready to argue with Dan once again.

“Excuse you.” Dan shot back immediately. “I am standing and stirring, so de facto: I am baking.”

“You say the exact same thing about cooking.” Phil commented.

“No. For cooking, you have the three big s.”

“Three?” Phil did not try to hide that he was afraid to be asking that question.

“S’hot.” Dan said proudly.

Phil started laughing immediately. Dan managed to keep his features neutral for a few seconds, but then he started laughing too. Phiphi soon joined in and happily dipped her hands into the gooey and incredibly sticky mixture inside the bowl.

While Dan formed some sort of Christmas creatures he insisted were the spitting image of the Belgian badger and his brownies, Phil was busy cleaning Phiphi’s hands.

“And now, we bake these at 4° Celsius for about as long as they have hardened out.” Dan said as he pushed the tray of creations inside the fridge.

Phil rolled his eyes and picked Phiphi up.

“Until then, Phiphi can show you her new favourite toy.”

“A new favourite toy, Ash? What could it be?” Dan asked, taking Phiphi out of Phil’s arms while smiling brightly at Phil.

Life truly was wonderful.

After Dan had diligently looked at every cuddly toy Phiphi had wanted to show him, Phil went to the kitchen and made some tea for the three of them. He arranged the creations on a plate and carried everything on a tray into the living room.

“Look at that, Ashley-girl. That looks delicious.” Dan sat and picked Phiphi up to sit down with her on his lap on the sofa.

“It does.” Phil agreed readily.

Dan and Phil ate the marshmallow creations and drank their tea. After some eating, Phiphi appeared to get tired again. Phil quickly ordered everyone to follow him into the kitchen so that he could send Phiphi to sleep with a proper meal.

Once Phiphi was properly tucked in and had received the two good night kisses that were her due, Phil sat down on the sofa with Dan and watched some television.

“Speaking of news.” Dan turned to him when some news anchor talked about the same political topic that had fascinated people for at least three years now.

“You said you had news?” Dan looked at Phil.

“Oh yes. You’re right. I am thinking about upsizing.” Phil said. “I have an appointment with an estate agent on Monday and I wondered if you could potentially accompany me and Phiphi.”

“Duh.” Dan said and smiled before turning to look at the television again.

Asking Dan to come along had been a lot easier than Phil had thought. Then again, he had hardly put all the cards on the table, had he?


	3. Congenial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again, I hope you are too. :)   
> The little stories Dan wrote for Ash are completely self-indulgent from my part, I hope you can forgive me. :)  
> Have a lovely day and stay warm! xx

** Tuesday, 3rd of December **

Dan’s POV 

Dan was not a master baker, and he would certainly never be good enough for Bake Off, but he enjoyed the sensation of creating something anyways.

Phil had been right of course, all Dan had done, was stand and stir and then leave something to harden in the fridge.

The marshmallow creations had been so easy that they were not even on a scale of difficulty.

What was most important as always was, however, that Dan, Ashley and also Phil had enjoyed themselves.

Ashley had been very enthusiastic. It had been a joy to have her as his assistant.

Dan’s day had been riddled with highlights. Baking with Ashley had been closely followed by having tea with Phil and Ash, and after Ashley had gone to sleep, talking to Phil had been lovely too.

Dan would of course come along to the new potential home Phil was looking for. It was a best friend’s duty to support his better half.

And also, theoretically, it would make sense of Dan to sort of help evaluate the place he too would spend a lot of time at in the future.

Dan was painfully aware that he was taking himself very seriously, but he needed something he could hold onto.

After his alarm clock had woken him, Dan reminisced about Phil’s new place for a while, but then decided to think of something more cheerful and returned to the baking he had done with Ash and Phil.

That in turn reminded him of something. There was something else planned for the next day, which he needn’t forget.

In the hazy and sleepy state, Dan quickly went to the calendar on the wall and scribbled a note for the next day in a big enough font he would see as soon as he woke up.

Now, Dan was up and very unhappy about it. He started shivering and quickly went to the bathroom to have a warming shower.

The shower did warm him, but it also made him transgress to yet a new level of sleepiness.

It sufficed to say that Dan had already had his daily amount of water with how often he had yawned and swallowed a mouthful of water in the process.

Out of the shower, Dan quickly got dressed and wrapped a scarf around his head for good measure.

He would not make it to any fashion week with that outfit, but he was comfortable and most importantly, warm too.

The trip to Costa was neither the worst nor the best he had ever had.

The bus took a while to arrive but when it did arrive, it was one of the better buses where the seat cushions were not yet completely worn out and actually offered some comfort.

As usual, Dan was the first to arrive at Costa. He unlocked the doors and set off the machine with his first coffee of the day.

Getting up had been really rather odious, so Dan rewarded himself with a generous amount of caramel. Cameron would have to deal with that, should he even arrive before the first customers did.

Ten minutes before Costa needed to open to the customers, Cameron arrived with an expression that was rather on the gloomy side.

Dan understood him very well. Wordlessly, Dan prepared a latte, sprinkled a bit of cinnamon on top and handed it to Cameron as soon as he had put on his apron.

“Have a lovely Tuesday.” Cameron grumbled.

“You too.” Dan mumbled, softly clinking their mugs together.

Soon, the caffeine started to show its effect and both Cameron and Dan were able to be on their very best and cheerful behaviour.

Some customers simply didn’t want to be cheered up, but all in all, Dan was happy to see a mostly happy clientele in the café.

To pass time, Dan and Cameron updated each other on what had happened the day before. They had last seen each other less than 24 hours ago so there was really not much that had happened.

At the very least, in Dan’s case, there was not much that had happened that he would feel comfortable sharing with Cameron of all people.

Cameron was a year older than Dan and thought therefore that he had access to all truths of the universe Dan was ignorant of.

Cameron had also taken it upon himself to impose rules on Dan.

To be fair with most of them, Dan got away with ignoring them, or even straight up breeching them. He had coffee with caramel syrup after all, didn’t he?

Other rules were a little more difficult to ignore which was mainly due to the fact that Cameron would not hesitate to make a scene in the full café should he notice that Dan had broken one of his rules.

Cameron’s favourite rule, which he took incredibly seriously, was that Dan had to pay a pound whenever he was found staring at a customer.

On a normal day, Dan did not have to pay anything. He was not all that interested in his customers that staring was completely necessary.

Occasionally, a very interesting outfit cost Dan up to two pounds depending on how long the customer stayed in the café.

For the occasional success, not even Cameron would have thought of a rule like that.

No, to Dan’s very real shame, Cameron had created that rule because he was sure of real profit if only the circumstances were right.

The circumstances were not difficult to achieve really.

All that anyone needed to do was to organise for Phil to come to Costa and immediately, Cameron would make a literal fortune, if things were really very bad.

Dan had tried fighting Cameron and his ludicrous rule in the beginning but that had always resulted in Cameron raising his voice and speaking far too honestly than was good for Dan when Phil was within hearing distance.

Nowadays, Dan would still grumble but pay up.

When Phil had the audacity to come into Costa with glasses and had put Ashley into an especially cute outfit, Cameron was not too shy to demand ten pounds from Dan.

At another brave episode of Dan, he had tried asking Cameron for his criteria of when Dan needed to pay. When glancing over was considered staring.

“I can’t really explain. It’s in your eyes. You seem to detach from the real world, and that is simply not safe when you are handling machinery.” Cameron had said.

Dan had been less than happy with this answer for a multitude of reasons.

Firstly, Cameron had spoken very superiorly and secondly, he had enlightened Dan about something he really had not wanted to know, ever.

Dan himself had known for quite a while by now that he did like Phil a lot, but he really did not need to know that others could see that too.

Dan had always liked Phil a lot, of course. He had very quickly considered him to be the best friend he had ever had.

The extend of this liking had only ever occurred to Dan when he had heard of the nutjob that was Ashley’s mother.

A very ugly feeling had spread through Dan. Realising that that feeling was jealousy had not improved the situation at all.

The jealousy was so strong in fact, that Dan needed two days to get used to the idea of Ashley living with Phil permanently.

He had never said anything to Phil. He had been very neutral with everything he had said.

Around that time, Dan had also started calling ‘Phoenix’ Ash-bird, which Phil put a stop to almost immediately. Dan had stuck with Ash afterwards, literally.

He had stuck to her and Phil. He disliked the nutjob intently, but to the two of them, he had lost his heart.

“You really are tired today.” Cameron said and nudged Dan towards the counter to deal with a new customer.

“Yeah.” Dan mumbled and quickly put on a smile to serve the next customer. It was easier to agree than to be honest about his thoughts. Knowing Cameron, it would have also cost Dan to be honest.

Some way or other, Dan survived his first three hours at Costa. Gradually, he got rid of his interrupting thoughts and managed to have a nice conversation with Cameron.

Even in the most intense conversation, Dan always heard the bells at the door ring. The noise level inside him was what sometimes inhibited his ability to hear the bells chime.

Now, he had heard the bells, but he had not yet turned away from Cameron. Only when Cameron raised his eyebrows with a knowing smirk, did Dan turn around.

Phil stood at the counter, and Dan knew that Cameron would make a fortune that day.

Phil was wearing a dark woollen jumper with a couple of light specs here and there. The jumper looked incredibly fluffy. Phil’s glasses and ruffled hair did not help to destroy that image.

Phil looked cuddly. The way Dan knew Ashley, she would make good use of that and rightly so.

“Welcome to Costa.”

“Lot.” Phil grinned.

Dan did not greet every customer that way, but the look of satisfaction on Phil’s face was too precious to pass by.

“What can I get for you?”

“I am low on caffeine, so I think a caramel latte.” Phil smiled.

Cameron groaned and turned away from them. Dan shook his head and set to work.

Phil’s POV 

Even though Phil was just about the most festive person he knew, he had not always been terribly big on Advent Calendars.

He simply did not understand the point of sanctioning the chocolate he was going to consume. He loved all the specially wrapped chocolates and the spiced versions, but he did not agree with the idea that he should have only one tiny chocolate a day.

Apart from a rather amazing amateur magician Advent Calendar when he had been young and which his grandparents had only accidently got for him, Phil’s favourite Advent Calendar had been one with a different scented tealight in it every day.

And even then, it had only been Phil’s favourite, because of Dan’s reaction to the new scent. His reaction to when he did not like the scent was hilarious and his reaction to when he did like a scent was completely adorable.

Even though Phil had not ever been terribly excited about Advent Calendars, he now found himself waking up with newfound energy every morning because he knew that there was a new story to read from Dan.

The hardest part of it was to wait for Phiphi to wake up so that they could open the calendar together.

The calendar was for Phiphi. It was nice on the side of weird of Phil to enjoy it at least just as much as his daughter. For his own sense of propriety, Phil needed to wait for Phiphi and only read to her when she truly seemed to want that.

As he had done the day before, Phil woke up, checked on Phiphi, made himself a cup of tea and started to work.

About an hour later, Phiphi made some noises. Phil went to her, changed her nappy and had breakfast with her.

Talking to a small child was not hard at all. It was a little difficult to keep talking even when there was no encouragement to do so.

When Phil had told Dan about this once, all Dan had had to offer had been: “It’s not like I encourage you to speak, and yet here you are, talking, again.”

Phil had of course chased Dan through the living room much to Phiphi’s delight, but he had not got any worthwhile advice.

Then again, going to Dan for advice on children was not the most sensible of things to do in the first place.

With Phiphi’s nappy changed and both her and Phil well fed, Phil carried Phiphi into the living room and sat her onto the floor.

He waited for her to show initiative.

First, Phiphi went to her books but did not seem to find what she was looking for. Phiphi looked at Phil and started wailing.

Phil decided to interpret that as wanting to hear Dan’s new story and quickly went to fetch the box.

Phiphi’s wailing stopped and she crawled over to Phil.

“Let’s see where Dan sends us to today.” Phil said.

Together, they opened the flap and Phil pulled the envelope out. He opened it and gently pulled at the paper folded inside.

Phil turned the envelope around again. “Christmas.” Phil read to Phiphi.

“Strap yourself in, we are going on a journey.”

**CHRISTMAS**

_Greece is a country that is famous for its history._

_A lot of people also think of food whenever they think about Greece. There are olives, sun ripe tomatoes, tzatziki, yogurt and feta._

_Its history, however, is what truly shaped the world. Greece is known for its Antiquity and established democracy so long ago that not even me or my grandparents were alive._

_Greece is a place full of congenial people that are friendly and help each other. Every year before Christmas and the new year, Greece people go from house to house to sing carols and wish each other luck and happiness._

_A lot of Greece lies next to water so families decorate boats the way we might decorate trees in our garden._

_The real reason we travelled to Greece today is to discover the origin behind the modern saying: X-Mas._

_X-Mas is another form of saying Christmas. It truly is identical because the word Christos (Christ) is spelled with the Greek letter that looks like our x. And on Christmas, Christians celebrate the birth of God’s son Jesus Christ._

_X-Mas and Christmas mean the same precise thing. It is only a matter of preference which word one uses. Personally, I usually prefer the gentle curve of the C to the slant lines of the X._

_A lot in life depends on preference. Don’t let it get to you when your preference does not confirm to that of another person._

Phil handed Phiphi the letter to inspect for herself. Dan had drawn the food he had spoken of, the boats, the Greek flag and also what Phil assumed to be the beginning of the Greek alphabet.

Phil had been highly amused by the story which was less of a narrative than the baking badger one had been.

Once Phiphi had inspected the letter, Phil took it from her again and went to put it back into the envelope.

When Phil tried to push it back inside, he realised that something was blocking the paper.

Phil looked inside the envelope and found another folded paper.

‘Phil’ it said on top in Dan’s unmistakable handwriting.

Phil glanced over to Phiphi. She was playing with her cuddly toys, so Phil felt safe to concentrate on something else.

He unfolded the letter and saw Dan’s bubbly handwriting covering a good part of the page. Even before starting to read, Phil was smiling.

_Hey there. Hi. Hello._

_I wanted to apologise for the Christmas-story thing today. I wanted to make it somewhat educational, I guess, but I have no idea how I ended up with that. There are too many uninteresting facts on that one page and it’s not even written in an engaging way._

_The only point I really wanted to make was that of X-Mas and Christmas, but I couldn’t find an introduction so that’s what I ended up with._

_The only reason I wanted to make that point was to explain why I have left the X out in Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza. Actually, scratch that, I didn’t want to explain shit. I wanted to excuse myself with that ‘it means the exact same’ crap._

_The reason I left X out was that the alphabet has 26 letters, one needed to go, and I could not think of any word for X. There you have it._

_I guess, the only one that’s learned something was you: Never ever accept a present from me again._

_I apologise profusely._

_Your chances are high that your day will only get better after this. You’re in luck. Make the most of it._

_Dan_

The grin on Phil’s face was so wide that he felt like his face was nearly splitting in half.

To Phil, Dan was the most hilarious person he had ever met.

The combination both of the Christmas-story and the letter to Phil was ridiculous and incredibly funny to Phil.

“I think we could both do with a change of place. What do you say?” Phil asked Phiphi.

He folded Dan’s letter and put it back inside the envelope. He then let himself drop onto his knees and crawled over to Phiphi.

Phiphi handed him a cuddly rabbit so Phil did her the favour of playing with her for a while.

When Phiphi made a move to get to the picture books, Phil put the bunny away and picked Phiphi up to get her dressed in a warmer set of clothing.

He himself would have to exchange his sweatpants for some black skinny jeans, but there were worse things. At least, he felt put together when he left the house like that.

Phil changed Phiphi and put a bonnet on her head, curtsey of his aunt, and tied a scarf around her neck.

In the bathroom, Phil looked into the mirror and decided that the glasses were not quite so bad that he needed to put in contacts.

Phil put on his jacket, secured Phiphi in front of his stomach and carried his bag and the stroller downstairs. When he went for a walk, he left the stroller at home, but when he wanted to spend time at a café, he needed a place where Phiphi could relax.

On his journey to Costa (lot), Phil thought about the letter Dan had put inside the Advent Calendar for Phil.

Once again, this letter proved that Dan was an amazingly kind human being. He constantly worried about other people and tried to make everyone feel welcome, understood and generally happy.

Phil, on the other hand, had made Dan agree to something he did not even know the most important thing about.

Dan had agreed to come along to the sighting on Monday, but Phil yet had to tell him what he really needed him to do.

Dan was the epitome of kindness whereas Phil was abysmal.

“Oh, excuse me.” Phil said as a man stepped on his foot.

Phil really needed to work on being kinder to people, Dan in particular.

Phil arrived at the Costa (lot) Dan was manager and barista at and opened the glass door.

By now, Phil had a knack for manoeuvring the stroller inside without banging against chairs, tables or doors all too much.

Dan was standing behind the counter. He was not looking at Phil. He was talking to his good-looking colleague who Phil knew well, at least by sight.

It was nice to see that Dan had friends he worked with. He deserved some decent people in his life when Phil was already such a bad friend.

Phil swallowed down the bitterness that had accumulated inside him and stepped towards the counter.

Finally, Dan turned around and looked at Phil.

It was funny to see that no matter how often came to this Costa (lot), which was the third nearest to his place, he still managed to surprise Dan, apparently.

“Welcome to Costa.” Dan said. 

“Lot.” Phil smiled. His bitterness all but forgotten.

“What can I get for you?”

“I am low on caffeine, so I think a caramel latte.” Phil said, and Dan’s colleague groaned. He always did when Phil ordered anything with syrup.

Dan shook his head and started preparing Phil’s coffee.

Another customer joined the counter, so there was no chance for Dan and Phil to talk. Phil could not really come to Dan’s work and expect he would get to talk to Dan, but it was always a bummer when it turned out he really couldn’t talk to Dan.

Dan handed over Phil’s coffee, took his money and smiled warmly, which Phil accepted would have to be enough for the time being.

Phil managed to get the stroller to his favourite place in the café. He took Phiphi’s scarf and bonnet off and got his computer out of his bag.

While Phil started working, Phiphi happily looked at her best read and highly tattered picture book.

Phil sipped his coffee and started typing.

For the next hour, Phil would alternate his attention on his computer and on Phiphi. Phiphi always got more, but as Phil was still satisfied with his progress, he did not attempt to change anything.

The first time Phil switched his attention to something else was when he heard Dan’s colleague say: “Go on. You have to.”, followed by the sound of money being put into a money bank.

Phil looked over to Dan who was rubbing his neck in embarrassment and then turned to a new customer.

Phil had observed this phenomenon quite a few times now. In fact, Dan always seemed to be putting money into that bank whenever Phil was in the café. Dan’s colleague had never put anything inside. It was only ever Dan.

Phil wondered what the money bank was for but reluctantly focused back on his work.

Phil had just finished the first draft of an article, when Dan came to his table. He tickled Phiphi under her chin and smiled at Phil.

“How did you like your coffee?” Dan asked and grabbed the cup.

“It was good.”

“Expensive?”

“Of course.” Phil laughed. “Speaking of money. Why did you put money into that money bank? What is it for?”

“Money bank?”

“Whenever I am here, you always put something inside. Always. More than once.” Phil said. “I am a keen observer.”  
“You are?” Dan laughed.

“Of course.”

“In that case you might have noticed that Ash is currently reading your notes and not her own book. And with reading I mean gnawing on.”

“Phiphi.” Phil sighed and gently pulled his notebook out of her hands. “Do you want to say you’re hungry?”

“The banana bread is del… well decent at least.” Dan shrugged.

“I am still new to all those banana tastes, but I am willing to give it a shot. Could you stay with Phiphi for a moment?”

“No problem, Ash and I are best friends.”

“So I have noticed.”

After Phil and Phiphi had had a bite to eat, Phil managed to work for 30 more minutes before Phiphi got uncomfortable and Phil had to say goodbye to Costa (lot) for the day.

Dan was busy with a customer, so Phil only managed to wave at him and mouth: “See you tomorrow.”

At home, Phiphi napped and Phil got some more work done.

When Phiphi was awake again, Phil read her two stories, watched an episode with her and drew something.

It felt weird to know that Phil could not expect Dan to come around that afternoon. He would see him again the next day, which was a small reconciliation.

After going one week without Dan, Phil felt his absence acutely now that he had him back – in theory.

Phil sighed but then powered through the rest of the afternoon.

He made pasta for dinner and put Phiphi to sleep with a lullaby he was too embarrassed to recite whenever Dan was around.


	4. Dreamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday! :) Halfway through the week already. Enjoy the chapter and all the best for the rest of the week.   
> I'll see you again tomorrow! xx

** Wednesday, 4th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Three rings were enough and Dan was absolutely livid.

His anger was a marvellous source of energy. Dan put the alarm clock out. This time, he did not just snooze it. He put it out properly.

Dan sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes.

Having an alarm clock you absolutely hate was handy in order to get up in the morning. The only problem with this was that the sound he hated was a default ring tone and therefore a sound Dan also heard in public. His reaction then was not quite as strong as it was in the morning, but it was still strong enough to embarrass Dan duly.

Now, in the privacy of his bedroom, Dan did not hold back on the groans and loud yawns.

With his usual balance problems, Dan wobbled into the bathroom to use water to wake up properly.

Washed and more or less awake, Dan returned to his bedroom and got dressed. In the last moment before left the room, Dan saw the scribbles he had left on the calendar the morning before.

It was barely 24 hours ago that he had left that note, but Dan was unable to tell immediately what it said.

After some difficulty, Dan managed to see that he had tried to write: ‘dancing’.

Immediately, Dan groaned.

In his head, he went through the alphabet. Yes. The D was the fourth letter and today was the 4th of December.

In his oh so clever plan to make Ashley’s first proper Christmas special, Dan had decided to include a dancing voucher for the letter D.

He must have been out of his mind when he had thought of that.

Dan switched the light off and left his bedroom. He grabbed his phone and sent a message to Phil.

The day before, after nearly calling Dan out for starring at Phil constantly, Phil had mouthed that he would see Dan again today.

Still, Dan thought it was best to warn Phil beforehand.

Like it or not, I’m coming around at three.

You only get baked goods if you have tea

prepared.

Dan wrapped himself in a warm scarf, put his jacket on and set out into the pitch-black morning to get to the bus stop that would take him to Costa.

Dan opened the door and started the day as always with a caramel latte. He prepared a drink for Cameron, and together, they served customers and chatted every now and then.

In his lunchbreak, Dan prepared himself a Hot Spiced Apple which was even more perfect at keeping you warm in the crisp coldness.

Dan checked his phone and saw that Phil had replied to his text.

Challenge accepted.

Dan shook his head and made a mental note to buy some croissants on his way to Phil. Remembering the disastrous experience with notes from earlier in the day, Dan decide to set an alarm on top of his mental note.

After his lunchbreak, Dan went back and powered through his last two hours of the day. Part of that time was spent in the back going over the holiday calendar and the orders they needed to place.

Once all work was done, Dan said goodbye to Cameron who wanted to wait for the person to replace him. Dan’s replacement was already there performing the usual coffee dance.

Dance.

Dan groaned. What had he been thinking when he put that voucher into Ashley’s Advent Calendar?

Dan took the bus to Phil’s place and got off one stop early to keep to his promise of croissants.

The alarm he had set himself sounded when he was about to open the door to the bakery. Dan cursed and fumbled with his phone to put the alarm out.

The alarm was not actually completely out, as Dan had to realise when he rang Phil’s doorbell about eight minutes later, apparently, and the alarm went off again, making him scream.

The door opened. “Are you alright?” Phil asked. He was standing in front of Dan without Ashley which meant that he must have rushed to the door.

“I set an alarm and only snoozed it.”

“Of course, you did.” Phil’s shoulders slumped and he grinned at Dan.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. We have eagerly awaited our own ballerina’s arrival.” Phil’s grin widened.

Dan groaned and kicked his shoes off. “You have, have you?”

“Indeed.”

“Let me get it over with and afterwards we can have tea and croissants.”

“Deal.”

Dan followed Phil into the living room and scooped Ashley up from the floor. He pressed a kiss onto her cheek and cuddled her close.

Suddenly, he remembered how he could have been so stupid as to give her a voucher for a dance. There was nothing in the world that Dan would not give her.

“You better enjoy this Ash-girl.” Dan sighed. He squeezed her for a last time, before placing her into Phil’s lap and kissing the top of her head, unable to resist.

Dan scrolled through the music on his phone and put the ‘Dance Of The Sugar-Plum Fairy’ into the queue.

He connected his phone to Phil’s speakers and sighed.

“I really should have done Cinderella for my very own Ash-girl. Another missed opportunity.”

“You can always do both.” Phil offered.

Dan ignored him and put on the dance he had made himself do.

Obviously, Dan was a not a dancer. Dan was anything but a dancer. He was able to jump a little, but he was so completely innocent of any sort of grace that ballet was the worst thing he could have chosen.

Aware that all he could do was horrible, Dan decided to overexaggerate every movement he did. He whirled his hands around, took very big steps and constantly looked like he was in deep emotional pain.

The dance was thankfully very short. Dan had sunken into a low curtsey when Phil, the utter traitor, suddenly called: “Encore!”

Ashley happily squealed and clapped along.

Dan groaned but continued with the exact some movements for the next song.

“Another one.” Phil demanded when Dan had curtsied for the second time already.

“You have got to be kidding.” Dan groaned. He looked up and saw Phil, Ash and a phone camera looking at him.

“You don’t happen to have filmed me, do you?” Dan asked.

“No. I wouldn’t dream of doing that. I only took pictures.”

“Phil!” Dan shouted indignantly.

“Relax. I’ll send them to you.”

“Great.” Dan sighed.

Phil laughed and put his phone down. He stood up and carried Ashley over to Dan.

“She wants to have this next dance.” Phil said and put her into Dan’s arms.

“Does she?” Dan asked sarcastically, but even he had to admit that the way Ashley was excitedly bouncing up and down in his arms did not leave much room for interpretation.

“No more pictures.” Dan glared at Phil.

And when the next song started, Dan moved his body twirling Ash around, tickling squeals and giggles out of her.

At the end of the song, Dan let himself fall down next to Phil, holding onto Ashley.

“That was amazing.” Phil said. Dan turned to him and only then noticed the phone pointing at him.

“Phil! I said no more pictures.”

“Oh, don’t worry. This is a video.” Phil laughed. Dan groaned and started attacking Phil with Ashley still pressed into his chest.

Phil tried to get away, so Dan quickly threw a leg over his to keep him where he was.

“Mercy.” Phil laughed.

“Not a chance.” Dan said and continued tickling Phil until he finally relented and lowered the phone.

“Truce?” Phil japed.

“Fine.” Dan said. “Just know that Ash is on my side.” Ashley wiggled a little and then put her arms around Dan’s neck.

“Thank you.” Dan said and held her close, stroking her head gently.

Phil laughed, and even though Dan had his eyes closed, he could tell that Phil had just taken a picture.

“Phil.” Dan whined quietly.

“Innocent on all accounts.” Phil said happily and leaned against Dan, gently stroking through Ashley’s hair too.

Dan’s heart was beating wildly.

Phil was close. Very close.

All in all, this was as close as he would ever get to his idea of perfect happiness.

Dan had experienced moments like these before but that did not mean that he would ever get used to them. Simply because he would never be in a position in which he could get used to them in the way that he was actually part of a trio.

“Are you up for another dance?” Phil whispered.

“Phil. No.” Dan said, eyes still closed.

“Shame.” Phil said and stood up. “You would have danced with me.”

Dan’s eyes flew open but thankfully, Phil had already turned around and walked towards the kitchen.

“Give me strength, Ashley-girl.” Dan whispered into Ashley’s ear. Ashley squealed.

Phil turned around. “What was that?”

Dan froze for a second but then he decided to be as dramatic as he could possibly be. “Give me strength, Ashley!” Dan shouted.

Phil laughed, and Dan’s heartbeat started slowing down.

Phil’s POV 

As soon as Phil opened his eyes, he was excited.

Another time, he would have highly doubted that this statement could be anything close to true, but lately, he had started seeing that as long as you were able to sleep as long as you wanted and only opened your eyes when you were properly awake, that under those circumstances, it was really not much of a deal to be excited as soon as one opened one’s eyes.

Unsurprisingly, the reason why Phil was excited was the Advent Calendar in the living room.

Dan had given him and Phiphi an immeasurable gift with the Advent Calendar. In the darkest of months, a month that Phil had secretly dreaded, Dan had given him something to look forward to each day.

This was Phiphi’s first Christmas with Phil and Dan had ensured that it would be special.

Eternally grateful was not going to cut it.

Phil turned around in his bed and relaxed for a few more minutes. He was living a gloriously lazy life when one counted together all the hours he worked compared to those he spent with Phiphi or simply lying around and relaxing.

At some point, Phil’s phone buzzed with a message from his mother hoping he had had a good start into December and whether there were any news with him.

Phil should have really told her about the sighting on Monday, but he decided to wait with that for a while.

He could tell her everything was fine and that was not even going to be a lie.

After Phil had texted his mother with greetings to his father added in the end, Phil decided to get up and make himself a cup of tea.

Then, he was going to go and check on Phiphi and if she was awake already, they would look at the Advent Calendar first and if she was still sleeping they would first have breakfast when she woke up.

Phil made his way through the apartment as quietly as possible, not trying to up his chances of getting to read the Advent Calendar as soon as possible.

He had only got as far as the living room, when Phil heard noises from Phiphi’s room.

“I am coming!” Phil shouted happily. He was way too excited about all of this, but nobody got harmed, so all was well.

“Good morning, princess.” Phil said and walked into the room. “Ready to start a fabulous day?”

Phiphi stretched her arms out towards Phil, so Phil quickly picked her up. In the speed of light, Phil changed Phiphi’s nappies and then carried her to the living room, where he sat her down in front of the box containing the greatest present Phil had ever received – and it had not even been for him.

“Let’s look for number four. Letter D. Dan begins with a D. A D.” Phil said and drew a D onto Phiphi’s stomach.

Phiphi giggled excitedly but only looked at Phil, not looking for the letters at all. Phil wouldn’t have either, probably, so he was no one to judge.

“There it is.” Phil said and opened the flap slowly. He pulled at the string at gently squeezed the envelope out of the opening.

“Dan-cing.” Phil read out loud. “This sounds interesting, doesn’t it?” Phiphi made grabs for the envelope, so Phil opened it quickly, pulled the story out and started reading.

**DAN(CING)**

_Let me take you on a journey. A journey to a country far, far away. A country known to mankind as ‘Germany’._

_This country is not far away but only ever one channel away, you say? Well, you are correct._

_This country I am speaking of is far away though, because this journey takes us all the way back to the beginning of the 19 th century, a time completely devoid of technology the way we know and love it today. _

_Let me invite you to join me in this country on Christmas Eve in the midst of a celebration._

_Family Silberhaus (Silverhouse – trust me, I am an authority on all things German) has invited guests and their children Clara and Fritz dash about the room dancing enthusiastically._

_Suddenly, Clara’s godfather, a dreamy toymaker joins the festivities. Children receive dolls as presents, but Clara receives a nutcracker which gets broken in the hands of her brother Fritz._

_The darling dancing girl puts the Nutcracker into her doll bed to get better. After the festivities come to an end, Clara visits the Nutcracker to make sure he is on the way to improvement._

_Just as she is opening the door to check on the Nutcracker, toys all around her come to life to fight the mice that have started running through the room. Even the Christmas tree rises higher, and behold, the Nutcracker himself jumps out of the bed Clara put him in to fight the Mouse King._

_With incredible presence of mind, Clara throws her slipper at the Mouse King, saving the Nutcracker’s life._

_As with all truly good stories, the Nutcracker turns out to be an enchanted human prince who takes Clara on a journey of her own to the magical and undoubtedly dreamy Land of Sweets, ruled by the beautiful Sugar Plum Fairy._

_Another celebration takes place and all inhabitants of the Land of Sweets dance, and dance, and dan(ce)._

_Who knows, maybe they are even waltzing in the Land of Sweets today._

As he had done the day before, Phil handed the sheet of paper over to Phiphi who took it eagerly to study all of Dan’s drawings.

Phil grabbed the envelope again, hoping that Dan would have left another note for him.

There was indeed something inside the envelope.

Phil pulled it outside and saw two more sheets of paper. One had his name on it again, but the other one was empty.

Phil unfolded the sheet without anything on and read: _DAN(CING) VOUCHER – Today, and today only, enjoy the private rendition of one of the world’s greatest dancers._

Phil started laughing which made Phiphi look at him.

“Dan is coming over later to dance for us.” Phil told her. Phiphi looked at him blankly, but at the very least when Dan was standing in front of her, dancing, she would be absolutely delighted – she was her father’s daughter, after all.

Phiphi did not want to continue looking at Dan’s version of the Nutcracker. She did not want to stay on the floor either.

Phil had no option but to put all sheets back into the calendar and take care of Phiphi’s needs before he could read the note Dan had left for him.

Phil carried Phiphi into the kitchen, quickly put the kettle on and then went to Phiphi’s room to get her dressed.

After a detour to the kitchen to pour water into the teapot, Phil quickly changed in his own room and then had breakfast with Phiphi.

Only ever after Phiphi was satisfied with the amount of time Phil had spent playing with her and went over to drawing on her own, did Phil get the chance to read the note Dan had left for him.

_Hello._

_Currently, I am starting to doubt my sanity for promising Ashley to dance for her. Knowing me, however, I will have forgotten about everything up until the morning of the 4 th of December. Which is remarkable when you think about it – seeing that that’s barely a week away from now._

_Anyways, moving on… The Nutcracker, fancy that being the story behind the ominous Christmas phenomenon. I googled it and everything!_

_You know, thinking about it, I am very happy that so far, I have not been pulled into any sort of weird story or fantasy realm. I would be highly unqualified and either die or start a war within five minutes of me being there._

_No. Life is good as it is. You and Ash are all the fairy tale I ever need._

_Okay. Time to move on. Good luck to both of us for surviving the day – today, you have the worst yet to come, I am sorry to tell you._

_Dan_

Reading Dan’s note left Phil feeling warm. Not on the uncomfortable side. Phil felt happy and warm. When he thought about it, that was usually the way Dan left him feeling.

Phil glanced at Dan’s note again and started smiling anew.

‘You and Ash are all the fairy tale I ever need.’

Anyone would smile at reading that sort of thing about themselves.

After having read Dan’s note one last time, Phil put it back into the Advent Calendar and spend some time with Phiphi.

At the same time as Phil felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, Phiphi started wailing a little. Phil quickly reheated some of the pasta and fed her before putting her to sleep.

Once Phiphi had settled down, Phil made himself a cup of tea and sat down at his desk.

The message he had received was from a colleague of his, asking if he could come around. Phil quickly apologised and told him another day would be better.

Phil clicked out of the newest message and saw one from Dan, sent at an ungodly hour in the morning.

With a big grin, Phil answered the message and started working.

Phil needed to get as much done as possible so that he could spend time with Dan without having to worry about what he had achieved that day.

Even after Phiphi had woken up from her nap, Phil continued working. He put on some soft music, quiet enough so that he could hear everything Phiphi was doing.

Every now and then, she would babble, but she did not seem to want for anything.

With every passing minute, the closer Phil knew he was getting to the end of Dan’s shift at Costa (lot), the more excited he got.

Finally, the doorbell rang, announcing Dan’s arrival. Directly afterwards, Phil heard Dan scream and raced to the door, leaving Phiphi in the living room.

Theoretically, Phil could have guessed that this sort of thing with Dan only meant that he had been surprised by an alarm clock. Phil could not, however, just switch of the part in him that always immediately wanted to make sure that Dan was alright.

After calming down, Dan and Phil agreed on having tea after Dan had danced.

Phil went into the living room and disconnected his phone so that Dan could put on the music he wanted.

Dan was close behind him, picking up Phiphi. Phil smiled and sat down on the sofa.

Dan whispered something into Phiphi’s ear before walking over to Phil and placing her into his lap, kissing the top of her head.

Simply because Phil had already been affected by the letter before, did this make him feel a different level of warm once again.

Dan put on his music and after a few attempts of delaying his dance, started dancing.

Phil had always liked the way Dan moved his body. He could see that Dan was not trying to move as prettily as possible but actually tried to be as funny as possible.

He both succeeded and failed with that.

Dan did look hilarious, but there was no way Phil would ever not think that his dancing was pretty.

Quickly, Phil grabbed his phone and took pictures with the arm that was not holding Phiphi steadily on his lap.

“Encore!” Phil shouted alongside Phiphi’s encouragements when the dance was over.

Dan groaned but to Phil’s surprise did actually start dancing. Phil took some more pictures but promised not to take any for the third dance he managed to persuade Dan to dance with Phiphi, there, he filmed.

Phiphi looked ecstatic, and Dan too looked as happy as he ever let himself look.

The third song ended, and Dan dropped down next to Phil.

“That was amazing.” Phil said truthfully, still filming Dan, unable to stop.

“Phil! I said no more pictures.”

“Oh, don’t worry. This is a video.” Phil laughed.

Somehow, Phil managed to hold onto his phone in the vicious tickle attack that followed. When Dan had caged him with his leg, Phil didn’t lower his phone, but said: “Mercy.”

“Not a chance.”

Only when Phil lowered his phone did Dan finally stop tickling him.

“Truce?” Phil asked breathlessly.

“Fine. Just know that Ash is on my side.”

Phiphi put her arms around Dan’s neck. “Thank you.” Dan said, stroking her head carefully.

Unable to resist another time, Phil quickly took a picture.

“Phil.” Dan whined.

“Innocent on all accounts.” Phil smiled and relaxed into Dan’s side, stroking Phiphi’s head gently.

This was nice. Very nice.

Nicer than it should feel probably.

Phil needed to stop whatever this was immediately. Things that felt too good to be true should not be trusted.

“Are you up for another dance?” Phil asked.

“Phil. No.” Dan said resolutely. 

“Shame.” Phil stood up. “You would have danced with me.”

Phil quickly repeated over and over again that this was normal because he was only teasing Dan. He always teased Dan, and Dan always teased him.

Behind him, Dan whispered something.

“What was that?”

“Give me strength, Ashley!” Dan called dramatically.

Phil laughed and made his way to the kitchen. He would have a nice cup of tea and then things would feel normal again. He would spend time with the two most important people in his life and feel happy and not disconcertingly warm.

After tea, which they had with croissants in the living room, Phil opened YouTube on his TV and the three of them went down a spiral of dance videos.

Ballet was fascinating to watch, but even more so were the modern interpretations of the dances.

No matter how many dancers Phil watched, he still thought that Dan was the loveliest to watch. Dan had danced with a lot of love for Phiphi and that was clearly visible.

“I liked yours better.” Phil said at some point.

“Yeah, sure.” Dan laughed and put the next video on.

Phil felt a little uncomfortable that Dan would not believe him, but then, he would have felt even more uncomfortable in trying to persuade Dan that he was telling the truth, so he stopped himself from saying anything and enjoyed the videos with Phiphi and Dan.

Way too soon, Dan said goodbye.

Phiphi was actually already asleep and Dan and Phil had ordered pizza to have while watching ‘Elf’, but it was too soon anyways.

“Thanks for a lovely day.” Dan said and yawned.

“Thanks for a lovely dance.” Phil returned. Dan scoffed, waved and descended the stairs.


	5. Euphoric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the weirder Advent Calender stories... I apologise. :)   
> Enjoy the chapter and see you again tomorrow! xx

** Thursday, 5th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Thursdays and Saturdays have been the weekend of Dan’s week ever since he became store manager of the Costa he works at.

On Thursdays and Saturdays, Dan gets to sleep long.

Occasionally, Dan has to go and work on a Saturday and that can happen at any time of the day, but usually, seeing that he already had the rest of the early morning shifts, he allowed himself the luxury of allocating the Saturday morning shift to someone else.

Having a lie-in was the only quality that made a Thursday seem like a weekend to Dan. He still had to work his nine hours. The only difference was that those nine hours were at the end of the day and not at the beginning of the day.

On Thursdays, Dan had organised for a boardgame evening to take place in Costa. He was both barista at those evenings as well as game master, should a game ask for that.

The reception of those evenings had steadily grown. By now, there was an average of twenty people, give or take a few, that attended the Costa Game Nights.

Occasionally, Dan had to apologise to someone that had been fooled into thinking the evening was about sports, but usually, everyone knew what they were letting themselves in for.

The time before Dan needed to get to work, he spent with doing his laundry, grocery shopping and tidying. At least, that was what he did when he woke up at a reasonable time, say eight or something like that.

Should he happen to wake up at a time more like half past nine, grocery shopping was impossible.

Dan got out of bed and quickly threw the dirty clothes he had lying around into the washing machine. Then, he made himself a cup of tea and started doing the dishes.

While he filled the sink with water, Dan grabbed his phone and sent a text to Phil.

I can’t believe I slept until now.

Dan did not have to wait long for an answer to arrive. He could see that his phone had lighted up, what he could not do, however, was check what Phil had said. His hands were wet and soapy. Not even Phil was worth destroying his phone with soapy hands.

Once every piece of crockery Dan had used in the past week or so was balanced on the counter, Dan quickly dried his hands and grabbed his phone to check what messages Phil had sent him.

His phone had lighted up a couple of times.

I thought about waking you.

Decided you could do with the sleep though.

You did sport yesterday, after all.

The dancing.

Unless, of course, you did something else

once you got home.

What are you doing rn?

Dan smiled at his phone. He sat down on his solitary kitchen chair, took a sip of tea and started writing.

I was washing dishes, sorry.

I did do sport. I did some curling.

Curling? That’s what you had to think about

for so long?

Dan disliked being called out by Phil like that, but it was true that he had taken an embarrassing long amount of time to think of a ridiculous sport.

Dan sent an emoji and then went into his bedroom to put the clothes away that had not been dirty enough to need a wash.

Another message from Phil arrived. Dan rushed to his phone.

Did you resurface yet? Or are you doing one

of your top-secret projects again?

You have got an interesting way of washing

dishes by the sound of it.

Nothing top-secret. Only doing some archaeological

digging to find my bedroom floor.

Actually, as soon as Phil had written about top-secret projects, Dan had stopped tidying and gone to his desk. There was a Christmas present for the Lesters Dan needed to get a move on if he wanted to be done with it before the 25th.

The present was still more of a vision than an actual concept in Dan’s mind, but that should not put him off working on it.

He was somehow going to gift a complete set of the stories he had created for Ash in book form.

For the first four days, Dan could already get started with the layout of the pages.

When he was done with the first day, he decided to get the glue and actually start putting everything together. He would need to print the pictures at some point, but it might be sensible to wait until he had some more.

That reminded Dan that he had not taken any pictures the day before.

Dan unlocked his phone and clicked on his chat with Phil.

Thrilling. Do share monumental findings.

Will do.

Could you send me the pictures you took yesterday?

I need to know what I am up against should you ever

try to blackmail me.

Phil sent a laughing emoji and then seemed to select pictures to send Dan.

A smile jumped onto Dan’s face when the pictures started arriving.

The pictures with just him were a little painful to look at, but soon, others pushed them off the screen.

It was nice to see the happiness on his and Ashley’s faces. Dan looked as happy as he had felt holding Ash the day before.

Phil had also sent the picture he had taken when Ash and Dan had cuddled next to Phil. This picture in particular sent a shock wave through Dan.

He looked happy. He had been happy.

Problem was, he had no right to be happy.

Fine, dopamine was probably inevitable when you were holding a small baby that was clinging onto you.

Dan had no right to be happy in the sense that he had felt like being a part of a unit.

Dan could not just invite himself to join Phil and Ashley’s bond. He was selfish and insensitive to what was proper.

That’s all you get.

There are more?

Of course, nobody shares the real gems.

Philip Michael Lester.

The reply Dan got was a selfie from Phil holding up a wrapped parcel.

……. present….

Dan wrote his answer more than reluctantly.

Ayyyy.

Dan groaned. He fought the smile on his face even if there was no one there to appreciate his efforts.

Daniel James Howell.

You won’t get a selfie from me.

Why not?

Dan supressed a scream and tried to focus on the work in front of him.

Phil was having none of that, unfortunately. He started spamming Dan with his full name, making him double his fists in irritation.

Happy?

Dan’s selfie was a bit blurry which was for the best considering the front camera of his phone was not inclined to show any mercy.

I am but you look sad.

Dan frowned and studied his selfie and had to admit that his eyes on it could not be compared to the pictures Phil had sent him from the day before.

I was harassed into taking a selfie.

Haha. Why are you sad?

That was a good and sadly justified question. Why was Dan sad?

He was sad because he was not part of one particular family.

Dan could obviously not write that. He needed to think of something that had enough truth in it that Phil would not keep interrogating him.

What else made him sad right in this moment?

Dan was not going to see Phil or Ash that day. That was enough of a reason to put him into a rather melancholic mood.

Was that too much of the truth though?

Another possible contender was Phil wanting to move to a new place.

Dan could not help but see that as a literal step away from him, or at least from the sort of friendship they had at the moment.

There must be a lot.

I won’t see Ash today – escaping you is not

a compensation.

You will move into a new apartment and there

is no saying I’ll be able to get there.

Like, worst case scenario: at all.

I don’t want to work.

Wow.

You asked.

So I must have done.

You’ll have fun at work, first of all.

Secondly: I’ll document everything Phiphi does today.

Thirdly: We won’t move to the moon.

Promise?

Yes.

I’ll still won’t ever be able to see your current home

again.

The memories matter not the place.

Between the two of us we have enough pictures to

recreate the place anyways.

Phiphi woke up. Gotta go.

Have fun and don’t be a nuisance.

Yes, mum.

Dan smiled at his phone and eventually put it away.

There was no question that Dan did not deserve to be part of the family, but with every passing day, he also saw more and more clearly that he did not even deserve to be best friends with someone as kind as Phil.

The only thing that made Dan feel a little better was the Advent Calendar he had made. It was not an adequate but at least it was an attempt to repay the kindness Phil had showed him all these years.

Dan got a bit more of the Christmas present done and then quickly changed into his work outfit, dark trousers and even darker top.

Because Dan’s fridge was virtually empty, he decided to have lunch at Costa. Cameron had urged him to try the turkey sandwich for ages now.

Dan wrapped up warm and made his way to the bus stop to get to work.

For the rest of the day, Phil kept his promise and updated Dan with pictures of what Ashley was doing. Dan was thankful for that.

With every message that arrived from Phil, it felt like Dan had received a beam of sunlight.

Before Dan prepared the café for the Costa Game Night, Phil sent a picture of Ashley next to the Advent Calendar.

She simply needed to hear the story again.

Thank you.

Dan smiled and was fuelled with enough energy to have a successful rest of the day.

Phil’s POV 

It was considered normal for people to have strong opinions about days like Monday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.

Phil had, however, never heard anyone express a strong opinion about the scientifically proven worst of days: Thursday.

Thursday was the last full day of the week. The last day where one had to gather full resources to make it through work, free time and still have enough energy left over to tackle the last day Friday.

Friday had the huge advantage of leading up to the weekend. Suddenly, previously unknown energy resources could easily be accessed. Fridays were considered the best of days a week had to offer, apart from the weekend of course.

Only the horrors of Thursday left society unbothered.

In all fairness it needed to be said that Phil did not work to the times most of society worked to. Therefore, no day should really have been in his favour.

Phil could choose for himself when he worked and when he rested.

All days lost their previously attached meanings, and yet, Phil could not seem to shake the feeling that Thursdays were the worst of days.

Phil made himself a consoling cup of hot chocolate once he got up. It was unnaturally cold in the apartment which might or might not have been because of the window he had left open in the kitchen.

Phil wrapped a blanket around him and started working, which somehow felt more odious on a Thursday than on any other day.

After checking the most urgent mails, Phil switched over to his phone. He was surprised to not have received any message from Dan yet, but he decided to focus on work instead.

Phil had just finished his cup of hot chocolate when his phone buzzed.

A new message from Dan. Phil felt a little better.

I can’t believe I slept until now.

Phil quickly answered with a series of texts, but Dan did not answer immediately. Phil did have other things to do himself, so he continued working on an article.

Currently, it seemed like the wordcount was constantly going down instead of up, which was somewhat irritating to put it mildly.

That sort of thing also only ever happened on a Thursday.

Dan replied after a while and they continued texting. Phil’s mood lifted while texting Dan.

The Thursday Blues started lifting a little, especially when Dan asked him to send the pictures from the day before.

Phil felt warm when he scrolled through them, and especially when he reached the video and heard Phiphi and Dan’s laughing.

With persistent and mature argumentation, Phil managed to persuade Dan to send him a selfie.

It was always nice to see Dan, but Dan looked a little under the weather.

As tactfully as Phil was able to, he asked Dan why he was sad.

Dan took a while to answer Phil, but that only made his answers hit harder.

I won’t see Ash today – escaping you is not

a compensation.

You will move into a new apartment and there

is no saying I’ll be able to get there.

Like, worst case scenario: at all.

I don’t want to work.

Especially the first message affected Phil. It was the answer to his own lethargy.

Dan was not going to come around to his place.

He hardly ever did on a Thursday. Never, really.

Thursdays were the days Dan worked an evening shift that started early enough that he barely had time to sort out his flat.

Apart from that one horrible week in November where Dan had stayed hidden away because he had prepared the Advent Calendar, Phil usually saw Dan up to six times a week.

Because there was no possibility for Phil to see Dan on a Thursday, that day had always disagreed with Phil.

After somewhat processing what Phil had just been reminded of, he wrote a very eloquent answer to Dan.

Wow.

You asked.

So I must have done.

You’ll have fun at work, first of all.

Dan deserved cheering up as much as anyone Phil knew.

Dan was a hard worker with a remarkable work ethic. He was never satisfied with something that was short of perfect.

Also, Phil simply hated seeing Dan sad.

Secondly: I’ll document everything Phiphi does today.

With helping Dan, Phil could also help himself. If he let Dan take part in their day, he would sort of be present for Phil as well. Sharing moments worked both ways, luckily.

Thirdly: We won’t move to the moon.

Promise?

Phil did not know which of Phil’s three points Dan wanted him to promise.

In the end, Phil decided that it might as well have been all three of them, so an answer was easily found.

Yes.

I’ll still won’t ever be able to see your current home

again.

The memories matter not the place.

Between the two of us we have enough pictures to

recreate the place anyways.

Phil was rather happy with that clever sentence.

He was a little surprised to be quite honest that Dan would feel so strongly for this place. Phil did not mind it terribly, but he was not at all against upscaling.

He did have a lovely time within these walls, but everything that had added to that, he would be able to take along to the new apartment, should he even find one.

That reminded him, he really needed to fess up to Dan and tell him the complete truth.

Just in that moment, Phil heard Phiphi making sounds in her room.

Another day then. Dan would of course have to know, and he would get every opportunity to retreat his offer to come along. Phil would simply not ask him this day.

Phil stood up and walked over to Phiphi’s room. While walking, he quickly typed another text to Dan.

Phil would stay true to his word and bombard him with pictures as often as he could, but now, Phil needed to take care of Phiphi.

Phiphi woke up. Gotta go.

Have fun and don’t be a nuisance.

Yes, mum.

Dan’s answer put a smile onto Phil’s face.

Phil pushed the phone into his pocket and walked over to Phiphi. He picked her up and danced with her over to the changing table.

Phiphi giggled, and Phil did an extra spin to thank her for playing along.

Phil went through every necessary steps before they finally settled down on the living room floor, ready to read the Advent Calendar.

Phil was, in any case.

Phiphi was yet busy with her cuddly toys.

Phil decided to make use of Phiphi being busy with something else and discreetly pulled the fifth envelope out of the box to see whether there was a note from Dan, or not.

Phil was in luck. Dan had written to him once again.

_Greetings,_

_Sorry, just had one of those vitamin powder things and I think it messed with my head a little – I mean they are supposed to do that, but I do feel weird. I probably should not have taken them without supervision. Promise me to be there next time I do something like this. Then again, I never need energising vitamin powder stuff when I am with you and Ash._

_So, about the story I wrote today. I sincerely hope it’s self-explanatory. Otherwise, I am quite positive that I won’t be able to help you either._

_What I really wanted to tell you in this note – is of great importance, obviously – so, yes. What I wanted to say was: I won’t be there on this day. It’s Thursday so I won’t make it, I guess._

_That’s my excuse for lashing out on the story a little bit. It’s longer so that you can appreciate it when I come back and you have less to read._

_I don’t actually mean that. I want you both to enjoy todays story as much as you might or might not have enjoyed the others – it’s all about consistency, you know?_

_Okay. That’s all. Have a fabulous day._

_Dan_

_PS: I can only apologise for grammatical nonsense in the story. You have years to correct all the mistakes I installed in Ashley’s brain._

Phil shook his head and smiled widely. Dan was adorable. That was a fact. His mother had said so after the first ten minutes of knowing him, so he had it on good authority.

“Hey, princess. Should we read the Advent Calendar?” Phil asked Phiphi.

Phiphi crawled over to him and climbed into his lap.

Phil pulled the box towards him once again and opened E5 for the second time that day.

“E stands for Embrace in Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza.” Phil told her and unfolded the paper with Dan’s story.

**EMBRACE**

_What a lot of people do not realise is that as much as the soul and heart are part of our bodies, so is kindness and hug. Even less people know that ‘hug’ is not only a common noun but also a proper one._

_Yes, you can give_ a _hug, and receive_ the _best hug in the world, but it is just as true to say: “I have no more hug to give today.”, as you would also say: “I have no more love to give today.”_

_Hug is the most interesting of all entities within our body. The reason for that is that we have one hug that always stays with us which functions more like a rechargeable battery without ever losing any of its components._

_Our first hug is made out of a lot of small embraces which are either active or inactive._

_We also have a second hug that functions independent of the other and allows us to help recharge other people’s first hug, or indeed, as we shall see, our own. These embraces can move freely and are not necessarily bound to one body._

_Good dreams ensure that the highest possible number of embraces in our hug are activated at the beginning of a new day. Bad dreams leave us with an inactivated set of embraces in our first hug and a low supply of activated second hug-embraces that makes mornings seem all the more difficult._

_The lives of second hug-embraces are interesting and fascinating to study. They are best understood in a case study, so let us look at one example of an embrace’s life. Let us look at an embrace called Cuddle._

_Cuddle is a very happy embrace when they are active. They don’t know what they are like when they are not active, but they know that their friend Knuddel is rather immobile when inactive, they fear that they can hardly be all that different._

_Having friends as a young and second hug-embrace is not easy. Sooner or later you will meet fellow embraces again, but the stretches between your meetings can sometimes seem unbearably long._

_The longest Cuddle had ever been away from Knuddel had been one month, but there were stories from other embraces that spoke of separation from friends for up to a year or more._

_Cuddle had also already met embraces that had for ever lost their friends. They had activated right next to each other, excited for the day’s journey but then suddenly, one of them was whisked away, never to be seen since._

_One of the first hug-embraces had once told Cuddle that these events usually happened at airports. People hugged each other, so the first hug-embrace said, and so embraces switch bodies and get carried away into different corners of the globe._

_On this morning, Cuddle activates next to Knuddel. They only speak to each other for a few moments, before Cuddle feels the invitation. An invitation is a pull too strong to resist for any embrace._

_Cuddle feels the invitation and gives in to it, that way, they get to see more of what it really is they are doing._

_Right now, Cuddle feels the invitation to activate a first hug-embrace because two humans hug each other._

_You see, the first hug gets activated by and by with hugs exchanged between humans. The human with the good dream has the power to share embraces with other people, though, it must be said, most humans do so unknowingly._

_Cuddle activates a sad looking embrace which involves the embrace’s version of a human hug, because nothing else would make sense._

_Cuddle keeps changing people like this all day long. Even for a young embrace, they travel a lot that day, from person to person._

_In the afternoon a special and always thrilling sensation takes place. Cuddle feels the invitation to switch bodies through a verbal hug. Those transmissions are a lot more exhausting, but they also give you the power to activate two to three embraces at once._

_Cuddle is an eager and euphoric young embrace, so at the end of the day, when the head-embrace calls for volunteers for a special mission, they are one of the first to step to the front of the line._

_Knuddel joins them. Solidarity strengthens an embrace. Together, Cuddle and Knuddel go onto the mission. This mission is special because instead of taking them to another human, it makes them travel through one body, more precisely straight to the heart._

_Cuddle has heard of inner-body journeys to the legs when a person has decided to embrace their talent and take up running for instance. A journey to the heart had always sounded like myth, and yet, here Cuddle was, taking part in that exact journey._

_Invisible forces seemed to want to stop the brave embraces on their mission but eventually the hard work and endurance paid off. The embraces, Cuddle and Knuddel among them, arrived at the heart and felt the most elated, euphoric, energised, simply the happiest they had ever felt._

_The head embrace smiled at the courageous embraces around them: “This is what it feels like when a human, despite all difficulties, decides to embrace life.”_

_Cuddle stayed active for the rest of the night, as indeed all of the embraces in the heart did._

_Cuddle could not wait to experience something like this again. Cuddle hoped that more people, if not all, would decide to embrace life._

Phil wordlessly handed Phiphi the story to look at all the embraces Dan had drawn. He did not know what exactly to think of the story. All he did know was that Dan had impressed him once again.

Phiphi studied the drawings. To Phil, the embraces looked, in the best way possible, like a mixture between a ghost and a puddle. They were excessively cute though, the whole lot of them.

Sort of like he was in a trance, Phil took pictures of Phiphi looking at the page and sent them to Dan.

Phiphi looked at this page the longest, compared to the days before. Then again, there were more words and drawings to inspect, so it was probably a natural reaction.

Slowly, Phil left the trance behind and was energised to gently comb through Phiphi’s hair and take the paper from her when she seemed to have started losing interest in it. The last thing Phil wanted to do was destroy one of these precious things Dan had created all by himself for Phiphi.

Phil worked his way through the day. He now knew why Thursdays were so difficult to deal with, but sadly, discovering the root of all evil did not mean that the tree of life was immediately restored to perfect health – or something like that.

Phiphi was a little whinier in the afternoon. She seemed to be looking towards the door every now and then. With Dan’s very obvious presence the day before, it was very likely that Phiphi too wanted Dan to come back, or at least that she noticed that he wasn’t there.

This theory of Phil’s was proven in the evening when Phiphi crawled to the Advent Calendar and wailed for as long as it took Phil to join her and take that day’s story out of the small envelope.

“Another time it is.” Phil said and started reading.

Quickly, he sent a text to Dan the way he had done all day long.

She simply needed to hear the story again.

Thank you.

Phiphi had dinner without complaining all too much which Phil was thankful for. He put her to bed and continued working until he was too tired to sit up at his desk.

Phil dragged himself into his bedroom, lay down and basically fell asleep instantly, already looking forward to seeing Dan again. That wasn’t saying much, though, seeing that Phil had started looking forward to that ever since Dan had gone down the stairs the day before.


	6. Fascinated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of a lie in today. Sorry to be later than usual. I hope you enjoy the chapter. :)  
> See you again tomorrow. Have a lovely day! xx

** 6th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan usually did not despise humanity on a Friday. That was why it would make sense to think about maybe investing time and energy to set a different ringtone for his alarm clock on a Friday morning.

On Fridays, Dan only had to get up at 7am, instead of 5. Naturally, he felt more like himself at 7 and was ready to forget his grudge about being woken.

In using the same ringtone for his alarm, however, Dan made it unnecessarily difficult for himself to come to terms with that he was no longer sleeping but awake.

Dan double checked that his alarm was off and not just snoozed and threw his legs out of the bed. His bare feet touched the cold wooden floor and made Dan hiss.

On his tiptoes, Dan went into the bathroom and took a shower. Towards the end of the shower, the hot water was sort of more like lukewarm, but Dan was determined to not yet let that ruin his entire day.

Staying optimistic was not all that easy when Dan cut himself in the finger in the attempt to tear apart a piece of carboard he had not used for Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza.

Dan swore and searched his place for a plaster. In the end, he only found children’s ones with happy butterflies on it which had always looked a little too moth-like for Dan to use before, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Dan stormed out of his apartment and ran all the way to the bus stop, arriving just before the bus turned around the corner which gave Dan the chance to calm his breathing before climbing inside.

Feeling more defiant than optimistic, which was still better than pessimistic, Dan arrived at Costa and pushed the door open.

One of the colleagues that did the Friday morning shift waved at Dan. The other one was already in the back getting ready to leave. He had another shift at a department store. Dan did not envy him.

Dan started working, determined that he would get his optimism back.

Things were looking up until Cameron came to work his shift. Cameron was not responsible. It was simply him that pointed out that Dan ‘only’ had to work until 4pm and he would ‘already’ be free to go and would not have to come back until Sunday.

On days were Dan did the morning shift, he worked until 2pm in the afternoon. The two hours he did not do this morning were logically added at the end of his shift, he had done so himself when he had created this new work schedule and he had already had two years to get used to that, but whenever Dan forgot, which happened more often than he liked to admit, it was not a pleasant surprise to have to stay the longest – apart from Thursdays on a Friday.

“Are you alright?” Cameron asked when he returned with the apron around his waist.

“Sure. Not much longer to go now.” Dan sighed.

“That’s the spirit.” Cameron smiled.

Dan was feeling a little better and enthusiastically greeted the next customer.

A little later, Dan was busy preparing a coffee with quite a few additional requests, when Cameron leaned close to him and said: “Rejoice, Dan, for at the end of this day you shall be a poor man.”

“Sorry?” Dan asked. Cameron grinned and turned back around.

Dan quickly finished the order and handed it to the waiting woman. He then turned towards the waiting queue and spotted Phil. Without actively initiating anything, Dan started smiling.

“Pay up.” Cameron mumbled.

“Later.” Dan returned and listened to the next order. He could not have Phil remark about the money bank yet another time.

After three more customers, Dan listened to Phil’s order. It was another caramel latte. Chances were always half and half in autumn/winter that Phil would either have a caramel latte or a hot spiced apple.

Dan could not speak to Phil right then because other customers needed his attention, but at some point, there was enough of a gap that Dan managed to quickly join Phil at his table, as usually disguised by the fact that he collected empty mugs.

This disguise was not for Cameron, he knew that Dan wanted to speak Phil, but Dan was scared what other customers might think, so unless there was only one third of tables occupied, he never just went to Phil for a chat.

“Hello again.” Phil smiled at Dan. He had Ashley on his lap and let her play with the advertisements for special festive drinks.

“Hello.” Dan smiled and poked Ashley’s cheek. “Did you like the Advent Calendar, Ash?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Phil had stopped smiling, and Dan was suddenly pretty nervous.

“No, we didn’t.”

“You didn’t.” Dan started biting his lip.

“Because we haven’t read it yet.” Phil smiled again. “Phiphi wants you to read the story to her.”

“Does she really?” Dan laughed. “Do you, Ashley-girl?” Dan smiled at Ashley who promptly started laughing and threw her head against Phil’s chest.

“Don’t be deceived. This is her clever way of luring you to our home.” Phil said and placed the menu that had threatened to fly out of Ashley’s hands onto the table.

“It is a clever plan, I have to admit. Normally, I would avoid that domain of yours like sunlight.”

“So – unsuccessfully.” Phil laughed.

Phil should always laugh. People within a radius of five miles at least would live a way happier life if Phil was ordered to always smile.

Dan did not have the chance to say anything in response because Cameron called him away to help serve the new wave of customers. Dan did not grumble. This was his job, after all.

“Chaching.” Cameron said.

“Bless you.”

“That was the sound of a till.”

“Yes, I know.” Dan whispered. “I will pay up, don’t you worry your pretty little head.”

“You called me pretty.”

“You don’t have any witnesses.” Dan said and turned to serve the next customer. Cameron copied him and for the rest of Dan’s shift they worked well together.

“That’ll be five pounds, Dan.”

“Five?”

“Yes, I don’t count the time you actually went over to him, so consider yourself lucky.”

Dan rolled his eyes but handed Cameron the money who celebrated the act of stuffing the bill into the money bank.

“See you Sunday.” Dan sighed.

“I am looking forward to it.” Cameron winked. Dan grinned overly widely that even Cameron had to realise that it was fake and went to the back to get out of his apron.

When Dan came back to the front, Phil was already standing at the door with Ash, waiting for him. Dan quickly made his way over to them and opened the door so that Phil could easily get through with the pram.

“Let’s get us home and let’s get us reading.” Phil said and walked towards the bus stop.

Dan followed and tried to tone down his smile a little bit. He was not exactly successful but at least Phil did not ask him what he thought was so funny.

Dan helped Phil carry up the pram and unlocked the door because he was closest to it.

The entire scene felt both wonderfully and disturbingly domestic. It was like balm for the soul, but Dan needed to destroy that desirable effect immediately with reminding himself that it was not natural and not supposed to be.

“Are you ready to read or do you need a drink?”

“Whiskey.” Dan said drily.

“Hot chocolate was it you said?”

Dan followed Phil into the kitchen after picking Ashley up from out of the pram. He got her out of her jacket and bonnet, disposed of those on his way to the kitchen all while rocking Ash around happily.

“It was very nice to see you and Ash in Costa.”

“Lot.” Phil said pouring milk into a pan.

“Hilarious.” Dan said. He really did have that dry tone perfected.

“I know. That’s why I always say that.” Phil grinned. “This evening, how about some Thai?”

“Thai? We had curry the other day.” Dan said.

“You are no fun.” Phil said and spooned some chocolate powder into the pan, stirring it.

“I am the fun-est of fun.” Dan said and tickled Ashley which was a very good way to prove his point.

Equipped with two cups of hot and one cup of lukewarm chocolate, Phil led the way into the living room.

“Let’s hear that story about Father Christmas.” Phil said as he sat down on the floor and placed the cups safely onto the table.

“Father Christmas? You said you didn’t read it!”

“I didn’t. I swear, I didn’t!” Phil looked bashful. “I did take the envelope out and might or might not have read your note.”

“Note?” Dan frowned. He handed Phil the cup he had carried and carefully sat down while still holding onto Ashley. “Oh. Note. Yes. I forgot I did those. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Phil mumbled.

“So, Father Christmas.” Dan said.

“Yes!” Phil perked up again. He pulled the box closer and helped Ashley open one of the flaps.

“December 6th.” Dan said as Phil handed him the folded paper. “Father Christmas.”

**FATHER CHRISTMAS**

Disclaimer _: Any parent that does not want their child to lose the naïve but adorable believe at a judging figure from northern Scandinavia that comes around at the end of the year to distribute presents should consider stopping to read just about now and think of some fanciful story. Good luck._

_This is the story about how a Turkish priest over time got transformed into a well-fed bearded man that travels around the world on a sleigh to distribute presents to children all around the world._

_Our story begins in the 4 th century in Myra in the house of a priest called Nikolaus. Nikolaus was a man of God and tried to live his life as Christian as he was able to. _

_Nikolaus tried to be kind to everyone. He tried to help wherever he could, keen to spread happiness._

_An opportunity arose for Nikolaus to show his kindness when his neighbour grew destitute. The whole family was hungry. There was no money for food. Things got so bad that Nikolaus’ neighbour was about to have to sell his two daughters into slavery._

_In the night, Nikolaus intervened. He threw bags full of coins through a window and saved the family’s existence._

_For deeds like these, Nikolaus was canonised. On the 6 th of December people celebrated in the name of Saint Nikolaus and gifted each other presents. _

_Our story now takes a big leap to the 16 th century to Germany where a former monk called Martin Luther opposed the idea of worshiping saints. Presents were no longer exchanged on the 6th of December but on Christmas Eve. The man who brought these presents was still the same, but he had been given a new name. The name took a detour over Dutch Sinterklass and became, still recognisably derived from the Turkish priest’s name: Santa Claus. Before this change of name took place, British people found another name for the present giver: Father Christmas. Both names are widely used throughout the world to describe a person who historically (or based on a legend) came from Myra, but now is widely agreed to have resettled in the northern part of Finland. _

_Sometimes, knowing about the history of a phenomenon only increases its allure. Some people do not wish to know the history, fearing the magic will be taken away._

_People fascinated by the truth and people fascinated by story will always be in equally high numbers, which does not create a problem as long as the willingness to understand other points of view and opinions exists._

Dan had read slowly and pointed to the different versions of the Turkish priest while he had read the text he had written out loud.

Ashley had kept very quiet the entire time. She did seem to enjoy the Advent Calendar. A weight was lifted off Dan’s shoulders.

Dan glanced over to Phil now, nervous about what he was going to have to say about the matter.

“Is it bad that I did not know a lot of those things?” Phil grinned.

“Not at all.” Dan sighed.

“You okay?” Phil asked and nudged Dan’s knee with his own.

“Yes. I thought you might hate me for ruining the allusion of Father Christmas.” Dan whispered.

“I would never. I don’t think I necessarily have to raise Phiphi in the belief that an old man is judging her for whatever she is doing. She can admire the real story.” Phil said. Ashley wiggled out of Dan’s lap and crawled over to her cuddly toys.

“Or she can choose to ignore everything completely.” Phil added with a shake of his head.

“Yes. It will be for Phiphi to decide.”

“Phiphi! We’re having Thai tonight!” Phil shouted.

“Oh no!” Dan hoped that his acting had got better. Saying ‘Phiphi’ had not been a mistake at all. Phil wanted Thai and Dan loved to see the look of triumph on his face.

Now, Dan would have to pretend to be unhappy for two to three minutes to later graciously admit that Phil’s idea – which he had loved from the start – might not have been all too terrible after all.

Phil’s POV 

Thursday was finally over, and Phil was more than ready for Friday.

He was ready to see Dan again.

Phil would not go as far as saying that he had missed Dan, because… he didn’t feel like owning up to such a big confession.

Thursday had not felt complete without Dan in it, other than over phone, but the world did not need to know that Phil had genuinely missed Dan.

When Phil woke up in the morning, he decided to stick with the idea he had had the evening before. He would not read the Advent Calendar to Phiphi. Instead, he would go to Costa (lot) and pressure Dan to come to theirs and read the story for Phiphi himself.

Phil was not going to bully him into it, but chances were high that Dan wanted to come along anyways.

Phil made good use of the fact that Phiphi was still sleeping. He went to the living room and retrieved the sixth envelope from the Advent Calendar. He would not read the story, but he would check if Dan had written something to him.

With batted breath, Phil opened the envelope that said FATHER CHRISTMAS, and pulled two sheets of paper out. Phil was relieved and happy.

Quickly, Phil leaned against the sofa and pulled his knees into his chest before opening the envelope with his name on.

_Morning!_

_At least I always figured you’d open the Advent Calendar – excuse my French – Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza!!, in the morning._

_If it’s any other time of day, do correct me in your head, or out loud, I don’t give a damn._

_In case you should read this in the morning but after you have read the story, I have put a disclaimer on top of the page to give you the chance to decide for yourself how you want to continue._

_In case you are reading this before the story just be aware that I tried to be educational in the story today. I might or might not have crossed some lines I should have stayed behind. I don’t want to interfere in any way but this is precisely the way I feel like talking to Ashley. Oh dear, I do really hope you don’t mind._

_Please find something in the story you can also enjoy. Don’t be too angry with me._

_That’s all I can say in my defence – now onwards and upwards in Daniel Howell’s very own Advent Calendar workshop._

_Dan_

_PS: I mean, by now you should know who these notes are from, but whenever I finish a letter it is pure instinct to put down my name._

After reading Dan’s note Phil was excited to see what the story was about – well, it was about Father Christmas, apparently, but he wanted to know exactly what Dan had written.

Phil was not going to cheat though. He read through Dan’s note once more and then put it back into the envelope.

The note once again made Phil feel warm. It felt like Dan had just spoken to him. Dan’s real-life monologues were not all that different, after all.

Phil stood up again and quickly sat down at his desk to get some work done before he would feed Phiphi and then go to Costa (lot) to hopefully collect Dan.

Phiphi was fed and dressed, and they were theoretically ready to go, when Phil remembered that Dan worked a little longer on Fridays. That meant going there now would only keep him bound in Costa (lot).

Phil would go, but he could first make use of the fact that there was no one here that could potentially be irritated by Phiphi or even Phil’s behaviour.

After reading a few stories to Phiphi, playing with her toys, drawing and chasing her through the living room both on their bellies, Phil decided it was time to make his way to Costa (lot).

Phil arrived with Phiphi and the stroller and got into the queue to order his drink.

Dan smiled at him but apart from a short greeting, they did not speak much.

Phil settled down with Phiphi and took a first careful sip of coffee.

Phil passed his time waiting for Dan with playing with Phiphi. Because of the rather scarce resources in the café this playing consisted of counting her fingers, booping her nose and twisting the menu around for her.

Finally, Dan came to the table. Phil was always happy to see him. Seeing him with the barista uniform was nice in its very own way.

Dan worked in this café and yet, he decided to go to Phil and speak to him. Out of all people, Dan chose Phil to talk to.

It was a nice feeling to think you were special. Not that Phil would ever share this particular thought with anyone.

“Hello again.” Phil smiled at Dan.

“Hello.” Dan returned the smile and leaned forward to poke Phiphi’s cheek. “Did you like the Advent Calendar, Ash?”

“No.” Phil quickly put on a neutral expression.

“Excuse me?” The way Dan looked like a scared deer made it difficult for Phil to keep his act up.

“No, we didn’t.”

“You didn’t.” Dan started biting his lip. Phil needed to act now.

“Because we haven’t read it yet.” Phil said quickly, allowing the smile back on his face. “Phiphi wants you to read the story to her.”

“Does she really?” Dan relaxed again. “Do you, Ashley-girl?”

As if on cue, Phiphi started laughing, throwing her whole weight into it.

“Don’t be deceived. This is her clever way of luring you to our home.” Phil said while saving the menu from landing on the floor.

“It is a clever plan, I have to admit. Normally, I would avoid that domain of yours like sunlight.”

“So – unsuccessfully.” Phil laughed. Dan was ridiculous. No one could make Phil laugh as much as him.

Sadly, Dan was called away again by his colleague and did not come back before his shift was over. Phil started counting the minutes until 4pm, knowing that was when Dan was finally free to go.

A little after Phil’s phone had confirmed his suspicion that it was 4pm, Dan disappeared into the back of the café.

Phil took that as his own cue to gather everything and made his way over to the door where Dan joined him shortly afterwards.

Dan opened the door and let Phil through.

“Let’s get us home and let’s get us reading.” Phil said and immediately walked in the direction of the bus stop.

Going on a bus journey with just a stroller was hard work and caused quite a bit of anxiety. Going on the same journey with Dan made the whole experience joyful.

Before long, the bus reached Phil’s stop and they climbed outside. Dan pushed the stroller until they reached Phil’s apartment block.

The way they always did, Phil took the rear and Dan the front to carry the stroller up the stairs. Dan, being the one closest to the door unlocked it. Phil pushed the stroller inside. Coming home like this was for some obscure reason even better than usually.

“Are you ready to read or do you need a drink?” Phil asked after kicking off his shoes.

“Whiskey.”

“Hot chocolate was it you said?” Phil rolled his eyes and made his way to the kitchen.

Occasionally, Phil called himself out for having no qualms at all to leave Phiphi just like that with a person that wasn’t himself. Then again, that person was usually always either his mother or Dan. Phil was not a horrible person for trusting the people closest to him.

Phil started preparing the hot chocolate. Dan and Phiphi soon joined him.

While stirring the hot chocolate, Phil tried to persuade Dan to have Thai, but Dan was having none of it. They would find a suitable compromise the way they always did. Phil did not really mind either way. He simply enjoyed joking around with Dan to the sound of Phiphi’s laughter.

When the medium hot and hot chocolate were done, the three of them relocated to the living room.

Phil sat down and got comfortable against the sofa.

“Let’s hear that story about Father Christmas.”

“Father Christmas? You said you didn’t read it!” Dan said.

“I didn’t. I swear, I didn’t!” Phil looked away, keeping himself from kneading his fingers. Dan knew how to read him well enough already, he did not need to help him with painfully obvious actions.

“I did take the envelope out and might or might not have read your note.”

“Note?” Dan frowned. Phil took the cup Dan handed him but was too dumbfounded to say anything in return. Dan had forgotten about the notes he had written to Phil?

What did that mean?

Did that even mean anything?

Before Phil had found his voice, Dan sat down and said: “Oh. Note. Yes. I forgot I did those. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Phil always only thawed slowly.

“So, Father Christmas.” Dan said.

“Yes!” Phil looked at Dan again. He reached for the box and together with Phiphi opened the flap.

“December 6th Father Christmas.” Dan said once Phil had given him the paper.

Phil leaned back and enjoyed listening to the story.

At first, Phil had his eyes closed, listening intently to Dan’s voice, but then, when he opened them for a second and saw how Dan was pointing at his drawings in time with the story, he could not take his eyes of him and Phiphi.

Dan was done with the story. Slowly, he turned to look at Phil.

Phil needed to say something that would show his admiration for Dan. Nothing over the top, but still honest enough that Dan would believe him.

“Is it bad that I did not know a lot of those things?” Nailed it.

“Not at all.” Dan sighed. Phil could not say if that sigh was more on the content, relieved or disappointed side.

“You okay?” Phil carefully nudged Dan’s knee. 

“Yes. I thought you might hate me for ruining the allusion of Father Christmas.” Dan spoke quietly, so it had been a sigh of relief.

“I would never. I don’t think I necessarily have to raise Phiphi in the belief that an old man is judging her for whatever she is doing. She can admire the real story.” Phil said.

Determined to undermine Phil’s attempt at a philosophical speech, Phiphi showed no interest in anything to do with Father Christmas but climbed off Dan’s lap and made her way to her toys.

“Or she can choose to ignore everything completely.” Phil said while shaking his head. 

“Yes. It will be for Phiphi to decide.” Dan said.

Jackpot! “Phiphi! We’re having Thai tonight!” Phil shouted.

“Oh no!”

Phil was sure that Dan would come around. Thai was delicious, and Dan never stayed mad for losing their dinner game when the food Phil went for was good.

After indulging every little thing Phiphi wanted to do for a while, Phil excused himself and settled down at his desk. He had not got much done at all that day. Until the scheduled delivery would arrive, he might as well work.

Working to the happy sounds from Dan and Phiphi was surprisingly effective.

The mixture of being content to hear them happy paired with the urge to get done as soon as possible to join them again did wonders to Phil’s productivity.


	7. Generous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we arrived at the weekend! Congratulations everyone! :)  
> Enjoy the chapter! :) Stay safe. See you tomorrow! xx

** Saturday, 7th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Theoretically, Dan could have stayed at Phil’s and spent the night there. Sleepovers were not at all rare at Phil’s place, but something stopped Dan from letting his heart make a decision.

With going home instead of staying at Phil’s, Dan had taken every measure that he could to protect his heart.

Whenever Dan was with Phil and Ashley, his heart beat wildly, and it felt like it was glowing.

Dan knew, however, that all of that was nothing but pretend. What Dan was experiencing was not the real thing. He was living in a pretend world and sooner or later, whenever he left Phil’s side, he would come crashing down.

Usually, this always happened sooner.

Normally, as soon as Dan sat down in the bus that took him home, Dan’s make-belief-world shattered, and he was left feeling just as alone and miserable as he truly was.

Dan needed to accept that what he had now with being allowed to visit and spend as much time as he wanted with Phil and Ash was all that he could have ever dreamed off – realistically.

There was no use of aiming any higher than this. The fall would be unbearable.

Already, Dan felt an acute sense of pain whenever he went home. He really did not need to make that any worse with trying to persuade himself that he actually had a shot with being more to Phil than a best friend.

After returning from Phil’s, Dan had been too agitated to go to sleep immediately. So, instead, he had chosen to torture himself.

Dan had worked on the Christmas present he was preparing for Phil and Ashley. He created an album of photos on his phone that he would eventually need to print.

He then designed the pages and gradually started copying the stories into what looked more and more like a proper scrapbook.

Dan did not attempt to replicate the drawings. He had photocopied them and glued them onto the page like that.

The work in itself was very much cathartic but looking at pictures that from the outside had every chance of appearing like a happy little family was painful.

Dan would look at the picture, get lost in it, start smiling, blink once and then be forced to realise that he had once again walked straight into the trap that he should have by now been very familiar with.

Eventually, Dan had called it a day and gone to sleep. He did not have to work the next day, so he could take it easy and for once do without an alarm.

Being mainly emotionally exhausted meant that Dan slept until 10am the next day. When he had been younger, noon would have been considered early, but with getting up early nearly every day, his body had slowly adjusted so that 10am was actually rather late.

Dan got up and dressed immediately. There was no need to hurry, but he also did not need to spend an unnecessary amount of time in this place when he could and should rather get going to buy ingredients.

Today, Dan was going to bake once again with Phil and Ashley.

At the thought of baking with Phil and Ashley, Dan felt happy immediately. He decided to allow himself a little joy. He would have to pay attention to not get completely lost in his feelings, but not allowing himself to enjoy his time at Phil’s place was unnecessarily cruel to everyone.

The ingredients were not difficult to find in the supermarket. Because Dan wanted to bake quite a lot, he decided to buy flour and sugar too, which unfortunately made the load a little heavier to carry than was comfortable.

Defying all odds, Dan made it to Phil’s place without breaking into sweat.

Dan rang the doorbell and automatically started running through the muse albums in his head.

Dan heard Ashley squeal, and a little afterwards, Phil opened the door, smiling at Dan, balancing Ashley on his hip.

“Drones.”

“The 2nd Law.” Dan smiled.

“I was faster than I thought.” Phil said satisfied.

“You were faster than I thought too.” Dan stepped inside and kicked his shoes of.

“What have you got there?” Phil asked and grabbed the grocery bag.

“A palm tree.” Dan said and picked Ashley out of Phil’s arms.

Dan closed the door and made his way into the kitchen.

“Do you happen to have something for breakfast? I didn’t have anything yet.” Dan opened the fridge. There was nothing much in there.

“We can always have cereal.” Phil offered.

“Are you sure there is still something left even with your late-night snack adventures?”

“I haven’t done that in ages.”

“I am looking forward to the day that Ashley can speak. All your lies will be brought to light.”

“Phiphi would never tell on me, would you?” Phil leaned closer and kissed Ashley’s cheek.

Dan laughed and for a moment had to ignore everything in the world apart from his own breathing. Sometimes, that was the only thing that helped.

“Can I trust you to prepare two and a half bowls of cereal?” Phil asked and filled the kettle with water.

“You can trust me with anything.” Dan said dramatically. Phil shoved him and picked Ashley up out of Dan’s arms.

Dan was aware that his behaviour was very contradictory. At home, he worried about him and Phil almost constantly. It would have been natural to behave a little awkwardly around Phil.

What happened was, that Dan felt so comfortable and safe in Phil’s company that he literally forgot that he had ever worried about anything.

Whenever Phil disappeared for a while, the thoughts came rushing back, but as soon as Phil came back, smiled at Dan, looked at Dan, spoke to Dan or did anything really, Dan felt safe again and banned the thoughts from his mind.

Eventually both tea and cereal were ready to be consumed.

Phil shoved Dan when he announced it in the exact same way. Dan gasped and pretended to fall which sent Ashley into a fit of giggles and made Phil roll his eyes.

After breakfast, Dan quickly picked Ashley out of her seat and made his way to the living room, leaving Phil to tidy up behind them. That was not exactly kind, but just because Dan was in love did not mean that he had to be completely selfless.

Also, more importantly, Phil would have noticed immediately if Dan offered to do things rather than escape having to do them.

“I am the only person to know what it means to work in this household.” Phil dropped onto the floor next to Dan and Ashley.

Dan was grinning wildly. Moments like these would cause the fall later on in the day to be terribly painful, but for the time being, Dan decided to live the fantasy – and therefore do the exact opposite of what he had planned to do in the morning.

“You poor thing. Would you like to hear a story?” Dan asked.

“That’s the only thing that can help me now.”

Dan rolled his eyes. Phil laughed and pulled the box over to them so that Ashley could help open the flap.

Ceremoniously, Phil handed Dan the folded paper and bowed deeply.

“I’ll kick you out if you don’t behave.” Dan warned Phil.

“This is my house.”

“I don’t care.”

Phil huffed and then started laughing.

“December 7th, Gingerbread.” Phil said before Dan had even taken a breath.

“You are on very thin ice, mister.” Dan glared at Phil.

“Fine, I’ll stop.” Phil laughed. He shuffled closer to Dan and hooked his chin over Dan’s shoulder. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

Dan swallowed quickly. His throat felt very dry.

“December 7th, Gingerbread.” Dan repeated. He cleared his throat, shouted at himself inside his mind and eventually started reading.

**GINGERBREAD**

_Have you heard of Gus the grown, gorgeous, genial gingerbread man?_

_You haven’t? Don’t worry. I am here to change that. Every person on earth should know about Gus and after this story you will be able to proudly tell the world that you do._

_Gus, the grown, gorgeous, genial gingerbread man is the husband of Gina, a gamely, gorgeous, grateful gingerbread woman. Gus and Gina are very happy together. They play games in their free time, go on walks and gaze at the gorgeous winter landscape._

_You and I would maybe think that Gus and Gina were not rich. They themselves would only go as far as saying that they were not part of the gentry, but for living a good life, they had enough._

_Where others had a garage full of gimmicks, Gus and Gina had one room between the two of them. One room with a stove, table and bed. Not even for the most gigantic mansion would they have exchanged their humble dwelling._

_Gus and Gina were as content as they could be. They did not need anything. There was however one thing they very desperately wanted. Gus and Gina wanted a gingerbread child._

_With everything they had ever owned, they were generous and hoped that one day, life would be generous to them too._

_Life works in ways which are dubious to creatures of all shapes and sizes. Its preferred method of acting is through wonders big and small._

_For Gus and Gina their wonder happened in the form of a wicker basket on the doorstep. In this wicker basket was a baby. A gingernut baby._

_Not hesitating for a moment, Gus and Gina took the gingernut baby inside and made it as comfortable as possible with their softest shawls, scarfs and hats._

_Gus and Gina took care of the baby, waiting anxiously each day for the gingernut parents to come and take their baby away. Gus and Gina were so generous that they would not have minded giving to others in such a way._

_Days passed and even weeks but no gingernuts came. Gus and Gina’s neighbours had long accepted the new addition to the gingerbread family. Gina had been worried about the reaction of other baked goods, but Gus assured her that as they were the ones taking care of the gorgeous gingernut baby, they were its genuine parents and she was their genuine daughter. The three of them were a ginger family._

_In the role of a father (and at some happy point in the future even grandfather) Gus grew to be even more generous, genial and gamely. Having a daughter was the event that left him the most gobsmacked but most importantly, having a daughter was the most gratifying experience in Gus and of course also Gina’s life._

_Life was indeed as wonderous and dubious as it was generous._

“Anyone an idea what we are going to do now?” Dan asked once he had finished reading the story.

Ashley looked at him and then pointed at Dan’s objectively maybe not extremely repulsive drawing of the happy ginger family.

“That’s right. We are making gingerbread men and women and gingernuts.” Dan smiled.

Dan turned to look at Phil and was surprised to see that his eyes were brimming with tears.

“That was a beautiful story.” Phil said. He sounded a little bit choked up.

“Thank you.” Dan said awkwardly.

“Only you would make a story about gingerbread men about adoption.”

“What can I say, I am special.” Dan shrugged with a steadily heating up face.

“You are.” Phil smiled. Dan managed to hold his warm gaze for about a second, before he got up and held Ashley extra close as a way to both comfort and shield himself.

“Let’s get baking.”

“Standing and stirring.” Phil agreed and got up too.

Phil’s POV 

Before Phiphi had come along, a muse album’s title had often been the very first thing Phil had said that day.

Dan had always liked coming around to Phil’s place, and Phil had always loved having him there.

Because of some minor form of miscommunication, Dan had once ended up waiting for Phil in front of his place for the better part of an hour even though Phil was actually at home.

That had been the moment when they had agreed that Dan would get his own set of keys and that he would be allowed to open the door on his own as long as he had run through all of muse’s albums twice.

In an attempt to guess which album Dan had reached, Phil would start counting in his head too, but their rhythm was always a little off. That did not mean that either of them stopped, of course. More often than not, one of the muse album’s was used instead of a proper greeting.

Since Phiphi usually woke up before Dan arrived to ring Phil’s doorbell, Phil said a multitude of things before the album title.

Phil did not have any conversations before Dan joined him. Phiphi looked attentive to what Phil said most of the time, but she didn’t answer – of course she didn’t.

This morning, Phil had dressed Phiphi after changing her nappy while telling her about the dream he had had. It was not exactly a thrilling dream, it was actually more bordering on unbearably boring, but Phil liked speaking to his daughter. And Phiphi seemed to like the sound of Phil’s voice, so there was no one that was losing in this scenario.

As much as Phil loved spending lazy mornings with his daughter, flicking through picture books, he could potentially replicate with his eyes closed, he still looked forward to Dan joining him. Spending time with Dan was so wonderfully easy. Combining spending time with Dan and spending time with Phiphi was no problem at all.

Dan quite simply was part of Phil and Phiphi’s life.

There was no sign of Dan yet, so Phil quickly walked over to the Advent Calendar and pulled the envelope out, discreetly so that Phiphi didn’t see.

There was a note for Phil inside. Excitedly, Phil unfolded the piece of paper. Dan had only written five words, but they still made Phil smile brightly.

_Get your apron on! Dan_

Phil would have loved a longer note, but Dan would come by later, so Phil was for once going to be patient.

Phiphi looked over to him in that moment, so Phil put the envelope back again and robbed over to her to play with the toys until Dan rang the doorbell.

As has already been established, the first thing that Phil said to another adult was usually a title name of one of muse’s albums.

It was no different that day.

After playing with Phiphi and her toys, Phil went over to tickling Phiphi to pass some time. Thankfully, both for Phiphi’s but also Phil’s sake, Dan soon showed mercy and arrived.

When the doorbell rang, Phil picked Phiphi up and walked to the door.

In lieu of a greeting, Phil once again said: “Drones.”

“The 2nd Law.” Dan returned with a smile.

“I was faster than I thought.” Phil said and made way for Dan to step past him. 

“You were faster than I thought too.”

Like the undisputed master Phil was, he ignored Dan and asked instead: “What have you got there?”

“A palm tree.” Dan said and exchanged the grocery bag with Phiphi.

The first station whenever Dan came was usually the kitchen. Especially, when Dan had brought some goods as he had done that day. That paired with Dan’s unmistakable request in the Advent Calendar let Phil to think that some baking was going to take place once again.

“Do you happen to have something for breakfast? I didn’t have anything yet.” Dan looked at the contents of the fridge that were always a disappointment to whoever opened the door.

“We can always have cereal.” Phil suggested.

“Are you sure there is still something left even with your late-night snack adventures?”

“I haven’t done that in ages.” Dan did not need to know about the fact that Phil always passed by the kitchen for a handful of dry cereal whenever he got up in the night.

Dan suspected as much anyways, and that was bad enough as it was.

“I am looking forward to the day that Ashley can speak. All your lies will be brought to light.”

“Phiphi would never tell on me, would you?” Phil kissed Phiphi’s cheek.

The sound of Dan’s happy laugh filled the kitchen and for one glorious moment made Phil forget that life was not always this bright and cheerful.

After the breakfast preparations were successfully dealt with, Dan and Phil sat down at the kitchen table, talking about whatever came to mind.

It was a very cleansing experience to talk to Dan. Phil could and always would talk to anything that was even mildly bothering him.

After talking to Dan, Phil usually felt free and light. All thoughts that needed to be dealt with were dealt with and enabled Phil to catch his breath.

With a satisfied appetite, Dan and Phil went into the living room. Well, that was to say, Dan took Phiphi into the living room and let Phil tidy up.

Phil did not mind doing some work. Also, as cleansing as talking to Dan was, a few moments to himself where Phil could breathe freely were somehow always necessary.

Just because Phil did not mind doing the work, did not mean that he could _not_ come into the room with a dramatic: “I am the only person to know what it means to work in this household.” to announce his arrival.

Dan grinned at him and Phiphi looked perfectly content too. It was a lovely feeling to be in a room that was filled with happy people.

“You poor thing. Would you like to hear a story?” Dan played along. 

“That’s the only thing that can help me now.” Phil said, and just as dramatically handed Dan the letter after opening the calendar with Phiphi.

“I’ll kick you out if you don’t behave.”

“This is my house.”

“I don’t care.” The cheek of Dan. Phil laughed.

To pay him back, Phil said, before Dan had the chance: “December 7th, Gingerbread.”

“You are on very thin ice, mister.” Dan tried to glare at Phil.

“Fine, I’ll stop.” Phil laughed again and decided it was time to stop. Out of the three people in the living room, he was the one that wanted to hear the story the most, after all.

Phil shuffled closer to Dan and put his chin onto Dan’s shoulder.

“I’ll behave, I promise.” Phil said earnestly.

“December 7th, Gingerbread.” Dan said, cleared his throat and then started reading the story properly.

Listening to Dan reading his story was lovely.

Dan knew the way the sentences needed to be stressed. He knew when to point to the pictures he had drawn. He knew what to do when Phiphi was on the verge of doing something other than listening.

Dan was the perfect person to read a story out loud.

Not only was Dan’s technique immaculate, what he had written was also pretty great.

That was a lie.

Phil thought Dan’s stories were perfect. They were sweet, educational, and once Phiphi was that tiny bit older, she would learn to appreciate them at an entirely new level.

Once Dan was done with reading the story, Phil slowly moved away from him but could not stop staring. He would have liked to see anyone try.

A cocktail of emotions was inside Phil. The prevailing emotion was that of wonder and amazement to what Dan had given them with the Advent Calendar.

Phil was grateful for Dan’s present of course, but most of all what Dan had expressed with today’s story. Dan was teaching Phiphi acceptance and was showing his own in the same breath.

Phil admired Dan lock, stock and barrow.

“Anyone an idea what we are going to do now?” Dan asked Phiphi.

Phiphi looked at him and then pointed to the drawing of the complete ‘ginger family’.

“That’s right. We are making gingerbread men and women and gingernuts.” Dan smiled.

Dan looked over to Phil.

It was suddenly incredibly difficult to try and hide how touched Phil was.

“That was a beautiful story.” Phil said, deciding not to try and hide his emotions as much as possible.

“Thank you.”

“Only you would make a story about gingerbread men about adoption.”

“What can I say, I am special.” Dan shrugged and looked away.

“You are.” Phil smiled, and Dan turned to look at him again for a while. Then, he stood up, still holding Phiphi.

“Let’s get baking.” Dan said.

“Standing and stirring.” Phil agreed and stood up too.

As they had done the first time Dan had come around to bake as issued by the Advent Calendar – that he had created, Phil tied a tea towel around Phiphi and an apron around himself.

“Don’t you ever feel like God’s favourite child?” Dan asked as he got out the scales and any other baking utensil that he could think of that Phil might have.

“Not regularly. Do you?”

“Occasionally.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”  
“Why?”

“I’m glad you asked.” Dan beamed.

“I bet you are.” Phil mumbled and rolled his eyes.

“I feel like God’s favourite child because the 7th letter in the English alphabet is the G.”

“Yes. I do think God made it that way especially for you.”

“I was not done yet.” Dan shot him a glare. “And the 7th of December happens to fall onto a Saturday, my only real free day. There you have it. This is not a coincidence. This is providence.” Dan finished happily.

“I am sure it is.”

“Don’t pretend you are not happy that I came to bake today of all days.” Dan prodded.

“Any day would have been fine with me.” Phil shrugged. Dan looked disappointed, so Phil quickly added: “That is not to say that I… we are not absolutely delighted to have you here today.”

“We need to work on your earnest voice but other than that, that was pretty good.” Dan said and went back to pulling potential ingredients out of Phil’s cupboards.

Baking with Dan was an adventure on the tamest of days. It was a battle on the wildest days. Today, was one of the more wildly inclined days.

When Dan and Phil were halfway through the gingerbread men dough, both them and Phiphi were covered in a thin layer of flour and also cinnamon.

There had been an almost heated discussion on how much cinnamon was too much. Phil was of the opinion that there was not actually a limit, but Dan pretended to be more ‘sensible’ about it.

At the end of the baking adventure, Phil, Dan and Phiphi all looked like they had played hide and seek in a flour factory, but they also had hot biscuits to present for their efforts so the baking could be considered a full success.

Phil cleaned first his own, then Phiphi’s and then because why ever not, Dan’s hands with a soft flannel.

“Let’s make tea and enjoy the fruits of our labour.” Phil said once he had let go off Dan’s hands.

“Good idea, even though I would have genuinely not minded if you had said: Biscuits of our baking.”

“You wouldn’t have? I can basically hear you rolling your eyes.” Phil said and filled the kettle.

“Fair enough.” Dan shrugged and undid the tea towel around Phiphi. “Turn around.” He ordered suddenly. Phil turned around and Dan also undid his apron.

Phil felt a warm shiver run down his back and ignored it immediately.

“You lay the living room table and there might be a Christmas movie of your choice in it for you.” Phil said and put two teabags into the teapot.

“Ay, ay, sir.” Dan saluted and filled a tray before carrying that and Phiphi into the living room.

Phil followed Dan with the teapot a short while later.

“The Holiday.” Dan announced as Phil put the pot down and sat down next to Dan who was balancing Phiphi on his knees.

“When will you ever admit that you are a hopeless romantic?”

“I have never denied it.” Dan said. His cheeks were almost dusted a little pink.

“Then you have hidden it well.”

“Maybe you’re just blind as usually.”

“Something like that wouldn’t pass me by.”

“Wouldn’t it?” Dan mumbled.

Before Phil could answer or think about this any longer, Dan handed Phiphi over to Phil and grabbed the remote to put the film on.

Thinking had destroyed many of Phil’s afternoons, so he decided, that he would switch off his brain as well as he could and just enjoy lying on the sofa with Phiphi and Dan.

He knew best of all that this moment would come to an end way too soon.


	8. Harmonious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a cozy and relaxing Sunday. :)  
> See you again tomorrow! xx

** Sunday, 8th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Suggesting to Phil that they watch ‘The Holiday’ together had been stupid.

Dan had certainly made that bed himself and he would not cheat his way out of lying in it.

Watching movies with Phil and also Ashley was one of Dan’s absolute favourite pastimes.

Ever since the first movie he had ever watched with Phil, which had been ‘Buffy – The Vampire Slayer’ due to strong recommendations by one individual, however, Dan had developed a strong dislike of credits.

Whenever they started rolling, he knew that the moment was coming to an end, or if they were watching anything but a Marvel film, was at an end already.

Dan liked to think that he was not too much of a masochist. However, the facts sort of spoke against him. After all, Dan did always cause himself to be in situations where pain at the end was inevitable.

Still, Dan did not like the pain he caused himself. The pain was a simple by-product of the happiness he so much craved and only encountered in moments that happened to cause pain.

Snuggling with Phil on the couch while Phil’s daughter climbed in between their laps was one of the most dangerous things Dan had done, but he had punished himself for that, additionally to the pain he could never escape, with declining Phil’s offer of putting him up for the night.

Every fibre in Dan’s body screamed for him to accept, but for once, Dan’s sensible part won and said no with the explanation of having to be up very early the next day, needing a change of clothing and not wanting to wake Phil.

Thankfully, Phil had been too tired to insist and had eventually relented.

Well, ‘thankfully’ was not really cutting it.

Dan was now, after all, waking up in a cold bedroom, alone in a big bed, when he could have woken up next to Phil.

It was commendable that Dan had decided not to be selfish, but this goodness came at a high price. A price that was constituted of loneliness in the morning and a sense of coldness that simply did not want to leave Dan.

Eventually, Dan started thawing when he went to the bathroom to have a quick shower.

He consoled himself with the fact that he only needed to work two hours on a Sunday. He would be done with work before he knew it. He would feel better afterwards. He would have a full day free.

The time he could spend doing what he wanted was actually longer than it had been on a Sunday when he had been younger.

Then, he had always slept way longer and had therefore had less time, which was regrettable, or so Dan told himself in an attempt to keep his spirits up.

On his way to Costa, Dan started feeling properly good. It was a somewhat gratifying experience to be awake when the majority of the population was still asleep.

The idea that Dan was awake and working while others slept filled Dan with spite and energy to power through work. He could not explain the logic behind that, but he accepted the positive side-effects gratefully.

Dan opened Costa and tied the apron behind his back. He started the machine and quickly made himself a latte. He was not as much as a sugar fanatic as Phil was, but he was also not quite so inclined towards bitter tastes as Cameron was, so a milky latte it was.

Cameron, speaking of the devil, walked through the doors and raised his hand as a greeting to Dan.

“How are you?” Dan asked.

“Great, now that I remembered that if all fails in life, I can still be sure of your undivided and undying love for me.” Cameron said. He disappeared into the back and came back wearing his apron.

“I hate to disappoint you Cameron, but…”

“Don’t say it. Not today, of all days.” Cameron whined.

“Why? What happened?”

“I was out of milk.” Cameron sighed dramatically. “So I could not have my morning tea. I might as well let death take me.”

“Don’t you always only ever take the hintiest of hints of milk anyways?”

“So what? The tea is incomplete with the _appropriate_ amount of milk.”

Dan showed mercy and prepared a cup of tea for Cameron which, surprisingly, seemed to have the perfect amount of milk inside.

Soon afterwards, customers started to arrive.

Dan and Cameron worked well together. They chatted whenever they had time and otherwise performed their choreographed dance in front of the machines without ever clashing once.

Dan said goodbye to Cameron once eight o’clock rolled around. He loved work but he was also never not eager to leave. Cameron knew that and only occasionally made Dan pay for an apparently ‘glossy’ look in his eyes.

On his way to Phil’s place, Dan went off one step early to buy some croissants. Cereal was not bad, but to reward himself for working already, croissants were needed.

After climbing the stairs, Dan rang the doorbell and started running through the albums in his head. Much to his surprise, Phil did not arrive.

Dan fished the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

There was a slight chance that Phil was still sleeping.

Dan did not need to do much listening out once he stepped inside Phil’s apartment. Phil called: “At the nappy changing station!” as soon as Dan had let the door fall shut.

Dan kicked his shoes off and walked to Ashley’s room.

“I wanted to have tea ready when you came.” Phil said apologetically.

“Don’t worry. I brought croissants.”

“I’ll have to pay you back one of these days.”

“You can pay for dinner.” Dan shrugged.

While Phil smiled and stayed silent, Dan had the misfortune of analysing what he had just said. It was not terribly difficult to add another meaning to his sentence, a meaning that left him with a heated-up face.

“Do you want me to take over? Then you can make tea.”

“Sure.” Phil smiled. He kissed Ashley’s forehead and grinned at Dan.

“Good morning Ashley girl.” Dan grinned at the most perfect little girl he knew.

He disinfected his hands and started wiping. Dan alternated any actual step of work with tickling Ashley’s toes. Ash squealed delightedly and Dan was laughing too.

Dan dressed Ash in one of the onesies he had got her at some point and carried her into the kitchen where Phil was just pouring water over the teabags.

Phil was with his back to them. Which was presumably why he muttered: “Mum. Why?”

“What did Kath do?” Dan asked which caused Phil to spin around to him.

“Nothing much. Let’s have breakfast!”

Dan was not actually fooled by this, but he decided to let Phil believe that for the time being. He would prod a little more later. Now, he wanted to have breakfast.

After breakfast the three of them went into the living room. Dan sat down with Ashley and accepted the folded piece of paper Phil retrieved from the Advent Calendar.

“Do you want me to read this?” Dan asked Phil.

“If you don’t mind.”

“It would be a bad representation of the faith I have in this present if I would decline.”

“You could just say yes.”

“You could have just asked.” Dan shot back.

“I am ever so sorry and now, please start reading.”

“Fine.” Dan rolled his eyes and then grinned at Phil.

Phil returned the smile. Dan felt warm immediately and wasn’t too angry that he had a legitimate excuse to look away.

**HOLIDAY**

_When Holly woke up in the morning, she did not know that she would change the world. Then again, it usually happens this way: People wake up, unaware that their idea is going to change the world, or better yet, that they are even going to have a world-changing idea in the day._

_Holly was of the first kind. She has had an idea, but she woke up not knowing that that idea would change the world._

_The first thing Holly did after she woke up was go to her window to open it and see if Frie was awake already. Frie was her best friend. They had hit it off immediately. Holly had taken a liking to him immediately, seeing that Frie rhymed with her favourite cheese brie._

_Frie had had a similar reason for forming a strong bond with Holly, simply because the red holly berries were his favourite representation of the colour red in nature._

_Holly and Frie were the fastest of friends. They spend every minute together. When they were walking to school, in school, at lunch, on their way home from school in the afternoon and when they did homework in the afternoon. Only when they slept, were they separated._

_Frie was awake already and waved over to Holly. She needed to have breakfast first before she could share her idea with Frie though._

_Due to the nature of the time they spend together where Holly and Frie always needed to be quiet, they had developed a very intricate sign language with which Holly could tell Frie that she had news to tell him after breakfast._

_On their walk to school, Holly finally had time to tell Frie. Frie reacted the way Holly had known in her heart he would. They were a harmonious pair, the two of them._

_Frie was all in favour of her idea. Now, they only needed to go about putting the idea into action._

_Holly’s idea had been to create a day for every human to take one deep and long breath. One day where no one needed to do anything. One day where every battery could be recharged. Because this had been her idea, she decided to give herself some credit and named that one day: Holly-day._

_On the walk to school, Holly and Frie decided what needed doing. They would talk to their headmaster first and then on the walk home, they would talk to the mayor. Their idea was important enough for that small detour, they were sure._

_During all of this talking, Frie had the clever idea that one day alone might not be enough for everyone. He suggested that people should take some time in the day for a small version of that big breath of air the Holly-day would provide them with._

_Holly liked that idea and allowed Frie to call that time in the day: Frie-time._

_Energised by the knowledge that they were helping humanity as a whole, Holly and Frie ran the remaining distance to school and spoke to the headmaster and after school to the mayor. Both were fond of the idea, took the children seriously and carried their ideas to other places until the whole world had heard of the idea._

_It was so good an idea that there was no question of taking it on._

_Centuries later, we still know and cherish Holly and Frie’s creations, but nowadays we have adapted the spelling slightly, so that the things that makes most humans happiest are known as holidays and free time._

Phil was laughing wholeheartedly by the time Dan had finished reading the story.

Dan was embarrassed by the ridiculousness that had come from deep within him.

“I am sorry.” Dan whispered and folded the paper up again. “That was a silly story.”

“Not at all. It was endearing. It was lovely. I like Holly and Frie.”

“You are just saying that to be nice.”

“All I ever say is to be nice.” Phil poked out his tongue at Dan. “I liked the story and so did Phiphi. Don’t worry so much.”

At some point, Dan decided that he would be a lot better off if he did in fact accept that there had been something in the story that someone could have enjoyed.

Dan put the story away anyways and interpreted Ashley’s whining as her wanting to be picked up.

Dan complied. He stood up and picked Ashley up, jumping around the living room with her.

Phil joined them and they all enjoyed themselves. Ashley seemed to have enjoyed everything a little too much.

Due to all the jumping and bouncing, Dan got to have a first-hand experience of the worst poo-plosion he had ever even had heard speaking of.

“I am terribly sorry.” Dan said.

Phil picked Ashley out of his arms and laughed. “You are not the one that pooped, I think.”

“I am not. Thank you.”

“So what’s the problem? I jumped too.” Phil said. “I think we need to stage an impromptu bath in the sink. Can you grab a fresh towel and follow me?”

“Of course.”

Bathing Ashley was a joy normally, but Dan felt nauseous when Phil opened the nappies.

Phil did most of the work and therefore received most of the aftermath too.

Dan picked a once again happy Ash out of the sink and wrapped her in a towel.

“I need to take a shower.” That was as much warning as Phil gave Dan before he pulled his shirt over his head.

Dan could not be blamed for the two seconds (at most!) that he stared at Phil.

He caught himself quickly, anyways.

Phil opened his belt when Dan fled the bathroom. It was both blessing and course that Phil seemed to be so incredibly unaware of the effect he had on Dan.

Dan did not want him to know, but it was also hardly good for his health to be exposed – quite literally – to Phil like that.

After surviving Phil’s sudden attack, Dan carried Ashley to her room and got her dressed for the second time that day.

The outfit of choice was once again something Dan had once got for Ash. That was only natural. He, indisputably, had better taste than Phil, after all.

Dan had only just calmed down properly and returned to the living room, when Phil’s phone, which he had left on the living room table, buzzed. Dan grabbed it, unknowingly – and rather rudely, in retrospect.

Phil had received a message from his mother.

Dan could not stop his eyes from reading the message that had conveniently popped up on the screen as soon as Phil had received it.

I can’t wait to meet that new boyfriend

of yours. See you tomorrow.

Dan felt hot and cold at the same time.

For a second he thought about running straight out of Phil’s apartment, but he was not irresponsible enough to leave Ashley to her own devices.

He was, regrettably, also adult enough to realise that he would have to talk to Phil instead of running away even if that meant that his heart would get properly crushed, even worse than it was now.

Any news to do with a new ‘boyfriend’ of Phil’s would hit harder when Phil was the one to tell him.

Phil’s POV 

Phil decided when he was still lying in bed that no matter if Dan had decided to write to him or not, no matter how long the note he would potentially receive was, he was going to be thankful for everything he received.

Being able to share Phiphi’s calendar ought to have been enough for him anyways.

At some point, Phil decided to get up and make himself a first cup of tea. Dan would not leave him waiting for long. If he wanted to see whether he had received anything, he needed to check now.

Also, Phiphi had gone to sleep early the next day, after Dan had sadly not stayed over, so she was bound to wake up soon.

Phil left the kettle to boil the water and quickly walked to the Advent Calendar and opened the eighth door. He pulled the envelope out with a fast beating heart and started smiling as soon as he saw two folded pages inside.

The note to Phil was longer than the day before.

Phil doubted he would ever stop smiling.

_Hi there,_

_I think that unlike yesterday, today is not going to work without any note from me. Really, asking an expert, what should I have said yesterday other than ‘Get your baking gear on.’, or whatever I decided to go with in the end. (The note was literally two minutes ago at most, but my memory is positively non-existent.)_

_Okay, let’s get to the point, shall we, Dan?_

_The thing I wanted to write to you about is obviously the content of today’s story/ tale, what have you._

_I guess what I want to say is mostly an apology. I am not quite sure from which depths I extract the stories for Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza. They sort of just pop up when I sit down to read. At this point, an overdose of sugar is really rather likely too, but the idea to this was there before the sugar was, so I don’t really know._

_Another thing I want to say or well to apologise for is the clear lack of educational talent. I want to teach Ashley things but all I do is help her spawn rubbish. I hope the effects I have are not irreversible._

_I will do everything in my power to help you reverse them in any case. Best of luck!_

_Please continue to speak to me, unless you have stopped upon reading the first story, of course._

_Have a good day, despite everything I make you suffer through!_

_Dan_

Dan was not exactly wrong to think that he put Phil through stuff. Phil was certainly suffering in his own way.

Why would Dan constantly talk himself down like that?

Dan was the most naturally gifted ‘educational’ person Phil knew. Dan was great with Phiphi and had always been great with her.

The stories he had written for her were ridiculous and endearing. They were funny and clearly not meant to portray the absolute certain, scientific proof.

That was part of the reason Phil loved them so much. With a handful of stories, Dan had reminded Phil that not everything in life was horrendously serious. There was fun to be had in life.

Phil read through Dan’s note another time, started smiling and frowning at different parts of the letter and eventually put it back into the envelope.

Phil would simply have to try and show Dan as carefully as possible that he was an absolute treasure to both him and Phiphi.

If Phil was not going to succeed that day, which, to be quite realistic, was rather likely, Phil could make that his December mission. At the end of December as some sort of Christmas present, Phil should have shown Dan what a great person he was.

The next station on Phil’s daily walk through his home was in Phiphi’s room. Phiphi was not yet awake, but it was time for her to be, so Phil gently tickled her tummy and waited until Phiphi looked at him.

This time around, Phiphi opted for a happy smile, which was infinitely preferable to a scowl Phil was met with occasionally.

After playing around for a little while, Phil carried Phiphi to the changing table and started opening her diapers.

He was not at all a bad nappy changer, but that did not mean he could simultaneously open the door when Dan rang the doorbell.

Phil waited for Dan to go through the muse albums and open the door. Eventually, Phil heard a key turning in the lock.

“At the nappy changing station!” Phil called out, not wanting to worry Dan unnecessarily.

Phil heard Dan kick off his shoes and make his way to Phiphi’s room.

“I wanted to have tea ready when you came.” Phil said once Dan joined him. 

“Don’t worry. I brought croissants.”

“I’ll have to pay you back one of these days.”

“You can pay for dinner.” Dan offered. Phil smiled. Of course, he would pay for dinner. As if he could ever let Dan pay for dinner.

Only ever when Phil evidently won in their daughter-name-game did Phil not mind Dan paying.

The thing was that Dan’s salary quite simply wasn’t terribly generous. Dan was not poor and not wanting of much, but that certainly did not mean that he needed to pay in order to indulge Phil with his near constant desire to eat out or order in.

“Do you want me to take over? Then you can make tea.” Dan offered after a while.

“Sure.” Phil left after kissing Phiphi’s head.

Phiphi was more than safe with Dan as company. This could maybe classify as a way to make Dan see how much they trusted him.

In the kitchen, Phil filled the kettle and looked at his phone. His mum had written to him. Phil clicked on it, unassumingly.

Good morning, Phil.

Martyn said you are looking at apartments

tomorrow? Anything you have got your hopes

up for?

Phil sighed. Why could he not even trust is own brother?

He had forwarded the estate agent’s mail to Martyn, wanting to make sure it was something he could go to without needing to be mindful of anything.

Phil had not thought that that traitor would immediately tell his mother.

Any of the apartments would be good for us.

Phil was not a bad child, so he answered his mother quickly.

What he had not accounted for was her immediately reply.

On your own? What is darling Phi going to do?

Phil groaned.

No. Not on my own.

Not even a full ten seconds later, which was remarkable for her, Phil’s mother had written yet another reply.

Who with? Someone new?

I am going to come along too.

Phil groaned again and mumbled: “Mum. Why?”

“What did Kath do?” Dan made Phil jump.

Phil turned around to him and quickly said: “Nothing much. Let’s have breakfast!”

It was not a clever idea to ignore his mother, but he could not in that moment make Dan suspicious of anything.

Phil’s mind was thankfully diverted after this alarming text he had received from his mother by breakfast and afterwards, in the living room, Dan reading the Advent Calendar, after a little bit of arguing with Phil about the formalities of asking him to read it out loud.

All through the story, Phil could not help chuckling until at the end, he was properly laughing.

Dan had an adorable way of writing stories.

Phil was already looking forward to the day that Phiphi would be properly able to appreciate them and share the joy of them with Dan.

“I am sorry.” Dan’s voice was quiet. “That was a silly story.”

“Not at all. It was endearing. It was lovely. I like Holly and Frie.” Phil insisted.

“You are just saying that to be nice.”

“All I ever say is to be nice.” Phil poked out his tongue at Dan. Dan could be almost infuriating with his absolute denial sometimes.

“I liked the story and so did Phiphi. Don’t worry so much.”

Not much more persuasion was needed until Dan gave up. Giving up was not quite as good as understanding that Phil was right, but it would do for the moment.

Dan got up, picked Phiphi up and started dancing through the living room in a style that was a little less refined than the ballet he had shown a few days prior to this.

Phil stood up too and joined them.

Phiphi was having the time of her life. In a way, Phil could understand how she could forget about her bladder at her time like this.

Not just her bladder really. After a few more bounces, Phiphi shared with Dan and Phil a poo-plosion that was worse than anything Phil had ever witnessed.

“I am terribly sorry.” Dan said. Misunderstanding the share of guilt once again.

Phil took Phiphi into his own arms and laughed. “You are not the one that pooped, I think.”

“I am not. Thank you.” Dan shoved Phil lightly.

“So what’s the problem? I jumped too.” Phil said. “I think we need to stage an impromptu bath in the sink. Can you grab a fresh towel and follow me?”

“Of course.”

With the tasks equally distributed, Phil got to work and bathed Phiphi as well as he could in the bathroom sink.

Phiphi was having a field day. First the bouncing and now a bath. Phil needed to make sure he somehow showed her that this was not in the least a desirable series of events to take place.

Once Phil was satisfied with Phiphi’s cleanness, Dan picked her out of the sink and wrapped her into a towel.

Now, Phil noticed that what he had essentially achieved had been transferring all the dirt from Phiphi to himself.

“I need to take a shower.” Phil said and pulled the soiled shirt over his head. He set the water in the shower going and opened his belt.

Dan went into the living room and presumably would take care of getting Phiphi dressed while Phil took care of the last aftermath.

After the shower, Phil joined Dan in the living room. Phil’s hair was a little wet, but he felt mightily better.

At least he did, until he saw the look on Dan’s face,

“Are you alright?” Phil asked carefully. He wanted to pick up Phiphi, but Dan shoved Phil’s phone into his face instead.

“You got a text from Kath, and I’ll stay for as long as it takes for you to explain it to me.” Dan said, voice guarded.

Phil took the phone out of Dan’s hand and unlocked it. His mum had indeed written to him.

I can’t wait to meet that new boyfriend

of yours. See you tomorrow.

With difficulty, Phil managed to supress a long sigh of irritation.

“I honestly didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” Phil said and rubbed his neck.

“Excuse me?”

“No. This is not the way I wanted to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Dan glared at Phil now. “Tell me about your new boyfriend, whom you have successfully managed to not ever speak of even once?”

“No. You got it wrong.” Phil sat down next to Dan. “There is no boyfriend, least of all a new one.”

“Kath seems to think there is.” Dan said.

“She does.” Phil sighed. “I didn’t tell her there wasn’t. I told her I was taking someone to see the estate agent tomorrow and she just arrived at this conclusion by herself.”

“Why didn’t you tell her I am the one to accompany you? She knows me, remember?” Dan still didn’t look happy, and Phil regretted that he had to upset him even further.

“She couldn’t really know because, you see, the estate the property belongs to is proud of their diversity and functioning family demographic. I wanted to portray a family of three and the least people that know about the slight lie, the better.”

“Slight lie?” Dan’s voice was hollow.

“I was going to ask you to pretend to be my loving and doting partner, husband instead of best friend. Just for the appointment, but the scale is bigger now that mum said she’ll tag along.” Phil rubbed his temples.

“Phil. You should have told me.” Dan’s voice was still not completely back to the familiar pool of warmth.

“I know. I am sorry.” Phil sighed.

Both of them stayed silent for a while, but Phil needed to know. “Dan. Could you play pretend for me and Phiphi tomorrow? It is for a new apartment and I will be in your debt of course… Sorry that the scale is slightly bigger.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Dan mumbled.

“You got masters in drama.”

“Since when?” Dan asked with the hint of a smile.

“Please come, for me and Phiphi. Please help us.” Phil said, giving a shot at the infamous puppy eyes Dan was the undisputed expert of.

“Of course, I will help you.” Dan said quietly.

“Thank goodness, Dan.” Phil fell around Dan’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dan pushed Phil away and tickled Phiphi.

Neither of the two spoke of the appointment again for the time that Dan was at Phil’s place.

There were cleverer things they could have done, of course, but it was a little too awkward a topic to want to speak about it on a Sunday afternoon.

They could quickly check the most important pieces of information the next day and then just power through the appointment.

Phil really hoped for his own but also his mother’s sake, that she was not going to make things unnecessarily complicated.

For the first time in a long while, Phil felt himself dreading a Monday once again. He was also a little excited, but he was mostly dreading the next day.


	9. Inspiring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a good week and stay happy and safe. :) See you tomorrow! xx

** Monday, 9th December  **

Dan’s POV 

What on earth had Dan been thinking, agreeing to Phil’s question of coming along to the estate agent appointment?

When Phil had first asked, Dan had of course not known, what agreeing to go would entail.

The day before, when Phil had finally told Dan the whole truth, he could have declined and said he was not up for it after all.

That would have seemed too cowardly for Dan’s taste, though.

Also, presumably, Dan had been too relieved that there was not in fact a boyfriend so that he agreed without really thinking about the task he had set for himself.

For Dan, this was, in a way, more than just pretending to be in love with Phil.

For Phil’s sake, Dan needed to pretend to pretend to be in love with Phil. That already seemed significantly more difficult than portraying one character.

Dan would have to give in to the fantasy, knowing all the time that it would never become a reality.

Now, the question was, should Dan enjoy the sensation of being Phil’s significant other for as long as it lasted, or should he be wary from the of and therefore somehow save himself from some of the trouble that this whole enterprise would certainly have in store for Dan at the end?

When would it all end?

Phil had only spoken of this one appointment on Monday.

Maybe, Dan was blowing things out of proportion once again.

Maybe, he should just power through the appointment and be done with the whole thing.

Eventually, Dan managed to find his way through his thoughts in a confident enough fashion that he could sit up in bed, and slowly get out from under the blanket.

The thoughts that Dan had woken up to, had already given him a hint that things might not be going exactly to plan that day.

After taking a shower and nearly falling when trying to climb out, Dan tried on an embarrassing amount of clothes. He needed to find a good middle ground between successful boyfriend and typically Dan that all involved parties would buy his act.

Choosing shoes, trousers, belt and shirt took so long that Dan had to storm out of the apartment and run all the way to the bus stop.

Luckily, he had not forgotten to take his keys and wallet, but the price he paid for that was in form of his absent jacket.

The bus arrived soon enough so that Dan did not need to shiver for all too long, but on his way to Costa and until the heating had fully warmed the place up, Dan was a mostly trembling mess.

“Forgot our jacket, did we?” Cameron asked. Dan nodded and clutched the cup in his hands even more tightly.

“Heavens, I was joking.” Cameron shook his head and pushed Dan a little closer to the coffee machine.

“This’ll have you warmed up in no time.”

“You remind me of someone.” Dan said.

“I deliberately chose to quote ‘Beauty and the Beast’ so the joke is evidently on you.” Cameron disappeared into the back and Dan was left to roll his eyes with no one to witness the amazing curve his pupils made.

Cameron returned shortly, and they started working.

Dan made the huge mistake of telling Cameron that he needed to get off work punctually at some point.

“A date?” Cameron screeched.

“No.” Dan was too slow to reply.

“A date!” Cameron was so delighted that he put a pound into the money bank for a change – pun not intended.

Throughout Dan’s shift, Cameron kept urging him to put coins into the money bank himself.

At first, Dan tried to protest, but then Cameron shut him up with saying: “It is painfully obvious who you are thinking about, don’t even try to deny it.”

Cameron was right, which was always a painful thing to admit.

Eventually, Dan’s shift came to a close. Dan collected his phone and wallet, regrettably not his jacket, from the back and made for the door.

“Have fun on your date! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Cameron called after him with an obnoxious wolf whistle.

There were only five people in the café at that moment, but that was obviously way too much anyways.

Dan shook his head and quickly escaped Cameron’s vicinity.

Dan arrived at Phil’s place and rang the doorbell. He was too distracted by a sudden wave of nostalgia to go through the muse albums in his head.

Phil arrived soon enough for that to not be all too evident.

“There you are!” Phil said. He looked a little stressed. Ashley on his arm looked unalarmed and content.

“Are you alright?” Dan asked and stepped inside. The apartment was warm, thankfully.

“Now that you are here, I am feeling better.” Phil must already try and put on the act for the appointment. “How are you?”

“Cold.” Dan said truthfully.

“Where’s your jacket?” Phil asked and looked around.

“I forgot it. I was busy picking an outfit.”

“Good job.”

“Yeah thanks.”

“That wasn’t sarcastic. You do look good.” Phil smiled.

Phil closed the door, Dan kicked off his shoes and put his icy cold hands onto his cheeks in an attempt to make the red disappear.

“We don’t have much time, I’m afraid. I’ll get you a cup of tea if you change Phiphi real quick. Then we’ll go over the most important key dates and we’ll be good to go.”

Dan admired Phil’s optimism. He did not think they would fail miserably, but he could also not be so certain that everything would go well and smoothly on top of that.

After changing Ashley’s nappy, Dan joined Phil in the kitchen and happily accepted the cup of tea he received in exchange for Ash.

With an ease that was almost alarming, Phil listed a couple of dates that would function as their milestones. Dan could easily remember them. They were important dates for him anyways.

“You don’t think this is fraud and we can maybe be tried for lying to people willingly?” Dan asked carefully.

“First, they would have to find proof. I dare anyone to try with our combined acting talent.” Phil laughed, but Dan’s laugh got stuck in his throat.

“We’ll be fine. Thanks a million for doing this.” Phil smiled and stood up.

“Any time.” Dan mumbled and got up too.

They moved to the front door and put on shoes and Ash into her buggy.

“Here, you can have one of my coats. It’ll look good if we share anyways.” Phil grinned. Dan accepted the coat.

He had worn Phil’s things before, but evidently never with this background of wanting to convince someone that they were in a loving relationship.

“Just one more thing.” Phil said when he opened the door. “I’ll be showing a little more public kinship to make it appear more realistic.”

“Of course.” Dan grinned. It was undoubtedly a smile verging on hysterical, but Phil did not notice.

With being his usual goofy self, Phil managed to distract Dan from what they were about to do on the journey to the first property.

As soon as Dan saw Phil’s mum Kath standing at the bus stop waiting for them, however, everything came back to him.

Dan and Phil lifted Ashley out of the bus and walked towards Kath. Phil put an arm around Dan’s waist, making Dan jump a little.

“It’s good to see the three of you.” Kath said. She did not seem to be surprised to see Dan with Phil, so Phil must have told her about him the day before at some point.

Kath was an absolutely fabulous grandmother to Ashley, which was why Dan could not help blushing furiously when Phil deliberately placed Ash into Dan’s arms when she had started wailing a little, but Phil’s phone had started ringing, and he couldn’t take care of her.

Embarrassingly enough, meeting Kath had been more nerve-wracking for Dan than meeting the estate agent was.

The agent smiled at him but then mostly talked to Phil. Dan knew that was only the case because he seemed to be busy with Ashley. For as long as possible, Dan therefore tried to continue being busy with Ashley.

At some point the agent did come to him and exchanged nothing but the smallest of small talk. Dan did not mind. He stayed at Phil’s side and tried to seem as interested in the properties as any loving partner would be at the first place they bought together.

Dan felt a little stiff but not at all like he did a terrible job.

He was more than surprised or shocked when Kath walked closely next to him on their way to the next property and whispered: “There is no need for you to put on an act. Just behave the way you always do and charm the socks right off us all.”

Ashley did Dan the favour of wailing again in that moment, so that Dan could escape Kath with tending to her.

Dan picked Ash up and bounced her around gently. She seemed determined not to calm down though, so Dan left the buggy with Kath and joined Phil and the agent.

“I think she wants her dad.” Dan said, hoping not to interrupt too important a conversation.

“Her dad? Are you not her father?” the agent asked.

Where Dan was about to stutter pathetically, Phil said: “Of course, he is. I am dad. He is dada.”

A warm shiver that was bordering on being unbearably hot ran through Dan.

“I am sorry.” The estate agent said and pulled a face.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s still new to us too.” Dan said and sneaked his arm around Phil’s waist. “By the time Ash is twelve I might come to realise that this is not all a dream.”

The agent laughed and Dan stayed at Phil’s side until Ash had calmed down and Dan put her back into the buggy and joined Kath.

In a very twisted way, it had felt good to finally speak something that was close to what Dan was genuinely feeling like.

It was less than good for him in the long run, but right now, it felt liberating to tell the absolute truth for a change. Dan felt good.

Well, he felt good until he remembered that this was all an act, that Kath had already found him out essentially, and that Phil would never be able to see the truth.

Phil’s POV 

If Phil had not ignored his mother, he could have maybe convinced her that it was one of her less good ideas to accompany Phil to the estate agent.

Dan was coming along, but that had lost its force as an argument. His mum was set on meeting Phil’s new boyfriend. She did not know the whole thing was fake. It would hurt her feelings if Phil told her now, so there was virtually nothing Phil could do, so he didn’t do anything.

Phil had reluctantly updated his mother on the time and place she could meet them the next day.

Now, with her having written it down in her calendar, everything was as good as set in stone.

Phil was not going to attempt to change anything now. That did make him some sort of a coward, but there were more important things to worry about.

One of the things to worry about was the accuracy of Phil and Dan’s act in front of the estate agent. It was not absolutely vital they were perfect into the very last detail, but they could not blunder and therefore destroy all their chances of an apartment.

All his chances of an apartment, of course.

Phil needed to think about dates he and Dan could match so that the very first series of questions would pose no problem for them.

After thinking about it for a while, Phil decided, that sticking to the real dates but adding a little fiction to them was the safest bet.

It was easy to say that they had properly got together on Dan’s birthday that year for instance. The timing matched and it was a date that was easy to remember.

After figuring out the most important dates, Phil got up and did as much for the newspaper as he could. He would be too distracted in the evening undoubtedly, so he needed to do as much now as possible.

Phiphi woke up at some point, so Phil decided to have breakfast, read the Advent Calendar and then continue working afterwards.

Phil changed Phiphi’s nappies, had breakfast with her and then went to the living room. Phiphi did not seem terribly interested in the calendar at first, which Phil used to check the envelope for a note for him.

Dan did not disappoint Phil. There was indeed a note for him.

_Good morning!_

_This is a warning as much as this is an innocent note to you, Philip Michael Lester._

_I want you to know that I will not hesitate to kill you should you ever attempt to use the content of today’s story as blackmail against me._

_Deep down in my heart, I know that you are too good to do that, but you will understand that I absolutely had to make sure you wouldn’t._

_Now, I will leave you. The story itself will be enough to digest already. I don’t want to add to that load with an unnecessary long rambling in this note. I am sure you’re thankful._

_Try to have a good day despite my very real and frightening threat!_

_Dan_

Phil smiled at Dan’s note. Dan did intimidate him occasionally, but this note had amused him not intimidated him. Dan was a funny person to be around, but he was evidently also a funny person in script.

Phil knew Dan’s texts to be funny but reading longer texts by him in which he did not try to tell a story but actually wrote as himself were some of the most hilarious things Phil had ever encountered.

“Are you ready to read about today’s adventure?” Phil asked Phiphi who had finally taken it upon herself to turn around to look at Phil.

“Let’s read what Dan wants to tell us today.” Phil said. He pulled Phiphi into his lap and pulled out the second folded paper out of the envelope.

The first thing Phil’s eyes landed on was a photograph glued onto the page. There were also Dan’s illustrations, but this time, he had included a picture of himself as a boy.

Phil had no trouble recognising the smiling, dimply boy that stood proudly in a donkey-costume in front of decorated mantel piece.

“This is what Dan looked like when he wasn’t much older than you are now.” Phil told Phiphi. Dan must have been at least five years older than Phiphi was, but he was closer to her in age in that picture than to Phil.

Anyways, it wasn’t like Phiphi would forever remember this conversation and bade all her judgement and learning on it.

Phiphi had good long look at the picture, and then, Phil started reading Dan’s story.

**IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER**

_In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan_

_Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone_

_Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow_

_In the bleak midwinter, long ago_

_Angels and archangels may have gathered there_

_Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air_

_But His mother only, in her maiden bliss_

_Worshipped the beloved with a kiss_

_Oh what can I give Him, poor as I am?_

_If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb_

_If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part_

_Yet what I can I give Him, give my heart_

_In the bleak midwinter, frosty winds made moan_

_Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone_

_If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part_

_Yet what I can I give Him, give my heart_

_You might be wondering why exactly I chose to improve your day with copying_ In the Bleak Midwinter _into today’s story. I don’t blame you for wondering. Just sit back for now and try and follow my tale._

_Getting up and do what you are asked to do, what you get paid to do, or just what you feel like you have to do can be difficult. It can be difficult on any given day, but in a long-going self-experiment, I have discovered that it is hardest to get up on a dreary, or indeed bleak winter morning on a Monday._

_Whenever I have to leave the warm comfort of my bed, I instantly have this melody stuck in my mind (I am in fact humming it right now, consider yourself lucky, you are not next to me!)…_

_The funny thing with this particular song is that I even know the words to it. They are beautiful words. That is not the reason I know them though. The reason I know them can be seen on this charming picture of me (no other living soul is ever allowed to lay eyes on!) as a donkey for our church choir performance of the very song._

_My grandmother wept buckets full when I had my grand entrance. She remembers it as a lovely and moving experience. I remember it as me making an ass of myself – pun very much intended, thank you! – in front of the entire congregation._

_I nearly missed my cue, my voice cracked, and my face went bright red, causing numerous of my peers to call me Rudolph after the incident. What I thought was worst about the entire thing was however, that I started laughing loudly once the song had ended, before anyone had started clapping._

_My grandmother liked to refer to this particular part of the story as the Great Christmas Laugh, but for a long time I felt like I had ruined a perfectly decent performance and would be remembered by people for something other than my talent._

_I spoke to my grandmother a few years ago about this incident again and she told me that she had always thought about the Great Christmas Laugh as what I had to give. It was filled with love and happiness, according to her. And those are precisely what Christmas is all about._

_With this train wreck of a story, I want to encourage you to give whatever you can. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Be shamelessly yourself and be inspiring for others. Allegedly, I have with the burst of laughter, always inspired my grandmother to focus on laughing during the wait for Christmas. That is something I am proud of. It took me a while to learn I could be proud of it, but once I took the first difficult step, I found the energy to arrive at the glorious end – a lovely note to encourage you to show this December Monday who the real champion of your life is– YOU! Go and show the world._

“I am the champion of my life.” Phil said to himself. He smiled and squeezed Phiphi closer to him.

Phil had not known he would need this pep talk.

Once again, Dan had shown that he knew him better than he knew himself – and that with Dan writing this story in November!

The Advent Calendar gave Phil energy to continue working and not get stressed about the appointment later on in the day.

He and Dan would be fine. They would have to be more touchy to make his mum get off their backs at least, but Phil did not have a problem with that.

Dan did not have a repulsive effect on Phil. It was more of an enticing effect if anything.

Phil got up quickly and encouraged Phiphi to play with her toys while he went back to his desk to work and preferably not think for a second longer about Dan’s enticing effect on Phil.

Time passed way too quickly for Phil to be properly prepared when Dan finally arrived. He had longed and dreaded his arrival. He could of course not show any of that to Dan. He needed to appear at peace with the situation, otherwise he would send Dan spiralling and that needed to be avoided at all cost.

Phil welcomed Dan briskly and after making tea and having Dan change Phiphi, updated Dan on the story he had fabricated for the two of them.

Dan seemed to be a little scared, but he had also been scared when he had met Phiphi for the first time and see how that had played out.

Phil calmed Dan down and after urging Dan to wear one of Phil’s coats, managed to get him out of the door.

In the last moment, Phil remembered to tell Dan: “Just one more thing. I’ll be showing a little more public kinship to make it appear more realistic.”

“Of course.” Dan smiled. All was good. They were going to do great.

On the journey, Phil tried to distract Dan as good as he could. It worked a treat for himself too.

He got a little nervous again when he saw his mum waiting for them, but this was Dan who needed to convince his mother played an important role in his life. He could do that with his eyes closed.

Anything with Dan by his side was a walk in the park.

“It’s good to see the three of you.” Phil’s mum greeted them. Phil was relieved she did not comment on Dan being the one to accompany him and Phiphi. He had not dropped his name the day before, but his mum took it well.

Meeting the estate agent and being shown the first property was a scary experience. Phil was beyond grateful that Dan was there to share that experience with him. Dan did not say much, but just with being there, he managed to calm Phil down.

Phil’s mum mostly stayed with Dan in the background. After being closer to Dan for a few short moments, Phil would have loved to have him attached to his side, but he was not going to demand that of Dan. He had already asked for too much.

In the second property, Phiphi was a little disgruntled. Dan tried to calm her down, but he was no match for her whining.

Phil felt sorry for the two of them and was relieved when Dan came over with Phiphi in his arms.

“I think she wants her dad.” Dan said with an apologetic smile. 

“Her dad? Are you not her father?” the agent asked.

Phil tensed a little, but this was not a moment to lose his head: “Of course, he is. I am dad. He is dada.”

It was almost scary how easy it was to think of such a lie, to create a believable lie.

The lie felt good. The lying didn’t, but the lie did feel good.

For one precarious second, Phil allowed himself to think about what it would be like if he was in fact dad and Dan was dada.

The estate agent’s apology pulled Phil out of his thoughts not a second too soon.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s still new to us too.” Dan said. He put an arm around Phil’s waist, but Phil only barely jumped.

“By the time Ash is twelve I might come to realise that this is not all a dream.”

Phil had always known Dan to be a great actor, but this was better than he could have thought of. Dan was nailing this!

Dan left Phil and the estate agent again with Phiphi once she had calmed down in Phil’s arms.

Phil watched as he re-joined Phil’s mum, who shot a beaming smile towards his face while nodding knowingly. There was no reason to worry at all!

“I am sure we will find something nice for the three of you.” The estate agent said and walked to the next room.

“That would make me very happy.”

“Just you?” The estate agent laughed.

“And Dan and Phiphi of course.” Phil denied the blush on his face and followed to estate agent who proceeded to tell him about the property for a few more minutes.

Afterwards, they moved on the third property. Phil was getting a little tired, but he was suddenly very alert, when his mother called him over, and the estate agent approached Dan.

What on earth were the two of them talking about?

“I am so happy for you, darling.” Phil did not pay a lot of attention to his mother.

“Thanks.”

“Leave him alone for a second, would you?” she laughed.

“Sure.” Phil said, still looking at them.

“You are of no use.” Now, she snipped her fingers in front of his face, making him turn to her. “You have to come over some time.”

“Sure.”

“Lovely.”

“Wait. What?”

Phil’s mind was taken off Dan and the estate agent for a second now. What in the fresh living hell?

“We can arrange everything later. You do have to come around though, no way around it. We need to have you and your boyfriend over.”

“Mum.” Phil protested. He could not do this to Dan!

“There they are now.” His mother looked past him, and Phil had missed the very small window in which he could have possibly persuaded his mother to rethink the invitation.

The third property was lovely too. The estate agent happily shared all the facts, but Phil was not mad when it was eventually time to say goodbye to the agent and travel home.

“Let’s get you two home.” Dan said. Warmth spread through Phil and he felt comfortable and safe and that while standing in the typically British December drizzle!

Goodbyes were exchanged between the agent, Phil’s mother and themselves and finally, they were on their way.   
Dan did accompany Phil and Phiphi all the way home, but Phil could not convince him to come inside for a hot drink, let alone stay the night.   
Phil also did not manage to discreetly ask what Dan and the estate agent had talked about. Phil would need to do some prodding the next day. 

“Dan!” Phil called when Dan walked down the stairs. Phiphi’s head was already lying heavily against Phil’s chest, but there was one last thing he needed to say.   
“Yes?”  
“Thank you so much for the story today. It was the encouragement I needed for the day.”  
“You’re welcome.” Dan smiled and left.   
If only he never had to leave Phil’s side, life would be so much better, Phil was certain.


	10. Jovial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning everyone! <3 I am beyond thankful for the love you show this story. :)  
> Have a lovely day! See you tomorrow! xx

** Tuesday, 10th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Ever since meeting Kath to go to the estate agent, Dan was essentially in an ever-ongoing state of shock.

It was not the sort of shock that petrified a person but rather the sort of shock that made Dan highly alert to everything that was happening around him.

Dan was oversensitive to every little thing. This state of shock surprisingly helped him out with being better at the game he had let himself in for, though.

Kath did not seem to want to distrust them but rather be willing to believe what they showed her. The estate agent wasn’t all too fazed either. He was admittedly a little awkward but that was because of the nature of their relationship not their relationship in particular.

It was not difficult to invent a story the estate agent would buy. He had asked for how they met. It was not at all an interrogation, but Dan would have felt weird if he had not said anything.

Dan was not going to think about what he had told the estate agent. He did not want to ruin his morning.

The picture he had painted had been too perfect to be true, evidently.

Dan was not ever going to be that person for Phil, so he should just stop hoping for it.

With substantial difficulty, Dan got out of bed and got dressed.

He was not particularly looking forward to the day, but he would not let a mere Tuesday in December win against him. He was made of sterner stuff.

The journey to Costa was surprisingly bearable. Dan opened the door and set to work, both to make the place seem more welcoming and also to get himself a hot drink, he had foolishly denied when Phil had asked him the evening before.

It had not been foolish to decline the offer, of course. It had been the most sensible thing Dan had done the entire day before.

After Dan had had his coffee and Cameron had looked kindly on Dan and arrived before the first customer, work passed uneventfully.

During the lunchbreak, Dan checked his phone and saw that he had got a message from Phil. He clicked on it instantly.

Are you coming over later?

I need to know Calendar-wise.

Dan smiled and quickly wrote back that he would be coming around later. He had planned on doing that should Phil not come to Costa anyways but being asked to come always felt better than just deciding for himself that it would be fine to visit Phil and Ash.

At the very end of Dan’s workday, the uneventful streak stopped when another of Dan’s colleagues greeted him with saying: “I heard you went on a date!”

“What?” Dan sputtered.

“He hadn’t really.” Cameron beamed. He was already holding out his hand. “Thank you for absolutely confirming my suspicions though. You have saved me a lot of trouble, and now, pay up!”

Dan cursed Cameron and their colleague quietly, but then handed a two-pound coin to Cameron and left Costa as quickly as possible.

The journey to Phil was not quite as pleasant as the journey in the morning had been.

Dan was nervous once again. He did not have to put up an act when he was just with Phil, but because it had never really been an act for him in the first place, slipping out of it now when it was just him, Phil and Ash, would be difficult.

It would be difficult but not impossible. Dan needed to make this work, after all. He could not possibly risk his friendship with Phil just because he was unable to differentiate between make-belief and reality.

After ringing the doorbell, Phil welcomed Dan inside. Dan kicked off his shoes.

Without much of a greeting, Phil ushered Dan into the living room and gently pushed him onto the floor before placing the Advent Calendar into his lap.

“Eager much.” Dan commented. He was aware that his face was rather red because of the way Phil had pushed him around, but Phil could hopefully interpret the redness of his face as a change of temperature between outside and inside.

“Of course.” Phil smiled. He sat down with Ashley on his lap next to Dan and shuffled a little closer.

“Why?” Dan frowned. He opened the calendar and got the envelope with the story out.

“You can’t expect me not to be after that note.”

“What did I say?” Dan asked scared. He had written those notes at least a little delirious with the lack of sleep and the influence of all the stories he had thought of.

“Just read now.” Phil nudged him gently.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Read.” Phil came a little bit closer and positioned Ash so that her legs were in Dan’s lap, but she was sitting on Phil’s legs. Phil’s leg was touching Dan’s.

Dan swallowed once, grimaced at Ashley and started reading. He was nervous to find out what he had written about this time.

**JOY**

_Sometimes, there are people with names that are just too fitting to be a coincidence. Sometimes, a person’s name fits so well to them that it has to be some sort of joke of the universe._

_I once knew a girl called Amber who had the most beautiful light brown hair, identical with the colour of amber that you can find on the beach. It was truly remarkable._

_I also once knew a boy named Richard who was really unpleasant to be around (Phil will decide when to solve this riddle for you…)._

_This is not a story about Amber or Richard, though. This is a story about a little girl called Joy._

_Joy was the apple of her parents’ eye. She was a jovial, cheerful little girl that with her mere existence improved their days massively. Since giving birth to her, her mother had gained happiness that was previously unknown to her. Her father was more content ever since he had got to call himself that._

_Joy was happy and loved in her family. Her own affections exceeded those of the family bounds. She loved her friends dearly and they repeatedly assured her that it was a pleasure to play with her._

_For a long time, all Joy experienced was causing happiness whenever she arrived somewhere. This pleased her. It was a nice feeling to be liked, after all._

_When Joy got a little older, she started to see that there was more depth to herself and to those around her. Now, it would occasionally happen, that people seemed to be happier when she was not around. A lot of that was in her head. Her friends would always prefer to spend time with her rather than without, but people she did not particularly like were reportedly happy without her or sometimes happy when she left._

_It was a tough lesson for Joy to learn that not everyone was going to be her friend, just as little as she wanted to be friends with everyone._

_You see, sometimes, you bring joy when you come, and sometimes when you leave. This is natural, just know that for me, you will always lighten, brighten and liven up my day._

Dan reluctantly handed the folded piece of paper over to Phil to look at his drawings.

“That wasn’t too harsh at all.” Phil said quietly.

“Huh?” Dan turned to look at him.

“You said you were worried about being too harsh.”

“I did? When?”

“In your note, silly.” Phil nudged Dan again and folded the piece of paper. “You weren’t harsh. I liked the story.”

“You say that every day.” Dan mumbled.

“Well, prepare yourself for a radical idea: Maybe I like the stories every day.” Phil scoffed and stood up. “I really genuinely do like your stories, Dan. They are good. They are you. Phiphi is lucky to have you.”

“And you?” Dan asked cheekily. He held his hand out for Phil, who took it and pulled him up with Ashley on his arm.

“I am stuck with you now.” Phil shrugged.

Dan glared at him. He picked Ash out of his arms, only so that he could push Phil onto the sofa and leave the room with a huff.

Not long after Dan had escaped into the kitchen, Phil followed and grinned sheepishly.

“You know that was a joke, right?”

“Obviously.” Dan grinned.

“Thanks for putting up with me all these years.”

“Not planning to stop anytime soon.” Dan said and turned to the sink to fill the kettle which was not all that easy with Ashley balanced on his hip.

“Good.” Phil said quietly. He came over to Dan and picked Ashley up.

Drinking tea slowly went over into playing with Ashley before preparing dinner.

Dan did not try to get out of having dinner with Ash and Phil. He had nowhere to be and more importantly, he didn’t have any food at home.

Dan and Phil ate stir fry. Ash had some too and then some bread and vegetables. The three of them had a glass of Ribena each and then went into the living room for another cup of tea and a Christmas film.

Ashley fell asleep quickly. Dan nudged Phil and pointed to the sleeping Ash.

“Could you?” Phil asked Dan. Dan nodded and picked Ashley up carefully, to carry her to her room, change her into her pyjamas and put her into her bed.

Having kissed Ashley goodnight, Dan returned to Phil. He hesitated a moment, but then sat down next to Phil again.

“She slept through it.”

“Anybody would with your gentle touches.” Phil mumbled and leaned his head back, eyes neither completely open nor closed.

“Do you want me to leave?” Dan whispered.

“Why? No!”

“You seem tired.”

“I am tired.” Phil grinned.

“Fine. I’ll stay but not for long. I need to get up early tomorrow.”

“Yes. You are better than the rest of humanity.”

“Hey!” Dan said and threw a cushion at Phil.

“I hate that you never sleep over anymore.” Phil told Dan, putting the cushion behind his head.

“I will again when I have free time.” And when I have learned to control my feelings.

“And when exactly will that be?”

“I don’t know.” Dan looked away. He wanted to sleep over at Phil’s, but he could neither be that selfish nor that reckless, both concerning Phil and his work.

“I am sorry, Dan. I don’t want to force you.”

“I do want to stay but I can’t.”

“I understand.” Phil kicked Dan softly. Dan looked up, and Phil smiled softly at him.

“I’ll let you go soon, but I need to know what you talked about yesterday.”

“When?” Dan asked. He had a notion where this was going, and he did not like that direction at all.

“On our way to the third property… What did you tell him?”

“Well… I also told him…”

“Tell me everything you said to him.” Phil interrupted him.

Dan took a deep breath. He focused on the table rather than Phil’s face and started talking.

“He asked me how long we have known each other, and I told him that we met at a book club we both attended a staggering two times. Then, we met up at the book shop every now and then speaking about books but anything else too. We tried sport together and eventually, you took pity on me and invited me to your home, and we played video games. I leeched onto you, and we continued playing regularly. You helped me with my attempt at university, and I listened to your drafts for articles.”

Dan hesitated for a moment. Phil had asked what he had told the estate agent. Dan needed to tell him the whole truth now.

“After a few more months of video games, teas, walking through town and laughing until I cried, I told him, I realised that you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You had initial doubts, but then decided to give me a chance. Now we have Ashley and my life is better than I could have ever dreamed it would be – I told him.” Dan added meekly at the end.

He felt breathless and like he was going to burst any moment now.

“You should have told me what you were going to tell him! I might have said something different.”

Dan was surprisingly hurt by Phil’s reaction to Dan’s story. He stood up energetically.

“You asked _me_ to come. Sorry I didn’t perform as well as you had imagined.” Dan tried to make his way to the front door, but Phil had stood up too and was blocking his way now.

“Rubbish. You were excellent.” Phil said.

Dan’s traitorous heart melted immediately.

“I am sorry that I didn’t check the story with you.” Dan mumbled.

Suddenly, Dan found himself in Phil’s arms. Dan slowly put his arms around Phil too and relaxed in his hold.

“I am simply nervous. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Phil said quietly.

They stayed in the hug for a little longer, but then Dan felt like he needed some air, so he gently started freeing himself.

“Most of it was the truth, anyways.” Phil laughed, and Dan’s need for air was multiplied tenfold.

Somehow, Dan managed to say goodbye to Phil somewhat coherently. Phil waved at him from his door, and Dan decided to be proud of himself for the fact that he only started running away once he was sure Phil was no longer able to see him.

Phil’s POV 

Phil was an undisputed expert in imagining things that were not actually true.

He was a creative person, after all. For his work, this had always proved to be useful and an advantage, really, but in real life, it was hindersome to have an overactive imagination.

This overactive imagination often caused Phil to have to disappoint himself.

Phil liked to pretend things were different than they really were.

Right now, he had imagined that Dan had in fact stayed over. Phil had woken up with the sense that Dan was there, which was why it was even more painful to realise that Dan had once again decided not to stay the night. He had not even had a cup of tea!

Phil groaned and turned over in his bed. There was no need for him to be up. Also, he did not need to be reminded that he had merely imagined Dan being there when he saw the empty apartment.

Fortunately, Phil managed to fall asleep again, after the realisation that he and Phiphi were in fact alone had hit him.

The next time he woke up was because of a text message he had received.

Phil scrambled for his phone and blindly clicked on the message.

It was lovely yesterday. Thank you

for having me.

Phil started smiling, only for that smile to freeze when he saw that his mother and not Dan had written that message.

Of course, Phil was glad that his mother had enjoyed herself.

What confused him most was the smile he had found on his face at thinking that Dan had written he text.

Phil wanted Dan to be happy, but he also seemed to want him to be happy when he was around him. Or rather, he wanted him to be happy because of Phil.

His thoughts only confused Phil, so he decided to get up and start the day before he was going to drown in them.

Phil sat down at his desk and checked his mails. He was already halfway through a response to his editor, when he remembered that he could make use of this time on his own and check whether he had received a note from Dan.

Phil jumped up and quickly grabbed the box. He looked for the 10th flap, found it eventually and eagerly but still carefully opened it.

The envelope was not quite as thick as it had been the day before. Phil ordered himself not to be disappointed no matter what the envelope contained and opened it.

Phil started smiling. There was a note for him alongside another story for Phiphi.

Carefully, Phil placed the Advent Calendar down and opened Dan’s note.

He leaned back against the sofa and started reading.

_Hey._

_Not quite sure right now whether I should just tear up the story and start over. I don’t hate it. I like it, actually, but it might be a little much for a tiny human like Ashley. Then again, maybe she doesn’t understand what I wrote at all, which in turns begs the question why I should be writing this at all…_

_I do want Ash to understand the stories eventually, if not immediately. So maybe, I should just go ahead and start this one over._

_All I have done is ramble so far, I know that, thanks, but I don’t really want to explain the story here. You will read it soon anyways. Just start reading the story bearing in mind that I am afraid the story is too harsh._

_That will not put your mind at ease, but this can be a lesson for you too._

_Who am I kidding? I am too tired to rewrite the ‘J’ story. I couldn’t think of anything else now anyways._

_Just let me know whether you also thought the story was too harsh. I still have a year at least to exchange the story in that case!_

_Try and have a good day despite all of this._

_Dan_

Phil did take Dan’s worry seriously, but he could not help smiling anyways. There was a certain chance that Dan was worrying too much, also, he was deliciously dramatic in his worry which made even a note like that a joy to read for Phil.

If Dan’s worry should be proven to be just, Phil did not want to be on his own when reading the story.

This was a welcome reason to have to write to Dan and urge him to come over later.

Are you coming over later?

I need to know Calendar-wise.

Dan would see the message in his lunchbreak at the latest. For now, Phil could do nothing, so it did not make sense to continue worrying about Dan and the Advent Calendar.

Reluctantly, Phil returned to his desk and started working properly.

Until Phiphi woke up, Phil got a decent amount of things done which enabled him to take his time with everything concerning Phiphi’s morning routine.

Later in the day, when Phil and Phiphi were having a tea party for her stuffed toys, Phil’s phone announced a message. Phil had learned from his mistake earlier and unlocked his phone carefully checking who had written to him before reading the message.

This time, it was indeed Dan. His message wasn’t long, but it put Phil at ease and a smile onto his face.

I’ll be there.

Phil put Phiphi into her bed for a little nap after they had their lunch. He continued working and ignoring a couple of texts his mother sent him.

Eventually, he would have to deal with them, but they were not his number one top priority in that moment.

There was a deadline he couldn’t miss, firs of all, and then, surely, it was fair not to want to think about something that somehow managed to stress Phil out.

He was looking out for his health. That was what Phil was doing!

Only when Phiphi woke up again did Phil stop working for the day. He had finished more than he had aimed for which was in a way thanks to his mother.

Answering his mother seemed like more of a task than writing an article, so Phil could procrastinate answering with doing work he was actually paid to do.

Phiphi woke up roundabout the same time that Dan finished his shift. He would not take all too long to arrive now.

Phil was excited. He quickly put the note from Dan back into the envelope and then went to change Phiphi’s diaper and got her dressed.

Because Phil spent quite a while goofing around with Phiphi, the doorbell rang sooner than he would have thought.

He quickly went to the door.

“Absolution!” he said.

“Black Holes and Revelations. You were quick but not that quick.” Dan said and got out of his shoes.

“Fair enough.” Phil said. He closed the door and nonverbally urged Dan to go into the living room. He really wanted to know what the Advent Calendar was about now.

Dan went into the living room. Phil pushed him down and handed him the box.

“Eager much.” Dan said.

“Of course.” Phil saw no reason to lie. Carefully Phil sat down with Phiphi in his arms.

“Why?” Dan frowned and retrieved the story from the Advent Calendar. 

“You can’t expect me not to be after that note.”

“What did I say?” Dan sounded scared. He truly must have been exhausted when he had written the notes to Phil.

“Just read now.” Phil nudged Dan. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Read.” Phil got a little closer to Dan and sat Phiphi down on his own leg, with her legs in Dan’s lap.

Dan seemed to gather his thoughts as he always did before reading the stories.

Finally, he breathed in and started reading.

“Joy.” Dan read, and Phil already started smiling.

By the end of the story, Phil had not stopped smiling. He did understand Dan’s fear in his note, but he also thought there was no reason for him to be afraid or to worry.

It was a valuable lesson to teach someone that not everyone was going to like you. As far as that lesson went, Dan had taught the lesson as cheerfully and happily as possible.

Dan handed Phil the piece of paper who accepted it happily to look at the mainly yellow drawings on the page. The little girl Dan had called Joy resembled the happy emotion from the film ‘Inside Out’, which was probably not exactly a coincidence.

“That wasn’t too harsh at all.” Phil said quietly. He knew that Dan needed this reassurance.

“Huh?”

“You said you were worried about being too harsh.” Phil explained. Dan needed this reassurance, whether he was aware of that himself, or not.

“I did? When?”

“In your note, silly.” Phil nudged Dan another time and put the story back into the envelope. “You weren’t harsh. I liked the story.”

“You say that every day.” Dan mumbled.

This was not uncommon. Dan seemed to enjoy putting himself down. Phil could not think of anything he liked less.

“Well, prepare yourself for a radical idea:” Phil said. “Maybe I like the stories every day. I really genuinely do like your stories, Dan. They are good. They are you. Phiphi is lucky to have you.”

“And you?” Dan was back being his obnoxious self, thankfully.

Phil accepted the hand and pulled Dan up.

“I am stuck with you now.” Phil shrugged.

Phil ignored Dan’s glaring but followed him into the kitchen when he stole Phiphi out of his arms.

Phil knew Dan well enough to know that he was not overly sensitive and take everything Phil said seriously, but on the background of Dan’s note, Phil decided to tread a little more carefully.

It did not hurt to tell the truth every once in a while.

“You know that was a joke, right?” Phil asked.

“Obviously.” Dan grinned at him. It was still better to be safe than sorry.

“Thanks for putting up with me all these years.” Joking while telling more than 50% of the truth was Phil’s preferred method of communication.

“Not planning to stop anytime soon.” Dan filled the kettle to make tea with Phiphi in his arms.

Phil’s heart felt warm to see that picture before him.

“Good.” Phil whispered and picked Phiphi out of Dan’s arms. Phil never wanted Dan to stop putting up with him.

The rest of the afternoon the three of them spent together was nothing unusual, exciting or exotic. They played together, ate together and started watching a film together.

Phil was in pure bliss. There was nothing that was difficult about spending time with Dan.

Phil and Dan lay half next to each other, half on top of each other on the sofa while Phiphi lay on the armchair.

Phil kept his eyes fixed on the screen but was acutely aware of his surroundings. He was not stressed at all. He was the exact opposite really. It felt good to be highly alert to everything when that only caused the pleasure to get doubled.

At some point into the movie, Dan gently nudged Phil and pointed at Phiphi who had fallen asleep.

“Could you?” Phil asked Dan. He did not exactly expect Dan to agree, but he nodded and took Phiphi into her room to put her to bed.

While Dan was away, Phil sat up. Now that the two of them would be alone together and Phiphi did not need their attention, Phil needed to know what Dan had told the estate agent the day before.

“She slept through it.” Dan announced when he sat back down next to Phil.

“Anybody would with your gentle touches.” Phil said quietly. He had not yet found a way to introduce the topic.

“Do you want me to leave?” Dan asked just as quietly.

“Why? No!” Phil sat up a little straighter again.

“You seem tired.”

“I am tired.”

“Fine. I’ll stay but not for long. I need to get up early tomorrow.”

“Yes. You are better than the rest of humanity.” Phil grumbled a little. He was not angry for Dan for the simple reason that it was not his place to resent him for indeed being a better person than everyone he knew.

“Hey!” Dan threw a cushion vaguely into Phil’s direction.

“I hate that you never sleep over anymore.” Phil did say a lot of honest things that day.

“I will again when I have free time.” Dan promised. 

“And when exactly will that be?”

“I don’t know.” Dan averted his gaze. Great. Phil had not meant for that to happen.

“I am sorry, Dan. I don’t want to force you.”

“I do want to stay but I can’t.”

“I understand.” Phil kicked Dan so that he would look at him. When he did, Phil smiled at him and Dan seemed a tiny bit more at ease.

“I’ll let you go soon, but I need to know what you talked about yesterday.” Phil said. He was not going to find a good introduction to the topic, so he could as well be blunt.

“When?”

“On our way to the third property… What did you tell him?”

“Well… I also told him…”

Phil interrupted Dan: “Tell me everything you said to him.”

After a breath similar to the ones Dan took before reading his stories, Dan started speaking, while he avoided to look at Phil.

“He asked me how long we have known each other, and I told him that we met at a book club we both attended a staggering two times. Then, we met up at the book shop every now and then speaking about books but anything else too.”

It was a little weird to listen to Dan telling their story as if it was something he had seen in a bad film.

So far, Dan had only said the truth.

“We tried sport together and eventually, you took pity on me and invited me to your home, and we played video games.”

Phil felt weird at this part. Dan was no longer telling the exact truth.

Phil had not at all taken pity on Dan. He had thought Dan was interesting and was beyond happy when Dan agreed to spend even more time with him after Phil had thought he had annoyed him quite substantially already.

“I leeched onto you,” Phil recoiled a little more at this, “and we continued playing regularly. You helped me with my attempt at university, and I listened to your drafts for articles.”

Phil made the near-fatal mistake of being held up by Dan’s choice of words and the way he depicted the story to not steal himself for the next part of Dan’s story.

“After a few more months of video games, teas, walking through town and laughing until I cried, I told him, I realised that you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You had initial doubts, but then decided to give me a chance. Now we have Ashley and my life is better than I could have ever dreamed it would be – I told him.”

The ‘I told him.’ at the end felt like a punch into the gut.

The same delirious part in Phil that had caused him to imagine that Dan was next to him in the morning had managed to persuade him that Dan had told a true story just now.

When Phil snapped out of the delusional fantasy, he was irritated with himself.

“You should have told me what you were going to tell him! I might have said something different.”

This was not at all what Phil had thought he was going to say. This was what happened when he let his brain function on autopilot.

Dan stood up which felt like another punch to the gut.

“You asked _me_ to come. Sorry I didn’t perform as well as you had imagined.”

Phil stood up too and stopped Dan from leaving.

“Rubbish. You were excellent.” Phil said honestly.

Dan deflated in front of Phil. The anger vanished just like that, and a gigantic weight lifted off Phil’s shoulder that he had not noticed before but had evidently been close to crushing him.

“I am sorry that I didn’t check the story with you.” Dan mumbled and immediately, Phil felt beyond terrible once again.

He put his arms around Dan and held him close.

“I am simply nervous. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Phil confessed.

Dan put his arms around Phil too, and they stayed like that for a while.

When Dan started putting more of a distance between them, Phil said: “Most of it was the truth, anyways.”

Phil laughed, and Dan also joined him.

Dan seemed a little tired, so Phil did not try to stop him from leaving any longer.

He accompanied Dan to the door and waved after saying goodbye to him.

The sensation Phil felt when seeing Dan leave was surprisingly similar to the one he had felt when Dan had looked angry with him.

In any case, he preferably never wanted to experience this again.


	11. Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! <3 Thank you for all the love this story receives. I hope this chapter repays some of your kindness! :)  
> See you tomorrow! xx

** Wednesday, 11th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan disliked disagreeing with Phil that much that he woke up way before his alarm clock on Wednesday.

His alarm clock was set for 5 am, but somehow, his body decided to be wide awake at half past three in the morning.

For ten futile minutes, Dan tried to persuade his body to go back to sleep, but to no avail.

In the end, Dan wrapped up in his blanket and sat down at his desk to continue on the Christmas present for Phil and Ashley.

He had been a tiny bit lenient with taking pictures, but he had more than one from the previous days and he could still include some that were not shot on that one day but still conveyed the gist of what Dan wanted to tell Ash.

Dan worked diligently until it was time for him to take a shower and get ready for work.

By now, Dan had copied all but the last five days in as pretty a script as he could manage, and he had finished seven of the days that were already past.

The collages looked nice. They were busy but that way you could spend a long time looking at all the details on them. Dan was proud of his work.

After the long and deserved shower, Dan felt energised and made his way to the bus stop. He did not have anything to eat, but he was still happy. He would have a coffee as soon as he got to Costa and then, he would tackle the day, the way he had already tackled the morning.

Dan arrived at Costa, opened the door, put the lights on and started the machines.

He was holding his first cup of steaming coffee when Cameron sauntered through the doors.

“Good morning.” Dan smiled.

“Feel free to share your secret to a good morning.” Cameron sighed and got out of his jacket, which reminded Dan that he still had Phil’s coat at home.

“My secret to a great morning is waking up at half past three and then working on Christmas presents until it’s time to leave.”

“That sounds rubbish. Horrendous. Hellish. That’s even worse than your great idea of a Ribena based diet.”

“It worked for me.”

“You didn’t consume anything but Ribena water for three days straight, I am not a doctor slash nutrition slash genius, scratch that last one, I am a genius, anyways… yes. That’s the saying I was looking for: It doesn’t need a genius to figure out that you’d lose weight with that sort of food consumption, or well the lack thereof.”

“It worked for me.”

“Once. And it never will again, believe you me.” Cameron glared at him. “Promise me to never attempt that diet again.”

“Jeez. I promise.” Dan laughed.

“You are still too happy.” Cameron tilted his head. “In fact. Look at me for a second. Look into my eyes.”

Dan rolled his eyes but did as Cameron asked him to.

“Just as I thought.” Cameron smiled, a bad sign.

“What is it?”

“I’ll be getting one pound from you.”

“Wh… Excuse me?”

“There you go. You just proved me right. Feed the pig.”

“Our money bank is not even pig-shaped.” Dan remarked.

“Another clever comment and you’ll have to pay double for every offence today.”

“I still don’t see why you are the one to make these rules.” Dan mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!” Dan said loudly and put a coin into the money bank.

A few hours after this conversation, Dan was really glad that he had not let Cameron bully him into paying double.

The reason for that was Phil walking into Costa with Ash in her pram.

Phil approached the counter and smiled at Dan. Dan felt happier immediately. They had fought a tiny bit the evening before, but they were nothing short of fine right now.

“You look tired.” Phil said.

“Do I?” Dan was surprised. Cameron had not remarked on him looking tired. He had remarked on him looking awake.

“There’s a hint of a bag under your eye.” Phil shrugged. “You okay?”

“Yes. Thanks. Woke up a little earlier than usual. That’s all.”

“Good, so you’re coming with me later to read the story?”

“I’d like that.” Dan smiled.

Phil grinned and went to his favourite place when another customer got in line.

Dan worked on Phil’s drink and tried not to focus on Phil saying: ‘You’re coming with me.’. That was what Dan was going to do and what he had done countless times before. It really wasn’t all that special.

Phil’s wording wasn’t even special.

Everything was normal, but some part of Dan had decided to ignore that as per usual.

Dan served the customer quickly before he took the drink to Phil and tickled Ash a little.

Phil had asked him to come to his place later, so there was no urgent need for Dan to spend time with them now. He would love nothing else more, but he did have a job to do.

“You were better than usual, so I’ll let you pay 50 pence for now.” Cameron said when Dan came back behind the counter.

“Isn’t that kind of you.” Dan said sarcastically.

“It is. Thanks for noticing.”

Until it was time for Dan to get out of his apron and leave Costa, Dan needed to pay a total of six pound fifty to the money bank.

Dan tried arguing his case once or twice, but as soon as Cameron took a breath to shout some nonsense, Dan quickly backed off and quietly pushed the coins into the money bank.

In theory, Dan really didn’t have to let himself be treated like that, but Cameron was not malicious, and also, some sort of guide and security was not completely amiss. Dan evidently needed this help.

“At some point you really need to tell me why your colleague has never put any money into the money bank.” Phil said as they left Costa. Dan laughed loudly and managed to distract Ashley with some grimaces so that Phil too lost track of what he had just said.

“What do you say to a walk home?” Dan asked Phil. He realised that he had referred to Phil’s place as home, but didn’t comment on it, praying that Phil had not even noticed himself.

“A walk? Where would we go?”

“Through some parks and past a bakery, that part is essential.” Dan said mysteriously. He had remembered what he had planned for the day thanks to a reminder in his calendar.

Yes, remembering to check the calendar for potential notes was a good as remembering the thing itself.

“A bakery? Did you hear that Phiphi?” Phil asked Ashley. “I believe we’re in for a treat.”

“You are. You have me as your company.” Dan said and lead the way to one of the nicer parks the town had to offer.

While walking through the park and along nicely decorated shop windows, Dan and Phil talked about the most intriguing customers of the day.

They were completely steering clear of any topic to do with properties and homeowners, but other than that, they enjoyed themselves freely.

“Tell me. Why do we need to go into a bakery?” Phil asked again when Dan pulled him into a bakery he had briefly looked up earlier.

“It’s for an authentic experience, and now do stay outside, let me buy something and get home as quickly as possible.” Dan disappeared into the bakery.

That was the second time he had now said home. That was a shocking revelation. He had always thought of Phil’s place as cosy, but to go as far as to call it home to its rightful owner did seem a bit much.

Dan decided that he was simply still a little tender because of the closest to a fight he had got with Phil for a long time the day before.

Phil had not even noticed, and Dan was making too much of a deal of it as usual.

Dan bought the cinnamon buns he needed for the story and joined Phil and Ashley outside.

“No peaking.” Dan said and hid the bag behind his back.

“You’re a spoilsport.” Phil grumbled.

“Make me a cup of tea when we get home and you’ll get to see what I bought.”

Three times! Where was a sanctioning Cameron when you needed one?

Dan and Phil carried Ash and her pram up the stairs and got out of their jackets. Dan carried the bag into the living room while Phil rushed into the kitchen to boil water for tea.

Dan returned to the front door and picked Ashley out of her pram. He got her out of her jacket, hat, gloves and little shoes before carrying her to the kitchen to grab a plate for the cinnamon buns.

“I am all set.” Dan shouted from the living room after he had prepared the plate with the three cinnamon buns.

“Coming!” Phil shouted. Dan heard some clattering, but a short while later, Phil arrived with a tray full of non-broken crockery.

“Cinnamon buns!” Phil shouted excitedly.

“That’s right.”

Phil was almost unbearably cute when he was excited about something. After sitting down next to Dan and placing the tray so that Ash could not accidentally kick it, Phil rubbed his hands a grinned intensely at Dan.

“I am sorry, but the story comes first now.” Dan grinned.

“Torture!” Phil wailed and let his head fall onto Dan’s shoulder.

Dan giggled, and Ashley copied her father with throwing her head against Dan.

“You are both drama queens.” Dan laughed. “Hand me the story. The sooner I finish reading it, the sooner you’ll get to eat.”

“Please don’t rush.” Phil said as he handed Dan Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza. “I like hearing you read.”

That man was full of contradictions.

**KANEL**

_Camels are amazing animals and not just because they can run as fast as a racehorse or can eat prickly plants because of their thick lips. They are amazing because, even though not many people know of this, camels are the reason why so much of our Christmas baked and spiced things taste so good!_

_A long time ago, I don’t know how long, but it was before last Thursday, a young camel called Kanel started the most thrilling journey of its life._

_Kanel did not know at the beginning that it would be an exciting journey. For all his life, Kanel had carried spices through the desert in a big herd of camels._

_On this fateful day, some time before last Thursday, Kanel got separated from the group. Kanel knew what he had to do in such a situation. He was still young, but he had an abundance of experiences already._

_What Kanel needed to do and faithfully did was follow his shadow until he met another group of camels or happened upon a town where someone could help him._

_Kanel walked on and on. Resting occasionally, but faithfully keeping to the original direction. You would get nowhere when you followed your shadow at different times of the day, after all._

_To Kanel’s great surprise, he found a great body of water and someone that allowed him to board a ship, the first time he had ever done that in his entire life!_

_The land after the journey on water, which Kanel would like to forget immediately, not having been his most dignified performance on earth, was vastly different from what he knew._

_There was no desert there. There were lush green plants! Plants that tasted deliciously and were not prickly at all. That being said, you cannot imagine the thrill that went through Kanel once he found a nice old thistle and was reminded of home._

_Kanel journeyed on and on, placing himself on street corners occasionally so that people who would like to help could do so. No one approached him so, as he had learned, Kanel journeyed on._

_Eventually, Kanel arrived in a country so far up North that snow virtually covered every surface all year around. Kanel marvelled at the rich white and got slower and slower until he came to a stop to look at a lake that was bigger than any he had ever seen at home but that had also seemed to have turned solid._

_Kanel wanted to test this and approached the bank, when suddenly, two children jumped in front of him._

_“I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” a small boy with a warm bobble hat on his head said._

_“Come with us. We have a stable where you can get warm.” The small girl next to him added. “Mum will bake us some buns and we will all be warm and happy in no time.”_

_Warm and happy was always a good combination for Kanel. He followed the two kind children and imagined what it would feel like to have sand underneath his hoofs once again._

_The warmth the children had talked about had nothing to do with the desert heat, though. They opened the door and led Kanel into a room that was lit by a blazing fire blaze. The warmth the fire created was different to that of the sun at home, but Kanel felt warm to the chore and relaxed. He sank down on his knees and rested his head on the floor in front of him._

_“You are more than welcome to stay and rest.” A woman told Kanel. She took of the bag on his back and put a blanket over him instead._

_“This smells divine. Mind if I use some of this?” the woman asked, holding up the spice Kanel had carried all the way from the desert heat to this fire heat. Kanel nodded and promptly fell asleep._

_Kanel woke up to a delicious, warm and comforting scent filling the room he had slept in. The mother with her two children and husband coming home from work sat down on the floor next to Kanel._

_“I believe these are the best buns I have ever made. The spice is heavenly. Does it have a name?” Kanel could not tell her._

_The little girl looked over at the bag Kanel had been carrying and saw his name spelled out on it. “We shall call the spice Kanel in your honour.” She exclaimed._

_The small party toasted to each other with the very first cinnamon buns ever to be made, you see, Kanel is the Swedish word for cinnamon at that is where Kanel’s journey had taken him all the way from his desert home which provides truth that camels are one of the best kind of animals to ever walk to earth._

“And that’s how cinnamon came to Europe.” Dan said and held his head up high. He had certainly thought of some original stories when creating the Advent Calendar for Ash.

“Is it?”

“Evidently. It’s written down, so it has to be true.” Dan said defiantly.

“Can’t argue with that.” Phil laughed.

“Let’s have a toast with our cinnamon buns.”

“You want to have bread with the buns?” Dan asked.

“No.” Phil shoved him. “Let’s toast with the buns, like in your story?”

“Oh, that makes more sense, actually.” Dan buried his head in his hands. Ashley gently pried them away from his face and smiled at him. “Let’s hope you don’t in… copy any of my intellect.”

That had been a ridiculously close call. Inherit… How could Ashley possibly inherit something from Dan when he was not the father, or any kind of father figure or anything at all to her that went beyond acquaintance.

Phil’s POV 

Phil’s mind had mercy on him and did not let him wake up in the belief that Dan was there with him.

Phil liked to imagine having Dan around him at all times, who wouldn’t want a best friend around 24/7, but the fall down from that fantasy was too hard to be borne repeatedly.

After Phil woke up feeling lonely straight away without fooling himself into thinking he had the best company a person could have, he got up and made himself a cup of tea – something warm to hold on to.

This was not the first time he had done this, which did not make it any less pathetic, but Phil needed to tackle his gloominess if he wanted to get any work done that day.

With his cup of tea, Phil went into the living room and opened the Advent Calendar to see if Dan had written to him.

Phil wrestled with the envelope and finally held two pieces of paper in his hand. The story was written onto two sides of one paper, but the other paper was a note for him.

Phil pushed the story back into the envelope and unfolded the note.

_Welcome back! At least I sure hope you are back._

_For the sake of making this somewhat coherent, let me just imagine that yesterday did not scare you off and you are right now reading this note. If you are: Thank you, if you aren’t: I can’t really write anything to you here, because you’ll have got rid of this a long time ago._

_That’s what I meant with being coherent…_

_Well, anyways. In an attempt to pacify you, should there be a need to do so, I have decided to go into the exactly opposite direction today. Today won’t be educational. It will be a silly story that sprung from some weird part of me. It’s innocent – completely based on lies, but for a children’s story, that isn’t a complete no no, you see?_

_Okay, that’s as much of a Thank you, apology, warning, introduction, … note you’ll get. Read the story and let me know what you think. Actually, don’t. Be nice with me and lie if you have to – it’s Christmas soon after all!_

_Dan_

Dan was a chronical worry-too-much-er. Phil liked his stories and Dan could have known that when he first started writing them.

Phil did not take it personally, that Dan thought Phil could potentially not like them. Dan’s insecurity had nothing to do with his knowledge of Phil.

After reading Dan’s note, Phil sat down to work and was bombarded with some texts from his mother. Now was not a good time to reply to them. He had missed the time where it would have been good to answer now, but he was not in the mood to bite the bullet now.

Phil would get some work done and then collect Dan from Costa (lot). Well, he would go there as soon as Phiphi had had breakfast and been sufficiently played with to be on the quiet side in Costa (lot).

In other words, Phil would go to Costa (lot) as soon as possible and wait for Dan to be done with work and come home with him and Phiphi.

Everything in Phil’s day worked according to that plan. Phiphi woke up. Phil took care of her and fed her before playing with her and wrapping her up warm to go to Costa (lot).

At Costa (lot), Phil and Dan did not speak for quite as long as they usually did, but every important information was exchanged.

Dan was tired because he had woken up earlier than usual but would come along with Phil at the end of his shift. Phil hoped Dan was not too worn out, but as long as Dan came along, Phil could take care of him later.

Phil spend his time in Costa (lot) working, keeping Phiphi busy and discreetly shooting glances at Dan to make sure he was okay despite his assurances that he was fine.

Dan spoke a lot to his colleague and repeatedly put coins into the money bank, whose purpose Phil was still nowhere near figuring out.

When Dan’s shift came to a close, Phil stood up and waited for Dan at the door.

“At some point you really need to tell me why your colleague has never put any money into the money bank.” Phil said as they walked through the door.

Dan only laughed, and Phil decided not to think about it for any longer in that moment.

“What do you say to a walk home?” Phil liked the sound of that question. What was it about the question he liked so much?

“A walk? Where would we go?”

“Through some parks and past a bakery, that part is essential.” Dan said in what Phil hoped to be an attempt at being mysterious and not mischievous.

“A bakery? Did you hear that Phiphi? I believe we’re in for a treat.” Phil tickled Phiphi underneath her chin.

“You are. You have me as your company.”

Phil agreed whole heartedly but he could not just do that out loud.

The whole time, even in front of the library, Dan did not tell Phil what the trip to the bakery was about.

Phil tried another attempt with an upfront question, but Dan simply said: “It’s for an authentic experience, and now do stay outside, let me buy something and get home as quickly as possible.”, and went into the bakery.

Something in the answer satisfied Phil, so he did not press further.

Dan and Phil joked around when Dan got out of the bakery but then quickly made their way home.

As he had promised Dan, Phil went to make a tea as soon as they got home.

Phil knew that Dan would take care of Phiphi, so he did not feel bad for cheering on and encouraging the kettle to boil the water as quickly as possible.

Dan came into the kitchen to get a plate but disappeared into the living room.

Phil was excited. He was not exactly that excited about the contents of the bag from the bakery, but he was excited in general about the situation.

“I am all set.” Dan’s voice came from the living room.

“Coming!” Phil returned. He threw cups and the pot onto a tray almost recklessly and made his way into the living room.

“Cinnamon buns!” Phil shouted once he spotted the plate. Maybe he had been a little excited about what Dan had bought after all. 

“That’s right.” Dan said. Phil sat down next to Dan and seemed not to have hidden his excitement well at all.

“I am sorry, but the story comes first now.” Dan smiled.

“Torture!” Phil dropped his head onto Dan’s shoulder. Phiphi being the angel she was, copied Phil and also threw her head against Dan’s chest.

“You are both drama queens.” Dan laughed. “Hand me the story. The sooner I finish reading it, the sooner you’ll get to eat.”

“Please don’t rush.” Phil said. No cinnamon bun was worth cutting short on the time he could spend listening to Dan reading his story.

“I like hearing you read.” Phil told Dan, but Phil doubted Dan believed him completely.

Dan started reading, and Phil understood almost instantly what he had wanted to say with this story being the complete opposite from the day before.

The story was upbeat and fictional up into nearly the smallest detail. Phil really loved this about Dan, how he had several layers and had no qualms showing them all at the same time, apparently.

When Dan was done with his story, he looked away from the paper and looked at Phiphi instead.

“And that’s how cinnamon came to Europe.” Dan said.

“Is it?” Phil was highly amused. Dan was hilarious.

“Evidently. It’s written down, so it has to be true.” Dan said with his nose literally high in the air. 

“Can’t argue with that.” Phil laughed.

“Let’s have a toast with our cinnamon buns.”

“You want to have bread with the buns?” Dan was also annoying.

“No.” Phil pushed Dan. “Let’s toast with the buns, like in your story?”

“Oh, that makes more sense, actually.” Dan hid behind his hands but Phiphi pulled his hands away from his face.

“Let’s hope you don’t copy any of my intellect.” Dan said with what nearly sounded like a hiccup or even a sob in between.

Phil checked and was beyond relieved to see that Dan was laughing actually. His face was a little red and his smile was twitching, but he had that endearing characteristic whenever he was embarrassed.

“I hope she takes after you.” Phil said and jumped when a violent coughing fit broke free over Dan.

“Tea. We need tea and cinnamon buns. Come here Phiphi. Dada needs to breathe.” Phil picked Phiphi up and placed her into his own lap.

“What did you just call me?” Dan gasped, face significantly more red.

“Dada.” Phil answered. He held Phiphi tight so that she could not make grabs for the buns on the plate. “Remember how I said I was ‘Dad’ and you were ‘Dada’?”

Dan could not answer because Phiphi started crying and wiggling in his hold, causing both of them to focus on her instead of each other.

“Oh Phiphi. Are you tired? Do you and Dan need a nap?” Phil asked and rocked Phiphi around.

Dan scoffed, and Phiphi soon calmed down.

“Don’t be upset Ash. You want a piece of the bun, don’t you?” Dan asked and reached over Phil to pour them all a cup of tea.

Phil was embarrassed that all he had thought of was ridiculing both Phiphi and Dan in the same breath, whereas Dan actively tried to better the situation.

Out of the two of them, Dan was certainly the better role model.

Dan got a little closer to the tray and broke a piece off a cinnamon bun to hand Phiphi.

“These are good, aren’t they?” Dan asked Phiphi and poked her cheeks.

Phiphi soon started smiling again, which for the first time, and only for a split second, luckily, made Phil feel worse and not better.

“Do you want a cinnamon bun, Phil?” Dan asked and looked uncertain.

“Yes please.” Phil attempted a smile.

“Are you alright?”

“Sorry about that question.” Phil mumbled and sighed.

“Which question?” Dan asked and tilted his head. “The one about the napping? That was a good question. I am a little tired. Tea and a cinnamon bun should be enough for the moment though.”

“Let’s hope the same can be said for Phiphi.”

“She’s an angel really.” Dan said and leaned forward to press a kiss onto Phiphi’s cheek.

All of this felt nice and like it was supposed to be this way. Phil was content and hoped he would not destroy the peace once again.

Phil did turn out to be the one to break up the picture eventually.

All he did was yawn and therefore apparently convince Dan that it was time for him to go, but as that was all it took, Phil looked at it as the worst possible offence.

“Let’s all get some sleep.” Dan said as he put on his shoes.

“You can always stay here.”

“Yeah, but then neither of us would go to sleep, would we?”

Dan took a long time tying his shoes which was why Phil presumed his face was so red we he resurfaced.

“Sleep well.” Phil said with a smile.

“You too.” Dan returned and walked down the stairs. Phil was left alone with Phiphi and took great care to get both of them into bed as quickly as possible.


	12. Loyal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! <3

** Thursday, 12th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

“I hope she takes after you.”

A second night in a row, Dan woke up before his alarm clock. To be fair, this time waking up before the alarm clock did not mean in the middle of the night. It merely meant around 7 am.

Dan did not have to work until around lunch, so his alarm, which was really only the last resort was set for 10 o’clock.

The reason why Dan woke up earlier than he needed to was the one sentence Phil had nearly killed him with the day before playing around in his mind until he could no longer passively take it but was woken up by it.

It was evident that Phil did not know what exactly he had said.

Phil had not thought about what this sentence really meant. This was the sort of thing parents of one child said to each other.

It was not normally used when the father of one child spoke to his best friend.

Phil had breached the rules but had not exactly meant any of the implied meanings Dan’s mind was dead set on reading into the sentence.

Dan got up and decided to start his day. He liked waking up before his alarm clock. He had some time to sort his thoughts, get some washing done and then go to work feeling refreshed.

In theory, Dan’s Thursdays worked like that. This time, however, his mind would simply not comply. It seemed not to have the least interest in calming down.

All Dan’s useless mind was thinking about were Phil and Ashley.

Dan tried to indulge himself a little with continuing with the Christmas present which was coming along famously, but even there, Dan stared at the pictures and tried to create a reality in his mind where he was actually part of a family of three.

In the end, Dan decided that the only way in which he could possibly hope to get the notion out of his head that this fantasy could some day become a reality was if he went to Phil’s place and reminded himself of the magic he experienced as his friend.

Dan wanted more, but he needed to show himself how much he already had.

Dan got dressed and made his way to the bus station.

Maybe, there would have been another way in which he could have dealt with his problem, but any solution that included going to Phil’s place was a good solution.

The most important lesson Dan had to learn was that of not asking too much of the universe. He needed to see that what he had was good and if he was not prepared to look elsewhere for the happiness he craved, then, he needed to stop hoping for it.

The mindset Dan was in on his way to Phil was arguably not the best. He was sure that spending time with Ash would cure him of the momentary slump he was in. Dan would keep his feelings in check in regard to Phil and everything would be alright.

Dan finally arrived at the bus station leading to Phil’s home.

With his resolution still high that Dan was in charge of his life and able to change it for ever starting that day, Dan left the bus and walked towards Phil’s place.

When Dan climbed the stairs, he checked the time and saw that it was still early. Barely half past eight. He must have whizzed through the tasks at home if he was already bored by them and on his way to Phil a little more than an hour after he had started doing things.

Dan rang the doorbell. He knew that Phil was already awake. First, he had seen light in his apartment from the street, and second, he was rarely not awake before nine, that freak. Voluntarily, mind you.

Routinely, Dan went through the muse albums in his head.

Phil was slower in the morning, so Dan did not think much of it when he started the second round.

But when Phil had not appeared at the door when Dan had counted all the way to the second Simulation Theory, Dan started to worry.

Instantly, he pulled his keys out of his pockets and opened the door.

  
“Phil?” Dan called, not at full force, not wanting to disturb Ashley should she still be sleeping.

There was no answer. Dan’s worrying got a little worse.

There was a voice coming from the living room.

“Phil!” Dan called a little louder and ran into the living room.

Phil sat curled up on the sofa, phone in his hand, glaring at Dan.

“Phil! Are you alright? Is something the matter? Why didn’t you answer the door?” Dan asked breathlessly.

Phil’s frown deepened.

What on earth was the matter?

“Nothing is the matter. I didn’t know who would be at the door. I wasn’t in the mood for answering.” Phil replied eventually.

“Not in the mood?” Dan got continuously more irritated. This wasn’t like Phil at all!

“No. Mum, I’ll call you back.” Phil said into the phone. He took it away from his ear and put it next to him onto the couch.

“Is everything alright?” Dan asked again. “Why weren’t you in the mood to answer the door?”

“Why are you even here?” Phil snapped.

“Well, I went through the album title names twice…”

“Yes, I know about that stupid rule.” Phil interrupted him.

“Stupid rule?” Dan’s voice sounded colder even to him. It was what Phil deserved though. Dan had only been worried about him, for heaven’s sake!

“Yes. Stupid.” Phil said forcefully and stood up. “Why did you come here this morning?”

“I wanted to visit a friend. Seems like he’s not in at the moment.” Dan replied. He was working very hard on not showing how angry with and also scared of Phil he was in that moment.

“What do you mean?” Phil’s voice was unfriendly.

“You know exactly what I mean, Phil. What on earth is the matter?” Dan shouted.

“Why should something be the matter?” Phil glared at Dan.

“I don’t know! You tell me!”

“There is nothing to tell you.” Phil shouted back which felt like a slap in the face.

Dan was dumbstruck and only stared at Phil when Ashley suddenly started crying in her bedroom.

“Look what you have done now.” Phil spit.

“What _I_ have done?” Dan was speaking quietly again. “Please let me know when you are willing to be my best friend again.”

“You’re so childish, Dan.”

“Have a good day, Phil.” Dan said calmly and left the apartment closing the door forcefully, but not sinking so low as to slam doors.

Unsurprisingly, the rest of Dan’s day was absolutely hellish.

He did not want to go back to his empty apartment, so instead, he went to a bakery close to Costa, had breakfast and listened to music while staring out of the window.

In Costa, even Cameron was wise enough not to say anything.

Only eventually, Dan’s scowl disappeared from his face and by the time the first gamers started flooding the café, Dan was able to smile again.

The game night was good and undeniably the highlight of Dan’s day.

On his way home again, Dan dared to reminiscent about the day a little bit. He still did not know what had been the matter with Phil.

The only good thing had to be that there was no denying now, that Dan’s fantasy had been well and truly shattered.

Funny, how good things can also make you cry sometimes.

Phil’s POV 

If Phil had ever had any doubts as to whether it could ever be a good idea to ignore his mother’s texts, Thursday morning proved _that_ to be one of the worst ideas he had ever had.

The first indication that ignoring texts was a terrible idea was that Phil did not wake up by himself but was actually woken by a series of texts.

He blindly fumbled for the phone, hoping that maybe Dan had written to him to ask if he could come over.

Phil’s hope was disappointed. The four texts he had received were all from his mother.

Phil had barely managed to read through the four of them when his phone started ringing.

The first text had been the announcement of a call and the three afterwards had been a countdown.

Phil answered the phone. He hardly had any chance not to: “Hello?”

“I am glad to catch you awake.”

“You woke me.” Phil grumbled and sat up against the headboard.

“Even so. It’s good to hear your voice.” His mother’s voice was accusatory.

Phil supressed a sigh. He knew what he needed to do.

“I am sorry that I didn’t answer your texts.”

“Apology accepted. It’s not like I don’t know you have got better and more exciting things to do, Phil. A quick word would have appeased me though.”

“What should I be doing?” Phil asked.

“Oh, Phil. You don’t have to pretend with me. You and Dan were spending a lot of time together before you got together. You are allowed to enjoy the bliss. Just don’t forget about me again.”

For the first time in Phil’s life, Phil was thankful for the monologue-esque touch all of his mother’s sentences had. She was running over him, but he did not want it to be different for once.

How on earth should he reply to her theories?

Phil could not deny that he was spending time with Dan. He could also not explain the correct situation because there was still an act to uphold.

It didn’t even bother him all that much that his mum thought he was spending time with Dan constantly.

The fact that it didn’t bother him, bothered him though.

Phil climbed out of bed but took his blanket with him and went into the living room.

“Phil?” his mother asked. “Did you pay any attention to what I just said?”

“No. Sorry. Must have fallen asleep.”

“It is early for you still, isn’t it?” Phil’s mum laughed.

“Yeah.”

“What I have been saying was that it would be great if you and Dan could arrange Sunday.”

“For what?” Phil sat down on the sofa, wrapping the blanket tightly around him.

“For the afternoon, lunch, dinner you promised me!”

“Why?” Phil rubbed his temples. He did vaguely remember his mum talking him into this.

“Because we want to meet your boyfriend.”

“You have known Dan for ages!”

“Even the more reason to show him he is always welcome here and this hasn’t changed anything.”

“He knows he is welcome. He likes visiting you.”

“Then why are you trying to stop this from happening?”

Phil stayed silent. He could hardly tell his mother that it was all a lie now. The person she so cherished did not in fact love her son.

Phil was getting more irritated the longer he thought of that which was a bad call any time but especially now that he was still supposed to convince his mother they were in a happy relationship.

“Sunday is a bit sudden, that’s all.” Phil said meekly.

“How many Sundays do you think there are in December?” Phil’s mum tsked. “I am sure you can arrange to come over. Please. For us. Your dad wants to see Phiphi again.”

“Yes. Fine. I am sure we’ll be there.”

“That’s great! I’ve put it down in my calendar now.” His mum was a genius at expressing death threats without ever using the common vocabulary associated with those sorts of things.

“Great.” Phil said dryly.

A part of him wanted to look forward to Sunday. He would get to spend time with his parents, with Phiphi and with Dan. Normally, that was a clear mix for an amazing day.

Normally. Unless Phil had teamed up with Dan to lie to everyone, of course.

“Tell me. How are you doing, Phil?”

“Good.” Phil said quickly.

“You sound a little…”

“Tired? I can tell you why that would be.”

“No. Not tired exactly.” His mother replied patiently. “You sound a little exhausted and not as happy as I would wish to hear you. Anything the matter? With the newspapers? With Dan?”

“No.” Phil snapped at the same time as his doorbell rang.

Whoever it was would have to deal with the fact that Phil was not in. It was probably some sort of parcel Phil had ordered. He would go and collect it from some other place later.

“No. Mum. Everything is fine. Really. I think the gloominess outside sometimes gets to me.”

“It can be a little depressing.” His mother agreed. “We can still hope for a little snow. Everything will look a little brighter then and more hopeful.”

“That’s a good idea.” Phil agreed.

“You could always be cheered up with some talk about snow. When you were very tiny, Martyn only had to draw a snowflake and you would be tearing the house down to get to the winter coats, even in the height of summer.”

“Thank you for reminding me to pay Martyn back.”

“Phil, don’t do that.” At the same time as his mother had said that, another voice had called through the apartment: “Phil?”

It was Dan’s voice.

Phil froze and was unable to flee, answer his mother or do anything that made some sort of sense. Phil stayed where he was, every muscle in his body tense.

“Is that Dan?” his mother asked. “I didn’t know he was there with you.”

“He wasn’t in this room.” Phil said.

“Phil!” Dan called again and one moment later, he ran into the living room.

Why did everyone always think that they could make Phil react with setting idiotic timers, deadlines and countdowns?

Phil felt vulnerable and he hated that.

He needed to calm down and that would happen the soonest if he could be on his own and just breathe.

“Phil! Are you alright? Is something the matter? Why didn’t you answer the door?” Dan asked. He looked worried which made the whole matter much worse.

Phil did not need anyone to worry about him. Least of all someone like Dan who the whole world should constantly worry about because he was too precious for his own good.

“Nothing is the matter.” Phil tried to speak calmly, banning the irritation he felt as good as he could from his voice. “I didn’t know who would be at the door. I wasn’t in the mood for answering.”

“Not in the mood?” Dan didn’t sound happy.

“Do you want me to go do something and come back later?” his mum asked in his ear.

“No. Mum, I’ll call you back.” Phil said. Slowly, he put the phone down next to him on the sofa.

“Is everything alright?” Dan spoke carefully, trying to hide his unhappiness from Phil now. If anyone had the right to be unhappy, it was clearly Phil!

“Why weren’t you in the mood to answer the door?” Dan asked.

“Why are you even here?” Phil asked a fair question, he thought.

If Dan would have announced his visit, none of this would have happened.

Phil could not see how any of this was supposed to be his fault.

“Well, I went through the album title names twice…”

Phil did not have time for this. “Yes, I know about that stupid rule.”

Why did Dan decide to come this morning of all times? On a Thursday? He never came on a Thursday!

“Stupid rule?” Dan’s voice had lost the last degree of warmth. Phil felt the room temperature immediately sinking.

“Yes. Stupid.” Phil could not relent now. With as much energy as he could muster, Phil stood up.

“Why did you come here this morning?”

“I wanted to visit a friend. Seems like he’s not in at the moment.” Dan’s voice didn’t sound like him.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean, Phil. What on earth is the matter?” Dan shouted.

“Why should something be the matter?”

Dan’s shout had surprised Phil. He was fighting a losing battle, but he was not wise enough to stop now. 

“I don’t know! You tell me!” Dan’s voice was still loud.

“There is nothing to tell you.” Phil’s voice now matched Dan’s in volume.

Dan only looked at him which Phil found to be unbearable. He was almost glad when Phiphi started crying in her room and showed once again that she was the only sensible human in this apartment.

“Look what you have done now.” Phil said still angry.

“What _I_ have done?” Dan’s voice was barely a whisper which was way more painful than his shouting had been.

“Please let me know when you are willing to be my best friend again.”

Phil was hurt. “You’re so childish, Dan.”

“Have a good day, Phil.” Dan said, his voice still not completely like his own.

Dan turned around immediately and left the living room, closing the front door with as much force as he could without slamming it shut.

After Dan left, Phil stood in the living room for a while, unable to move. Phiphi was still crying, and Phil knew he had to go to her but couldn’t move.

He felt like a terrible father which finally broke the stupor and allowed him to go to his daughter.

Phiphi’s unhappy and scared crying forced Phil to be his most cheerful and happy self in order to calm her down again. It felt weird and unnatural to be laughing after he had just barely survived the worst fight he and Dan had ever had.

What did not make the situation any better was that there was no real reason for the fight to have taken place at all.

Dan had caught Phil off guard and the things his mother had said had unsettled Phil even before that, but that was neither a worthy explanation nor a proper excuse for the fight that Phil had unmistakably started.

Phil felt terrible but unfortunately also still angry for the majority of the day.

At some point he wrote to his mother that he would not be able to call her back because he needed to finish a couple of articles urgently. That was only partly a lie which made Phil feel a tiny bit better.

What did not make him feel better at all was what his mother texted him back.

I hope you two made up.

You’re not too proud to apologise,

hopefully.

His mother was right. On any account, Phil should not have been too proud to apologise.

At the moment, he was too angry to apologise, though.

As soon as Dan had left, that anger had turned towards himself and no longer at Dan but that did not make it any more possible to apologise.

Phil’s mood was so bad the entire day that up until it was nearly time to put Phiphi back to sleep, he did not even think about the Advent Calendar.

In fact, even then, he didn’t think about it. It was Phiphi who crawled to the box and looked at Phil with her big round eyes.

“You want me to read that to you?” Phil asked.

His anger was always at its lowest when he was talking to Phiphi which made It possible for him to still look into the mirror.

“Come over here then. Let’s read Dan’s Advent Calendar.” Phil said.

He pulled Phiphi onto his lap and helped her with opening the flap and pulling the envelope out.

Phil saw that there was a note for him too. He would read that when he had put Phiphi to bed. Knowing him, he needed to feel as positive as possible before he could trust himself with that note.

Phil opened the story for the day and felt his heart contract almost painfully.

He took a deep breath not unlike the ones Dan took before reading and read: “Love.”

**LOVE**

_Love comes in many form and sizes. The funny thing about love is that there is no real scale to it. The tiniest amount of love could mean the whole world to someone. There is no way of judging the amount of love one person has for the other, and yet it is quite clear that the amount of love can grow over time. Love truly is the most peculiar thing in the world._

_Every human experiences love of all kinds on a typical day. To explain that in a little more detail, we’re going to look at a day in the life of a little girl I know quite well._

_The experience of love starts when this little girl wakes up and finds her father welcoming her into a new day. On this particular day, a different kind of love is already mixed into the little girl’s life in the form of her father’s best friend also at their side when the girl wakes up._

_A parent’s love is not seconded by anything and this girl is in luck, her father has buckets and buckets full he likes to give her. At breakfast a dose of love in the form of a perfectly prepared cup of milk with tea is presented to the little girl. Afterwards her father’s best friend shows as much love as he is capable of by carrying the little girl through her home playing catch with imaginary friends._

_More love gets exchanged when the three of them sit down to play with the animals in the home who have waited obediently until their loyal friend came to play with them._

_On this particular day, the love amounts new heights when the little girl’s grandparents decide to pay a visit. The little girl’s older companions play a few silly games but never forget about her. Steadily, the love she experiences grows and grows._

_When it’s time for the little girl to go to sleep, the four people that love her the most are all there to kiss her goodnight and ensure a safe journey into dreamland for her._

_The best thing about love is that just with receiving the love and smiling and laughing the little girl has in her turn given an immeasurable amount of love to the world. When she gets older, she will have a little more control in how she decides to distribute her love._

_Of one thing she can always be certain, the love of those closest to her will never run dry and fuel her for eternity and beyond._

There was a lump in Phil’s throat after he had finished reading.

The author of this story was Dan and out of all people, Phil had decided that it would be a good idea to get mad at him for absolutely nothing.

Phil was trembling when he stood up, fed Phiphi and brought her to bed. To do the version of him that Dan had painted justice, Phil took his time with singing Phiphi to sleep. She had woken up crying, so the least Phil could do was ensure a happy night.

Once Phil was satisfied that Phiphi was sleeping, he made his way back to the living room.

He sat down on the sofa and carefully grabbed the envelope to pull out the note Dan had written to him.

Somehow, it felt like Phil was preparing to read his death sentence.

With shaking hands, Phil unfolded the paper and started reading the note.

_Good morning!_

_I suggest you prepare yourself before reading the story for today. After naming the story, I simply couldn’t contain myself! Shield yourself and be aware of some explicit love confessions for the best girl that ever lived._

_Great. I gave away the content of the story now. Too bad._

_I don’t really know why I chose that day of all days to write about. I guess I must have felt pretty lonely just now. I miss our sleepovers at your place. That must have been one of the last times we had one!_

_Anyways, I hope you can look past the gooiness of the story and just see that I love Ash and tried to show that with this sorry excuse of a story._

_I apologise._

_Hopefully, I’ll see you again after this. I am already dreading the 12 th of December now. _

_Dan_

Phil did not normally cry a lot. He cried at sad films and at tragedies, but this own life rarely brought tears to his eyes.

Now, however, Phil did cry.

Dan was the best person he knew. Dan deserved an apology. The best apology Phil could think of.

Phil dried his tears and started typing a message into his phone. He read through it once more and sent it, heart beating fast in his chest.

I want to apologise for my behaviour.

I would do it in person, but I can’t wait

that long. Sorry for being the worst today.

I don’t have any excuse for my behaviour.

I hope you can forgive me. All I know is that

I am ready to be your best friend again.

With a heart still not calmed down, Phil waited for a response from Dan.

It was not yet late enough for him to be asleep.

Why didn’t he answer? Was he not yet ready to forgive Phil?

In the last possible moment, Phil remembered that on Thursdays, Dan had the game night at Costa (lot). He would not be looking at his phone now or for quite a while yet.

Phil sighed. He went into the kitchen for one last cup of tea, took a shower and went to bed.

He’d rather find out about Dan’s answer in the morning than wait for it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorryyyy... <3 xx


	13. Magnanimous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again. :) I hope you have a nice Friday - don't let superstitions get to you. :)  
> See you tomorrow! xx

** Friday, 13th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan turned off the alarm. Properly. He did not allow himself to just snooze it. He turned it off and sat up.

The day before had been torture. Dan could not allow this day to go the same way. He needed to gather his strength and appear collected.

On his way to the bathroom, Dan saw that it was Friday the 13th. Great. No other day would have been fitting for the way Dan was feeling.

He was not superstitious normally, but it was very difficult not to read anything into this.

Following the so far worst day of his life was the day with the worst luck. If this didn’t cheer Dan up, he did not know what could.

With a deep sigh, Dan stepped into the shower, only to recoil at the punishingly cold water. This was what would set the bad luck off, apparently.

Still, Dan needed to be stronger than whatever life would throw at him.

After the shower that had turned warm eventually, Dan got dressed and left the house. It was later than usual, but he did not need to be at the café until two hours later, this only meant that he could find his way out of the apartment without having to switch lights on or use his phone for light.

Dan was not in the mood to listen to music, not after he had stepped into a puddle, so he gloomily stared outside hoping that not all his misfortunes that day would have to do with water.

Dan carefully avoided another puddle when he stepped out of the bus only to have water drip into his neck from a roof. Friday the 13th did seem to be set on ruining Dan’s day with water.

With a sour mood, Dan arrived at Costa.

Cameron waved at him. “You look cheerful? Do you want your usual abomination of a coffee?”

“An espresso would be great.” Dan said.

“Oh dear.” Cameron said but as quickly as possible handed over the small cup.

Dan drank the espresso, burned his tongue and grimaced.

“Better?” Cameron asked.

“No.”

“Great.”

Dan walked into the back and got out of his jacket before pulling his phone and wallet out to put into the sort of safe thing they have.

Before dropping his phone into the cupboard, he quickly switched it on and scrolled through the notifications.

There was some important news thing from tumblr but what made Dan groan was a notification he had set himself. It had to do with the Advent Calendar for Ashley and the stupid idea Dan had had to have a photoshoot with her that day.

Dan scrolled through the rest of the notifications and nearly dropped his phone when he saw that he had received a message from Phil the evening before when he had still been busy preparing coffee and organising board games in the café.

I want to apologise for my behaviour.

I would do it in person, but I can’t wait

that long. Sorry for being the worst today.

I don’t have any excuse for my behaviour.

I hope you can forgive me. All I know is that

I am ready to be your best friend again.

“You’re unbelievable! You make me worry and here you are staring at your phone like a lovesick fool. Trouble in paradise over already?” Cameron asked. He looked more relieved than his words gave him credit for.

“I wasn’t!” Dan said quickly. Admittedly, he did feel lighter though.

“You were.” Cameron grinned. “So. Pay up.”

“I am not paying. I am in the back and my shift hasn’t even started.”

“That’s a shame! Pay!” Cameron shouted. In the very real fear that Cameron would not stop shouting, Dan grudgingly handed him a pound and ran to the front tying his apron as he ran.

With Cameron still checking on Dan because he was worried and because he wanted to make some more money, Dan could not write to Phil before his lunch break and even then, he only managed a short note.

I’ll come over later. Need to dash home

first though.

Cameron confiscated his phone, the dickhead, and Dan had to spend his lunchbreak with only his sandwich for company.

At the end of his shift, Cameron was nice enough to give him his phone back.

“Thanks, Cameron.” Dan grinded his teeth.

“Sorry. I’d have given it back earlier, but you seemed a lot happier than this morning and I didn’t want you to relapse.”

“Thanks for caring but it would be great if you let me be the judge of my danger of relapsing.”

“Noted, boss. Won’t do it again.”

“Thanks.” Dan smiled.

“Oh, Dan, before you go: You remember taking over a shift tomorrow, right?” Cameron asked.

“Damn it. I did not remember. Thanks. Yes. I’ll be here. See you on Sunday.” Dan sighed and quickly left the café on his way home to collect a few props he had collected for the photoshoot and cleverly stored in a box ready to take with him.

As quickly as he could, Dan made his way to Phil’s place. He was nervous, but everything would be alright again. Phil had apologised. Everyone was allowed to have a bad day. Everything was going to be alright.

Dan rang the doorbell and already worried about what he should do. He could not count through the muse albums if Phil thought that was a stupid rule. Then again, he had been upset the day before, maybe he did not actually think it was that stupid a rule.

Phil saved Dan from his thoughts. He threw the door open.

“You came!” Phil shouted.

“I said I would.” Dan answered. He had just placed the box of props down when Phil suddenly pulled Dan into a tight hug.

He walked backwards and closed the door behind Dan but still did not let go of him.

“Thank you for coming.” Phil said quietly. He was speaking directly into Dan’s ear sending very unhelpful shivers down Dan’s spine.

It was also not at all helpful that Dan could smell Phil so clearly. There was no scent he loved more.

“I am so incredibly sorry for yesterday.” Phil said and slowly let go of Dan.

“I forgive you.” Dan smiled.

“You are too nice for your own sake.”

“I get told that a lot.”

“Really?” Phil took a step back and Dan immediately started missing him.

“No. Of course not.” Dan laughed.

Phil pulled Dan into the living room after Dan had kicked off his shoes.

“I heard there is going to be a photoshoot here today.” Phil said.

“You read the story already?” Dan asked.

“Yes. I wasn’t sure if… when you were going to get here.” Phil said and rubbed his neck.

“That’s fine. I genuinely don’t mind not having to read the stories I wrote again.” Dan laughed and sat down on the floor next to Ashley.

He picked her up and cuddled her. He had not seen her at all the day before so he had some time to make up for.

Also, Ash was wearing the most adorable jumper that made her look like a bear. Only a fool would resist cuddling her.

“Why would you say that?” Phil asked. He looked and even sounded sad.

“You know why.” Dan laughed.

“No. I don’t. I was mean to you yesterday, so no one gets to be mean to you again. Not even you!” Phil smiled. “Your stories are great. I can tell that Phiphi likes them and she will like them even more in the future. You have every right, no you have the duty to be proud of what you have created for us, for her I mean.”

“You should practice that speech again before you hold it for someone that really matters.”

“You’re the only one that matters.” Phil said, and Dan had difficulty masking his reaction.

“Don’t talk the Advent Calendar down.”

“I’ll try not to.” Dan said.

“Good. Also, you are fully aware that you’ll have to read the stories to her again next year, right?” Phil asked.

“Oh dear.”

“Oh dear, indeed.” Phil laughed. “Let’s have this photoshoot, then!” he clapped his hands and Ash started clapping hers too.

“I hope you know that I am getting paid in tea and tea alone.” Dan said and handed Ashley to Phil as he stood up.

“Already on my way.” Phil said. He stood up with Ash in his arms and made his way to the kitchen while Dan walked to the front door to collect his box.

They had not really talked about the day before, but they were fine again and that was all that mattered for the moment. Eventually, they might speak about what had really caused Phil to act that way, but for now Dan was satisfied with the apology he had received.

Phil’s POV 

Phil slept as long as his body possibly let him.

It turned out that that was not quite long enough to have already received an answer from Dan, though.

Phil woke up, checked his phone and immediately let his head fall back onto his cushion because he had to see the absolute lack of any attempt of contact from any human being in his acquaintance.

Dan and Phil’s friendship had lasted for a long time now and they had gone through quite a bit. There had been a few rough patches, never before directly caused by either of them, but they had made it through them. There was no reason to suppose they would not emerge from this one too.

Not unscathed, perhaps, but stronger than before.

All of that was very well to theorise about, but that meant nothing when Dan did not reach out to Phil.

Phil had made his step. The ball was in Dan’s court now. Dan needed to act. He needed to react, but act he needed to do all the same.

Phil waited for a message from Dan for a few more minutes while lying motionlessly in bed. There was none.

Dan was already back at work at this time. There was no way he could not have seen the message by now. Maybe, he needed more time.

Maybe, he simply didn’t want to speak to Phil just yet.

Maybe, he never wanted to speak to Phil again.

There was no use being pessimistic. What Phil needed to do in order to stay sane was thinking of different things. He could have something to eat, work and spend time with Phiphi. That was a sure way to avert his thoughts.

Phil’s strategy did work to an extent. He worked and got some things done. He even tidied his desk and replied a mail from the estate agent, which felt sort of weird because the ‘we’ he wrote about was him, Phiphi and Dan.

Acts like those did not ban Dan from his thoughts, but that was an unrealistic goal to have in the first place.

From then on, Phil allowed Dan to enter his mind, but he did not allow himself to go down the rabbit hole of worrying about his reply and their friendship.

When Phiphi woke up, Phil went through her morning routine.

After breakfast, Phil carried Phiphi into the living room and together, they opened the Advent Calendar.

Learning from the day before that Dan usually expected Phil to read the note before the story, Phil encouraged Phiphi to play with her toys while he read the note Dan had written him.

_A very good morning to you, Phil!_

_Today of all days, it’s important to stay positive and show life the strong stuff one is made of. This sort of stance is, in my opinion, not a sign of superstition. It is a clear sign of common sense still intact._

_I, for one, will not allow the world’s obsession with Friday the 13 th get to me. I won’t. This is not superstition, this is an act of rebellion. _

_In my very wise mind, I have found a great way to tackle the looming gloominess of this Friday. I am going to come prepared, so you better be prepared too. Scrub up real nicely! It will be your fault if you don’t look your best on the pictures._

_Great. I gave the only real surprise of the story away again. Oh well. Now, you have even more of a chance to prepare yourself!_

_Be ready!_

_Dan_

_PS: Actually, reading through it once again, I have to say that it’s a bad story if you want to call it that at all. It’s certainly not a narrative. Well. I don’t have time to rewrite it, so try to see the best in it, thanks._

Phil was truly amazed how ironic Dan’s note was. ‘Today of all days, it’s important to stay positive.’

Never before has Phil had as much trouble staying positive than after this fight with Dan. And yet, Dan was right. There had never before been a more dire need to be positive than today.

Phil folded Dan’s note and beckoned Phiphi over to him, who took her stuffed penguin with her but came crawling over to Phil.

“Let’s read today’s story, shall we?” Phil asked.

He was not scared of the content. He looked forward to it, but he was a little scared of his reaction. The day before, he had started crying, after all.

Phil unfolded the story and was a little relieved to see a less dangerous topic than ‘love’ written on the top of the page.

**MODEL**

_Being a model is hard work. There are models for everything really._

_There are role models in every walk of life. There are role models in your family. Older siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, all of them can be looked at as role models and very frequently are looked at as just that. The burden of being such a model can be heavy. It can be taxing to be under the impression of always having to do one’s best because someone is looking at what you are doing to learn from you._

_The key to not crumbling under that pressure is to see that sometimes, you making mistakes is the best thing that could happen to anyone because then, you have effectively taken care that the one looking at you as their role model won’t have to go through the same mistake._

_There are other models in the world too, who don’t have an easier job. Their role is it to advertise clothing, jewellery, transport vehicles, or virtually anything you can think of._

_From the outside their life looks glamorous, but society is keen on you only ever seeing the glamorous aspects of their life. The battle for survival is happily neglected whenever models get talked about._

_If you look at it this way, no human’s life is ever simple. All humans have someone they want to impress. Someone they don’t want to let down._

_If you are in the public eye, if a lot of people know and love you all around your country or even the world, you are constantly expected to be magnanimous – generous and forgiving – to even those that don’t treat you the way you deserve._

_Life has got a lot in store for you no matter how many people know you._

_All of this has been pretty glum, so, in order to combine all the positive things without wiping your memory completely of the bad sides of models’ lives, I propose a photoshoot. Photoshoots on the small scale are a great way to capture time and to have something to amuse yourself with should you feel society’s norms pressing down on you._

_So, let’s get out fancy, chic, ridiculous, what have you, costumes on and let’s get taking pictures!_

Phil was smiling when he had finished the story. Dan had drawn some costumes and had even included one picture of himself in a costume adding: _This is not worthy of blackmail because you know I have a picture of you as Spiderman!_

Only when Phil remembered that it was not at all certain that Dan was actually coming over that day, did Phil’s smile slide off his face.

Dan had written both note and story without knowing what sort of idiot Phil would be.

Before Phil could lose his mind, he concentrated on Phiphi and played with her, watched a film with her and fell asleep on the couch with her.

When Phil woke up later, he looked for his phone and nearly started screaming when he saw that Dan had written to him. He had in fact written to him when Phil and Phiphi had still been watching the film.

Phil sat up, careful not to disturb Phiphi and clicked on Dan’s message.

I’ll come over later. Need to dash home

first though.

“He’s coming.” Phil whispered.

Apparently, it had been loud enough to wake Phiphi. She opened her eyes and wailed when she did not see Phil immediately.

Phil scooped her up and danced a few steps through the living room.

“Let’s get properly cleaned up.” Phil said.

He carried Phiphi’s high stool into the bathroom and started the shower. He quickly jumped into it while Phiphi was busy with her stuffed toys.

When Phil was done and somewhat dressed, Phil filled the sink with warm water, that did not feel too hot at his elbow and scrubbed her little belly clean while Phiphi squealed excitedly.

Phil built matching turbans on both of their heads and snapped a picture with his phone.

He should do this again some time with Dan.

Somehow, that thought made Phil feel warm, bordering on hot.

He decided that he had no time to unpack that thought and went first to his own bedroom to get dressed and then into Phiphi’s room to get her dressed in tights and a jumper he and Dan had bought her once that was too large for her still but had been too cute to resist. It was a bear face with the hood accessorised with ears.

Phil was not back on the living room floor playing with Phiphi and her toys for long before the doorbell rang.

Phil left Phiphi on the floor and raced to the front door.

Dan stood in front of Phil.

“You came!” Phil shouted.

“I said I would.” Dan said. He seemed a little hesitant, but Phil could not pay too much attention to that. He closed the distance and pulled Dan into a hug and into the apartment.

It was good to hold Dan close. It was the best Phil had felt for these entire two days.

“Thank you for coming.” Phil said quietly. “I am so incredibly sorry for yesterday.”

Phil didn’t want to, but slowly, he let go off Dan again.

“I forgive you.” Dan smiled. Phil hadn’t seen the smile in over a day and man, had he missed it.

“You are too nice for your own sake.”

“I get told that a lot.”

“Really?”

“No. Of course not.” Dan laughed.

Phil could not believe his luck. They were joking again!

Dan had indeed forgiven him. Phil had not yet ruined everything completely. They were still fine. They would need to talk about the day before eventually, but for now, they were fine, and they were going to have a photoshoot.

“I heard there is going to be a photoshoot here today.” Phil said once they were in the living room.

“You read the story already?”

“Yes. I wasn’t sure if… when you were going to get here.” Phil was uncomfortable but with everything in mind, he essentially had to be uncomfortable to make up for at least some of the things he had done wrong.

“That’s fine. I genuinely don’t mind not having to read the stories I wrote again.”

“Why would you say that?” Phil had never liked it when Dan played his many talents down.

“You know why.” Dan laughed.

He could not even see that he hurt Phil when he was being mean to himself!

“No. I don’t. I was mean to you yesterday, so no one gets to be mean to you again. Not even you!” Phil smiled.

He himself understood his sentiment in that moment. He was overly protective of Dan now, because he had seen how hurt Dan had been the day before, because of him.

“Your stories are great. I can tell that Phiphi likes them and she will like them even more in the future. You have every right, no you have the duty to be proud of what you have created for us, for her I mean.”

“You should practice that speech again before you hold it for someone that really matters.”

“You’re the only one that matters.” Phil said seriously. “Don’t talk the Advent Calendar down.”

“I’ll try not to.” Dan said.

“Good. Also, you are fully aware that you’ll have to read the stories to her again next year, right?”

“Oh dear.”

“Oh dear, indeed.” Phil laughed. “Let’s have this photoshoot, then!” he clapped his hands and like the good daughter Phiphi was, she clapped along.

“I hope you know that I am getting paid in tea and tea alone.” Dan handed Phiphi over to Phil.

“Already on my way.” Phil stood up and went to the kitchen with Phiphi.

He was beyond thankful that neither of them was treading carefully around the other. For the moment, they could forget about the day before and just continue where they had left off two days before.

The photoshoot went well.

Phil confessed about taking a shower before Dan came which made Dan shove him.

“That was a joke about you needing to get ready before I got here if I even said something as ridiculous as that.” Dan shook his head. “You… two look good on any picture anyone ever takes.”

“You have thousands of cringe worthy pictures of me, I have been told repeatedly.”

“Well, I am hardly ‘anyone’, am I?” Dan poked out his tongue and went back to dressing Phiphi in a new outfit.

At the end of the photoshoot with an approximate of 570 pictures taken, Dan announced that it was time for a family picture.

“Put your nicest jumper on. I’ll take care of Ash.” Dan said and picked Phiphi up to go to her room for the zillionth time that day.

Surprisingly, Phiphi did not seem to mind. She was getting a lot of attention and Dan took care to play with her in between shoots and feed her.

Phil came out of his room wearing knitted blue, black jumper at about the same time as Dan emerged with Phiphi.

“That’s a great dress.” Phil said. “Phiphi, you look great.”

“So do you.” Dan said. He quickly handed Phiphi over to Phil and went back to the camera he had specifically brought for this photoshoot.

“Are you going to stay like that?” Phil asked Dan.

“Why?”

“No. You look nice. That wasn’t meant as a snide comment.”

“No. I wasn’t offended. Why would it matter what I wore?”

“You’re coming on this photo too, aren’t you?” Phil was genuinely confused.

“On your family picture?” Dan said slowly.

If he said it like that, Phil had to admit that Dan seemed to have a point. Still, not taking this last picture with Dan felt severely wrong to Phil.

“Yes, we need to have something to show my family on Sunday.”

Dan sighed and ruffled through his hair. He clicked a few buttons and then came rushing to Phil and Phiphi.

“What did you do?” Phil asked.

“I set a timer.”

“For when?” Phil asked.

“Now, you idiot.” Dan said and started laughing the same moment the flash went off.

Dan ran back to the camera and shouted: “Phil! You made me laugh and I look ridiculous. Again!”

Phil was not allowed to look at any of the pictures before Dan was satisfied.

Eventually, Dan dropped down on the sofa and Phil walked over to him and sat down next to him.

“I like them.” Phil said after flicking through the pictures. “This one especially.” He said to the one where Dan had laughed.

“I knew you’d say that. You like to have compromising pictures of me.”

“This isn’t compromising. We all look happy. It’s a great picture!”

Dan mumbled something but did not protest any longer. He leaned back in the sofa and asked: “Why do you even have to have something to show your family on Sunday?”

“They invited us over for lunch, or tea, or dinner, or all three.”

“That’s nice.” Dan mumbled.

“You see, they invite you as my boyfriend.”

“What?” Dan sat up again in a flash.

“Relax. You did well on Monday. You’ll be fine on Sunday. I am there to support you.”

“You better.” Dan said and relaxed against the couch again.

The stayed on the couch for a little longer, but Phiphi got a little impatient to do something else shortly afterwards.

“Let’s order something.” Phil said.

“Did anyone win?” Dan asked.

“Nope. Let’s do rock, paper, scissors. We’re a democracy, after all.”

“We sure are!” Dan agreed and promptly won rock, paper, scissors and dictated that they would have kebab. The nerve of him!

After dinner, Phil suggested carefully, that Dan could stay over, but he jumped up as if he had been stung and said he needed to get home because he had an impromptu shift to do the next day.

“Another day.” Dan said.

“You promise?”

“I am pretty sure I already promised that before.”

“I don’t care.”

“Fine. I promise.” Dan laughed.

Phil’s apartment felt empty once Dan had left, but in contrast to the day before, Phil was left with a happy feeling.

He was weirdly enough even a little excited for Sunday.

All was well.

At least all was well until Phiphi started puking over her dress because Phil had not paid attention to how many sweets she had had in addition to her rich dinner.


	14. Noticed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do congratulate and thank you for making it this far! :) I love all of you to bits!   
> Enjoy the chapter and see you again tomorrow! xx

** Saturday, 14th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan woke up feeling content. That was both a very nice surprise and a huge relief.

After the morning he had had the day before, feeling content was a lovely way to start a day.

It was a shame really that this content-ness did not last for long because once Dan had run through the events of the day before, he was suddenly reminded of one very real problem concerning the next day.

Dan was to go to Phil’s parents’ house for a December get together or something and he was going to do that not as Dan, Phil’s best friend, but as Dan, Phil’s boyfriend, well, fake boyfriend, same difference, really.

The same horrendous game as Monday would have to be played again, only better.

Dan needed to do more because Kath knew him very well by now. She would not be fooled by any of the act from Monday, at least not again.

Dan was screwed. He would fail horribly.

Kath would be mad at him, and Phil would break off their friendship like he had already nearly done two days ago.

When Dan finally managed to get out of bed, he was shaking. He pulled the first jacket on which he could find, grabbed his keys, wallet and phone and ran to the bus stop.

He had not checked the time once, so he needed to wait a quarter of an hour for the bus which did nothing to calm his nerves.

In those fifteen minutes, the only thing he realised was that the jacket he had grabbed happened to be the coat Phil had lent him on Monday. Great. Another reminder of the failure he was to become in the near future.

Dan tried shutting off his thoughts on his way to Phil’s place. He did not succeed exactly. All he had managed to achieve was create a shivering mess out of himself.

This was ridiculous but he had no idea at all how he should calm down.

Dan rang the doorbell a couple of times and on reflex, ran through the muse albums.

Phil pulled the door open with his eyes blown wide, still in his pyjamas. “Origin of Symmetry?”

“Absolution.” Dan said, still not able to tone down the shivering.

“Dan?” Phil asked after smiling slightly. “Are you alright? What are you doing here?”

The fact that these exact questions were already asked two days ago did not pass Dan by.

Dan stepped inside and peeled the coat off. “Your coat.”

Phil raised an eyebrow and closed the door behind Dan. “Why are you here Dan? What is the matter?”

“Okay. Here goes nothing.”

Dan did not look at Phil. He took a deep breath and told Phil everything that was running through his mind.

“I think you made a drastic mistake in asking me to act like your boyfriend. I have no idea what I am doing. No idea what I should be doing. Your parents will know immediately. They are going to be disappointed in you and they are going to hate me. I won’t be allowed to see either you or Ash again. I will have to move to another town because … I don’t know why. I would have to. I can see that happening already. Can you tell them I got sick? Can you tell them we broke up? Can you tell them I am a scumbag and you can’t possibly ever spend time with me again? Actually, can you maybe not do that? Can you tell them things didn’t work out, but you are theoretically willing to be my best friend again at some point?”

Dan eventually took a breath and just closed his mouth, feeling exhausted.

“I won’t be doing any of that, Dan.” Phil said gently.

“Any? As in nothing?”

“I do believe that is what that sentence means in English.” Phil said.

“Right. Yes. Okay. Different plan. I divorce you. No. Not divorce… I’ll tell them myself that things didn’t work out that you found someone better and that I decided to get some distance to cure my broken heart...”

“Oh Dan.” Phil interrupted Dan.

Even if Phil had done it the day before too, Phil pulling Dan into his chest and holding him close was a complete surprise.

“I hear your worries, but we will be fine. We are in this together and we are stronger together. We are a team.”

Dan was almost painfully scared that Phil could feel how fast his heart was beating.

“You will do well. I will tell them eventually, but not right now. There is no harm in the matter. We will have a nice afternoon and at some point in the future we can all laugh about this.”

Dan doubted that he would ever be able to look back at any of this without starting to cry.

“We will be fine.” Dan whispered.

“We will.” Phil agreed and kissed Dan’s cheek softly.

Dan jumped away from him and stared at Phil. “Phil!”

“You need to get used to that. Mum won’t interrogate us, but she will have sharpened her eyes.”

“Abort mission.” Dan groaned, cheek still hot and flushed where Phil had kissed him.

“No. We’ll be fine. Just don’t push me away when I kiss you and the act will be perfect.” Phil laughed.

Dan’s face felt like it was on fire.

“Do you have time for a cup of tea?” Phil asked.

“I should manage one.” Dan said.

Only if completely unavoidable, did he cancel a cup of tea with Phil.

“Great.” Phil said and led the way to the kitchen. “Phiphi is still sleeping. I would prefer not to wake her yet.”

“Of course. The little model worked hard yesterday.” Dan laughed.

He felt a little more at ease once again. Sunday would be some form of torture, but he would get through it. As he had proven to himself before, the most important thing for him was to snap out of it again when the act was over.

The good thing was, he had a little over a day to prepare for that moment.

Once Dan had finished his cup of tea, he needed to get going.

“Thank you for calming me down and for the cup of tea.”

“Any time. You are only in this situation because of me, so thank you.” Phil smiled.

“Your coat?” Dan said when they stood at the front door.

“You keep it for the moment. It suits you better anyways.” Phil shrugged and helped Dan climb into it.

“Yeah right.” Dan laughed.

“It does.” Phil insisted, which Dan thought was very kind of him.

“Anyways. I need to get to Costa now.”

“Lot.”

“Yes.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Safe journey.” Phil grinned.

“Thank you. Have a good day.”

“I’ll try.”

Dan arrived at Costa and started working with a colleague he only rarely saw. They chatted occasionally but otherwise just worked and kept the café running.

It was a change from working with Cameron, but Dan could not decide whether that change was for better or for worse.

Later, at some point in the afternoon, Dan suddenly found it pretty easy to decide that the change was for the better.

The reason for that was Phil walking through the door with Ashley in her pram. Without Cameron next to him, Dan would not have to pay at all.

Phil approached the counter with a smile and said: “Phiphi and I received a voucher for one Hot Spiced Apple drink of our choice in the Advent Calendar.”

“Could you be speaking of Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza?” Dan asked.

“Yes.” Phil rolled his eyes. “You are big on vouchers, aren’t you?”

“Thank you.”

“Sure, that was a compliment.” Phil laughed and manoeuvred Ashley’s pram to his favourite table. He came back to the counter with her in his arms.

“I’ll take the drinks over to you in a minute. That’ll give Ashley’s a moment to cool down.” Dan told him.

“Perfect. Can you make yourself one too and I pay for it?” Phil asked.

“Fine.” Dan sighed and accepted the money.

Dan handed Phil the change back.

“For the excellent service.” Phil said and put the change into the Dan-stares-at-Phil money bank.

“Thanks.” Dan grimaced.

Dan turned to make the three drinks as his colleague approached him and whispered: “I conferred with Cameron. He said you still need to pay a minimum of 2 pounds.”

“You did what?” Dan asked.

“Sorry. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Why is everyone against me?” Dan wailed and handed a two-pound coin over.

“That’ll make Cameron happy.”

“And thus, world peace was restored.” Dan grumbled and finished the three drinks, served two more customers and took a well-deserved break with Phil and Ash.

Phil’s POV 

Waking up from someone almost frantically ringing the doorbell was thankfully not something Phil was used to. It was good in two respects.

Firstly, this meant that the doorbell still had an alarming effect on Phil.

And secondly, with not waking up like that every time, Phil occasionally had a peaceful start to the day.

As soon as the doorbell had registered with Phil, Phil jumped up and ran to the front door. He threw the door open and saw Dan.

He had guessed it would be Dan and had started going through the album names on reflex.

“Origin of Symmetry?” Phil asked.

“Absolution.” Dan looked like he was shaking.

“Dan? Are you alright? What are you doing here?” It was good to see Dan, it always was, but that did not mean Phil could stop worrying about him.

“Your coat.” Dan said and walked through the door.

Phil frowned and closed the door. “Why are you here Dan? What is the matter?”

“Okay. Here goes nothing.”

Phil did not like that Dan was not looking at him, but as long as he did share what troubled him, Phil decided to just be patient and listen.

“I think you made a drastic mistake in asking me to act like your boyfriend. I have no idea what I am doing. No idea what I should be doing. Your parents will know immediately. They are going to be disappointed in you and they are going to hate me.”

Phil could not do anything but let everything wash over him. Dan needed to say everything out loud once. He needed to vent, and even if it was a little painful for Phil to just passively listen, he needed to give Dan the opportunity to just cleanse his mind.

It did not help in the slightest, of course, that Phil was essentially still on the verge of sleep now that the first wave of excitement had washed over him and hadn’t done much else than leave him cold.

“I won’t be allowed to see either you or Ash again. I will have to move to another town because … I don’t know why. I would have to. I can see that happening already. Can you tell them I got sick? Can you tell them we broke up? Can you tell them I am a scumbag and you can’t possibly ever spend time with me again? Actually, can you maybe not do that? Can you tell them things didn’t work out, but you are theoretically willing to be my best friend again at some point?”

Dan was visibly worn out after that gush had left him.

Phil took a long breath and said as gently as possible and understanding, he hoped: “I won’t be doing any of that, Dan.”

“Any? As in nothing?” Dan was getting anxious again.

“I do believe that is what that sentence means in English.” Maybe teasing Dan would get him to snap out of this state.

“Right. Yes. Okay. Different plan.”

No, that did not work.

“I divorce you. No. Not divorce… I’ll tell them myself that things didn’t work out that you found someone better and that I decided to get some distance to cure my broken heart...”

“Oh Dan.” Phil finally intervened. He stepped a little closer to Dan and pulled him close. 

“I hear your worries, but we will be fine.” Phil hoped that his voice would have soothing effects. “We are in this together and we are stronger together. We are a team.”

Dan’s heart was still beating quickly, but he was not shaking any longer.

“You will do well.” Phil was not lying. Who could play a doting boyfriend if not Dan?

“I will tell them eventually, but not right now. There is no harm in the matter. We will have a nice afternoon and at some point in the future we can all laugh about this.”

Phil was not actually all too certain about this, but he needed to spread positivity.

“We will be fine.” Dan whispered.

“We will.” Phil said. He loosened the hug, leaned in and pressed a soft kiss onto Dan’s cheek.

“Phil!” Dan was surprised, but not nearly quite as much as Phil was. 

“You need to get used to that.” Phil excused himself. “Mum won’t interrogate us, but she will have sharpened her eyes.”

“Abort mission.” Dan groaned-

“No. We’ll be fine. Just don’t push me away when I kiss you and the act will be perfect.” Phil laughed. He needed to make light of the situation somehow.

Why had he kissed Dan’s cheek?

Phil suspected that was because he was still tired and because Dan had looked distressed and because a kiss was generally looked at as something soothing.

“Do you have time for a cup of tea?” Phil asked, trying to change the topic as far away from the kiss as possible. 

“I should manage one.” Dan said.

“Great.” Phil quickly set out for the kitchen. “Phiphi is still sleeping. I would prefer not to wake her yet.”

“Of course. The little model worked hard yesterday.” Dan laughed.

One cup of tea with Dan was and never would be enough, but because Dan needed to work, Phil would not press for him to stay.

“Thank you for calming me down and for the cup of tea.” Dan said and stood up from the kitchen table.

“Any time. You are only in this situation because of me, so thank you.” Phil accompanied Dan to the front door.

“Your coat?”

“You keep it for the moment. It suits you better anyways.” Phil said truthfully and helped Dan with putting on the coat.

“Yeah right.” Dan obviously didn’t believe him.

“It does.”

“Anyways. I need to get to Costa now.”

“Lot.”

“Yes.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Safe journey.” Phil smiled.

“Thank you. Have a good day.”

“I’ll try.” Phil said and was once again left alone in his apartment.

He really shouldn’t care about that. In fact, he never did mind that guests like his parents left him again at some point.

Then again, maybe that was the point. Dan was his best friend. He did not feel like he needed to live up to anything. He did not feel like he had to keep the place especially tidy. All he needed to do was be himself and keep a certain standard of living.

If those were all the rules he had to abide, it was obvious that Phil would miss the company when Dan left. 

Instead of going back to sleep when Dan had left, Phil decided to get some work and the washing done. He was proud of his hard work.

Phil got quite a bit done before Phiphi woke up. When she did, Phil changed her nappies, dressed her and prepared her drink and had breakfast with her.

Because there was absolutely no reason to wait, Phil decided to open the Advent Calendar directly after Phiphi had finished her meal.

As he had done the day before, Phil encouraged Phiphi to play with her stuffed toys while he opened the note Dan had once again written for him.

_Good morning!_

_I wanted to congratulate you on making it this far through the month already. Humans might need that reminder more urgently in other months, but December can be stressful too. It can be dark and not all too cheerful, so congratulations for making it this far already!_

_Also! Congratulations for keeping up the calendar. This is me obviously assuming that you are reading this on the 14 th and not in a rush some time later or never at all. Actually, no matter when you’re reading this, I am proud of you for making it this far!_

_If I weren’t the one to write these notes and stories, I am sure I wouldn’t have made it this far. But you’re a better person than I am anyways, so where is the surprise that you made it?_

_There is not much to tell you about the story today, but I still wanted to write to you. Please try and enjoy the story and don’t laugh too much about me – that would be highly appreciated!_

_Thank you and ttfn (which means tata for now and not, as I assumed that’s that, fucking nob)_

_Read you again tomorrow, or after the next energy drink in my case._

_Dan_

Phil was smiling the way he usually did when he had finished one of Dan’s notes.

It was gratifying to read that Dan seemed to enjoy writing the notes as much as Phil loved reading them. Phil would have felt a little weird if only he had been excited to receive them when Dan had found them burdensome to write.

No, this was good news indeed.

“Do you want to see what Dada wrote for you?” Phil asked and froze the tiniest bit.

Dada. He had said Dada twice at least now to Phiphi. Dada and Dan were not terribly far away from each other, but in front of the premise that Phil had only invented that name as the counterpart to him being called dad in their family, this didn’t look all too good or, at the least, sane.

Phiphi did not seem to mind. She crawled over to Phil and climbed into Phil’s lap, pinching him considerably with her tiny hands.

“14th of December.” Phil read out loud. “Noël.”

**NOËL**

_Noël woke up one December morning in the North of France with a cold nose. Everyone knows that cold noses are especially vicious for young boys and girls. Noël was sure of that in any case. He looked at the facts and could not possibly come to any other conclusion. He knew his nose was cold. Neither his older sister’s nose was cold, nor his mother’s or father’s. Therefore, as he was the only with a cold nose and the only one that could possibly attest the discomfort of a cold nose, he had to conclude that cold noses hit young children especially hard._

_At breakfast, Noël asked his mother if she could think of anything that would make the nose warm again. Noël’s sister laughed and suggested a few boxes on the nose, but Noël did not pay her any mind._

_His mother was a sensible woman and suggested Noël should spend his morning smelling anise and he would feel better instantly._

_After Noël had done exactly what his mother had suggested for the entire morning but had not noticed any lasting improvement, Noël went to his grandmother, who sat him down with a good book, a scarf around his neck and put a few cinnamon sticks onto her fireplace to fill the room with a pleasant scent._

_Noël did feel better in that room filled with rich cinnamon scent, but when he left to go home again, his nose was as cold as he had found it in the morning._

_Outside, in the garden in front of their home, Noël met his father who listened to his son’s troubles and deduced that what the boy needed was one fresh apple, one cooked apple and one glass of apple juice._

_The three apples had a similar effect on Noël as the anise and cinnamon had had. It did improve for a short while but then Noël was back to a cold nose like he had had before._

_At the dinner table, Noël’s sister, who, in the morning, had had a rather silly suggestion now proved to have some sense, after all. She thought for a while and then told Noël that he should try to combine all the suggestions he had received, after she noticed that all seemed to work to some extent._

_He should make himself a hot apple juice with some cinnamon and anise._

_At first, Noël was a little wary but then, he followed his sister’s advice and prepared the drink. The whole kitchen smelled so good that all of his family insisted on having a mug full of the drink as well._

_Noël took a sip, and this might have been imagination, but he felt better immediately. From this wonder cure, Noël did not only take the recipe away. He also learned that it was a good idea to ask more than one person for advice and to, if necessary, combine the advice to fit one’s precise needs._

At the bottom of the page, Dan had attached two wonderfully drawn cards of paper that said: _Hot Spiced Apple Voucher_ on them.

The story had been cute and the drawings that went alongside had please Phiphi but what made Phil especially happy was that he now had a legitimate reason to go to Costa (lot) and see a bit more of Dan.

In theory, Phil would have liked to go to Costa (lot) immediately, but what happened was that Phil quite simply fell asleep against the sofa while Phiphi crawled back to play with her toys.

It was Phiphi that woke him up again a little while later. She pinched his legs through his trousers and crawled into his lap.

“Hello there.” Phil said sleepily and pulled Phiphi closer. “Do we want to rest a little while or go and see Dada?”

This time Phil was sure he had said it because he needed to get used to that before the next day.

His mum had heard him tell this lie to the estate agent. This was one of the things she would consciously or unconsciously listen out for.

Phiphi babbled a little bit and tried climbing off Phil again, which he took as a vote for Costa (lot).

Phil stood up and carried Phiphi to the front door to put her coat and hat on. He nearly forgot about the shoes, which were not vital seeing that she would be in her pram or on his lap, but for the sake of appearing like a put together father and to spare her feet from freezing, Phil quickly put the shoes on Phiphi after all.

With time, Phil had truly become a master at pushing the pram through the door he had pushed open in such a way that required least effort but also didn’t make a racket.

Dan was behind the counter and smiled at Phil. Phil smiled back and walked over to him, cleverly walking past the bags strewn over the floor.

“Phiphi and I received a voucher for one Hot Spiced Apple drink of our choice in the Advent Calendar.” Phil said.

“Could you be speaking of Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza?” Dan asked.

“Yes.” Phil couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. It was great to see that Dan’s good spirits were back, but that did not mean that Phil needed to hide his reaction to Dan’s idiocrasies.

“You are big on vouchers, aren’t you?” Phil asked.

“Thank you.”

“Sure, that was a compliment.” Phil laughed. He saw someone making a move towards his favourite table and quickly pushed the pram into its position and picked Phiphi up.

“I’ll take the drinks over to you in a minute.” Dan said when Phil came back to the counter. “That’ll give Ashley’s a moment to cool down.”

“Perfect. Can you make yourself one too and I pay for it?” Phil asked he would not have needed to use the voucher that day if Dan was not going to spend at least a little more time with him. 

“Fine.” Dan reluctantly accepted the money.

When he gave the change to Phil, Phil put the coins into the money bank and said: “For the excellent service.”

“Thanks.” Dan answered.

Maybe Dan always had to put money into the money bank because he was the only one receiving tips from customers.

Phil did not exactly love Dan’s colleague. He got too close up into Dan’s personal space for Phil to be able to appreciate their friendship.

Today, a different colleague worked with Dan. Phil saw him say something to Dan when Phil had already sat down at the table with Phiphi again.

This colleague seemed to have a little more distance to Dan which already made him appear friendlier in Phil’s eyes.

Phil leaned back in his seat and counted Phiphi’s fingers, knees and elbows to pass the time until Dan arrived with the drinks.

“Can’t stay long.” Dan said as he sat down.

“I was going to leave anyways.” Phil rolled his eyes. He couldn’t keep doing that, he already felt a headache building up.

“What?”

“That was a joke. I know you’re working. Have this drink with us and you’re free to go. I need to do some shopping anyways. I can’t stay forever.”

Phil had not actually planned to do the shopping today, but it was not a terrible idea. Also, it seemed to put Dan’s mind at ease that there wasn’t any problem with him only being able to stay for so long.

When Dan’s younger colleague seemed to truly need Dan’s help again, a short while after the three of them had finished their Hot Spiced Apple, Dan stood up with an apologetical smile.

“Dan!” Phil called him back quickly.

“Yes?”

“Just come over whenever you’re free tomorrow. We can have breakfast and then make our way there.”

“Oh yes. Yes, of course.” Dan fumbled with his hands.

“We’ll be fine. Have a little faith!” Phil smiled and stood up to get going too.

Phil walked out of Costa (lot) with Phiphi and the pram as Dan put another coin into the money bank.

Two hot drinks with Dan would have to suffice for the day. Phil was not exactly happy about that, but the thought that he would see more of him the next day did make up for that.


	15. Outstanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap yourselves in, this is a long-ish one! <3 Enjoy! I'll see you again tomorrow! xx

** Sunday, 15th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

The moment of utter ignorance right after waking up in the morning was one of Dan’s least favourite times of the day.

He thought it was worse than the moment of realisation. When he did not know anything, he still always had the looming idea that there was something he had forgotten. It did not matter if those things turned out to be good or bad. Just the mere idea that Dan knew there was something that he had forgotten and couldn’t remember was enough to make him be afraid.

This day, the sense of dread turned out to last a little longer because Dan could not quite sort his thoughts and emotions.

He knew that something he dreaded was going to happen that day. But at the same time, he was incredibly excited and was looking forward to the day.

These feelings did not seem to go together at all.

On top of all of that, Dan was also anxious and when he did not feel like cheering, he was shivering in anticipation.

Something big must be happening.

That was as far as five minutes of concentrated thinking got Dan.

In time with the second run through of his alarm, Dan had got as far as realising that Phil was involved in all of this.

Once Dan had cursed his alarm clock sufficiently, he suddenly remembered and promptly groaned while falling back onto the mattress.

Another time, Dan would play the happy boyfriend to Phil but not only that, he would do that at Phil’s parents’ house.

It would have been easier, Dan guessed, to convince them their fake relationship was the real deal if he had never met them before.

Dan did not feel good lying to two people he really came to cherish. Kath had always been very accepting of him and Nigel had immediately relaxed once Dan had called him Nigel and not Mr Lester.

It felt wrong lying to them. He was deceiving them but had no reason or excuse to do so. He was a bad human. He wanted to help Phil but if he had really wanted to do that he would have thought of a different solution to the problem Phil had fazed that had made him come to the conclusion that Dan playing his boyfriend was the only way out.

With heavy legs, Dan got out bed and made his way to the bathroom, straight into the shower.

He hissed at the cold water, but it warmed up relatively quickly and Dan was able to slowly and gently wake himself up.

Dan dried himself off and walked back into his bedroom to select an outfit for the day. Outfit was a bit much. Dan was going to wear skinny black jeans, but he needed to pick a top.

He went for a black and white plaid button down. When he realised that could look a little too formal, it was already too late to change into something else.

In a bit of a hurry, Dan managed to arrive at the bus stop in time. He sat down and had caught his breath by the time he arrived at Costa.

He opened the doors and set the machinery running.

He and Cameron had had many discussions on whether they were allowed to make coffees at all after taking a pill when it said you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery.

Cameron simply wanted to skive off work, but Dan liked arguing with him no matter what it was about.

Dan had his first cup of coffee in his hand when Cameron came walking into the café.

“Why are you all dressed to the nines? Visiting the in-laws?” Cameron asked.

Dan hated himself for it, but he choked on the coffee and coughed.

“No way! Bang on! I should start playing the lottery!” Cameron grinned. “Or I could use the money for a worthy cause.” His grin turned a little meaner. Slowly, he pulled his wallet out and put a five-pound note in the money bank.

“Isn’t that nice of you.” Dan mumbled and took another sip of coffee. He wasn’t mad that he only had two hours to work that day.

Both Cameron and Dan survived the shift which Dan would not have thought to be very likely with how the day had started.

Cameron winked a ridiculous amount of times as Dan left the café, but Dan paid him no mind. He could not let Cameron work him up like that.

Dan took his phone out of his pocket and saw that Phil had written him a message.

Dan quickly got onto the bus that would take him home as he had forgotten the presents he had bought at the end of his shift the day before.

Once Dan was seated, he opened the message.

Sorry.

Dan’s heart was beating quickly. What did that mean?

?!?!??!?!

Dan’s reply wasn’t terribly elaborate but neither had Phil’s message been.

Luckily, Dan did not have to wait long for a response.

Sorry we don’t get to craft today.

Craft?

Your note told me to get ready for crafting.

Dan slapped his hand against his forehead. After missing one of his carefully put together boxes for Ashley’s photoshoot, he would have thought that he wouldn’t miss another one.

Evidently, he had missed this box, though.

Oh, we will craft, Mr Lester!

Is that a threat?

Yes, thank you.

Stop taking everything I say as a compliment.

Thank you.

Stop it.

Thanks.

Bye.

Thanks.

RUDE!

I’ll be there 30 min tops so have tea ready.

You wish.

Thanks!

Dan, I swear…

Actually, that made sense. Sorry.

Thanks.

B Y E !

Dan grinned at his phone like the fool he was. He put it away quickly and impatiently waited for his stop to come.

He jumped out of the bus and ran to his apartment. He had five minutes until the bus to Phil’s place left again.

In record time, Dan collected everything he needed and actually sprinted back to the bus stop.

Once again, at the end of the bus journey, Dan had calmed down sufficiently to appear mildly fit and not on the verge of death.

Dan rang the doorbell to Phil’s place and diligently ran through the album names in his head.

Phil opened the door and said: “2nd Showbiz.”

“Straight on.” Dan laughed.

“Amazing!” Phil stepped aside and took the box Dan had carried from him. “What’s in the bag?” he asked.

“A present.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“For your parents.” Dan mumbled.

“Oh. That’s sweet of you. You’re the perfect son-in-law.” Phil walked off into the living room, and Dan had time to get out of his shoes and jacket while encouraging his face to cool off.

“What did you think of the story?” Dan asked as he joined Phil and Ash in the living room.

“I only read your note.” Phil smiled. “You have the honours again today. I’ll get the tea and you can get comfortable.”

Phil handed Ashley over to Dan who took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth gently.

“Try not to make her burp, I wouldn’t want her to ruin your lovely shirt.” Phil told him, leaving Dan with another face-cooling exercise to complete until he came back.

Dan sat down with Ash on his lap and took deep breaths.

Phil came back with a tray of tea, and Dan rehearsed for the afternoon and pretended that he was absolutely fine.

“15th of December, Ornament.” Dan read.

“Uhhh!” Phil said. Dan looked at him. “Sorry. I am genuinely excited. Do read. I won’t disturb you again. Do read. Sorry. I’ll be quiet now. Sorry. Sorry.” Phil said. “Sorry.” He added in a whisper.

“You’re fine.” Dan sighed and started reading the story.

**ORNAMENT**

_One of the most ludicrous and adorable habit of human beings is that of attaching meaning and value to objects. Similar to love which can have a bigger or smaller meaning depending on the individual, also objects can have different meanings and value and therefore worth for different people._

_Heirlooms are considered very worthy because of their age and their life-journey. Some materials are by nature considered more valuable than others, which usually has to do with their rarity._

_Come to it, it seems like all valuable possessions seem to be so incredibly worthy because they are rare. We often only have one thing of the kind or know that we bought this one thing at that one place at that one time and because time travel has not been perfected yet, we can’t possibly buy it exactly then and there again, and even if we could it wouldn’t be the same because we would be buying it for the second and not the first time._

_There are people who are less inclined to hang on to possessions than others._

_Throughout the year I always consider myself to be of the first kind. I like the things I own but I am nearly completely indifferent to having them exchanged for something else._

_Only around Christmas time, I have to admit that a deep attachment to objects can be found even in me – I know, shocker!_

_My weak spots are ornaments. Usually, I get ornaments as a gift. Therefore, when someone thought I would particularly enjoy an ornament and they give it to me, I form an immediate emotional bond with said ornament._

_My two in that sense most precious ornaments are first of all a little stuffed bear I have been given for my first ever Christmas from my aunt and uncle who went to Canada that year. Every year, it’s been the first ornament to go up and the last to go down._

_The second ornament I value above anything else is a very simple blackboard-esque piece of chalk on which your father wrote ‘festive ornament’. It’s ridiculous and it’s understanding. It’s my perfect gift._

_Other favourite ornaments of mine are ones that I made myself because in them I see reflected that all humans are flawed and not everyone is going to be talented at everything._

_Get your craft things ready, today, we are making an ornament._

“You do have a tendency to get a little dark in your stories.” Phil grinned.

“Sorry.”

“No. It’s you. It’s great.”

Dan busied himself with showing Ashley the pictures he had taken of the ornaments he had mentioned in the story. He had both drawn them and taken pictures of them, because as he had said, he was a highly flawed human being and his drawings were not exactly true to life, or well, inanimate objects.

“What sort of crafting do you have in mind for today?” Phil asked.

“Why? Do you think I am being too ambitious?”

“No. It’s just… We have to be at mum and dad’s at like 12 she said.”

“Oh. Right. Of course.” Dan fumbled with the paper. For some glorious five minutes he had forgotten about what the day still withheld.

“Why do you always get so nervous?” Phil laughed and shuffled closer. He poked Dan’s cheek. “We will be fine.”

Dan started smiling. Phil’s smile widened as well.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Your dimple. Now, I know you’re fine.”

“Do you?” Dan sighed but let Phil pull him and Ash up.

“Let’s see what Dada has in store for us, Phiphi.” Phil said and tickled Ashley.

“Phil.” Dan complained.

“It’s rehearsal for later.” Phil shrugged and grinned.

“Let’s show Dad how it’s done.” Dan said while squinting at Phil.

“Lead the way, dream team.” Phil crossed his arms.

Dan was deeply resentful that he should have the final word, but he could not, for the life of him, find something to say to that.

As good as Dan could, he instructed Phil and in parts Phiphi too on what they needed to do to create some cookie cutters filled with plastic fir and holly, kept from falling out with some gold wire that was spiked with pearls and other beads.

Phil laughed at Dan for ten minutes at least, when he used the word ‘spiked’ to describe the wire, but Dan stood above that – and took revenge with tickling Phil.

The ornaments were completed, and everything was put away just in time for one last cup of tea before they would have to leave for lunch and then tea at Phil’s parents’ place.

“Do I need to know anything before we go?” Dan asked, clutching his tea tightly.

“You know them better than I do, I am sure.” Phil laughed. Dan didn’t, so Phil got serious too.

“No. There is nothing you need to know. We have the dates, we have our natural chemistry, and we have the great talent to be able to improvise.”

Why could Phil talk about all of this without any qualms? Dan was basically stuttering in thought!

“Great. Yeah. I’ll go with the flow.” Dan said, staring into his tea.

“And you’ll just be yourself. It’s not like you have to be scared they won’t like you. You know them.”

“Not like this!” Dan protested.

“So what? They are going to love you even more now.”

Dan thought that was an incredibly unfair remark to make when Phil was obviously planning on telling them at some, hopefully distant point in the future, that they had broken up and even later, perhaps, that everything had been a hoax.

How could Dan relax when Phil said they would love him even more now? That only meant that the fall from grace would be even more painful.

Not that any grace was involved of course.

Phil put his cup away, and Dan followed suit. They went to the front door. Phil first put a jacket on Ashley and then put his own on.

Dan put his jacket on, which was still Phil’s coat. He slipped into his shoes. Phil’s were more complicated, so Dan took care of Ashley’s shoes and knitted hat.

When he straightened his back, he saw Phil’s phone pointing at him.

“What are you doing?”

“Evidence.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. You fool. Evidence for this.” Phil said and leaned in to kiss Dan’s cheek. Dan felt himself blushing furiously once again.

“Fine!” Dan said weekly.

“You’re both very cute.” Phil said, straightening first Ashley’s and then Dan’s jacket.

“And we’re good to go.” Phil announced and opened the door.

Phil only had to run back to get the assortment of presents from the flat but otherwise, they were well and truly on their way.

Once they got into the bus, Dan got seriously nervous again. Phil noticed and took his hand which did not make it any better really, but Dan was thankful for it anyways. He held onto Phil’s hand tightly and kept the other on the pram.

At some point in life, he would have to answer for his decisions, but now, he needed to focus on the situation at hand and survive that as good as he could.

Dan and Phil lifted the pram down the step of the bus and set out towards the Lester family home.

Phil rang the doorbell and put an arm around Dan’s waist.

“Phil.” Dan hissed which got translated as an invitation to kiss Dan’s cheek in Phil’s head, apparently.

“Phil.” Dan whined.

“There you are.” Kath said, causing Dan to nearly jump out of his skin. “It’s great to see you. Come on in. Come in. Lunch is nearly done. Join Nigel in the dining room. I’ll be right there.”

Kath quickly squeezed first Dan and then Phil before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Can’t you warn me before you do that?” Dan whispered.

“It would be highly inauthentic if I did that.” Phil grinned. He was amusing himself way too much.

“Oh, it is on.” Dan said. He got out of his jacket and then took care of Ashley’s. He took her shoes of and picked her out of the pram.

“If you want to play the perfect couple, you’ll get the perfect boyfriend.”

There was nothing saying only Phil could amuse himself. As long as Dan looked at this as some sort of competition, he could even get through the afternoon.

With Ash on his arms, Dan went to the dining room and said hello to Nigel who smiled warmly and took Ashley out of Dan’s arms.

Kath came back surprisingly quickly, just in time with Phil, actually.

Phil walked over to his father, and Kath joined Dan’s side.

“I am glad to see your lovers’ tiff being resolved.” Kath said.

“It wasn’t a lovers’…” Dan accidentally protested.

“Now, now. Everyone is bound to disagree once in a while. It shows how strong your relationship is when you talk your way through things.” She stroked Dan’s cheek and suddenly called: “Lunch!”, making Dan jump for a second time already.

Phil snickered, which was Dan’s cue to get his head into the competition.

Phil’s POV 

Phil’s mornings were hardly ever exciting. Sometimes, he woke up with the sense of imminent danger because of a ridiculous dream he had had, but that always passed, obviously.

Normally, however, Phil woke up, let consciousness slowly take over and then started tackling the day as well as he was capable.

He had long learned not to have too high ambitions because that usually lead to every singly hope being shattered and him not doing any of the things he had planned.

As long as he was realistic with only the slightest hint of ambition, he had the highest chance of being successful.

This day, Phil woke up with no dream scaring him seconds before waking up. He opened his eyes when he woke up, rolled over in bed and closed his eyes again.

He did not fall asleep again, but he did relax and managed to greet the day calmly.

When Phil was tired of lying in bed – pun intended – he stood up and got dressed in some sweatpants. He checked his phone and groaned.

His mother had written to him, which was not exactly a reason to groan.

Looking forward to seeing you later!

Phil was looking forward to seeing his mother and father again. He was also looking forward to going to see them with both Phiphi and Dan.

The reason why Phil had groaned was simply that this text and reminder meant that he had to get dressed properly.

Phil checked the time and saw that it was half past seven, so really not that much need to stress about outfits already.

Phil could have breakfast first, wait for Phiphi to wake up or for Dan to arrive, whichever came first, and then, he would change into something that his mother would allow him to travel through town with.

Silently, Phil checked on Phiphi in her room. When he found her sleeping peacefully, Phil quickly walked to the living room, skipping his morning cup of tea for the moment and running straight to the Advent Calendar.

Phil let himself fall onto the sofa and pulled the box onto his lap.

He opened the 15th flap and pried the envelope through the narrow opening.

There was indeed another note waiting for Phil. Dan had not disappointed Phil one single day. And should there ever be a day where he did not write to him, Phil would also not be disappointed because every single note of Dan was an additional cherry on top of the cake that was Phiphi’s Advent Calendar.

Phil pulled his knees into his chest and opened the note.

_Happy Sunday!_

_I can’t remember ever wishing you that. I frankly don’t know why I should have started now. I was getting tired of writing ‘Good morning’ on top of every note. Also, I can’t really know when you will read this – as in which time of day._

_I know you well but what sort of sorcerer am I to know when exactly you will read this?!_

_Never before have I thought of writing sorcerer before thinking of wizard. Insane. I think I might need to get some sleep._

_Fifteen stories is decent for a day, isn’t it? Even if I had all of them planned – which took another day, not that you would possibly care about the particulars._

_Yes. I think I need to sleep a little._

_Oh, before I end the note here, I should let you know the reason I started the note in the first place: It would be great if you could prepare yourself physically and mentally for doing some crafting!_

_Yes, that’s right, sir, get ready to craft!!!!_

_Woah. Four exclamation marks. It is time for me to go to sleep. See you tomorrow!_

_Dan._

Dan was the epitome of adorable. It was unbelievable really.

Phil was already looking forward to crafting with Dan and Phiphi when he remembered the plans they had made for the day already.

With a heart that was maybe a little too heavy, Phil grabbed his phone and wrote a simple text to Dan.

Sorry.

Afterwards, Phil decided it was no longer any use to prolong Phiphi’s sleep and his getting dressed.

He would quickly take care of Phiphi and then, he would get dressed without the danger of Phiphi crossing his plans with puke very precisely on the one piece of clothing he had actually put effort in.

When both Phiphi and Phil were dressed in a way that not even his mother had anything to say against, Phil received a text from Dan.

?!?!??!?!

Dan’s text was essentially Dan’s alternative to not being able to text one single interrobang.

After a series of texts, Phil had managed to explain himself but had also already been reassured by Dan that they were indeed still going to craft.

A couple silly texts later, Phil ended the conversation. He grabbed Phiphi, sat her down on his lap with a picture book in her hand and went to work at his desk.

This was the last time he could get some work done. There were a couple of mails he needed to reply to. There was one mail from his estate agent who wanted to schedule another meeting for Tuesday. Phil would have to check that with Dan, but because the agent had RSVPed the mail, he quickly wrote that he would check the time with Dan, but it looked like they would make it.

When the majority of mails was dealt with, Phiphi wiggled around in Phil’s lap, so Phil put her back down on the carpet and let her play with her toys while he created a draft for an article that had been playing around in his mind for a while. It was about the importance of reading out loud, and it was god knows not the first piece written on the subject, but it would be good to contribute to the mass anyways.

The doorbell immediately made Phil jump up from his chair. He ran to the door and threw it open, having the reasonable hope that it was Dan who had rang.

It had happened before that Phil had scared a post man with being too eager in opening the door.

It was Dan.

Dan, wrapped in Phil’s coat.

He looked amazing as usual.

“2nd Showbiz.” Phil guessed.

“Straight on.” Dan laughed. Objectively speaking, he was one of the most beautiful people Phil knew

“Amazing!” Phil needed to get back into the moment. “What’s in the bag?” Phil asked.

“A present.”

“You shouldn’t have.” It was a relief Phil could still be normal.

“For your parents.” Dan said quietly.

“Oh. That’s sweet of you. You’re the perfect son-in-law.” Fine, maybe not completely normal, but Dan was hardly making it easy for him!

Dan did try to make himself appear like the perfect son-in-law. It was dizzying to think Phil had to play along to that.

In the living room, everything was back to their now almost normal December routine which Phil enjoyed a lot.

It was nearly all perfectly normal, apart from the fact that Dan looked unlawfully good in the smart button down and wind-untidy brown curls. Phil needed some time to breathe in the kitchen, but when he came back, he was ready to function again.

After a little bit of overexcitement on Phil’s part, Dan started reading the story, both Phiphi and Phil listening closely to his every word.

Once again, Phil felt strangely but still comfortably warm when Dan wrote about an ornament he cherished especially, an ornament that Phil had given him no less!

When Dan had finished, Phil tried to find his way back to something useful to say and opted for: “You do have a tendency to get a little dark in your stories.”

He needed to put more work into his replies, clearly.

“Sorry.” Dan mumbled.

“No. It’s you. It’s great.”

Dan was quiet afterwards but hopefully not terribly unhappily so.

“What sort of crafting do you have in mind for today?” Phil asked after a while.

“Why? Do you think I am being too ambitious?” Dan was already a little defensive.

“No. It’s just… We have to be at mum and dad’s at like 12 she said.” Phil felt a little awkward, but that was hardly a new sensation to him – around Dan it was, admittedly, but not in general.

“Oh. Right. Of course.”

“Why do you always get so nervous?” Phil tried laughing Dan’s nervousness away.

Phil poked Dan’s cheek where he knew his dimple to hide. “We will be fine.”

Dan’s dimple appeared making Phil smile brighter. “What?” Dan asked.

“Your dimple. Now, I know you’re fine.”

“Do you?”

Phil pulled Dan and Phiphi up and said: “Let’s see what Dada has in store for us, Phiphi.”

“Phil.” Dan said a little shocked and only then did Phil realise what he had said. 

“It’s rehearsal for later.” Phil credited himself for being a decent actor.

“Let’s show Dad how it’s done.” Dan gave his best shot at a glare, but it was warm and not cold shivers that ran down Phil’s spine, which was a completely fine oxymoron.

“Lead the way, dream team.” Phil challenged Dan, and Dan accepted the challenge.

The ornaments they had crafted were all done. They had helped Phiphi create one for herself. There was one they had all contributed to and there was one that was a present for Phil’s parents.

Phil had taken a few pictures of Dan and Phiphi together and set one he had taken a couple of days earlier as his phone background quickly.

Before they left for lunch, they had tea in the kitchen and Phil tried his best to calm Dan down as good as he could.

When Phil listed all the things they had in their favour, he felt himself calm down.

They did have the necessary dates, they had natural chemistry and talent to improvise. They would be fine.

Phil had been more nervous than he had acknowledged. It was a good thing he had not shared that worry with Dan.

Now, they both seemed to be fine.

In front of the door while getting dressed, Phil sneaked another picture of Dan with Phiphi. This time Dan caught him though.

“What are you doing?”

“Evidence.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. You fool. Evidence for this.” Phil quickly kissed Dan’s cheek.

Phil marvelled at the fact that he had got used to doing that quite quickly. It was a lot of fun to see Dan’s reaction which was not unlike that from movies. He was a good actor.

Also, it was simply a nice way of showing affection for someone.

“Fine!” Dan relented.

“You’re both very cute.” Phil said, straightening out Phiphi and Dan’s jacket. “And we’re good to go.” Phil said, opened the door and quickly returned for the bag of presents they had shortly neglected.

Because Dan seemed a little nervous, Phil took his hand on the bus right which Dan held onto tightly.

In front of his parents’ house, Phil switched it up slightly and put his arm around Dan’s waist. He decided that would seem more natural.

“Phil.” Dan hissed.

Phil kissed Dan’s cheek to pay back for his tone.

“Phil.” Dan whined.

“There you are.” Phil’s mum surprised them both, but Dan more by the looks of it. Dan jumped.

“It’s great to see you. Come on in. Come in. Lunch is nearly done. Join Nigel in the dining room. I’ll be right there.”

After a quick hug, Phil’s mum went into the kitchen, leaving them alone again.

“Can’t you warn me before you do that?” Dan whispered.

“It would be highly inauthentic if I did that.” Phil smiled. It was quite relieving that Phil could find excused for everything he did.

“Oh, it is on.” Dan said. He took off his jacket and helped Phiphi before he turned back to Phil and said: “If you want to play the perfect couple, you’ll get the perfect boyfriend.”

To Phil this clearly read as both a promise and a threat.

In equal measures, he was scared and excited.

After taking care of himself, Phil followed Dan and Phiphi into the living room.

His mother came into the room at the same time as him. Phil steered clear of her for the moment and joined his dad who had Phiphi on his arms, looking content.

Phil’s mother joined Dan, but Phil really did not need to worry about him. His competitive side had taken over. He had this in the bag.

“Thank you for inviting us.” Phil said.

“All your mum’s doing.” His father shrugged. “I am glad the three of you came.”

“As are we.” Phil assured him.

“Lunch!” Phil’s mum called before anyone could have said something else.

Phil picked Phiphi out of his father’s arms and made his way over to the table. He sat down with Phiphi on his lap. Dan stepped behind him and massaged his shoulders which might have looked innocent and kind from the outside, but which Phil knew to be an attack.

Phil ignored Dan’s attack and enjoyed the free massage. He closed his eyes, but his mother was putting an end to his pleasures with urging Dan to sit down.

Lunch passed uneventfully after that short episode. Dan and Phil took turns feeding Phiphi and otherwise just chatted with Phil’s parents the way they had always done when they visited them.

After lunch, the four of them went on a walk. Phiphi was clever and slept in her buggy. That was in any case less taxing than holding Dan’s hand and having him giggle and laugh at all the stories Phil’s dad saw fit to share.

Phil did not think Dan was only pretending to enjoy himself, he wasn’t that good an actor, but this was the first time Phil had ever experienced Dan enjoying himself from this close.

Phil was happy when they returned to the house again, naïvely thinking that things would get better inside again.

That was a very stupid hope to have.

It looked like Dan was all the more determined to make Phil’s life difficult.

It started with his mother suggesting they played a game of cards before having tea. Dan, who enjoyed board games but not necessarily card games, eagerly agreed. He put Phiphi down in his lap and sat close to Phil. That much was normal. Also, Dan hooking his leg over Phil’s ‘to get closer to the table’, was not completely unheard of – in the privacy of their, or well Phil’s home.

Phil felt like it was quite the step to do this in front of his parents, but he could not possibly say anything, which Dan knew very well.

Throughout the game, Dan kept putting his head on Phil’s shoulder, snuggling closer. The feeling was so nice that only at the fourth time did Phil notice that Dan was cheating.

“You cheat.” Phil whispered close into Dan’s ear. Dan shivered visibly which Phil took as him winning this round.

When Dan had got even closer to Phil, Phil decided it was time to go to the bathroom. He escaped Dan’s clutches. Once he was standing, he instinctively pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head.

Quicker, than he had planned to, Phil made his way out of the room. He ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

Why did he not have to think about pressing a kiss to Dan’s head?

Those were the sorts of things he was supposed to keep in mind to do for today. It was not something he should do because he felt like doing it!

Eventually, Phil left the bathroom and joined the party in the living room.

“See, Ash? No need to worry. Dad is here too.” Dan said as Phil came inside. He kissed Phiphi’s cheek. Her chin de-crumbled again, so she was off the verge of tears.

“Sorry.” Phil said.

“You should be, you lost.” Dan grinned.

“Come and help me get everything for tea.” His mum said before he could sit down.

Phil sighed but obediently followed his mother into the kitchen.

Phil carried the tray full of things into the living room and set the table. He returned to the kitchen, but his mother had already grabbed the cake.

Phil filled a glass with water and followed her back into the living room.

“I am very happy you two made it.” Phil’s mum whispered to Phil. Why she should choose to speak to him now instead of when they were alone in the kitchen, Phil could not say.

“Don’t you mean made up?” Phil made the mistake of engaging in the conversation.

“No. Made it.” She answered. Phil drank a sip of water. “I am happy you made it. I am happy you are boyfriends. I am happy you finally had the guts to ask him to be your boyfriend. It was high time if you ask me.”

Phil had bravely tried to continue drinking despite having the urge to cough.

At his mother’s last sentence, however, Phil couldn’t hold it in anymore and spit the water out.

“And that, Ash-girl, is _not_ how you drink. You better copy Dada. You’ll fare better.” Dan said. He picked Phiphi up and came over to Phil.

Phil wiped the water off his chin with the back of his hand. Dan grinned and leaned close to press a kiss onto Phil’s cheek.

To avert the general and in particular his own attention, Phil took Phiphi into his arms and sat down at the table, ready to enjoy some cake.

Phil would not have thought it possible, but somehow, he survived the afternoon. Dan had not made jokes when he had threatened Phil.

Of course, Phil could not have been happier. Dan had indeed been the perfect boyfriend, son-in-law, and father-figure for Phiphi, but all three in one afternoon paired with Dan’s gorgeous smile and shirt that accentuated everything nice about Dan’s body – which was a lot! – Phil could not be blamed if he could not stand the torture for much longer.

At the end of their visit, Dan and Phil remembered the presents they had stored in Phiphi’s pram.

Phil’s mum was delighted and hugged all three of them tightly.

To Phil she whispered: “Keep this one, please.”

On the journey back to Phil’s place, Phil was itching to hold Dan’s hand again, but that must have been because he was still stuck in the fantasy and their surprisingly good pretending earlier.

Phil knew that Dan would have to work early the next day. He also knew that he had had a lot of his company and revelled in it, but that he could not and should not expose himself to anymore.

Despite those two facts, Phil was still disappointed when Dan did not walk into Phil’s apartment but turned to leave already.

“Thank you for today, Dan. You were amazing. Beyond amazing. Thank you.” Phil said quickly.

“I had a good time.” Dan sounded tired.

“Oh, Dan. I am sorry to do this, but could you make it to another appointment on Tuesday?”

“Text me the details.” Dan yawned.

“Yes. I will. Get to bed. Safe journey.” Phil babbled. “Thank you, Dan.”

“My pleasure.” Dan rubbed his eyes, raised his hand in a weak salute and walked down the stairs.

While putting Phiphi to bed, Phil had the feeling that he had a lot to unpack from the day, but when he got to his room, he lay down and almost immediately fell asleep.


	16. Patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjooooy! Have a good week! xx

** Monday, 16th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

For the first time in quite a while, Dan experienced a serious Monday slump.

Normally, Dan was indifferent to the days of the week. He needed to get up as early on a Sunday as he did on a Monday, so it did not matter to him which day it was.

Really, today too, it was more simply a slump he experienced, and this happened to be on a Monday. It was not a proper Monday slump he had experienced in school, for instance.

The slump was, unsurprisingly, caused by no other than Phil.

Dan had had an amazing day with him, his daughter and his parents on Sunday, but therein lay the problem.

Dan was pretty sure that he was not supposed to have had this great a day when it had been mutually agreed that they were only pretending.

They had needed to play pretend because Phil wanted a good apartment for him and Ashley, and his mother had happened to witness the show Dan and Phil put on for the estate agent, so they needed to play before her too.

To make it more realistic, they couldn’t just decline an offer for lunch and tea.

The longer Dan thought about it, the clearer it became, that there must have been another way to deal with everything.

Now, they were undoubtedly too deep in everything to blow the whole thing off.

For Dan, this meant that he should quickly start gathering strength so that he could possibly find his way back to a life where he could not even pretend for a day or two that he was this close to Phil.

Twice, Dan had survived playing Phil’s boyfriend already. A third time was coming up soon.

Phil wanted him to come along to an estate agent thing on Tuesday. Dan could not abandon the mission now. Also, he wanted to live the fantasy again. The problem was, he knew that it was not in the least sensible of him to do so.

Dan groaned and finally sat up silencing his annoying alarm properly. He needed to get to work and try to imagine already being back at the ‘alone forever because incurably in love with best friend’ stage in life, with the difference that he now had had a bit of a taste what it would feel like to actually experience receiving Phil’s love in return.

Phil had portrayed the act so well the day before that Dan had for once not stopped himself from showing at parts more affection than he was comfortable with.

He had sat close to him, on him at times, and he had kissed Phil’s cheek and teased him in a way that was not exactly supposed for him to do.

Dan missed Phil already.

Forcefully, Dan stood up and walked to the bathroom. He needed to return to a sane mindset, quickly.

Dan got dressed. It did not take quite as long as it had taken the day before, because, this time he did not have to impress a boyfriend or parents-in-law. Not that Dan had tried to impress Phil the day before, of course…

Dan was not getting rid of thoughts about Phil. He needed to change something. Quickly.

Even more quickly, however, he needed to leave for the bus and get to work.

With a mood that was not exactly flying high, Dan opened Costa and waited for Cameron to arrive.

Cameron arrived. Dan’s mood was not lifted, but for a while, Cameron managed to distract him at least.

Toward their lunchbreak, he tried asking Dan about the afternoon before, but after now years of working with him, he was pretty good at ignoring him completely.

In the lunchbreak, Dan fled Costa and bought himself some take-away noodles and sat down on a bench while he checked his phone.

Phil had written a message to him with the exact time the agent had scheduled a meeting with a prospective landlord.

Dan’s heart beat quickly once again only at reading Phil’s name and now even more so after he had finished his text and understood what that was about.

The appointment was scheduled for a half hour before Dan was free from work. He would need to do some shifting around and hope that someone could take his place.

I’ll check and let you know.

Dan waited for the rest of the lunchbreak for Phil to write back, but he had to get back before another message of him had reached him.

He could as well just go to Phil’s place later and tell him then. He wanted to see Ashley anyways. Any excuse to go over and pay the two of them a visit would always work with Dan.

Dan waited with finding a substitute for himself for the next day until another of his colleagues had arrived. It was highly futile to just discuss matters with Cameron alone.

When a colleague arrived a little before it was time for Dan and Cameron to pack their things, Dan cleared his throat, which was stupid because Cameron stopped doing whatever it was, he had done, clutched his heart and looked at Dan with gigantic eyes.

“I would need to leave a little earlier tomorrow. Would you be able to come in say, an hour before to make things easier with calculating payments and stuff?” Dan asked.

“An hour?” Cameron tried to whisper. “Daniel!”

“Cameron, shush. I wasn’t talking to you.” Dan hissed.

“I can manage an hour earlier.” The sensible of Dan’s colleagues said.

“Great. Thank you.” Dan smiled and walked into the back to get his, or still Phil’s jacket.

Dan came back to the front and Cameron smiled kindly at him, which was always a bad sign.

“Dan. I want to say something.”

“I have got the feeling that I don’t want you to say something.” Dan said slowly and buttoned up his coat.

“No, you’ll love this.” Cameron said, and Dan knew he wouldn’t.

“My theory is that you are going on a date tomorrow, so you can’t stay until the end of your shift.” Cameron paused. Dan kept his poker face.

“And you just proved me right.” He grinned, and Dan accepted defeat. “Because this is your second date, it is absolutely necessary that you bring your date to our Christmas party on Thursday!”

“What?” Dan’s mouth fell open.

“Don’t act surprised. I collected a pound from everyone and we’re having a party on Thursday! You have to bring your date. That’s a must. You won’t be admitted without a date.”

“Is everyone bringing dates?” Dan asked warily.

“Sure.” Cameron shrugged.

“You really won’t allow me in without a date?”

“You know me.” Cameron beamed.

“I do.” Dan sighed.

“That’s settled then.”

“Nothing is settled.” Dan protested.

“Everything is settled, darling, and now off you pop to see the love of your life.”

“You’re despicable.”

“My best feature I am told.” Cameron said.

Dan was already leaving but he turned around and was sure he would have shot the best look over the rim of his glasses to Cameron the world had ever seen, if Dan were even wearing glasses.

Dan left Costa and was sadly relieved that he had another excuse to go to Phil. He could now agree to the appointment on Tuesday and he would ask about Thursday.

Cameron would let Dan participate at the Christmas party even without a date, but it would be great to make him shut up once and for all.

Also, surely, Dan had at least one favour he could ask off Phil.

With quick steps, Dan climbed the stairs to Phil’s apartment. He rang the doorbell and went through the album names in his head.

The door opened and Phil smiled at him. Dan smiled back.

“Hello.” Phil said.

Something was wrong. Phil did not usually miss an opportunity to say a muse album title.

“I just finished at Costa.” Dan said.

“Good for you.”

Something was certainly wrong! Dan had set Phil up to say ‘lot’ because Dan had said ‘Costa’ but nothing!

Phil’s smile didn’t look as bright on closer examination either.

What was wrong.

“I came to tell you that Tuesday should be fine…” Dan let his voice trail off, not sure how to address the question he wanted to ask.

“You needn’t have come to say that.”

“I can leave again…” Dan frowned. What was wrong?

“Phil?” a voice that wasn’t Dan’s own called from inside Phil’s place.

Now, Dan turned to leave. This was a little much to handle.

“See you tomorrow.” Dan said. “If you even still need me.” he added in a whisper.

Phil grabbed Dan’s wrist and stopped him from leaving at the same time as a man walked out of the living room.

“This is my colleague Jimmy, who came over so that we can work together.”

“Hi, you must be Dan.” Jimmy said with a friendly smile. Dan didn’t like him. “I wanted to ask about the percentage of tea I am allowed to take from the pot, but that can wait.”

“Jimmy.” Phil groaned.

“I was already leaving again.”

“What? Why?” Phil asked, turning back to him, not letting go off Dan’s wrist.

“Christmas presents and such. Just a quick question before I go.” Dan needed to ask this now, or he would never have the guts to do it. “Would you care to join me on Thursday for a Christmas party with my colleagues in the café?”

“Sure.” Phil sounded surprised.

“Great. See you tomorrow.” Dan said. He made use of the element of surprise and tore himself free from Phil’s grip.

“See you.” Phil said, and Dan quickly walked down the stairs.

Outside, while waiting for the bus to take him to his own place, Dan was disappointed. He was disappointed because he had come to Phil’s place not least of all because he wanted to see Ash, but he was also disappointed that a colleague of Phil’s who Dan was sure was somewhat friendly after all had made him flee Phil’s place.

Dan did not have a lot of friends. That was to say, Cameron was a good friend and Phil was his best friend. It felt weird that Phil should have someone that could push Dan away.

Especially with their lie having to end at some point and the privileged position being taken away from Dan again, he could not afford to have to give up his post as a best friend too.

The bus arrived and took Dan to his place, where he did what he had said he would do. He worked on Ashley’s Christmas present while trying to think as little as possible about what Phil and Jimmy were doing at the moment.

It was not at all difficult for Dan to realise he was jealous. He was jealous because he was afraid of no longer having a best friend, but he was obviously also jealous, because he bloody loved Phil bloody Lester!

When if not now was it justifiable for Dan to be jealous?

Phil’s POV 

Phil woke up because of his phone. He was pretty sure that he had not set himself an alarm the evening before, though.

Groggily, Phil sat up and reached for his phone. It had buzzed a couple of times but was not ringing now.

Phil unlocked the phone and saw four new messages. Excitedly, he clicked on them, only to be a little disappointed when he saw that the messages were not from Dan but from his fellow journalist colleague person Jimmy.

Good morning Phil.

Thought I’d let you know that I am getting

on the bus as I type.

You do remember asking me to come over

today, don’t you?

Well, in any case, I’ll be at your door in ten.

Enough time for you to get pretty.

Phil sighed. He had of course not remembered doing any such thing. Jimmy was right. After cancelling on him when Dan had come over, Phil had suggested this Monday, thinking it would be a good idea to get the socialising out of the way at the beginning of the week – yes, that was about how much of a social person Phil was.

I could not sleep because I was so excited to

have you in my humble dwellings.

Also, I always look pretty.

After writing to Jimmy, Phil quickly took a shower and got dressed in proper pants. Jimmy would not mind sweatpants, in fact, Phil would be highly surprised if he would arrive with something other than the trusted sweats. Phil felt more comfortable around work colleagues in proper clothing, though.

Phil quickly put the kettle on and tidied the kitchen table so that they could start working there.

In the last second, Phil remembered to text Dan the details about the appointment he had already somewhat agreed to. Phil did not want to text Dan while he was working with someone. Least of all someone like Jimmy who would make sure to read the texts Phil was writing.

All was set and Phil only had to wait for Jimmy for a couple of minutes before he rang the doorbell. Phil walked to the front door in a pace he hoped was neither too eager nor too indifferent.

That was the good thing with Dan. There, Phil could run as fast as he wanted or take as long as he needed. Dan would always understand and never judge him for anything.

“You look amazing.” Jimmy said when Phil opened the door.

“As do you.” Phil said drily. Jimmy was indeed wearing the sweatpants Phil had anticipated.

Before either of them started working on anything, they had a cup of tea together which somehow resulted in Phil pouring his heart out to Jimmy about what he was going through currently.

“He didn’t have to say yes, of course, but I still feel bad to have asked him in the first place. He does have better things to do in his free time than pretending to be my boyfriend.” Phil said.

A lot of the things, he noticed, he had nearly thought sometimes, but never even tried to express.

“If he is fine with helping you, I guess, you can accept the help and make the most of it.” Jimmy smiled.

“Make the most of it?” Phil asked. Jimmy’s smile widened, so Phil quickly said: “You know what, I don’t even care what you were going to say. Drop it.”

Jimmy shrugged and took a sip of tea. “You do know I am terribly disappointed that you did not ask me to be your fake boyfriend.”

“We have met like three times before this.” Phil rolled his eyes.

“But I know you like no one else does.” Jimmy said and clutched Phil’s hand.

“Get off, idiot. Dan knows me best of all people. It made perfect sense to ask him. I am the most comfortable around him too which is the most authentic. We make a great couple.”

“A great fake couple.”

“Yes. Like I said.” Phil frowned.

Jimmy laughed but would not tell why he was doing so. Phil let it drop and suggested they get some work done. Jimmy agreed and the two of them moved over into the living room.

Jimmy settled down at the desk while Phil went to take care of Phiphi. He sang to Phiphi, changed her nappies and fed her in the kitchen.

“Dan is a saint to put up with all of this. I think you should pay him after all.”

“He has ‘put up’ with this even before he was my boyfriend.”

“Fake boyfriend.” Jimmy interjected.

“Yes.” Phil waved him off. “I don’t need to pay him. I pay for dinner when he comes over anyways.”

“I see.”

“What do you see?”

“Boyfriends.”

“Fake boyfriends.” Phil did not know why Jimmy was so inconsistent with insisting on the ‘fake’. Not that he cared or that it mattered. They needed to get started with work so that Jimmy would leave before Dan potentially came.

Phil enjoyed working with Jimmy, even if he did not exactly want to. They worked well together and because Jimmy insisted on paying, Phil did not have anything to say against ordering some sushi to snack on while continuing to work.

Phil took a small break to play with Phiphi instead of letting her play on her own. After he made her something to eat, Phil re-joined Jimmy on the couch and continued working.

Phil’s phone buzzed. He took it out and saw that Dan had written him a message.

I’ll check and let you know.

“Oh, what does he check?” Jimmy asked.

“Bugger off.”

“You never really swear this much usually.” Jimmy remarked.

“Maybe because I don’t have reason to. Dan is checking if he is free tomorrow for the second estate agent thing I told you about, and now, get back to work. I want to have this over with.”

They did continue working. Sadly, time passed way quicker than Phil noticed.

Only when the doorbell rang did Phil notice it was already time for Dan to be off work.

As calmly and composedly, Phil stood up.

“Is that him?” Jimmy asked excitedly.

“I think you have seen him before.”

“Yes, but then, I did not know it was _that_ Dan.”

“What are you even saying?” Phil groaned. “Stay here and, I don’t know. Don’t embarrass me.”

“I would never.” Jimmy lied straight into Phil’s face.

Phil sighed and made his way to the door.

It was already the second run through of the albums when Phil reached the door.

He opened the door and said: “Hello.” Something made him stop being himself. Something was evidently Jimmy and his weird antics.

“I just finished at Costa.” Dan said, and Phil had to ignore a second habit of his. 

“Good for you.”

“I came to tell you that Tuesday should be fine…” Dan said.

“You needn’t have come to say that.” Phil’s mouth was once again not completely under his control.

“I can leave again…”

“Phil?” Jimmy asked. Phil tensed. Whatever Jimmy was about to say could hardly be enjoyable.

“See you tomorrow.” Dan said and whispered something else.

Before he could leave, however, Phil grabbed his wrist. Phil did not necessarily want to let Jimmy loose on Dan, but he did not want to let Dan leave without understanding what was going on either.

“This is my colleague Jimmy, who came over so that we can work together.” Phil said.

“Hi, you must be Dan.” Jimmy smiled. He looked innocent. He clearly wasn’t. “I wanted to ask about the percentage of tea I am allowed to take from the pot, but that can wait.”

“Jimmy.” Phil groaned.

“I was already leaving again.” Dan said quickly.

“What? Why?” Phil asked. No matter when and where, Dan leaving was always worse than him staying around people Phil didn’t want him to.

“Christmas presents and such. Just a quick question before I go. Would you care to join me on Thursday for a Christmas party with my colleagues in the café?”

“Sure.” Phil would not have thought Dan’s question would be something like that. He was happy. 

“Great. See you tomorrow.” Dan pulled free from Phil and left.

“See you.” Phil returned.

“At least he is sensible enough to make the best of this situation too. Christmas parties are certainly better with a boyfriend by your side.”

“Oh. Yes. Sure.” Phil said. Jimmy did not need to know that Phil had forgotten about the real reason why Dan would ask him to come along.

Phil wasn’t really mad or disappointed. It would be a good thing to show Dan’s colleagues to keep their hands off him.

“Come on. One last sources page and I’ll leave you and your thoughts alone.” Jimmy grinned.

“The best news I have heard today.” Phil said and closed the door again.

Jimmy stayed true to his word and did in fact leave after they have accumulated some more facts on their respective articles.

When Phil accompanied Jimmy to the door, he felt a little sorry to want him to leave so soon. It was not like Dan was going to come back now.

Phil was gearing up for an apology of kinds when Jimmy straightened his back after putting his shoes on and looked at Phil with a bright grin.

“Enjoy the Christmas Party and act on your instincts.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

“When the time is right, you will understand me.”

“You are not some sort of ancient oracle, just tell me what you mean.”

“That would take all the fun away from it.” Jimmy grinned and left the room after throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“Goodbye, then.” Phil sighed.

“Bye. I had a nice afternoon.”

“So did I.” Phil said quickly.

“Yeah.” Jimmy grinned. “See you around.”

When Jimmy left, Phil was certain of one thing and that was to behave around people that were not Dan or in this worst-case scenario had stopped him from spending more time with Dan.

In the world, not everyone was Dan, but a lot of people still deserved to be treated civilly at least.

Phil joined Phiphi in the living room and switched the television on for some Christmas themed episode of one of the series he has been watching occasionally.

Very suddenly, Phil realised that he had not yet looked at the Advent Calendar that day because Jimmy had arrived too early.

Phil scrambled to get to the calendar and opened it to check if there was a note for him. There was indeed a note. Phil glanced over to Phiphi who was enraptured by the moving images on the television.

Phil unfolded the note and started reading.

_Hello._

_In the light that I have dedicated a day all to myself in this X-Mas Extravaganza, I thought it was only fair to give you your own day too. My name is ideal for pun-ing but yours not so much. I thought about going down the Phil-ial route, but that seemed to be a bit of a stretch and also not the ideal story inspiration, so just you and your name it is._

_I don’t know why I always try to explain what I have written. I could just trust you to understand it by yourself. That makes me worry though. I don’t want you to think I don’t make sense. With anyone else I wouldn’t mind, but with you, I do – I now realise that this works the other way around usually, I should want to impress people I don’t know, instead of those I am comfortable with, but that’s just not the way I work._

_Okay, enough of an attempt of an explanation. You are free to go. Try and enjoy the story!_

_Dan._

Phil smiled even though he did not like when Dan showed no sign of confidence in his own works.

It seemed truly ironic how Phil liked anything Dan did knowing that Dan will have tried hard, and how Dan felt like he had to try his hardest to impress Phil.

Phil did not know whether it would be helpful or even kind to let Dan know how anything he did impressed Phil. It was probably more discouraging than anything.

Phil needed to let Dan do his thing and do his own at the same time.

After folding the note back together, Phil collected Phiphi and unfolded the story to read to her.

On the page, Dan had glued pictures of Phil and Phiphi onto the page which was sure to grab Phiphi’s attention.

**PHIL**

_Disclaimer: For the simple reason that I intend on using a lot of words starting with ‘p’ am I going to refrain from calling Ashley by her real name: Ash and shall refer to her as Phiphi._

_Phil has always been a person to take care of others and make sure they are happy. He did pay some attention to himself too, but others always came first._

_Someone who is as great as Phil is with taking care of others and make sure the mood is good wherever he goes is basically predestined to be a good parent._

_Being a naturally patient person, becoming Phiphi’s parent was all the more a great surprise. With not a lot of preparation time, Phiphi arrived at Phil’s doorstep and wanted to be taken care of and she could not have arrived at any better place. If anyone was going to manage the task of taking care of her, it was going to be Phil. Phil opened his heart to the most adorable creature Phiphi and from then on dedicated his life to making hers the most pleasant anyone could imagine._

_To anyone that knows Phil, Phil is a pristine, popular, persevering, precious, pretty, particular, peculiar, and overall perfect person. Those that really know him treasure him which gives him freedom to distribute his affection so that everyone receives a share._

_There is, however, no position any person would relish being in more than in the centre of his attention, at the core of his heart and that is right where Phiphi is. Growing up will shake her and Phil’s world, but the core of Phil’s heart is safer than any earthquake-survival-room. Phiphi will always stay in his heart, and I have it on good authority that Phil will always stay at the core of Phiphi’s heart too._

Phil held Phiphi especially close while reading the story Dan had written.

It felt more than a little surreal to read about the way Dan saw Phil. Phil wondered if Dan was saying the truth or creating a picture for a story. Both seemed equally likely. A mixture was what Dan must have done, which Phil was more than happy with.

Phiphi spent some time looking at the pictures which gave Phil the time to write a message to Dan.

Just managed to read the Advent Calendar.

Thank you for painting such a favourable

picture Phiphi can hold onto when I annoy her

in the future.

Phil put his phone away and gently took the page from Phiphi to put it back into her Advent Calendar.

He then picked her up and carried her into the kitchen to start with dinner preparations.

While chopping some vegetables to steam to have with their potato wedges, Phil felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

I am glad you liked it. I wanted to text you

just now too. If you are genuinely fine with

Thursday, you’ll need a sitter for Ash.

Phil felt warm because of the Christmas party Dan alluded too, but at the same time, he was disappointed in himself because Dan was that much more of a good parent.

Phil had not even thought as far as Thursday yet, but that only made it worse. Phil should have thought about Phiphi before agreeing to anything.

If Phil was truly ever considered to be a good parent, it was because of Dan having his back.


	17. Queer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! Thanks for over 1000 hits. You all make me very happy! :)  
> See you tomorrow! xx

** Tuesday, 17th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

The only comfort Dan had received the day before had been when Phil had written a text and then also replied to Dan’s.

He was still up for the Christmas party on Thursday which was a relief. He was looking forward to being able to show Cameron that he was not a pathetic person just starring at customers.

The problem with that, of course, was that it was all one big fat lie. Dan was only pretending to be not pathetic. That in itself was a new degree of pathetic.

And yet, the idea that Phil was willing to spend time with Dan at his job’s Christmas party caused a joy that prevailed over all other emotions.

It was a joy powerful enough to push Dan out of his bed and into the shower.

Today, he did not need to impress fake-in-laws, he needed to impress a property person and landlord. They needed to act their part today and convince two people that they were happily in love.

Dan was nervous, but he would manage. He needed to. For Phil’s sake.

After the refreshing and waking shower, Dan walked to his closet and picked a knitted Christmas jumper. It looked cosy. He did not need to look in any way chic, so cosy it was.

Dan tried to encourage his curls to lie on his head in an appealing manner and left as soon as he was half-way satisfied.

The journey to Costa felt shorter than ever because Dan tried to prepare himself for possible remarks Cameron would send his way, which only made him think of the appointment in the afternoon and therefore got him nowhere.

The only way he could help himself was with banning Phil from his thoughts as he stepped into Costa. That was of course not possible, but it kept him alert at least.

When Cameron stepped into the café and wolf-whistled, Dan only jumped a tiny bit. That was of course enough to make Cameron cackle, but at least Dan felt some sense of victory.

“Dashing, dashing, dashing.” Cameron said when he came back from putting his things away.

“Do shut up.”

“You look good.”

“Yeah, right.”

“You always look good.” Cameron sounded sincere.

“Why are you trying to flirt with me?” Dan laughed.

“You wish.” Cameron gasped. “I am in a loving relationship… with… myself, no that sounds wrong. Anyways, sorry, honey, not interested.”

“The lady doth protest too much me thinks.” Dan smiled.

“Why can’t you ever just accept my compliments?” Cameron whined.

“Because there is usually some sort of hidden meaning or additional comment that takes the magic away from them.”

“You’re cute. Takes the ‘magic’ away.”

“Point proven.” Dan laughed and turned towards the customer that walked through the door.

“I am sorry.” Cameron hissed.

Dan laughed some more and was once again thankful to get to call Cameron his work colleague and also friend.

Throughout the day, Cameron tried redeeming himself with compliments, but he did not quite manage to present them without any hidden punchline or irony of some sort.

Dan did not mind. It would have hardly been Cameron if he should manage to share affection upright. It was still very funny to see his attempts.

The only time Dan was not all too fond of Cameron was when he excitedly punched his arm that only seconds prior to that had held some scalding hot beverages, to point to the clock.

“You need to go and meet your dashing prince.”

“What makes you think he is the prince and I am the maiden in distress?”

“I would have gone for ‘princess’, but you’re right, if someone needs help and saving, it’s you.” Cameron pushed Dan towards the back to get his things.

Dan mumbled his thanks and made his way to the exit, only to regret to have ever thanked Cameron in his life.

Cameron called Dan’s name and waved a ten-pound note: “I got you for today! Stare all you want.” With a big grin, Cameron put the note into the money bank and winked.

Dan rolled his eyes and left the café. He rushed to the bus stop and took the bus that would let him get off where he had met Kath the first time he had acted as Phil’s boyfriend.

Doing the journey on his own was a lot harder than it had been with Phil who had been intend on taking everyone’s mind off the appointment.

Eventually, Dan arrived at the bus stop and got off. Now that he was very close to the place where the play would take place, Dan was even more on edge.

After a few futile attempts to calm down, Dan walked towards the estate with the properties Phil had looked at the last time.

Dan turned around the corner and saw Phil with Ash strapped in front of his chest. Dan’s heart leaped but he also immediately felt calmer after seeing them.

“Dan!” Phil called. “It’s good to see you.”

“I should hope it is.” Dan made himself sound more confident and comfortable than he really was.

Who knew who could listen to their conversation already? It was best to start the act as soon as possible.

“On time, I meant.” Phil caught on. “Journey okay?” he asked and unhooked Ashley from his back. He handed her to Dan and strapped him in.

This was not the first time Dan was carrying Ash like this. The first time had nearly resulted in Ashley being with her head down.

Despite this not being the first time, Dan felt nervous. Ashley did not absolutely love the strappy thing and even if she barely cried when around Dan, he could not be sure she would be her happy self today.

“Relax. At the end of the day it’s only an apartment.” Phil said quietly to Dan. He smiled encouragingly and squeezed Dan’s hand.

“Phil? Dan?” a man asked and made Dan jump. It was the same estate agent, Dan realised now, but to be called by his name by a virtual stranger simply had to make Dan jump, it was some sort of law.

“That’s us.” Phil laughed. He was still holding Dan’s hand, and by the way he intertwined their fingers, it did not seem like he wanted to let go any time soon.

“Not to forget about Ash of course.” Dan joined in. He needed to get in the game if he wanted to appear the slightest bit convincing.

“Of course.” The estate agent smiled. “This way. There is another property I want you to look at and then we can go to my office and meet the landlord.”

Dan smiled and nodded along. Phil and the estate agent were chatting on the way to the property. Dan interjected some things every now and then but mostly played with Ashley’s hands and feet with his free hand that was not held by Phil.

Dan was enjoying himself, and he would have been completely content had it not been for the nagging voice in the back of his head that reminded him with every step that all of this was fake.

Shortly before walking into the property, the agent received a call. He excused himself and walked a little to the side to take it.

Phil tugged on Dan’s hand. Dan looked at him.

“Thank you again for doing this.” Phil whispered.

“Naturally.” Dan smiled. The key to the success of his act was that Phil did not get to see how much it affected Dan.

“It’s not natural, though.”

Dan tried to pull his hand away. What on earth was Phil trying to say now? Two men loving each other was not natural? Dan loving Phil was not natural?

“No. Sorry. That sounded wrong.” Phil pulled Dan even closer and held his hand tighter. “I meant it’s not natural that you would just agree to do this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

“You’re welcome.” Dan whispered. “Of course I would help you, you buffoon.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes, you said that.” Dan laughed. He was a little uncomfortable still, after all, he was involved in a double act of sorts that Phil knew nothing about.

“This was for the Advent Calendar.”

“Was it?” Dan raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. The story was adorable. Inspiring. Touching.”

“What on earth did I write about today?” Dan frowned.

“A little boy learning how to fly.” Phil said and booped Dan’s nose. Dan blushed.

“That was not at all based on me.”

“Sure.” Phil grinned. “It was lovely. Thank you for sharing that with Phiphi. Have I ever told you that you are the reason I started paying closer attention to what was going on in my heart?”

“No.”

Phil had never said that, and he was not able to explain himself right then either, because the estate agent came back and led the way to the property.

How could Phil just say something like that? Dan was the reason Phil had figured out he was interested in men?

Dan knew that Phil must have meant that when Dan had confessed to him or rather had lived through his self-discovery in front of Phil, Phil must have started looking at himself more closely too. But once again, Phil’s sentence was unfairly ambiguous in meaning.

After all, a man realising he liked other men because of one man could easily mean that man was an object of interest for the first man, or something.

“You seem deep in thought. You okay?” Phil asked, bumping Dan’s shoulder with his own.

“Sure. Already interior designing.” Dan mumbled.

“I did think this room had a nice symmetry to it too.” Phil smiled and made Dan die a little inside.

Why did he have to fall in love with Phil?

Phil knew him so incredibly well. Why did it have to be someone that was blind and evidently immune to Dan’s love?

Phil’s POV 

Later in the evening, Phil had secured his mother as a babysitter for Phiphi. She wrote back that she would of course take care of her favourite grandchild (her only one at that too) and that Phil would not have needed to ask.

Phil had never liked or understood that saying, after all, he still needed to ask for a favour even if the other person was sure to do the favour. How else were they to know what he wanted them to do?

His mother knew of his distaste of the phrase which was evidently why she had written that exact phrase.

The next morning, Phil woke up and tidied the remnants of the dinner away. He had not been up to leave his place tidy. He had a feeling that all of that had to do with not seeing Dan for longer than a fraction that day.

Phiphi had been remarkably grumpy too which Phil easily attributed to her not seeing Dan at all. She had listened to his story, but it had been Phil’s voice that read it to her, so obviously, she was showing withdraw-symptoms.

After tidying the kitchen and living room, Phil went to his desk and got started with work.

He was already getting excited for the appointment later today. He was looking forward to finding a potential place for him to move to, but surprisingly, seeing Dan again made him more excited than the prospect of more space.

Phiphi woke up at some point, and because Phil could not be certain he could persuade Dan to come back to Phil’s place after the appointment, of which he did not know how long it would take, Phil decided to read the Advent Calendar to Phiphi now.

First, he got her ready for the day, and filled her milk with a dash of tea into a cup she could not spill.

Then, he sat her down on his lap and pulled the Advent Calendar box to him to take out the story Dan written.

There was a note inside too, but first, Phil would read the story and when Phiphi was busy with something else, he would take time for the note.

**QUESTIONS**

_Quentin was a perfectly normal boy with perfectly normal friends and perfectly normal parents. In theory, Quentin was perfectly normal. The problem was, there was something setting him apart from his peers._

_All of Quentin’s friends and both his parents had no problems lifting off and flying, soaring through the sky. Over and over they explained to him that all he needed to do was leave worries and fears down behind him, take one big leap and join the birds in the sky._

_It was not worry and fear that kept Quentin on the ground. That might have been mixed in there somewhere too, but mainly, it was questions that burdened Quentin and stopped him from taking off._

_His father tried to console him with saying he was kept grounded by his busy mind, but Quentin could not take that as a consolation when everyone around him was having fun in the sky._

_The questions grew bigger and bigger around Quentin’s ankles and kept him tied to the ground. On some days, he could not even move, without even attempting to leap into the sky._

_When things got so bad that Quentin was practically immobile, he decided to find a way to find his agility. He needed to move and maybe he would find the secret to flying at the same time._

_Over dinner that evening, Quentin started asking a few starter questions. They were burning and pressing in their own way, but they were not yet the most important questions Quentin had accumulated over time._

_Patiently, his mother explained to him that milk chocolate and dark chocolate were made from the same milk and did not need the cows to have different colours._

_Satisfied with the success of his asking, Quentin moved on to more difficult questions when he was with his friends the next day. He asked them what made them like him. Quentin’s friends answered eagerly that he was kind and fun to be around. He had good ideas what to play next and could get any of his wished granted by anyone because he knew how to work his charm._

_No one mentioned they liked him because he was different than others which made Quentin realise that they also didn’t like him because he was just like them. Quentin was liked because he was himself, he was evaluated independently of others around him._

_Over time, Quentin asked more and more questions and slowly but surely, he felt himself getting lighter. He noticed the biggest difference when he started asking himself questions he had always wanted to know about himself._

_After solving his own riddles, Quentin realised that he was a queer little boy that liked sweets more than savoury things and who would only run if he was in imminent danger._

_One day, when Quentin felt like there was only one question left for him to ask, one question that tied him firmly to the ground, Quentin walked into the living room and asked his parents: “Is there any reason for which you could ever stop loving me?”_

_Quentin’s parents assured him that that could never be the case. Quentin took a deep breath and told them about a boy he liked. He took another breath and told them about the boy he admired. One last breath and Quentin managed to tell them about the boy he loved._

_“We love you, Quentin.” His mother said. She stood up and held Quentin’s hand. A huge smile spread over Quentin’s face._

_“I think, you’re ready.” Quentin’s father said. He took his other hand and let him to the door. “Take one big leap and fly.”_

_“But what if questions want to tie me down again?”_

_“You ask them immediately, and don’t give them chance to root.” His father said._

_Quentin let go off his parents’ hands, took a big leap and flew into the sky. “This is what happiness feels like!” Quentin shouted at the top of his voice. He wasn’t far from the truth._

The little boy Quentin that Dan had drawn next to his text looked uncannily like the young Dan Phil had seen pictures of.

Dan was not exactly like Quentin, but it was unmistakable that Dan had let his own experiences inspire parts of the story.

Phil realised how misty eyed he was after reading the story.

Phiphi was as happy about the story as she had been about all the others. She liked the pictures and she liked the sound of someone reading aloud to her.

Phil placed Phiphi onto the floor, took the empty cup away from her and sent her on her way to the stuffed toys.

Phil wiped at his eyes and folded the story up only to unfold the note Dan had written to him.

_Hello there._

_What a story, am I right? You can’t help but be happy for Quentin, can you? Lovely little chap. He was lucky to have so many good people in his life, supporting him through the time of question asking and answering._

_Some people don’t have relatives like that. I had you though. Thank you for being there for me. Have I ever sincerely told you how you saved me? How you saved the reputation of the whole population? You did good. Better. Great. The best._

_Don’t change who you are. I will always accept you. Thank you for confiding back in me after I had confided into you. Thank you for being the best friend the world has ever seen. Thank you._

_You’re the best. I mean it._

_See you tomorrow, saviour of mankind!_

_Dan._

_PS: Reading through this note again, I feel the need to point out that I was under no influence of alcohol while writing it. Opening up about my inner torments must have an effect on the same hormones and stuff as alcohol does. Whatever. I am no biologist._

A tear rolled down Phil’s cheek. Dan had not written much but he had been completely honest and sincere. He had not tried to be touching or moving but it was usually texts like that who had the most impact anyways.

Phil folded the note and put it back into the envelope. He wiped the tear off his cheek and played with Phiphi.

He made lunch a little earlier that day so that he still had time to take a shower before he had to head out to the appointment.

Because he was alone, Phil decided to strap Phiphi to his chest and not bother with a pram. He did the journey to Costa (lot) with a pram, but there it was handy to have someplace to put Phiphi to relax. Now, he needed to be mobile, so the strappy tummy seat it was.

Phil was a little early, which did nothing to calm his nerves. He was thankful to have arrived before Dan, because Dan would have been even more of a nervous mess should he have arrived earlier, but this was not easy on Phil’s nerves either.

Eventually, Dan turned around the corner, taking a load off Phil’s mind.

“Dan! It’s good to see you.” Phil called.

“I should hope it is.” Dan glanced around. He was a professional when it came to acting his part, evidently.

“On time, I meant.” Phil managed. “Journey okay?”

Dan looked a little nervous, so Phil unstrapped Phiphi and put her in front of Dan’s chest instead.

Phiphi was not the calmest of babies, but she still had a soothing effect on almost anyone, on Dan at the very least.

“Relax. At the end of the day it’s only an apartment.” Phil said and smiled when Dan did not immediately calm down.

For good measure, Phil also grabbed Dan’s hand.

“Phil? Dan?” The estate agent made Dan jump, a perfect reason for Phil to hold onto his hand.

“That’s us.” Phil laughed.

“Not to forget about Ash of course.” Dan added.

“Of course. This way.” The estate agent led the way. “There is another property I want you to look at and then we can go to my office and meet the landlord.”

On the way to the property, Phil did some small talk with the agent while holding onto Dan’s hand which calmed him and made him manage to appear natural. Dan said somethings occasionally, but him being there was what was most important anyways, both for the act but also for Phil in particular.

When the estate agent took a phone call, Phil used the opportunity to thank Dan again. Jimmy had put that idea in his head, but Phil did not see any reason to ever acknowledge that.

“Thank you again for doing this.” Phil said quietly.

“Naturally.”

“It’s not natural, though.” Phil whispered.

Dan tried to pull away from Phil, which made him realise with a start what this could have sounded like.

“No. Sorry. That sounded wrong.” Phil upped the pressure on Dan’s hand. “I meant it’s not natural that you would just agree to do this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

“You’re welcome.” Dan did not try to move away. “Of course I would help you, you buffoon.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes, you said that.” Dan laughed. It was a relief that he was joking again.

“This was for the Advent Calendar.”

“Was it?”

“Yes. The story was adorable. Inspiring. Touching.” Phil could not find the right words.

“What on earth did I write about today?” Dan frowned.

“A little boy learning how to fly.” Phil booped Dan’s nose, making Dan blush.

“That was not at all based on me.”

“Sure.” Phil smiled. “It was lovely. Thank you for sharing that with Phiphi. Have I ever told you that you are the reason I started paying closer attention to what was going on in my heart?”

“No.”

It was true, though. Seeing Dan live his journey and discover things had caused Phil to start thinking too and he had never been so thankful for anything in his life.

There was no time to explain this to Dan in that moment, though, because the estate agent came back and opened the door to the complex where the new property was located.

Phil listened to everything the agent said. Dan was always by his side, but he did not seem to be too attentive. Carefully, Phil bumped Dan’s shoulder and asked: “You seem deep in thought. You okay?”

“Sure. Already interior designing.” Dan said which seemed like an excuse, albeit a good one. 

“I did think this room had a nice symmetry to it too.” Phil said and let Dan retreat back into his thoughts.

He was intuitively smiling at the right times and he was keeping Phiphi entertained, so there was hardly more Phil could ask of him to do.

When they left the property and went to the estate agent’s office to meet the landlord of the properties, Dan livened up again. Phil was immensely thankful for that, after all, this was when it mattered.

This was where they needed to appear like the happy couple which would help the landlord post his estate as having a happy, inclusive community.

Phil helped Dan out of the strappy tummy seat and sat Phiphi down on his lap. Midway through the interview, conversation situation, Phiphi wanted to go to Dan, which only helped their initiative.

Dan bounced Phiphi in his lap and answered a question about their family situation easily.

The conversation was over in a flash and both the estate agent and the landlord shook first Phil and then Dan’s hand warmly.

They stepped out of the office together with the other two men. The landlord asked if they had any plans for the evening, and before Phil could have answered something, Dan said: “It’s back to work for me, unfortunately.”

Phil was unhappily impressed with Dan’s cunning lie.

They said goodbye to the others and walked towards the bus stop. Dan helped to strap Phiphi in front of Phil and then without saying much else got onto the bus and waved at Phil.

“Safe journey!” Phil called.

“You too.” Dan said back. He looked tired, so maybe it was a good idea that he was going home instead of spending some more time with Phil and Phiphi, not that that made Phil less disappointed, of course.

Back at home, Phil made some food for him and Phiphi and got ready for bed. It was way too early to lie down already, but he changed into his pyjamas and put on a Christmas movie. It was a Love Actually sort of evening. Phiphi was not technically old enough to watch the film, but she was looking at picture books most of the time anyways.

Just when Emma Thompson started crying, Phil’s phone started ringing.

“Phil Lester, hello?”

“It’s David’s Housing.” The voice of the estate agent said at the other end of the line. Phil sat up immediately.

“Yes?”

“I am calling to make an appointment to sign a contract should you still wish to move into the property I showed you today. Everything is settled with the terms we agreed on earlier. Your landlord would be delighted to welcome you.”

This was a lot to take in for Phil, but somehow, he managed to agree on next Monday, the soonest the landlord could arrange.

“My congratulations to the three of you.”

“We’re all delighted.” Phil said.

“Where is Dan?”

“Doing some last-minute dinner shopping. I’ll tell him when he’s back.”

“I’ll see all of you on Monday, then.”

Phil’s heart was beating quickly after the phone call. He had a new place to move into. Everything was done. Their plan had worked!

Phil quickly opened his chat with Dan and told him the good news. There was no immediate reply and somehow, Phil’s spirits dampened.

Just because he had convinced some third party that he was in a happy relationship did not make it real. What he and Dan had done was put on an act.

Phil was alone. He had Phiphi, but in the romantic sense, he was alone.

Phil was still feeling gloomy when he pressed play on Emma crying. Phil’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out quickly and read Dan’s reply.

Good for you.

Phil was underwhelmed by Dan’s reply and before he knew what was happening, first Phiphi and then him too started crying.

Phil picked Phiphi up and rocked her, but a crying father hardly encouraged a crying child to stop.

“I know, Phiphi. Me too.” Phil whispered and kissed Phiphi’s head.

What a way to celebrate a new apartment.


	18. Radiant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did think we'd be moving to more cheerful territory. Together, we'll make it through this too though! :)  
> See you tomorrow! xx

** Wednesday, 18th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan knew that he was supposed to be supportive of Phil and happy for him for securing a place to live in, but something in him did not quite understand that memo.

How could Dan be happy Phil was moving slightly farther away geographically and extremely far away emotionally – at least that was a possibility.

The move would be a big step for Phil, and it was likely that it would take them further apart. It was a possibility and with the current act underway, it would make sense that they spend time apart from each other and somehow end up staying distanced.

There was nothing that scared Dan more currently. He did not want to think what could happen when Phil distanced himself slowly.

It was unimaginable what Dan would have to endure when he was on his own. Completely on his own. The only true friend he had ever had, abandoning him too in the end. It could be too much to handle for Dan.

Even Phil meeting someone he would fall in love with did not seem quite as bad to Dan in that moment at an estrangement due to the move and their lie would be.

Dan was almost shaking when he stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

It turned out that Phil meeting someone new did not at all seem like the lesser of two evils, it just seemed like an additional evil, just as bad as the first.

Phil was opening up, he was stepping out, and he would eventually meet new people. He would distance himself from Dan quite naturally.

He already had found a new friend in that Jimmy person. They seemed pretty close. There was no saying Phil would not eventually replace Dan with Jimmy.

Nothing in life was certain. Not even Phil’s friendship. 

Somehow, Dan managed to get ready for work. He left his place and walked to the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive.

It would not do to be gloomy around Cameron. He could actually attempt to get to the bottom of Dan’s unhappiness. He would ask a lot of questions and that would be simply unbearable.

Also, in regard to the next evening, Dan needed to be cheerful and pretend like everything was fine. He needed to portray a strong person, even if that was far from who he truly was.

Dan arrived at Costa and unlocked the door. The minutes that were left to him where he was on his own and everything was peaceful and quiet, Dan used to prepare himself in every way possible. He morphed a smile onto his face, stood tall, not too upright though and stopped fidgeting around with his hands.

Cameron came into the café and did not make any comment that could have told Dan Cameron suspected that something was different.

After Cameron had had his first hot drink of the shift, he started asking questions about the afternoon before, which Dan should have seen coming but was still embarrassingly unprepared for.

“How was your day?”

“Good.” 

“No, how was your _day_?”

“It was good.” Dan said, fighting the blush on his face.

“So we’ll get to meet him?”

“You know him.” Dan made the horrendous mistake of saying.

“Ah. Terry owes me 20 quid.” Cameron grinned.

“I didn’t say who he was.”

“You don’t have to.” Cameron patted Dan’s shoulder. Dan glared at him and luckily, a customer entered the café and saved Dan from interrogation, but not for terribly long.

As soon as the customer was dealt with, Cameron cornered Dan once again and bombarded him with questions, but this time, Dan was sort of prepared and managed to dodge the majority of them with a complex technique he had mastered over the years which was simply staring straight ahead and pretending to be deaf.

“You are no fun.” Cameron whined.

“True.”

“Oh. I know what you are doing!”

“Yes?”

“You are trying to make it thrilling for me. You want me to have the pleasure of asking your dashing damsel-prince all the burning questions myself.”

“That is most certainly not what I am doing.” Dan said quickly.

“Oh, you’re good.” Cameron grinned.

Dan argued for a little while longer, but now he had a taste of his own medicine when Cameron ignored him and wouldn’t listen to anything Dan said.

Dan felt slightly better after his lunch break which was always a break from Cameron too. Tomorrow would happen and he would try and react the best way possible to everything that was thrown at him. It did not make sense to stress about it now.

When Dan came back to the café, Cameron left for his lunch break, which was a lovely time in the café. But working on his own was stressful too, so Dan was always happy when he came waltzing back through the doors.

  
They went back to working in silence while also chatting every now and then which was a good mixture.

Dan felt properly good only when the door opened and no other than Phil stepped into the café with Ashley in her pram.

Immediately, Dan also felt anxious once again because of the next day and because of the looming end of what they currently had, but all in all, seeing Phil would always make Dan happy.

Phil approached the counter and Dan thanked all existing gods and entities he knew of that Cameron was working at a machine currently with his back towards Phil.

Cameron would annoy Phil and he would embarrass Dan. As he would do that the next day, Dan would not give him the opportunity to do that now.

“Welcome to Costa.” Dan said.

“Lot.” Phil said.

“The usual?” Dan grinned.

“Yes please.” Phil smiled and already pushed the pram to his table.

He returned a short while later. Dan worked on Phil’s drink while constantly looking back at Phil which was dangerous for himself, but he only stopped when Cameron was busy dealing with another customer again.

“There you go. Enjoy.” Dan smiled.

“I am sure I will.” Phil said. He seemed a little more distant to Dan already, but that might have simply been because they were in a public space, a space where they did not need to pretend to be closer than they really were and where there was no need to show how close they truly were.

Phil walked back to his table. Dan deflated a little.

“I am so looking forward to tomorrow.” Cameron said next to Dan and made him jump. Dan even sent the cup he was holding flying. Cameron caught it and shook his head.

“Only to be young and in love again.” Cameron sighed.

Dan wanted nothing more than to kick him and to protest, first of all because Cameron was younger than Dan!, but he could not do anything. If anything, it was good that Cameron thought Dan was truly in love.

“That’ll be two pounds, by the way.” Cameron winked and turned to the new customer. Dan grumbled and filled the money bank.

In order not to spend his entire week’s budget for lunch on Phil, as it were, Dan tried to concentrate on new customers and on cleaning the service area.

He had not glanced over once, that Cameron would have noticed, when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

The customer who he had two minutes prior sorted into the pile of good-looking friendly customers had sat down at the table next to Phil, but instead of leaving him alone, he reached over and shook Phil’s hand!

Who even did that nowadays?

Dan felt himself getting more and more irritated, but he still only kept to glances. He could hardly make a scene in his place of work, could he?

The man stayed at Phil’s side and they kept talking to each other. Phil was laughing and the man was certainly leaning in in a flirtatious manner.

“Dan?” Cameron said carefully.

“Yes?” Dan grumbled.

“Glaring costs double, you know?” Cameron bumped his shoulder against Dan’s.

This broke the spell and Dan started laughing. Cameron put a hand on his shoulder and held his empty hand up to Dan for him to put the money in, idiot.

“I wasn’t glaring.” Dan tried to defend himself.

“You were and you should have been.” Cameron said. “He’d be mightily stupid to lose you for someone like that.”

“Stop flirting. Also, who knows, that guy might have won a Nobel Price.”

“He still wouldn’t have your humour, affection and personality.”

“Too much. You put a coin in now.” Dan laughed. Cameron shrugged and put one pound into the money bank with a wink.

Still laughing, Dan turned around and glanced over to Phil’s table only to find that the man was no longer there, but that Phil was now glaring at Dan.

Dan attempted a smile, but Phil looked away, packed his things and just left.

The only positive thing about that was that Cameron was busy refilling coffee beans so that he did not notice Phil’s sudden departure.

Everything else about the situation was absolutely disastrous.

Dan had not even spoken to Phil properly once! They were supposed to pretend to be a couple the following evening!

What on earth had happened and what could Dan do now? It was Phil that had left, after all.

Phil’s POV 

Phil’s eyes were puffy when he woke up the next morning.

He had not been able to stop crying for quite a while. Actually, he and Phiphi had probably kept each other in a crying loop. Whenever Phil had almost calmed down, Phiphi had started again and vice versa too.

When Phil had managed to get into bed after Phiphi had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion, Phil started thinking about the reason why he had cried so much.

Dan had not been enthusiastic for Phil. That had hit hard. The worst about it had been that Phil had to realise that Dan would maybe not always share his enthusiasm.

Milestones for Phil did not necessarily have to be milestones for Dan too. It was not Dan’s new house the good news had been about.

Dan only pretended to be part of the team buying the home in front of the estate agent and landlord, but he did not pretend in front of Phil. And why should he?

Phil groaned and sat up. He could not get stuck in another loop. He needed to get up and start the day.

It was already really rather late. Nearing lunch, in fact, but a day needed to get started no matter when.

Phil left his bedroom and took a shower, hoping the water would calm his eyes and make them appear less puffy and red.

Phil was satisfied with his face after the shower. He got dressed in some normal clothes, nothing special, but also not his typical lounging wear.

He wanted, no, needed to get out and reassure himself that he and Dan were still good. He needed to see that he was fine with Dan’s priorities obviously lying some place other than Phil’s.

Phiphi wanted some attention after Phil was done. He tended to her and was happy to see that she seemed to have forgotten about the evening before already.

It would have been nice if Phil could have forgotten about the crying session too. Growing up burdened you in all sorts of ways but being able to remember and keeping memories no matter how unpleasant was sure to be one of the worst things about growing up.

All Phil could hope to do was distract himself and let the memory slowly fade away.

The distraction was in form of a breakfast Phil prepared for him and Phiphi. They had apple slices, some tea with different amounts of milk in it and some buttered toast with jam. It was a right feast!

It was all Phil had left but keeping that in mind, it wasn’t all that bad.

After breakfast, Phil needed to do some shopping. The pram was ideal for that all the way apart from the staircase leading up to his apartment.

Phil had always managed on his own before, but because of the evening before that had somehow weakened him both physically and spiritually, Phil struggled a little.

He even left the pram downstairs only carrying Phiphi and the groceries up the stairs. He quickly put everything cold into the fridge and immediately left for Costa (lot) with Phiphi back in her pram.

Phil both deserved and urgently needed a coffee.

Phiphi knew where they were going. As soon as Phil got off the bus, she started dancing around in her pram and smiled at Phil.

“Look who’s exited.” Phil grinned, and Phiphi giggled.

Phil pushed the door open and at the right angle, pushed the pram against the door and managed to get both him and the pram with Phiphi into the café.

Dan was behind the counter, and Phil was already feeling tons better just seeing him.

Phil walked towards Dan. Due to a short flashback to the evening before, Phil tried to be objective about the encounter, as good as he could, with Dan being the one person he always wanted to see and who made him happy with less than the bare minimum.

“Welcome to Costa.” Dan said.

“Lot.” Phil returned.

“The usual?” Dan grinned.

“Yes please.” Phil couldn’t not return Dan’s smile. He did, however, flee for a short while, pushing Phiphi to their table already,

Phil returned to the counter on his own and waited for Dan to finish his drink.

“There you go. Enjoy.” Dan smiled.

“I am sure I will.”

They spoke a little more sometimes, but Phil felt like he needed to prepare himself for a day where a mere glance was not going to communicate novels-worth of thoughts.

Phil had always thought they would stay best friends forever and that they would stay this close for eternity and beyond, but when something as monumental as a new bigger apartment for Phil was not enough to make Dan go into raptures, when he had almost thrown a party for Phil finding the perfect box to fit into a cupboard he built himself, Phil needed to prepare himself for the worst.

Phil sat down at his table and carefully took a sip of drink. The drink was good and lifted Phil’s spirits, but seeing Dan had almost dampened them, even though it had also been the highlight of Phil’s day.

Phil kept glancing over to Dan, because his eyes naturally trailed over to him, but also because he wanted to figure out what to do. It would have felt weird to just forget about that, but addressing it felt even weirder and would certainly put a wedge between them.

Later, Phil would talk properly to Dan and then, everything would go back to normal and Phil could stop the unnecessary worry that was probably only caused by the general turbulence in his life at the moment, anyways.

Dan did not look at Phil, but to be fair, he was quite busy with customers. He was whirling around in the small space between counter and machines. He was making multiple drinks at once.

Phil was obviously biased, but he had never felt like he had received a drink as quickly as he did when Dan prepared them.

Watching Dan was good entertainment no matter if Phil was actually bored or not. All he needed to do in order to be occupied was sit Phiphi down in his lap and watch Dan work alongside her.

Today, that simple pleasure was taken away from Phil because a man sat down next to him at a table, startling him. He had knocked one of the chairs against the table, causing quite a bang.

“Oh. I am terribly sorry. I am very sorry.” The man said and smiled at Phil.

“Not a problem. I am easily startled.” Phil said.

“I am Noah.” The man extended his hand and Phil shook it.

“I am Phil, and this is Phiphi.” Phil liked meeting nice people. And clumsy people that were nice made him feel less alone in the world.

“What brought you here?” Noah asked.

“A break from work.” Phil said. He could hardly say the barista, even though he and Dan were currently fake-dating.

“Yes. We all need those.” Noah laughed.

Phil liked his laugh, but it was not quite as satisfying to hear it as it was to hear Dan laugh.

“Have you watched the new Avengers film yet?”

New? Dan would laugh hysterically at this. The film had come out early that year. Why had Noah asked that question in the first place?

“It’s just, Phiphi, was it?, has got an Avengers shirt on.” Noah explained.

“Oh. Yes. Yes. I have seen it. She hasn’t but she takes my word for it that it’s good.”

Again, Noah laughed. He liked laughing. Phil normally liked people that liked laughing. Even more so if the people laughed at a joke he had made, and yet, Phil only managed to smile back.

He was having a good, but hardly a great time talking to this Noah person.

“I haven’t seen it.” Noah said, slipping a few places lower on Phil’s ranking of nice strangers. “The ads for it were everywhere though.”

“They were.” Phil agreed.

“Are there any movies you really want to watch at the moment?”

“Oh yes, I have a movie-date planned.” Phil lied.

He did not know why he had said that, but his instinct must have known more than him, because Noah mumbled something about having to go back to work, finished his drink, which must have burned his tongue and left, not without banging the chair against the table once again.

Phil was already looking forward to telling Dan about this stranger interaction. It was still true that he seemed to attract weird people.

Then again, maybe Noah had been nice, and Phil was the weird person in all of his interactions.

No. Phil had behaved normally and decently, Noah was the weird one for not having seen Avengers and everything!

Still busy thinking how funny it would be to tell Dan about Noah, Phil’s attention was grabbed by something at the counter.

The something was Dan starting to laugh. Loudly.

The laugh made Phil grin too, but then, Dan’s colleague shoved Dan which only made Dan laugh more.

Dan’s colleague wasn’t bad-looking, and neither was Dan of course, but shouldn’t his colleague know about Dan bringing a date to the Christmas party?

Shouldn’t Dan’s colleague keep some distance to Dan? Shouldn’t he look less familiar with him? Shouldn’t Dan look less happy?

Phil managed to stand the performance for a while, but then, it became too much to him. Dan glanced over once, the first time in heaven knew how long, which strengthened Phil’s resolution.

He finished the drink, stood up and left the café.

Once outside, Phiphi started wailing a little, but Phil could not indulge her and go back inside. He needed time to think.

How come Dan did not have any trouble to be happy and joyous about whatever he and his colleague had talked about but could not spear a little bit of happiness for his best friend’s new place?

When had Phil descended Dan’s esteem? Was this how best friends treated each other?

Still angry and discontented, Phil arrived at home. He got Phiphi out of her things and made both of them a consoling cup of hot chocolate. Phiphi forgave him and drank it eagerly.

Phil got out of his silly clothes and back into his pyjamas. He put some music on and put Phiphi down for a little nap in which he got some work done. He managed to push any thoughts about Dan aside for the time being and just worked.

This system was bound to stop working at some point. For Phil, it stopped when Phiphi woke up and he was reminded of the Advent Calendar, he had not yet opened, once again in the naïve hope that Dan would come home with them and read it to Phiphi himself.

“Phiphi? Let’s read the story for today.” Phil said and picked Phiphi up to place her into his lap while opening the Advent Calendar. Phiphi made grabby hands for the paper, but Phil held it out of her reach for the moment.

**READING**

_For anyone acquainted with an English town of the same name, I can appease them and announce that this story has got nothing to do with its orthographic-twin._

_This story is a story about stories. It is not about the process that creates them, but about the creativity you need in order to conjure the images in your head. What use would it have for me to think of beautiful grand palaces or tiny cosy cottages if these images do not arrive in your mind?_

_In writing stories, the writer puts down the groundwork. All the rest is for the reader to complete. The writer can guide a reader through a story, but they cannot ensure that the journey pleases the reader. The reader needs to put in some effort and attention too._

_There is of course no way one book will please all potential readers. Tastes are different and that is fine, but if you already like a book, put in the little more effort and make the experience exceptional._

_Being read to creates yet different possibilities because the writer and the reader are both responsible for the success of the story in front of the audience. Different voices the reader imitates can help teach others how to start painting pictures in their mind._

_A flickering fire will only be radiant and warm you when you have been taught the ropes. The art of creativity inside your head is an interesting one, because you do need to be taught but there is no way to tell you exactly what to do or what is right or wrong. The sooner one is familiar with painting pictures, the clearer, grander and more elaborate they become, so that you have to snap out of a story and orientate yourself in the real world you call home after reading._

_My wish for you is that you furnish a little reading nook in your heart with a comfortable seat with a cup holder, lots of blankets, cushions and fairy lights and all the books you could possibly hope to read. Retreat to that room and let your imagination take you on journeys to every possible world. Let this chamber in your heart always be of comfort to you. Reading can recharge your body and soul, give it that opportunity with a designated spot in your heart._

Phil smiled after finishing Dan’s story. He did like the narratives as much as he liked Dan just writing down something.

Phil had heard Dan talk about the ‘Art of Reading’ quite a few times by now, but it was lovely to see that he saw it as a secret to life’s success he wanted to share with Phiphi.

In order to practice and put to use what Dan had written about, Phil folded the story and reached over to read a picture book to Phiphi. It was one of the ones he had read a billion times already, but he took his time, clearly distinguishing the different characters and intonations and showing the pictures to Phiphi.

Phiphi clearly enjoyed the experience and went over to playing with her toys once Phil closed the book.

Phil sighed a little and leaned against the sofa. He watched Phiphi for a while but then remembered that Dan could have written another note to him. In any case, it was certainly worth checking.

Phil pulled the box back to him and looked into the envelope.

Yes. There was once again a note Dan had written to him.

Not waiting for anything, Phil pulled the note out and unfolded it.

_Hello!_

_I was excited about today’s story. It wasn’t a narrative, but it was essentially the key with which to unlock an indefinite number of narratives._

_Did I ever tell you that reading makes me feel warm inside? It sometimes gets too hot, too, which my only pathetic excuse for not reading every possible minute that I could._

_Sometimes, the feelings inside a story are too intense for me to put on additionally to my own. I should be able to distinguish between the real world and the made up, but sometimes it’s just too difficult._

_I must have told you all of this a million times before, but I wanted to tell Ashley. She deserves to know. As do you, but I think by now you do, or my whole life would have been useless._

_Let this day be an inspiration for both of us to read more. You are an avid reader yourself, so let’s make it our new year’s resolution to read more – because, let’s be frank, as if anyone would ever manage to keep to a resolution that was formed in the middle of a month – December of all the months!_

_Let’s read. You’re already doing well, seeing that you read the Advent Calendar. Keep it up!_

_Dan._

There was no circumstance in which Phil would not have smiled after reading the note. Dan was adorable. He truly was. He was so excited by reading that it simply had to catch on.

However, the note did not leave a forever lasting happiness in Phil. In fact, it made him bitter.

Dan had just proven a couple of things in his story and in his note. He was a lovely human being that was impressively excited by things occasionally. Phil could not possible be mad at someone like that, and yet, with proving to be those things in general, Phil could not help feeling betrayed that Dan had not been excited about something that clearly excited Phil.

At the beginning of the day, Phil had truly hoped, that he would go to sleep having dealt with his thoughts. It seemed like Phil would go to sleep with the same repetitive thoughts he had gone to sleep with the day before and he had woken up with.

Maybe, with one more night to sleep on it, Phil would find a way to deal with the situation. Losing hope before going to sleep was a dangerous thing to do.


	19. Sincere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see... there are still a few days until Christmas. It'll all be fine and worth it!   
> Have a lovely day! xx

** Thursday, 19th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

It was not at all like Phil to just leave without an explanation. Dan had waited for a text the entire rest of his shift and the entire evening. But not even when Dan woke up late on Thursday had he received anything from Phil.

Cameron had not noticed the way Phil had left, but he had noticed a change in Dan and that had been bad enough to endure already.

At first, Cameron had thought it had been an act of some sort, then he had been afraid he had done something wrong and once he had been convinced that was not the case, he had simply been incredibly nosey.

Dan had batted his questions away and forced himself to be cheerful again. He told him a few jokes, a couple of stories and laughed loudly and openly.

“You are very changeable.” Cameron had said, shaking his head when Dan had announced he would go home now. Dan had been a little down at that point again.

In order to stop Cameron from further ideocracies, Dan smiled and waved at him.

“Too much sugar.” Dan explained.

“See. Syrup is not only bad for coffee, it’s also bad for you!”

Dan glanced at his phone and saw that it was nearly time for him to get ready. He must have forgotten to put an alarm.

Still, Dan rolled over in bed instead of getting ready. He did not feel up to face the world. Phil had not written to him and Dan did not know what had happened to cause this situation.

Seconds before, the customer had flirted with Phil but then he had been gone suddenly, and Phil must have somehow blamed Dan for that.

Phil could not possibly expect that Dan would ensure a strange man could freely flirt with Phil when they were fake-dating! Dan had not done anything, but even if he had, it would have simply fit the narrative!

Dan’s phone buzzed, and Dan quickly sat up to grab it.

He had received a message, but it had not been from Phil. Cameron had written him.

Don’t forget your Christmas jumper.

People with the wrong attire will have to pay.

Dan groaned. He did not have anything against Christmas jumpers or Christmas parties in general, but thinking that he had let Cameron bully him into asking Phil to come when Dan was miles away from being certain that Phil would even turn up did not feel good.

Dan accepted defeat and got out of bed. He answered Cameron with a nonsensical emoji and went into the bathroom. He decided to have a quick shower, as he would spend the rest of the day in the café and preparation was key if he did not want to leave a sweating and disgusting mess.

The bus came around the corner seconds after Dan had arrived at the stop. He was wearing a Christmas jumper and Phil’s coat, seeking comfort in the familiar scent.

On the bus ride, Dan decided he would at least have to let his colleagues know that there was a possibility that Phil would not arrive. It would be less painful that way. Announcing it at the party would be more likely to leave a scar.

Dan walked into Costa and waved at Cameron.

“Nice jumper!” Cameron hollered. Dan shook his head and quickly walked into the back. The jumper he was wearing had been a gift from Phil. A rather hideous red and green knitted jumper that Dan loved more than practically any other piece of clothing in his wardrobe.

“You don’t need to pay extra, but that would be mean as you are already the main contributor.” Cameron smiled.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked, tying the apron behind his back. “I paid one pound like everyone else.”

“Yes. Yes, you did.” Cameron said quickly.

“What on earth do you mean?” Dan sighed.

“Nothing. Here, have a coffee you look like you haven’t had yours yet.”

“Damn right, I didn’t.” Dan accepted the coffee and took a sip. “There is syrup inside.”

“Yes. The only acceptable amount. After yesterday’s sugar rush, I didn’t want to deprive you completely, but more than two fifth of a pump is truly bordering on assault.”

Dan rolled his eyes and finished his coffee while tidying the place to meet his demands. The café only worked if it was tidy to a certain degree, but Dan preferred to have everything properly tidy.

After finishing the coffee and the tidying, Dan looked for a possible moment in which he could let it drop that he might be on his own for the Christmas party.

Luckily, there was no topic Cameron was currently more obsessed with than the Christmas party, so an opportunity arose before long.

“Do you think snacks will be alright for the first hour or so? I ordered the pizza for half past eight, but the party could start as soon as seven.”

“You worry too much. Snacks would be fine. Waiting for food is not at all bad when it’s pizza.”

“And cake.” Cameron added.

“And cake? How on earth do you afford that on that budget?”

“Wouldn’t you want to know?”

“Yes, I believe, that is the reason why I asked.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“You will know soon enough.” Cameron grinned.

Dan would have loved nothing more than to cut the conversation short at that time, but he still needed to let Cameron know that he could be on his own and ensure a minimum amount of embarrassment for the time of the party.

“Are you bringing anyone?” Dan asked.

“Are you flirting with me?” Cameron asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Evidently not.”

“I forgot, you are happily taken.” Cameron sighed.

“So, are you?”

“No.” Cameron smiled. “Not this time.”

“That’s not bad. I might be on my own too.”

“What are you saying? Is your damsel-prince standing you up?”

“An appointment might come up he can’t miss.” Dan said quickly with an only sort of flaming face.

“Let’s hope that’s not the case.” Cameron patted Dan’s shoulder and turned to serve a new customer.

“Yes, let’s hope that.”

Dan continued working mostly in silence with Cameron and let his thoughts drift to the evening. If he did not want to be alone, shouldn’t he reach out to Phil and demand an explanation?

Dan did not know what had happened and if he was in any way unhappy, he would not feel better if someone were to ask him if anything was the matter.

Then again, Phil was by nature a kinder and less explosive person than Dan.

Still, Dan felt too weird about writing the first text as that he could have gone to the back to get his phone.

“Dan, could you be a darling?” Cameron asked when Dan’s break was coming up.

“I always am.”

“Could you do me a favour?”

“That depends.” Dan grinned.

Cameron groaned. “After your break, could you go and collect the cake from this bakery?” Cameron handed Dan a flyer. “It’s a little out of your way but take as long as you need.”

Dan wanted to make a funny comment to that, but a new wave of customers arrived, so Dan thought it was wisest to just leave quickly and go and get the cake he would also eat.

Even if Cameron had told him to take his time, at the end of Dan’s break, Dan did not feel like running through his thoughts for much longer and hurried to the bakery and back to Costa.

He put the cake in the back, because it was colder in there than in any fridge they had and returned to the front to make himself a congratulatory Hot Spiced Apple drink.

“Dan. There you are. Your OOS was here.” Cameron said with a smile.

“Do I want to know what that stands for?” Dan sighed, pouring hot water over the juice and spices.

“Your Object of Staring.” Cameron grinned self-satisfied.

“Phil?”  
“Oh, he is called Phil, is he? That’ll make things easier later.”

“Later?”

“The Christmas party? Have you lost all your memory?” Cameron laughed.

Dan forced his mouth into a smile and busied himself with swirling the drink around in his cup.

Once Dan managed to create a question in his mind that would not make Cameron laugh at him once again, he inquired about what Phil had wanted.

Cameron told him he hadn’t said, and Dan was forced to believe him.

Chances were high that Phil had wanted to tell Dan that he was not coming later. He could have done that over text too, but maybe Phil was as much of a gentleman that he wanted to let Dan down in person.

Dan was too excited to stop himself from going into the back to check his phone. There was no new message from Phil. What on earth was the matter?

Before Dan could think of a text he could write Phil that was polite and tactful but also forced Phil to answer all of Dan’s questions, Cameron came running into the back.

He snatched his phone out of Dan’s hand, placed it onto the table and pulled Dan to the front.

“There are customers, also you can’t hide with your phone from me. That’ll be fifty pence.”

“Fifty?”

“Yes, I can’t be sure you wrote _Phil_. The goofy smile isn’t quite on your face, so for now, it’ll be fifty p.”

Dan did not comment the reduction any further and got back to work, getting steadily more nervous the closer the beginning of the party came.

More of Dan’s colleagues started flooding into Costa and the usual game night people also sat down in their seats. Dan was trying neither to be hopeful or unhopeful, he did not want to be at all, in fact.

When Cameron was about to open the party with a cheesy speech of sorts Dan had refused to write and hold, he suddenly started squealing and pointed to the door.

Phil came walking into the café, looking a little stressed. Dan was leaning against the counter, no longer with an apron around his middle.

Phil walked towards him, put a hand onto his waist and kissed Dan’s cheek.

“Sorry I’m late. I needed to take Phiphi to mum and dad’s and forgot about the different bus times.” Phil rushed out.

“It doesn’t matter, Phil. Now, you’re here.” Cameron shouted.

“How does he know my name?” Phil asked and leaned against the counter next to Dan.

“He talks about you constantly.” Cameron lied, he only learned Phil’s name that day!

To Dan’s utter surprise, Phil seemed not to mind Cameron’s answer. He shuffled closer to Dan. Dan slowly relaxed and prepared himself for a strenuous but all in all good evening.

Phil’s POV 

Phil woke up feeling neither better nor explicitly worse. He was still worn out because too much emotion and too much crying had taken place, but he did not feel like he necessarily needed to be thrown under the bus by them that day again.

After tossing and turning in his bed and being unable to fall back asleep again, Phil decided to get up and approach the day open-mindedly.

His mother did not share that idea. At least, she prevented him from doing what he had planned.

All she did was write a text, but that was enough of a distraction for Phil to experience it as all of his plans being soiled.

With a big sigh, Phil let himself fall down onto the mattress again and unlocked the phone.

I’ll be ready to take Phiphi at six. Can’t

make it any sooner, I’m afraid.

See you then, kisses to all three of you.

Phil groaned and rubbed his temples. This evening, Dan had invited Phil to the café’s Christmas party and Phil had agreed to it. He had even organised his mum to look after Phiphi, after Dan had reminded him to do that.

Phil felt obliged to go to the party. He could not let Dan down like that.

Also, taking Phiphi to his mother to spend a night alone would feel like all kinds of betrayal.

No, Phil needed to go to the Christmas party.

Finally, Phil managed to leave his bed. He went into the bathroom and took a shower, wanting to look proper. While standing in the shower, Phil came to the conclusion that he had every right to be disappointed in Dan, but that he had done nothing that was worth breaking their strong friendship for.

With the aim to eventually talk to Dan about everything, Phil was now willing to forgive and forget and support Dan with the Christmas party.

After the shower, Phil put out an outfit he wanted to wear for the party. Knowing himself and knowing his daughter, Phil could not put it on immediately, but it felt good to be organised like that already.

Phil went to Phiphi’s room next and woke her. He pampered her with a bath and rubbing lotion into her soft skin before breakfast.

Because they had gone shopping the day before, breakfast was a tiny bit more luxurious and by that Phil meant oatmeal and golden syrup.

Phiphi was having a great time with the oatmeal, nearly making Phil regret to have already given her a bath.

As every bit of oatmeal managed to somehow miss her skin and hair and only land on her clothes or the table, Phil did not need to repeat his efforts from the morning. He could simply wipe of the table and dress Phiphi in something else.

Once he had restored Phiphi and the kitchen table, Phil carried her into the living room to look at the Advent Calendar. There was a note for Phil too, but Phiphi evidently wanted to hear her story now. There was not much of a chance that Phiphi would have understood what Dan had written to Phil, but it still felt personal enough that Phil preferred to read it for himself instead of out loud to a third party immediately, even if that party was his daughter.

“December the 19th. Time flies, ey, Phiphi?” Phil asked and cuddled Phiphi.

“Snow.” Phil read after unfolding the story. “Prepare to get frosty.” Dan had not written that, admittedly.

The note started with a disclaimer, which was an instruction to get a sachet of something from the box which involved lifting the lid.

Then, it said to pull firmly on the bag because the plastic was quite resistant.

What happened shouldn’t have been a surprise, but Phil had naïvely not remembered to be wary of Dan.

Phil tore at the bag and with little to no resistant, the bag burst open, showering Phiphi and Phil’s lap with fake snow.

“Dan.” Phil sighed but started laughing immediately. Phiphi started playing with the snow.

In order to make sure she was not going to eat any for the duration of the reading, Phil picked her up and kept her pressed against his chest.

He started reading again, skipping the disclaimer.

**SNOW**

_Snow is a fascinating material. Up close, you can see crystals and intricate patterns, finer than a mason could ever hope to achieve. From far away, snow looks like one gigantic mass. One solid thing. Snow can be soft and powdery, but it can also be hard and unforgiving._

_What makes snow the most fascinating material though is that, not many people know this, is that snow is used as an excellent form of communication. This communication does not go from human to human. It is rather elves that have mastered the art of listening to snow and learning all the news they need._

_Usually, this communication is exclusive to elves, but surprisingly enough, the biggest effect the snow-communication has on them is when they listen to a non-elf. An elf’s day gets improved endlessly when he listens to a human singing in the snow. The elf does not only feel better, but suddenly all tasks are easier too and every little flower they craft to bloom in the spring looks nicer._

_When a human sings in the snow, waves and vibrations get sent through the world that affect all forms of life, it’s only the elves that have picked up on that however. A sincere song in the snow could very likely be the reason your garden is in full bloom starting the next spring._

_Evidently, singing in the snow has got a similar effect as singing in the rain has on the success of harvest, but even less people know of the magic behind singing in the snow._

_No matter the quality of the song or the singing, you, letting go in the snow will improve lives wherever you look. In fact, you don’t need to look far at all. The first life that you improve with singing and being free is your very own, so let go, sing and dance and be joyful!_

Phil smiled at Dan’s story. He let Phiphi down into his lap again and allowed her to play with the fake snow. He had no idea what it was composed of, but he had the vague notion that it would not be a great idea to let Phiphi eat it.

When Phiphi was covered in fake snow and it dawned on Phil that he would have to change her at least one more time before taking her to his mother, Phil supressed the sigh and started singing one of Phiphi’s favourite songs. She did not know how it went exactly, but she wiggled happily around and even tried to make similar noises to Phil.

Phil took a multitude of pictures and then picked Phiphi up, still singing and whirled her through the air, a clever method to get rid of the fake snow without Phiphi noticing.

When Phil was satisfied that Phiphi was mostly clean and in no danger of choking on the snow or consuming quantities that were certainly bad for her, Phil sat her down on his hip and went to get a hoover. If he wouldn’t clear away the mess at that point, he would probably never get around to it.

After cleaning the snow away, Phil sat Phiphi down with her picture books and discreetly fished Dan’s note out of the envelope.

He got comfortable against the sofa on the floor and unfolded the note.

_Hello there._

_You have just now read the first story that I have rewritten. I had wanted to make the story about snow, yes, but more about the lack thereof. The story I have written and now destroyed was all about global warming and the possibility that there won’t be any snow around for Ash when she reaches our age._

_In hindsight, I realised that the story was more than a tad too dark. Heaven knows I’d much rather only keep reading stories about elves and the like myself, so why should I deprive Ashley of that pleasure?_

_No. She’ll have a knowledgeable consultant in me should she ever wish to speak about global warming, but for now, I think keeping it elfish was the correct call._

_I hope you have sung with her, oh by the way, on the subject of fake snow: SORRY NOT SORRY!_

_Enjoy the day and sing to improve all sorts of lives! People that doubt they can sing might feel better about themselves after hearing you, so by all means: Sing!_

_Dan._

Dan was ridiculous and that was precisely what Phil loved about him.

Before Phil could evaluate that thought, Phiphi caught his attention with babbling something. It looked like she was reading a story to her stuffed toys. Even if that was not the truth, Phil welcomed the diversion to his thoughts.

He had the inkling that he would spend quite a while thinking about Dan that day, so it was great to have a reason to focus all of his attention on Phiphi.

When Phiphi was done reading, Phil sat down on the floor with her that was not covered and carpet and started drawing pictures. Phiphi got bored after a while, so they went back to stuffed toys, and then on to a Christmas film.

After the children’s film, Phil took Phiphi into the kitchen and prepared a late lunch. She would eat again with Phil’s mum, so he did not prepare too much. All they had were toasted Sandwiches that were at best lukewarm when they had them. With the sandwiches, they snacked on different vegetables and had a cup of tea.

Phiphi was ready for a little nap when Phil had cleared everything away. Phil worked while Phiphi slept.

He also thought, evidently. There was no escaping Dan, as he had predicted.

After a while, Phil had reached the conclusion that he could not break this silence with a text. He could have sent Dan the pictures he had taken of Phiphi in the fake snow, but this silence needed to be broken in person. Evidently, Phil wanted to see Dan again, too, but his argumentation did seem to make sense to him.

As soon as Phiphi woke up, Phil dressed her in something that was not covered in fake snow, put every soiled article of clothing into the wash and made his way to Costa (lot) with Phiphi strapped to his chest.

He arrived not quite out of breath which was only thanks to not have taken a pram with him. He was nervous and could break into sweat any moment now, but he was not physically exhausted.

Phil opened the door and already felt disheartened when he did not see Dan behind the counter. Phil approached the counter anyways and prepared himself to order a Hot Spiced Apple.

“Hello. Can I help you?” Dan’s obnoxious colleague asked kindly.

“I… yes…”

“Dan is not in at the moment. He’s on his break.” The colleague shared freely.

“Oh. Yes. Thanks. I wanted to ask about the Christmas party later.”

“Seven pm sharp, here in Costa.” Dan’s colleague straightened his back proudly. “I hope you can make it.”

Phil nodded and somehow managed to order his drink and leave as soon as he had received it. He still wanted to see Dan again, but it would be easier later instead of waiting for him now.

Phil took Phiphi back home and spent the rest of the time cuddling and tickling her on the sofa.

The delusional part of him was already looking forward to the Christmas party because Dan would be obliged to be somewhat close to him. Phil truly missed him a lot.

Eventually, it was time for Phil to get dressed and to take Phiphi to his parents’ house. Phiphi was excited as soon as Phil pushed the pram onto his parents’ property.

Phil chatted only briefly with his mother who tried to sound him out, but Phil managed to block most of her attacks.

“I need to get going now!” Phil said and walked out of the kitchen his mother and somehow managed to lure him into.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning when I drop Phiphi off.”

“Thank you for doing this.”

“Don’t mention it. I can understand that you two want some time on your own.”

“We’ll be at a Christmas party.”

“You know what I mean. A proper date night every now and then is healthy.”

“I am sure it is.” Phil said and somehow managed to blush. Great.

“Give my love to Dan. Enjoy yourself.”

“Have a good evening. See you tomorrow!” Phil said and pulled the door shut behind him after pressing a kiss to his mother’s and Phiphi’s cheek.

In theory, Phil should have had a lot of time to spare, but that theory had not included him being stuck in the kitchen for a while and for the busses running less regularly out here than where he lived.

Phil cooled out waiting for the bus but got warm again when he sprinted to Costa (lot) in order to somehow make it on time.

Phil pushed the door open and felt refreshed and light only because he saw Dan leaning against the counter. Dan looked at him and seemed relieved that Phil was there.

Phil quickly walked over to him. He couldn’t resist the temptation… to make this seem realistic. He leaned into Dan and kissed his cheek before saying: “Sorry I’m late. I needed to take Phiphi to mum and dad’s and forgot about the different bus times.”

It wasn’t Dan but his colleague that answered Phil: “It doesn’t matter, Phil. Now, you’re here.”

“How does he know my name?” Phil asked, leaning against the counter next to Dan.

“He talks about you constantly.” The colleague announced, and somehow, Phil instantly liked him better.

Phil got a little closer to Dan and felt his own and Dan’s tension falling off.

Dan’s colleague introduced himself as Cameron to all that did not know him and held a little speech to welcome everyone to the Christmas party.

While he was speaking, Phil felt Dan slowly putting an arm around Phil’s waist. He shuffled a little closer to make it easier for him.

They had cuddled before, evidently, but this was even more public than his parents’ living room. Still, somehow, Phil enjoyed both Dan’s attention and his touch.

“And lastly, I want to thank everyone for ensuring we have a joyous evening.” Cameron said, raising a cup of coffee into the air.

“Oh, and I want to thank Phil without whom this party would not have been possible.” Cameron winked at Dan who promptly started coughing.

“What on earth does he mean?” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear.

“Not now.” Dan hissed back. He raised his own cup and quickly put Phil’s hand around his own to join in with the toast.

“Cheers!” Cameron shouted and the people shouted back.

Dan let go of Phil’s hand afterwards, but he kept his arm around Phil’s waist.

“And now, everyone, mingle and be joyous.” Cameron’s appeal was met with groans and sighs which made everyone raise in Phil’s esteem.

Cameron climbed off the chair and came walking towards Dan and Phil.

“Phil. It’s great to meet you. I have always wanted to meet Dan’s OOS.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” Phil returned, letting his right hand fall onto Dan’s thigh. He turned to Dan and asked: “Will you ever explain any of this to me?”

“I will eventually.” Dan grinned. “Get lost Cameron and mingle until the pizza arrives.”

Dan pulled Phil over to a group of colleagues he wanted to introduce him to. Phil was not happy about the loss of Dan’s arm around him but was appeased by Dan latching onto his arm as soon as they reached his colleagues.

Phil usually liked his freedom, but he had to admit that there was absolutely no downside to Dan being close to him at all times. Phil was warm, he could lean comfortably against someone and he could smell Dan’s relaxing and comforting smell.

After talking to most of Dan’s colleagues, Cameron announced that the pizza would be there every moment and that everyone should grab a seat.

Dan pulled Phil to the table he usually sat at on his own. He pushed Phil onto the bench and sat down next to him. They were close already, but that was nothing to the way Dan was pressed against Phil when Cameron sat down next to Dan.

Weirdly enough, Phil liked Cameron more and more.

The pizza was good, and the conversations were too. After a while, they went over to playing charades. Phil played along.

When he sat down again, Dan started playing with his fingers. Phil pressed a quick kiss onto Dan’s cheek.

“Thank you for being here.” Dan mumbled.

“Of course. About time I returned the favour.” Phil said, pushing a stray curl off Dan’s forehead.

“Thank you.” Dan repeated and turned his attention back to the charades.

Occasionally, when he was laughing too much, Dan would burry his face in Phil’s chest to muffle the laughter. Phil had not been this happy in two days, which was long considering he spent almost every waking hour with Phiphi.

It was easy to be with Dan. It was easy to play his fake boyfriend. It was nothing but second nature to shower Dan with affection.

While Phil was sitting on the bench alone when it was Dan’s turn to act out various book titles, Phil found himself thinking, with a considerable pang in his heart, that eventually, Dan would find someone that would shower him with all the attention, love and affection he deserved, and when that finally happened, there was no way he could be as close to Dan as he was now.

This realisation was why, Phil pulled Dan close with an arm around his waist when he came back from performing.

For the rest of the evening, he did not let more than a few centimetres between them. Dan was too precious to allow to get away.


	20. Thankful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are folks! :) Enjoy the chapter and stay strong for the remaining days until Christmas! xx

** Friday, 20th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Cameron was without a doubt devil’s incarnate on earth.

He had used the money bank’s money, so de facto Dan’s money to throw the Christmas party for the entire staff.

Dan had of course benefited from the party himself in more senses than that he had been fed, but that still did not justify that all this time, Cameron had pulled money out of Dan’s pocket to use it for something like that.

The worst issue about the money bank for Dan was of course that he had nearly had to explain to Phil why Cameron had pronounced that audacious toast.

Dan and Phil were fake-dating but that did not mean that Phil needed to know about all the times Dan had stared at him over the past months. That would only make him ask questions Dan would very much prefer never to have to answer.

Even if Dan was somehow unhappy about how the evening had come about, there was no denying that he had enjoyed himself.

Phil had been the ideal boyfriend. He had scored the highest possible marks apart from the fact that he only did Dan a favour in pretending to be his boyfriend.

Phil had held him close, had held his hand, had kissed him on his cheek and had been the Phil Dan knew and loved too damn much throughout it all.

But the Christmas party was now over, and Dan needed to return to the real world. It was a normal Friday and customers wanted to get served. They did not care in the slightest for Dan’s evening or life, all they wanted was coffee and Dan could hardly blame them.

Dan got out of bed and checked the time. He was still early enough to allow himself the luxury of a shower before he set out.

When Dan checked his phone the next time, he realised two things. The first was that he had taken too long in the shower and the second was that his clever November brain had scheduled an event for that day with Phil and Phiphi.

He was of course looking forward to seeing them again, but he needed to pack a couple of things and he was already basically running late.

Eventually, Dan managed to pack his things and go to work. He arrived almost on time and as it was only Cameron that shook his head and pointed at his empty left wrist, Dan did not really care.

He walked into the back and got out of the jacket which was still Phil’s coat. Phil’s coat was always the closest for Dan to grab and it simply would have been too much work to pack his own jacket, put Phil’s coat on and give it back to him later in the day.

The only thing Dan had managed to do was write a quick text to Phil while sitting on the bus.

Could you wait with the story for me?

And thank you for yesterday!

Phil had told Dan that he would be awake early-ish because his mother would drop Ashley off in the morning, so Dan was not surprised but all the more glad when he saw a reply from Phil before putting his phone away for the duration of his shift.

I’d do it again.

Dan knew that Phil did not really mean that, but it was nice of him to write that. It was good to know that Dan had not tortured Phil all too much the evening before. He had probably touched Phil more than Phil had been comfortable with, but at least, Phil did not seem to be holding a grudge because of that.

In fact, whatever had been between them seemed to be quite resolved. Things looked like they could easily go back to normal once again.

“There he is.” Cameron said, handing him a cup of coffee with no syrup but some sugar in it at least.

“What do you mean? You knew I was in the back.”

“Yes. That was me telling you, you took long to get back out here.”

“Ah I see.” Dan said and turned away.

“I don’t think it’s nice of you to ignore and ridicule me.” Cameron remarked.

“It makes me very sad to hear that.” Dan took a sip of coffee and started tidying the place in order to be comfortable.

Cameron stayed quiet for a while and Dan was already hoping to have won that fight when Cameron grinned brightly at him when Dan turned to face him eventually.

“I have to say, you two looked incredibly cute yesterday evening.” Cameron said.

Dan betrayed himself and chocked on the coffee, physically squirming at what Cameron had said.

“That was literally a compliment. Why are you so weird?” Cameron laughed, slapping Dan’s back.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” Cameron laughed. “That’ll be one pound.”

“You can’t make me pay again. Not after I financed the entire Christmas party.” Dan crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh. I’ll have to tell Phil all about the money bank and him being your OOS then.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Why do you even care so much? You guys are literally in love and a couple.” Cameron laughed again. He did not know anything!

“It would be embarrassing.” Dan mumbled and was thankful to have a customer he could attend.

Even if things had not set off all too smoothly, Dan’s shift did not take ages to be over. He and Cameron moved over to some more meaningless banter and managed to kill a decent amount of time.

Due to some weird circumstances, Cameron needed double the amount of lunch break. Dan took over for him, skipped his break and was therefore out of Costa earlier than he could have hoped for in the morning.

Dan was excited on his journey to Phil’s place. He had a fun activity planned with his two favourite people.

He jogged up the stairs, which meant he was out of breath when he rang the doorbell.

Phil needed all but the second Simulation Theory though, so Dan had time to breathe.

“First Origin of Symmetry.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Dan returned and stepped into Phil’s home.

“Phiphi would not lie down on the couch.”

“Where is my Ash-girl?” Dan called into the apartment.

“I literally just told you she was on the couch?” Phil shook his head and took Dan’s jacket, so to say his own coat from Dan.

Dan laughed, kicked off his shoes, left his bag at the door and ran to the living room. He scooped Ashley up and held her very close.

With a pang, Dan suddenly realised that there would evidently come a time where not seeing her one day would already count as a high frequency. Dan could not demand to see her daily. He was nothing to her and not enough to Phil, evidently.

“What is so important that we had to wait for you?” Phil asked. He sat down next to Dan and put an arm around his waist like he had the evening before. Dan credited himself for not jumping at the contact and therefore not losing it.

“You will see.” Dan said. He sat Ash onto his lap and motioned for Phil to hand him the Advent Calendar.

Phil reached over, so his hand was gone for a moment, but then, Phil sat back down next to him and the arm was back. It must have been a mistake, but Dan did not question it, but rather enjoyed it while it lasted.

“Tree.” Dan read out and straightened the page in his hand.

“Exciting.” Phil said. Dan banged his knee against Phil’s. Phil laughed and put a hand on Dan’s knee, only to take it back just as quickly again.

“Tree.” Dan repeated. He got comfortable and read his story.

**TREE**

_Tommy the tree had a lot of friends in the forest he called his home. Some friends looked just like him, even though they were taller, admittedly. Their green dress was fuller, and they reached higher into the sky. They stood in the middle of the field, not close to the beavers’ damn like he did._

_Some of his tree friends did not get on with Tommy’s beaver friends. Some did not even like the squirrels, even though Tommy himself thought it was most delightful when they ran all over him and tickled him. The meanest of the trees which Tommy almost did not consider friends even turned up their branches at little hedgehogs looking for some shelter in the cold._

_Tommy was friends with most of the trees and animals in the forest. He was happy to call it his home. He was not terribly old, but he did like to think that he wasn’t the dumbest of trees either._

_And yet, even the cleverest of trees will sometimes be surprised by something. In Tommy’s case this surprise came in form of animals that did not have much fur, only on their heads, but seemed to make up for it with coloured fur from other animals. Tommy was excited about these animals but then he saw that they had sharp objects with them, objects that also made a lot of noise if twisted the right way, it seemed._

_Without talking, these funny looking animals went to Tommy’s tree friends and, it was almost too ghastly to look, cut them down right at the base._

_With shivering branches, Tommy waited for his time to be transported out of the forest, but before the funny animals reached him, they silenced their sharp objects and left the forest with Tommy’s tree friends tied up._

_Tommy was all on his own and cried bitterly, he even lost a couple of needles because of his crying._

_His beaver friends heard him and shared his sorrow. Tommy was all the more thankful to have understanding friends that did not look like him._

_Without saying much, the beavers relocated their tea party in front of Tommy. They build a great dry damn around them. The younger beavers wound garlands of colourful dried leaves around Tommy that made him adjust his branches and stand even taller. He was decorated. He was their guest of honour, he needed to make his friends proud._

_Even though Tommy had lost his tree friends and mourned them, he managed to enjoy the tea party with his beaver friends and behaved like the true representative of green-dress-trees that he was. Tommy was thankful for the beavers’ help and comfort and from then on always provided them with the best fresh wood he could spare._

_An unusual but even stronger friendship resulted from Tommy’s one traumatic experience. The beavers provided Tommy with shelter, Tommy provided them with wood and because the beavers could not believe Tommy’s kindness and selflessness, they kept him decorated with the most beautiful ornaments all year around._

Dan finished reading the story, once again surprised at the topics he had chosen for Ashley’s Advent Calendar. Not many parents apart from Phil would have been able to value the gift at all, let alone tolerate the stories.

“Was that too much?” Dan whispered.

“No. You really don’t need to keep worrying.” Dan frowned at Phil’s response. “You wrote something like that in your note as well. I liked the story and Phiphi will like it too, I can assure you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Phil smiled. “Should we build Tommy then?” he asked.

“Have you ever thought that you don’t really need to give names to every single thing in your life? You know, just a thought.”

“May I remind you, that _you_ named that tree Tommy?”

“That was in a story.”

“Still. You’re to blame for this one.” Phil laughed and stood up. “Should I get the box then?”

“I thought we could go for a walk in the park with the most green-dress-trees.”

“Needle trees.”

“Oh right.”

“You really didn’t know?” Phil stared at Dan.

“No comment.” Dan said and walked past Phil to put his own and then Ashley’s jacket on.

“You are unbelievable.” Phil muttered as he joined them.

“Thank you.” Dan grinned.

“I am powerless against you resolutely taking everything I say as a compliment.”

“Thank you.”

Phil shoved Dan which Dan did not anticipate, so he banged against the wall.

“Oh, dear. Sorry.” Phil said quickly. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s cheek.

His eyes widened, but he did not say anything. He simply leaned down to press a kiss to Ashley’s cheek too before picking her up and pretending like nothing had happened.

Dan could do that too. Easily!

Phil’s POV 

After sharing such a nice evening with Dan, it had been more than weird to go to sleep completely on his own, with not even Phiphi in the same apartment to somehow keep him company.

Phil had been exhausted enough, thankfully, so that he fell asleep easily enough.

He would have wished that Dan could be with him, but that would have been an insanely selfish wish. Phil would have inconvenienced Dan, and after all that Dan had done for him, he really did not need that sort of behaviour from Phil additionally.

The next morning, the slight feeling of weirdness at being alone had not completely left Phil yet.

He woke up feeling somewhat unhappy. It did not take long for him to trace that back to him being all alone in the apartment.

Phil had not just woken up like that. An alarm had woken him which only increased his general discomfort.

Phil put the alarm off and sat up in his bed. Why had he put the alarm in the first place? Why would his past-self torture him like that?

A few moments later, Phil remembered that Phiphi would be coming back early in the morning and that Phil obviously needed to be awake for that, if only to let his mother in.

Phil went to the bathroom and checked his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t look great, but he had certainly looked worse. Also, he could not just appear fine, that would give his mother reason to think she could always bother him this early.

In his bedroom, Phil changed the pyjama pants for some sweatpants and pulled a hoodie over his head. He might get dressed properly later at some point, but for the moment, comfort was the most important thing.

Done with everything, Phil grabbed his phone and walked into the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Either his mum would have time for a cup, or he would have prepared some for later already.

Phil unlocked his phone and saw that Dan had written to him. He started smiling immediately.

It was great to know that things were essentially as they were again.

Could you wait with the story for me?

And thank you for yesterday!

Phil’s smile only increased after reading Dan’s text. He was more than happy to have the promise that Dan would come by later. Also, thinking of the evening was certainly nice too.

I’d do it again.

It was true. Why would Phil ever say no to such an agreeable evening?

He had felt comfortable, he had been well fed and they had played games. Those were the ingredients for Phil’s favourite sort of evening.

Of course, Phil could have those evenings in the comfort of his own home with only Dan as his companion but doing Dan a favour and experiencing all of the above was hardly something Phil could say no to.

Phil did not have to wait long after he had made tea, for his mother to ring the doorbell. He went to open the door and welcomed her inside quietly, when he saw that Phiphi was asleep in her pram.

It was a wonder how his mother had managed to get the pram up the stairs and keeping Phiphi asleep at the same time.

“Good morning.” Phil’s mum whispered. Phil took her jacket, and together, they went to put Phiphi back into her own bed for some more sleep.

Phil did not close the door fully but directed his mother to follow him into the kitchen to be able to speak at a normal volume.

“How was your evening?” Phil’s mum asked, accepting the cup of tea.

“It was lovely.” Phil smiled. “Dan’s colleagues are really nice.”

“Speaking of Dan, where is he?”

“At work.” Phil replied swiftly. It wasn’t even a lie. He did not have to tell his mother that Dan had never been in his apartment the day before. She was satisfied with knowing that Dan was at work, so Phil would not dream of making her think something was the matter.

Phil and his mother continued talking for a while, but eventually, she ‘really had to go’. Phil hugged his mum, thanked her for taking care of Phiphi and gave a nondescript answer to her: “See you soon.”

When Phil was alone again, he went into the living room with a cup of tea and opened the Advent Calendar. He would obviously do as Dan had asked him and not read the story, but he could still read Dan’s note, even if it would only make complete sense once he had also read the story.

_Hi. Hello. Greetings._

_I am a little nervous about the story today. It’s not as bad as yesterday – I haven’t thought of completely rewriting it, but I do wonder if it’s too dark. It’s not as unencouraging as climate change and global warming, but I bet there would have been a more cheerful topic to choose other than the one I picked._

_Oh well… Without giving too much away: Today is T-Day and I hope you are prepared. You won’t know what this means until you read the story, or I come, whichever will happen first, but just try and prepare yourself for anything._

_That sounds way more ominous than it really is, fear not, my friend. It will be a little prickly but that is all the hint you will get. Try and be a little patient, would you?_

_I am so sleep-deprived that that made me laugh. I have no idea when you will read this, but still try and be patient. Always!_

_Okay, this has got to stop, and I have got to move on. Stay strong and patient and all the other virtuous adjectives!_

_Dan._

Phil folded the paper again and sighed.

There was no way around it, he would have to be patient. It was only a couple of hours until he would see Dan and it sounded like he had some fun things planned, but that did not make waiting for it any easier.

More or less successfully, Phil managed to fill the hours in which he waited for Dan with work, Phiphi, laundry, getting dressed, food and even a short nap. Those were not the most fulfilling hours he had ever spent, but they were also not completely useless.

Currently Phil was climbing over the couch with Phiphi. Dan would arrive in a while, so there was nothing productive Phil could now start doing. So, climbing with Phiphi it was.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Phil put Phiphi on her back, but she wiggled towards the edge of the sofa. Phil repeated this three more times before Phiphi stayed where he put her.

Phil quickly walked to the door and opened it. Dan was there already!

“First Origin of Symmetry.” Phil guessed.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Dan said and walked inside.

“Phiphi would not lie down on the couch.” Phil explained.

“Where is my Ash-girl?”

“I literally just told you she was on the couch?” Phil took Dan’s jacket. He was still wearing Phil’s coat which somehow made him happy.

It was good to see others appreciate his clothing, wasn’t it? Also, it suited Dan really well.

Dan laughed and ran to the living room. Phil followed him after putting away the coat and pushing Dan’s shoes under the cupboard to join Phil’s.

“What is so important that we had to wait for you?” Phil asked.

Dan was on the couch, cradling Phiphi. Without thinking about it, Phil sat down next to him to be closer to both of them.

“You will see.” Dan said mysteriously.

Dan placed Phiphi into his lap and waved over to the Advent Calendar for Phil to get it. Phil reached over and handed the box to Dan. He immediately sat close to him again. He was exited for the story, and after a night in complete solitude, it could not be held against Phil that he would want some closeness.

“Tree.” Dan said as he unfolded the paper. 

“Exciting.” Phil said. Dan did not take him seriously and banged his knee against Phil’s.

Phil laughed and for a moment put a hand on Dan’s knee, but as he did not know if Dan was comfortable with that, he quickly took it away again.

“Tree.” Dan said again and read the story.

“Was that too much?” Dan asked quietly when he had finished his story about the tree Tommy and his loss of tree friends, presumably around Christmas time.

“No. You really don’t need to keep worrying.” Phil said. Dan frowned, so Phil explained: “You wrote something like that in your note as well. I liked the story and Phiphi will like it too, I can assure you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Phil smiled. Dan would not listen to any more praise, so Phil asked: “Should we build Tommy then?”

“Have you ever thought that you don’t really need to give names to every single thing in your life? You know, just a thought.”

“May I remind you, that _you_ named that tree Tommy?”

“That was in a story.”

“Still. You’re to blame for this one.” Phil stood up. “Should I get the box then?”

“I thought we could go for a walk in the park with the most green-dress-trees.”

“Needle trees.”

“Oh right.”

“You really didn’t know?” Dan did not cease to surprise Phil with how much he knew while simultaneously sometimes not knowing anything as it seemed.

“No comment.” Dan said, walking to the front door.

“You are unbelievable.” Phil muttered as he joined them.

“Thank you.” Dan grinned.

“I am powerless against you resolutely taking everything I say as a compliment.”

“Thank you.”

As a joke, Phil shoved Dan. Sadly, Dan was not prepared for that and bumped into the wall with his shoulder.

“Oh, dear. Sorry.” Phil said. Without thinking, he quickly kissed Dan’s cheek.

He had indeed not thought, otherwise, he would have realised how many boundaries he was crossing.

To make the whole situation seem more normal and like less of a train wreck, Phil kissed Phiphi’s cheek too and then picked her up to get ready to go out.

Dan seemed to be happy that Phil did not explicitly address what had happened, so Phil decided to not say anything at all.

Phil strapped Phiphi to Dan’s chest and opened the door.

“Let’s go to that green-dress-tree-park.” Phil said. Dan ignored him and walked out of the door with his head held high.

“You’re not mad, are you?” Phil asked carefully as he joined Dan and Phiphi at the bottom of the stairs.

“No.” Dan sighed.

“You are adorable. You really shouldn’t change, so I shouldn’t make fun of you.”

“You can make fun of me all you like. I know you are not trying to hurt me.”

“Of course not!” Phil said loudly.

“Good.” Dan giggled and started walking to the park with the needle trees.

It was already slowly getting dark, so they could not spend a lot of time in the park. It was, however, enough time for Phiphi to touch the needle trees and to observe some squirrels running up the trees.

“That was a nice idea. We don’t do this often enough.” Phil said and freed Dan from the strappy tummy seat to put it on himself.

“You should try and get outside with her more often.”

“I meant us three, but you’re right.” Phil smiled. Dan looked away and went behind Phil to pull the straps tighter after Phiphi had sagged through in front of Dan.

“Let’s go home and build Tommy.” Dan said.

“See, you say it too.”

“Sorry. Your place… Your apartment…”

“I meant ‘Tommy’.” Phil laughed. “You are very easy to fluster today.”

“Sorry.”

“By all means. That’s a good thing! It makes it easier for me to tease you.” Phil said. He linked arms with Dan and pulled him to the exit of the park.

At home, they got out of their outdoor clothes. Dan took Phiphi to her room to change her nappy and Phil changed into his pyjama pants again and pulled the Christmas tree box out from underneath his bed.

Dan and Phiphi joined Phil in the living room and together, they started building the Christmas tree. Dan and Phil worked together but also took turns holding Phiphi and taking pictures of each other.

When the tree was fully assembled with the fairy lights, Dan went to the front door and got his bag in which he had his two most priced ornaments. Phil went to get his own stash of ornaments while Dan already hung up the ones they had crafted with Phiphi.

When the tree was decorated, Dan opened a bottle of edible glitter and sprinkled the very top of the tree with it.

“I hereby christen you Tommy.” Dan said, and Phil took some more pictures.

Phil also turned around and took a selfie with all four of them – Phil, Dan, Phiphi and Tommy – to send to his mother.

The one innocent picture turned out to be both the worst and best thing Phil had done all day.

Not long after sending the picture, a reply from his mother came.

Perfect! We’ll be coming over tomorrow

morning for a spot of breakfast then.

“Dan!” Phil called to Dan who had gone into the kitchen to make some tea.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll have to stay the night!”

“Excuse me?” Dan came out of the kitchen and Phil showed him the text he had received.

“Are you fine with staying?” Phil asked carefully.

Dan rubbed his temples. “Yes. Yes. Of course, I am. I did promise to have a sleepover again soon.”

“And you are fine playing my boyfriend tomorrow morning?” Phil asked to be sure.

Dan smiled. Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Phil’s cheek. “You tell me.”

Phiphi started wailing in that moment, which was good really, because there was nothing Phil could have said.

Dan was evidently the best of the game. Phil did not need to worry that they would be convincing. He maybe did need to worry about being too convincing.

Wherever that thought was meant to go, Phil lost track of it when Phiphi started fully crying, and he rushed over to her to calm her.


	21. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! <3 Enjoy the chapter and stay safe!   
> See you again tomorrow! xx

** Saturday, 21st of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Whenever Dan and Phil have sleepovers, they usually stay up late and watch movies together until either of them cannot possibly keep their eyes open any longer.

On Friday, it was not any different.

Dan and Phil stayed on the couch after putting Ash to sleep and watched a total of three Christmas movies. Dan was uncharacteristically tired because he had not stayed up this late in a long time.

When his yawns were too difficult to hide, Phil ushered Dan into his bedroom and threw some pyjamas at him.

While Phil was in the bathroom, Dan quickly changed into the pyjamas.

He had changed in front of Phil before, but with the prospect of sleeping next to him before having to pretend to be his boyfriend in the morning, Dan thought it was best not to give himself any ideas.

Dan went to the bathroom when Phil came back and climbed into the bed next to him when he came back.

Phil had a king-sized bed. They had always shared it and would not stop now, evidently.

Still, with everything that had happened that month and Dan’s last sleepover being quite long ago now, Dan was pretty nervous lying there next to Phil in the dark.

He was not nervous because of what might happen. Phil had absolutely no clue about any of Dan’s feelings, but Dan was nervous about what his body might decide to do while he slept. None of the scenarios worked in Dan’s favour.

In trying to fall asleep Dan must have tossed and turned quite a bit, because Phil sighed in the darkness and said: “I forgot how not calm you are in the night.”

“Sorry.” Dan whispered.

Suddenly, two strong arms pulled Dan into Phil’s chest. Dan held his breath.

“Why are you so fidgety?” Phil mumbled.

“Sorry.” Dan said again.

“Sh.” Phil was evidently close to sleep. “Sleep.” He mumbled before pressing a kiss into Dan’s hair.

That was the second kiss already that Dan had received that day. That was way over the usual amount – which was nil.

Dan stayed electrified for a few minutes while Phil already fell asleep. Slowly, Phil’s steady breathing enabled Dan to calm down and eventually fall asleep too.

For the first time in at least a month, Dan was confident that he had slept and rested well.

He was comfortable when he woke up. He was the perfect amount of warm and none of his muscles ached in any way.

Slowly, Dan opened his eyes and found that he was still caged in Phil’s arms. Basically all of his happy symptoms could be explained by that.

Where if not in Phil’s arms would Dan ever wake up this happy?

“Good morning.” Phil’s voice was still husky and sent shivers down Dan’s spine.

“Morning.” Dan said. Phil loosened his hold on Dan a little, which never felt good but allowed Dan to see Phil’s smile which made up for the loss of comfort a little bit.

“Let’s do the calendar before they get here.” Phil said.

“Agreed.” Dan mumbled.

“You can put on one of my sweats.” Phil said as he climbed out of bed. “And pick whatever jumper you like.”

“What are you doing?” Dan asked and sat up.

“Taking a shower. You obviously don’t need one.” Phil groaned.

“I’ll take care of Ash then.” Dan said and climbed out of the bed too.

“Thanks. I’ll be quick.”

Dan got dressed in the sweatpants, jumper combination that Phil had suggested while Phil took a shower.

To think of anything but that, Dan quickly made the bed, and then went to Ashley’s room to wake her, change her nappies and dress her.

When Dan was done with that, he carried Ash into the living room and found Phil with a sheet of paper on the couch.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked.

“Oh, nothing.” Phil quickly folded the paper.

“Is that the story?”

“No. It’s your note for today.” Phil smiled.

“Oh no. What did I write? Show me.”

“No.” Phil hid the note behind his back.

“Why?” Dan sat down next to him with Ashley on his lap.

“Because you would destroy it immediately and then demand to have all previous and following notes back too.”

“Is it as bad as that?” Dan gasped.

“No. I just know you. I think your notes are lovely, so just let me keep them.”

Lovely, yeah right.

“Don’t make me responsible for any trauma then.” Dan shrugged.

Phil grinned and pushed the note back into the envelope and handed Dan the story for the day.

“Do you want to do the honours?” Dan asked Phil.

“We all want you to read.” Phil said and folded his legs beneath him. He pulled Ash onto his lap and grabbed Dan’s hand, forcing him to get closer too.

“Fine. I’ll read.”

“Thank you.” Phil said sincerely.

“Yeah.” Dan rubbed his forehead and unfolded the paper quickly.

Why did Phil manage to fluster him with the slightest things lately?

“Unity.”

“I need tea?” Phil asked.

“Very funny.” Dan said but couldn’t stop himself from laughing immediately.

“Unity.” Dan repeated once he had calmed down with a stern glance in Phil’s direction.

**UNITY**

_“Are we all here?” asked Woodchuck._

_“Yes, perfectly.” replied Bear._

_“Not can we all hear, are we all here!” Woodchuck sighed and let his eyes trail over the group of animals in the burrow._

_“Squirrel might be late.” Bumblebee said._

_“We cannot always wait for her.” Woodchuck sighed. “Is everyone else present? It is important to start hibernating at the right time. If we prolong this unnecessarily than we might lose energy now and wake up half-way into spring!”_

_“Yes, we know.” Bear said. “We have all hibernated before.”_

_“I don’t know about you, but I personally only ever really sleep really late until spring. I don’t hibernate, whatever that is.” Bumblebee said._

_“That_ is _hibernating!” Woodchuck said._

_“What is?” Bumblebee looked between Bear and Woodchuck._

_“Hibernating is the art of sleeping until spring so that we don’t waste our resources which are scarce during winter.” Woodchuck explained._

_“He is right. We sleep because we would be tired the whole time anyways with the little food we have.” Bear said kindly._

_“Of course, I am right.” Woodchuck hissed under his breath, but no one paid him any mind because through the opening of the burrow, Squirrel finally appeared, and she brought a new companion along._

_“Moth needs a place to sleep too. I told him of the jolly party we are having here and invited him to come along. He will barely take up any space and help us keep warm.” Squirrel said excitedly._

_“Moth? We have never had moths at this party!” Woodchuck said indignantly._

_“We have never had this party before, may I remind you.” Squirrel said sternly. “We are having this party only because after last winter, we all realised it would be nice to be a little warmer while we slept and not so terribly alone.”_

_“I think any addition is a good addition.” Bear said, and Squirrel smiled at her understanding friend._

_“Together, we form a unity.” Squirrel said._

_“Together, we are stronger.” Bear agreed._

_“Together, we show that our appearances and backgrounds don’t matter only that we have each other.” Bumblebee joined in._

_“Together,” Moth spoke up, “we survive the winter.”_

_Now, all eyes were on Woodchuck, who squirmed a little, then sighed quietly before saying: “Together, we spread love and kindness.”_

_“We do!” Squirrel said falling around Woodchuck’s neck._

_Woodchuck freed himself from Squirrel’s grip and quickly announced that the buffet was now open for their last grand meal before sleeping until spring._

_Every of the animals had brought something to enjoy for the others, so once again, it was proven that diversity was best and most interesting and also most filling in this case._

_After the meal, the animals huddled together and kept each other warm through the snow falling up above their heads and through the slow thawing until finally, they could leave the burrow, run around in the meadows and forests and promise to meet again the next year to hibernate as a unity._

“They really all do hibernate?” Phil asked.

“Yes. I looked that up.” Dan admitted.

“While watching the Vicar of Dibley?”

“It is of no concern to you where I get my inspiration from.” Dan said, and Phil laughed.

The doorbell rang while they were still looking at Dan’s pictures. Phil put Ash into Dan’s lap and walked to answer the door.

Dan tried to pry the paper out of Ashley’s hands, but she was holding on firmly, soiling Dan’s plan of hiding the Advent Calendar before Kath and Nigel came into the living room.

“Dan! It’s good to see you again.” Kath said and hugged Dan while he tried to somehow stand up to greet her with Ash and the Calendar still on his lap.

“Do sit down.” Phil said and dropped down next to Dan, pulling him closer to his side.

Kath and Nigel sat down opposite of the couch Dan and Phil were sitting on. Ash finally looked away from the calendar and made grabby hands for her grandfather.

Dan stood up and handed Ash over to Nigel who smiled brightly at both of them.

“Come back!” Phil called. Dan blushed but obliged Phil and sat down next to him. Phil pulled him closer once again, and who was to blame Dan for enjoying the moment?

“What is that box?” Kath asked, motioning to the Advent Calendar.

“That is Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza.” Phil said proudly.

“An Advent Calendar.” Dan explained when Kath looked confused. He would tell Phil what he wanted to eat later.

“An Advent Calendar Dan made for this gorgeous person over there.” Phil said pointing at Ashley.

“You made the box?” Kath asked.

“He did!” Phil said before Dan could have answered. “Not only that. For every day, he wrote an original story and also planned activities for us to do. The ornaments we gave you were such an activity.”

It was an incredible feeling to hear Phil gush about the present Dan had made him and Ash.

“That is incredible Dan!” Kath exclaimed after she had inspected the calendar for herself. “How on earth did you manage to keep this hidden from Phil?”

“I worked in my apartment…” Dan said. When he only just realised what he had said, Kath was already nodding understandingly.

“Of course. You don’t live together, yet, do you?”

“Not yet.” Phil agreed easily. He grabbed Dan’s hand and squeezed it and at the same time, Dan wanted to start laughing and crying. Too many good things were happening that would never be a reality.

Phil’s POV 

If Phil had known that Dan would stay the night when his parents announced a morning visit, he would not have hesitated to ask them to come over one morning himself.

Phil had deeply missed his and Dan’s sleepovers. Yes, Dan had not immediately been calm, but sleeping with Dan in his arms had always been one of Phil’s favourite things to do.

Phil felt like he could protect Dan that way. It felt like finally, Dan could let go of all his worries and trust Phil to keep him safe.

Who wouldn’t relish such a feeling?

Phil certainly did, and he was not afraid to show it, in the sense that even when he woke up earlier than Dan the next morning, he still stayed with his arms securely around Dan, waiting patiently for him to wake up.

A similar thought to one he had had during the Christmas party went through Phil’s mind while he was lying with Dan in his bed.

One day, someone would come that Dan would entrust completely with all his worries. Mornings like these would not work anymore.

Dan would be able to stay Phil’s best friend, but this level of closeness would be lost.

The thought that Dan would be appreciated and valued for what he was really worth made Phil content, but the idea that he would have to let go off what they had did the exact opposite.

Neither of the thoughts were exactly helpful in that moment, so Phil decided to ban them both from his mind and just enjoy Dan’s soft breaths playing against Phil’s throat and the rising of Dan’s chest pressing him closer into Phil.

It was always a good idea to live in the present.

Far too soon, Dan’s breathing told Phil that he had woken up. Now, Phil could not wait until he saw Dan’s warm brown eyes again.

“Good morning.” Phil said quietly as not to scare Dan. 

“Morning.” Dan answered. It had been a long time since Phil had heard Dan’s morning voice. He knew he was going to miss this again until Dan could be persuaded to have another sleepover again.

“Let’s do the calendar before they get here.” Phil said. There was no use in trying to cling onto this moment. He would still enjoy all the time he had with Dan.

Just because of the monumental event that was Dan sleeping over at Phil’s place once again did not mean that life could proceed unlived.

“Agreed.” Dan’s voice was still tired.

Phil did not love forcing him out of bed, but this was kinder in the long run as he gave Dan some time to wake up before his parents got there. 

“You can put on one of my sweats.” Phil told Dan as he got up. “And pick whatever jumper you like.”

He was obviously doing this out of the kindness of his own heart and not because he seemed to have found a particular liking to Dan wearing his things.

“What are you doing?” Dan sat up. His hair was sticking up a little after sleep, but he looked great as always. 

“Taking a shower. You obviously don’t need one.” Phil groaned jokingly.

“I’ll take care of Ash then.” Dan got up too. 

“Thanks. I’ll be quick.” Phil said and meant it. If he was quick, he could read the note Dan might or might not have left for him. It was quite likely there was one, so Phil took extra care to hurry in the shower.

Phil was dressed in sweatpants and a Christmas jumper when he walked into the living room, quickly opening the Advent Calendar to look for a note from Dan.

There was indeed one.

Phil listened out for the noises Dan made in Phiphi’s room and concluded that he was still busy getting her dressed, so there was some time yet.

_Hello Phil._

_I have flicked through the other notes just now and saw that I have never written your name on top?! I mean, you have hopefully understood that these notes are for you, but just in case you didn’t, I have now scribbled your name on the back of every page, that should be enough of a hint for you._

_This note is just to apologise for all the pseudo-educational crap you’ll be reading about in today’s story. You know that when I am bad-mouthing something I will have worked hard on it, but that does not mean I will immediately be proud of it or happy with it or something. You know to take everything I say with one or two or twenty grains of salt – be careful not to kill yourself though, it takes surprisingly little salt to achieve that! – and that in turn would only kill me, so you’d have suicide and homicide on your conscience!_

_(Just did some research… twenty grains should still be fine. Two teaspoons of raw salt would kill you though, so stick to your nightly cereal adventures!)_

_Oh, another thing! I might or might not have stolen the first joke directly from ‘The Vicar of Dibley’._

_Yes. The apology was meant to be the only thing in this note. Oh well, none of my plans ever work out so there you have it._

_You can learn three things from this note though: Don’t follow the urge to eat two teaspoons of salt, and switch channels whenever I should start spewing bullshit into the world, and don’t do plagiarism!_

_Over and out. I hope you find strength to read the story even after this._

_Dan._

Phil was smiling brightly at the paper in his hands. It was funny to think that the person singing to his daughter about how it was best not to keep pooping your pants for all eternity and that humanity did great with inventing the water closet was also the author of these notes and of the stories in the Advent Calendar.

As soon as you realised that person was Dan, everything made perfect sense, of course.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked.

“Oh, nothing.” Phil had not noticed that he was done with Phiphi already.

Quickly, Phil folded Dan’s note.

“Is that the story?”

“No. It’s your note for today.” Phil couldn’t hide the smile. 

“Oh no. What did I write? Show me.” Dan was most certainly the sort of person that immediately forgot what he had written. Even over text, he sometimes asked Phil back why he had told him that piece of information after explicitly asking him for it.

“No.” Phil put the note behind his back.

“Why?” Dan came to the couch and sat down next to him.

“Because you would destroy it immediately and then demand to have all previous and following notes back too.”

“Is it as bad as that?”

“No. I just know you. I think your notes are lovely, so just let me keep them.”

It was truly infuriating to see how little Dan believed virtually any compliment Phil made him. Only the ones that were not intended as compliments did he ever hear. Dan was infuriating.

“Don’t make me responsible for any trauma then.”

But Dan also had the great advantage of being Dan and therefore making it impossible for Phil to stay in any mad at him, at least not because of something like this.

“Do you want to do the honours?” Dan asked Phil.

“We all want you to read.” Phil got comfortable on the couch and sat Phiphi down in his lap, before pulling Dan closer to them too.

“Fine. I’ll read.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” This time Dan seemed to have believed him, but that did not change the fact that he could not exactly accept the compliment.

“Unity.” Dan read.

“I need tea?” Phil asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Dan did start laughing and could not fool Phil with saying: “Very funny.”

As usual, Phil was highly amused by Dan’s story. He could understand where Dan had come from in his note with the ‘educational crap’, but Phil did think it was interesting to read about the hibernating animals.

“They really all do hibernate?” Phil asked when Dan was done.

“Yes. I looked that up.”

“While watching the Vicar of Dibley?” Phil teased.

“It is of no concern to you where I get my inspiration from.” Dan said, making Phil laugh.

They went over to examining Dan’s beautiful drawings in the margins of the page.

Phil had not yet appreciated all the small animals Dan had pictured when the doorbell rang.

Phil stood up and placed Phiphi into Dan’s lap to go and open the door.

Phil opened the door and welcomed his parents inside.

“Dan and Phiphi are in the living room.” Phil said as he took his parents’ coats.

“We brought something for breakfast.” his father said.

“I’ll take it to the kitchen.” Phil took the bag and quickly went into the kitchen before following everyone into the living room where his mother was currently hugging Dan.

“Dan! It’s good to see you again.” she said.

“Do sit down.” Phil said, sitting down next to Dan once again, not angry that he had a valid excuse to pull Dan closer to him once again.

Dan stood up to hand Phiphi over to Phil’s father, but Phil already embarrassed himself with saying: “Come back!” as soon as Dan stood up.

Dan did sit back down next to Phil, and Phil pulled him closer immediately. If he was going to go for the domestic couple, he could as well pull all stops. 

“What is that box?” Phil’s mother asked after her eyes had roamed through the living room and had landed on the Advent Calendar.

“That is Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza.” Phil said.

“An Advent Calendar.” Dan explained.

“An Advent Calendar Dan made for this gorgeous person over there.” Phil pointed at Phiphi. He wanted his parents to know what an incredible gift Dan had made them.

“You made the box?” Phil’s mum asked.

“He did! Not only that. For every day, he wrote an original story and also planned activities for us to do. The ornaments we gave you were such an activity.”

With every passing day, Phil was more and more certain that the advent calendar was the best gift he had ever received by anyone.

Phil handed the Advent Calendar over to his mother who inspected it and rightfully shouted: “That is incredible Dan!” when she was done.

“How on earth did you manage to keep this hidden from Phil?”

“I worked in my apartment…” Dan said and immediately stiffened in Phil’s hold.

“Of course. You don’t live together, yet, do you?”

“Not yet.” Phil said quickly. The only reason they were in this particular situation was that his mother thought that he and Dan were moving in together.

“How about some breakfast then?” Phil asked after they had talked about the Advent Calendar some more and had entertained Phiphi.

“Yes please!” his mother said and jumped up.

Phil’s father stayed in the living room with Phiphi but the three of them went into the kitchen, made tea and laid the table.

When Phil’s father joined them in the kitchen, Phil was currently balancing the teapot in his hands, so, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Phil’s father handed Phiphi to Dan. Phiphi immediately clung to Dan’s neck and happily wiggled.

It was a lovely scene to see Dan and Phiphi and his parents interacting that way. Phil wished it would stay that way forever.

Just as he had done before, Phil quickly decided to ignore that thought and concentrate on getting the teapot safely to the kitchen table.

After their late breakfast, the four of them went back to the living room with a fresh cup of tea and enough energy to convince Phil’s father it was a great idea to play charades.

Dan and Phil’s father and Phil and his mum formed a team. Dan’s team was surprisingly good, and they all had a lot of fun.

It was lovely to see that Dan was completely himself with Phil’s parents. He laughed loudly, made jokes all while not forgetting to hold Phil’s hand when he was within reach. And he was within reach often.

Somehow, Phil found himself seeking out Dan’s touches and proximity. At the same time, Phil could also not stop himself from playing with Dan’s fingers, running his own fingers through Dan’s hair and hooking his chin over Dan’s shoulder.

The time with Phil’s parents was somewhat weird but also amazing. Everything felt disconcertingly normal.

When Phil’s parents hugged them goodbye and told them they needed to do this again soon, Dan tensed but kept the act going until the curtain, or well, the door closed.

“Let’s order pasta.” Dan sighed when the door closed.

“Good idea.”

“Fortunate you think that. I’d have got to decide anyways. You said Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza earlier.”

“The whole Advent Calendar was your pathetic attempt at getting to eat what you want.”

“You have figured me all out.” Dan laughed and returned to the living room with Phiphi.

“Hardly.” Phil whispered and followed them.

They did order pasta and had it while watching ‘Love Actually’, because Dan convinced Phil that it did not count that he had already watched it that December because he had not watched it with him.

Phil was not mad about that. In fact, it played directly into Phil’s hands because he had less of a problem convincing Dan to stay another night.

“I need to get to work tomorrow morning, though. I need stuff to wear.”

“So look into my wardrobe. It’s too late to go home now.” Phil said and yawned.

“Fine.” Dan said but smiled brightly. Phil returned the smile just as brightly and put on another Christmas movie they both didn’t manage to finish.


	22. Virtuous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap yourselves in - this is a long-ish one! :) Enjoy and see you tomorrow! xx

** Sunday, 22nd of December **

Dan’s POV 

Dan must have done something right in his life, when he was rewarded with waking up next to Phil or rather in Phil’s arms after already spending a day virtually attached to his side.

Phil had been lovely the day before. He had included him in all the games and jokes and had made it very clear that Dan was welcome in the family.

Phil’s future partner was very lucky indeed to have a family like Phil’s to be welcomed into.

Those sorts of thoughts were the least helpful Dan could have, when he needed to urge himself to leave the warm comfort of Phil’s bed and company to brave the cold air outside and get to work.

Dan needed to think exclusively happy thoughts and just deal with everything else once he was in the comfort of solitude at his own place and no one could see his tears.

Carefully, Dan picked Phil’s arm up so that he could free himself from Phil’s hold. It was completely inhuman to demand this of him when he had only barely just woken up.

At home, getting up was also an ordeal but not quite as painful as this. Dan was only leaving his bed behind, here he needed to detach himself from the most beautiful fantasy he had ever lived.

Dan managed to get out of one of Phil’s arms, but when he picked up the second arm, Phil grumbled and sleepily squeezed one eye open.

“Come back.” Phil said barely coherently.

“I will.”

“Now.”

“After work.” Dan said. He pulled his arm away and covered Phil in the blanket.

“Thanks… love…”

Dan stood rooted to the spot for a moment. Eventually, he concluded that Phil had obviously not been thinking straight and that this had to mean absolutely nothing.

Phil had dreamed something. He had not meant what he had said.

Dan decided that even if Phil had not meant anything, that Dan would still be welcome to come back to Phil’s place once he was done with work. They could have breakfast and start the day again together.

Phil might not have meant to ask him, but he would not stop him from doing that.

As cautiously as Dan was able to, he pulled some pants that should roughly fit him, a belt and a nondescript jumper out of Phil’s closet and got dressed with his back to the bed.

Phil’s living room was always an ice chamber when you first walked into it in the morning. Dan did not need to suffer that only because he did not dare to change before a sleeping Phil.

Once Dan was done, he left the dark bedroom, grabbed his keys, wallet and phone and made his way to the front door. He put on the light in the living room after closing the bedroom door and saw that the jumper was not quite as nondescript as he had hoped. It was a knitted jumper with dark purple and bright orange, it had basically looked like a mixture of greys in Phil’s room.

Still, Dan was almost late as it was, so he kept the jumper on, pulled Phil’s coat over and closed the door quietly after putting off the light again.

Even if the journey from Phil’s place to Costa took longer than from Dan’s place, Dan was still the first person to arrive and therefore the person to unlock the door.

He started the machines and made himself a cup of coffee with all the syrup he thought was still enjoyable.

Dan had finished most of his coffee when Cameron finally came walking through the door.

“Who are you and what have you done with Dan?”

“Morning Cameron.”

“Why do you know my name? I am serious! Where is Dan?” Cameron asked.

“He’s doing fine.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“There he is!” Cameron shouted. “I nearly didn’t recognise you then with that bright jumper.”

“Really? I would not have noticed.” Dan said.

“What are you so chipper for?” Cameron called from the back.

“I didn’t want to get out of bed.” Dan answered honestly.

“Oh, poor you. Do you want a hug?” Cameron asked and glared at Dan when he stepped out of the back. “What exactly do you think I feel every time I get up in the morning?”

“It was particularly hard this morning.” Dan defended himself.

“Yes. Rub it in that you have a boyfriend and I don’t.” Cameron sighed and dramatically dropped his head onto Dan’s shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to do that.” Dan whispered.

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault. You deserve to be happy. You should be happy. I just don’t see how I am don’t deserve to be happy, you know?”

“You do deserve to be happy.” Dan said and awkwardly patted Cameron’s head.

“Thank you.” Cameron sighed again. “Let’s pull ourselves together, get through this shift and get back to the people that love us.”

“And by people you mean your dog?”

“Of course, who else?” Cameron laughed. He prepared himself a cup of back coffee, raised his cup in a toast to Dan’s and then started working.

The Sunday morning shift was never the most terrible of the week. It was of course early and in winter unwelcoming everywhere apart from directly inside a heater or beneath some covers in a warm bed, but the shift was also the shortest.

After slowly warming up for the two mandatory hours behind the counter, Dan helped prepare everything for the lunch menu before fleeing Costa and making his way to the bus stop to take him back to Phil.

Dan left the bus one stop early to buy some croissants and then made his way to Phil’s place.

As quietly as possible, Dan turned the keys in the lock and made his way to the kitchen on his tip toes. He had already kicked his shoes off outside and had placed them underneath the cupboard carefully.

In the kitchen, Dan made tea and filled a tray with all the spreads and crockery they would need for breakfast.

When the tea was done, Dan left it to brew and went to Ashley’s room to wake her.

After changing her nappies, Dan carried her into the living room and placed her onto the carpet with her stuffed toys while he went to Phil’s room to wake him up for breakfast.

Dan walked over to Phil’s bed and gently shook Phil’s shoulder. Phil grumbled and turned away. Dan leaned forward to whisper to Phil when he suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him even closer.

Momentarily, Dan found himself barely inches away from Phil’s mouth. His heart was beating quickly, and he knew he had trouble maintaining his normally pale skin colour on his cheeks.

“I guess this is a way to wake me.” Phil smirked. He let his eyes trail down to Dan’s mouth, and Dan thought he was going to die or had in fact already died.

“Good morning.” Dan said awkwardly. He pushed himself off Phil and managed to somewhat regulate his breathing.

“Good morning.” Phil grinned. “The jumper looks great on you.”

“Everything does.” Dan said, despite his flaming face.

“How right you are.” Phil yawned and stretched revealing his midriff. Dan looked away and rubbed his neck.

“I made breakfast.” Dan said and stood up. “You’ll have to be quick or Ash and I will have gobbled everything up.”

“That sounds like something you two would do.”

“So, be quick.” Dan shrugged and fled the bedroom.

Phil was making it incredibly difficult for him to form any sort of useful thoughts.

In the living room, Dan picked Ash up and carried her to the Christmas tree, where Dan sat down cross-legged with her in his lap. Dan prepared three cups of tea each with the desired amount of milk in it and waited for Phil to come out of the bedroom.

“There is my little family.” Phil smiled and walked towards Dan and Ashley.

Dan felt like someone had poured liquid love onto his heart while simultaneously punching it several times.

How could Phil joke about something as big as that?

How could Phil after all this time not have realised how much he meant to Dan?

“This is lovely. I love croissants. Ah, Dan. You’re the best.” Phil sat down next to Dan and now someone seemed to have taken to squeezing Dan’s heart as firmly as they could.

“Enjoy.” Dan said lamely and rather took care of Ash and helped her drink and eat.

The sound of a phone shutter went off and Dan looked up alarmed. Phil was indeed pointing his phone at Dan, taking pictures.

“You could ask and give me some sort of chance to look decent.” Dan groaned and hid behind Ashley.

“You always look gorgeous and you know it.”

The funny thing about Phil was, he was constantly saying ridiculous things to tease Dan, and then, suddenly, he would demand why Dan never took any of his compliments serious.

This was why!

“You have to send them to me now, so that I know how dangerous your black-mail material really is.”

“Send me all the pictures you took, and I will send you one from my secret collection.”

“You have a private collection?”

“I am not stupid?” Phil laughed.

It turned out that the picture from Phil’s private collection was truly the most incriminating Dan had ever seen from himself.

Neither he nor Phil had taken the picture, but Phil’s mother had.

It had been the day before when they had all played games. Dan had Ashley on his lap and was looking at Phil with a look that to everyone apart from Phil must scream love.

“I thought I could trust Kath.” Dan whined. He could not show his real feelings. As stated before, he would have to do that in the privacy of his own home.

“You can’t trust any of the Lesters apart from me.” Phil said.

He grinned at Dan and then reached over to wipe at the corner of Dan’s mouth with his thumb. Dan jolted a little which made Phil put whatever had been at the corner of Dan’s mouth onto Dan’s nose instead.

“Phil!” Dan sighed.

“There was some jam…” Phil smiled apologetically.

“There still is.” Dan groaned. He leaned forward and smeared the jam on his nose onto Phil’s cheek instead.

“You are disgusting.” Phil laughed. “Your punishment is reading the Advent Calendar now.”

“See! You think it’s a punishment.”

“Stop it, Dan. You know I was joking.” Phil rolled his eyes. He grabbed the box and pushed it over to Dan. He then sat against the sofa with his legs open and pulled Dan and Ashley between them. Phil put his arms around Dan’s middle and hooked his chin over Dan’s shoulder.

Dan blushed again, but this time, Phil could not see it, so Dan allowed himself to relax in Phil’s embrace and get comfortable.

Dan unfolded the paper and started reading.

**VALIANT**

_What does it mean to be valiant? Explaining characteristics often works best when done with a story. So, for this story, let me introduce a lovely and virtuous young lady called Violet and a vivacious young man called Victor. These two people have never met before, but we shall look at their first meeting to discover what it means to be valiant, courageous, daring._

_Victor has heard of the virtuous Violet, but he has never met her. He has been told that Violet was unjustly locked up in a high tower because of a vile woman’s jealousy for her good looks and deeds. Victor was sorry for Violet and made it his mission to free her._

_In the night, when Victor knew the vile woman to be asleep and not guarding the tower, Victor went to free Violet. With shaking knees, Victor started climbing the tower which looked taller and taller with every moment passing._

_Suddenly, he heard a sweet voice call: “Courage!”_

_That voice had been Violet from the top of the tower._

_Victor gritted his teeth, climbed two more feet but then acknowledged that he needed to give up. Victor jumped to the ground and hid behind some bushes with his back to the tower. Tears of embarrassment flooded his eyes, and he started sobbing quietly._

_What Victor did not know was that Violet had not spoken to him at all. All Violet had done was encouraging herself to take the leap – not literally – and start climbing down the tower._

_Violet first noticed that someone else was at the tower, when she safely reached the ground and heard soft sobbing noises in the quiet night._

_“Are you alright?” Violet asked the shaking Victor._

_“I failed.” Victor sobbed._

_“Failed? What did you try to do?” Violet asked, helping Victor to stand up and look at her eye to eye._

_“I tried to safe you.”_

_“I think you’ll find that I didn’t need any saving.” Violet said._

_“But I just stopped climbing because I was afraid.”_

_“You saved yourself, then. You did something courageous in admitting your own limits.”_

_“You did something courageous with climbing down the tower and stepping out of your comfort zone.” Victor sniffed._

_“The top of the tower was hardly my comfort zone.” Violet laughed. “I am teasing. Thank you for trying to help me. Let’s be friends under the condition that you ask me the next time you think I need help whether that even is the case.”_

_“Deal.” Victor said and smiled._

_From that day onwards, the two of them were known as valiant Violet and valiant Victor because both of them had proven their courage that night at the tower where they first met and formed a strong friendship._

This had been one of the stories Dan had actually been rather proud of. It was a good lesson to teach Ashley and he was happy that he had been the one to do it.

“That was really cute.” Phil said and squeezed Dan a little closer. “Speaking of new houses.”

“I didn’t realise we were.” Dan laughed and held the paper so that Ash could look at his drawings.

“Now, we are. Have I ever told you that I made an appointment for tomorrow to sign the contract?”

“Tomorrow?” Dan gasped.

“Oh, so I didn’t.”

“No. You didn’t.” Dan sighed.

“Can you still make it?”

“Of course. I know this is important. I’ll make it. Same time and place as last time?” Dan asked.

“Yes, well, in front of the estate agent’s office.” Phil said. He still held Dan close around his waist and had his chin hooked over Dan’s shoulder.

It felt like this should have been a discussion they have looking at each other, but this was undeniably more comfortable for Dan.

“The estate agent’s office.” Dan sighed again. “Yes. I’ll make it.”

“Thank you. I promise that is the last time I’ll ask you to do anything like that.”

‘And that,’ Dan told Ashley in his thoughts, ‘is what heartbreak feels like. Look forward to it, there is no single more horrible feeling in the world.’

Phil’s POV 

Somehow bullying your one true and best friend into having yet another sleepover at your place should not be considered as such a success. And yet, Phil did think that the best thing he had achieved the day before that been making Dan stay another night.

The morning with Phil’s parents had been fun. It had also not mattered too much that they had stayed well into the afternoon.

Phil had been duly confused at his own actions, but he had fully enjoyed his time with Dan and the majority of his family.

The actions that confused Phil about himself had been his constant need to be as close to Dan as possible. He had never before noticed that he craved his attention but also touch as much.

It was quite likely, that Phil had never before enjoyed Dan’s soft and affectionate touches which was why he had only become dependent of them after he had had the first taste of them.

There was nothing nicer to have Dan play with Phil’s sleeves or to be able to run his fingers through Dan’s soft curls and observe how Dan’s mouth stretched into a smile and his eyes closed whenever Phil did that.

The power Phil had in those moments was positively intoxicating.

In the evening, Phil had not hesitated to pull Dan into his chest once again to stop him from squirming around immediately.

When his parents had got home, his mother had sent him a picture of him, Dan and Phiphi which made him want to hold onto Dan especially tightly.

Phil vaguely remembered waking up in the dark of the night at some point to briefly hold Dan even tighter and realising that the clever thing to do would be to never let him go again.

In the morning, Phil had also woken up briefly and he noticed that Dan was no longer there, but he fell asleep again because he was still exhausted.

The next time Phil woke up was because someone shook him. They were shaking him gently and their hands were big and warm, so there was no question that it was Dan waking him.

Once Phil had verified his suspicion, he grabbed Dan’s arm and pulled him close again. He had not been close before, so it was logical that Phil would want to change that.

Dan seemed to have leaned forward too, because suddenly, Dan’s face was not far away from Phil’s own.

“I guess this is a way to wake me.” Phil smiled. As all eyes would, Phil’s slowly trailed towards Dan’s mouth. Phil had never looked at Dan’s mouth in this much detail, but he had to admit that Dan had a very nice mouth.

It looked very soft. It was soft, actually, if Phil could judge by the way Dan’s lips felt on his cheek whenever Dan kissed him there.

Not that he had done that often. He hadn’t done it often enough, in fact.

“Good morning.” Dan pulled Phil out of the thoughts that had taken a very unexpected turn.

“Good morning.” Phil smiled, keeping up the idea that he was completely fine. “The jumper looks great on you.”

“Everything does.” Dan blushed. 

“How right you are.”

Phil did not try to be rude, but it was nearly impossible to stop himself from yawning.

“I made breakfast.” Dan said and stood up. “You’ll have to be quick or Ash and I will have gobbled everything up.”

“That sounds like something you two would do.”

“So, be quick.” Dan shrugged and walked into the living room.

Phil rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and put his glasses on. He pushed the blanket off which normally hurt but was not too bad when he knew that Phiphi and Dan were waiting for him in the living room.

Phil walked into the living room and saw Dan with Phiphi on his lap in front of the Christmas tree. He doubted that he had ever seen his living room looking more picturesque.

Everything looked like it was at its designated place. Again, Phil found himself wishing nothing of this would ever change.

“There is my little family.” Phil smiled and made his way over to Dan. “This is lovely. I love croissants. Ah, Dan. You’re the best.” He sat down next to Dan.

“Enjoy.” Dan said. He seemed a little tired, but then, he had got up and worked three hours earlier than Phil at least!

Dan did not start eating himself, but instead helped Phiphi have some pieces of the croissant and drink her milk with a dash of tea.

Phil’s heart felt warm and completely automatically, he reached for his phone and took pictures of Dan.

Dan groaned when he heard the shutter go off. “You could ask and give me some sort of chance to look decent.”

Dan hid behind Phiphi which was his usual response to Phil taking pictures of him.

“You always look gorgeous and you know it.” Phil said.

“You have to send them to me now, so that I know how dangerous your black-mail material really is.” Dan said after biting into a croissant himself.

“Send me all the pictures you took, and I will send you one from my secret collection.” Phil said.

“You have a private collection?”

“I am not stupid?” Phil laughed.

Phil kept his promise and sent Dan the picture his mother had taken of them the day before. 

Seeing the way Dan reacted to it was worth sharing his prized possession. Dan blushed and started smiling brightly. It was nice to see that Dan and Phil liked the picture equally as much.

“I thought I could trust Kath.” Dan whined.

“You can’t trust any of the Lesters apart from me.” Phil smiled at Dan. Dan looked at him, and Phil saw some strawberry jam at the corner of his mouth.

Phil leaned forward and wiped the jam away, which would have been a great success hadn’t Dan jumped and made Phil transfer the jam from his mouth to his nose.

“Phil!” Dan sighed.

“There was some jam…”

“There still is.” Dan groaned. He leaned towards Phil and wiped his nose on Phil’s cheek.

“You are disgusting.” Phil had to laugh. “Your punishment is reading the Advent Calendar now.”

“See! You think it’s a punishment.”

“Stop it, Dan. You know I was joking.”

Phil handed Dan the box and sat down with his back against the sofa. Once again, he acted intuitively instead of thinking much when he opened his legs and pulled Dan and Phiphi to sit between them.

This was by far the most comfortable he had been reading the Advent Calendar so far.

Phil put his arms around Dan’s middle and put his chin onto Dan’s shoulder. Dan was wearing one of Phil’s jumpers which somehow added to the comfort of this situation.

“Valiant.” Dan read.

Throughout his adorable story, Dan relaxed more and more against Phil’s chest. About half-way through, Phil closed his eyes and enjoyed Dan’s relaxing voice and the way Dan felt in his arms.

Why did this feel so good?

Over these past two days Phil had become an expert at pushing away thoughts he simply did not want to deal with.

Once again, Phil ignored the thought that had formed in his mind and concentrated on the present. He took a deep but noiseless breath and focused on Dan’s scent. Dan had always smelled of comfort to Phil. Being this close to him was the most comfortable Phil had ever been.

When Dan was done with the story, Phil opened his eyes and squeezed Dan a little tighter.

“That was really cute.” he said. It was nice to see that Phiphi had someone that would take care to teach her valuable lessons.

Surely, Dan would always stay that person for her, the moving of houses would not change anything.

“Speaking of new houses.” Phil said.

“I didn’t realise we were.” Dan laughed good-naturedly.

Phil had most definitely lucked out with him as a best friend.

“Now, we are.” Phil said. “Have I ever told you that I made an appointment for tomorrow to sign the contract?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Oh, so I didn’t.” Phil felt sorry.

“No. You didn’t.” Dan did not sound too upbeat any longer.

“Can you still make it?” Phil asked carefully. He had a notion that it was quite essential for Dan to be there when Phil signed the contract, but if Dan couldn’t, Phil would have to make do.

“Of course.” Dan’s voice was tiny.

Phil felt bad to have ever put him in this situation.

“I know this is important. I’ll make it. Same time and place as last time?” Dan asked.

“Yes, well, in front of the estate agent’s office.” Phil said, not letting go of Dan.

“The estate agent’s office.” Dan sighed. “Yes. I’ll make it.”

“Thank you.” Phil did feel truly bad to inconvenience Dan once again. “I promise that is the last time I’ll ask you to do anything like that.”

“Yeah.” Dan said slowly.

“Let’s finish breakfast and watch a film.” Phil said. He wanted to lighten the mood and make them both think of something else.

“I can stay for a Christmas special but not for a film.” Dan said and gently opened Phil’s hand in front of his tummy.

“Why?”

“I need to do some Christmas shopping for my family, and I need to write cards. There are presents to perfect and others to wrap…”

“I believe you.” Phil sighed, and pulled his legs to his chest. “It’s a pity you have to leave but I understand, of course, I do.”

“Thanks.” Dan pulled his mouth into a smile, but he did not look terribly happy.

Phil did not comment. He simply put the television on and sapped through the channels until he found something with cheesy Christmas music before returning to the tray on the floor and continuing to eat with Dan and Phiphi.

The atmosphere felt a little weird, but then, Dan and Phil started talking about the Christmas presents they had got for other people and soon they were joking and laughing as usual again.

When all croissants were eaten and the last drop of tea drunk, Dan kissed Phiphi’s head and stood up. He placed Phiphi into Phil’s arms and dusted off his trousers.

“I’ll quickly change back into my things from yesterday.” Dan said and walked into Phil’s bedroom.

Phil sighed quietly and stood up with Phiphi in his arms while also picking up the tray which was certainly some sort of skill to be proud of.

When Phil had disposed of the tray in the kitchen, Dan emerged from the bedroom with his own jumper on instead of Phil’s.

“I’ll see you at the office tomorrow?” Phil asked.

“You will.” Dan agreed with another weak smile.

“Get some rest to have a good start into the new week.” Phil smiled encouragingly.

“I’ll try.” Dan nodded and left through the door. On the stairs he turned around once more to wave at Phil and Phiphi, but his smile looked even less convincing now.

“Poor thing. We must have worn him out.” Phil told Phiphi when he closed the door.

It was now high time for Phiphi’s mid-day, afternoon, pre-evening nap, so Phil carried her to her room and sang a lullaby.

When Phiphi was asleep, Phil went to the living room. He sat down exactly where he had sat earlier with Dan and Phiphi and pulled the Advent Calendar over to him in order to read the note Dan had written him.

_Dear Phil,_

_There, that’s better, isn’t it? A proper greeting and it only took me until the 22 nd to remember the way I have been taught to write a letter, aren’t we all proud of me? Joke-sy, joke. _

_Now back to the note, which I haven’t actually started yet, I guess so rather: Welcome to the note, let me introduce you to what I am now going to tell you about._

_Sorry. I think it’s quite evident that I am on the home stretch of the calendar. My brain has turned to even mushier mush than it has always been, unbelievable, right?_

_Okay. Time to start this note: I am going to miss writing these. After this week of not seeing you and my favourite Ash-bash-dash (never said that before, never will again, rest assured), writing these notes has brought you closer to me. I really, really miss you, Philip!_

_Your full name just made me crack up but now I am back. Hello again._

_Yes, this note was originally not intended for me to declare my dependency on you and Ash, but to warn you of the repeated educational attempt in today’s story. I like the story. I mean, right now I do, I might change my opinion completely once the story passes into your hands._

_I just think that it is an important lesson to learn that you can help yourself and that there is no shame in giving up when you realise something isn’t good for you._

_Ha! Listen to me! I am one to talk, aren’t I?_

_The only thing I don’t like about these notes is that you can’t answer me directly. I miss your voice. It’s really only been a week, but it feels like ages. I bet Ashley won’t even recognise me and not turn when I call her by her only true name!_

_Ah, this is making me sad now. I don’t want to spread sadness though, so let’s end this note on a cheerful note – ha! Good one, Dan!_

_My life is very much happier because of you two in it. Thank you for letting me be a small part of your lives._

_All the love, I meant best, whatever, take what you want and leave the rest…_

_Dan._

Dan’s note had made Phil happy, of course it had, but it had also, for the first time, left him dumbfounded.

Weird emotions and feelings swirled inside Phil.

The first thing he thought was that he needed to correct Dan.

Dan was not a small part of Phil and Phiphi’s life. He was a big, if not the biggest part of their life. He was what kept them sane and grounded. He was the person to take care of them without any questions asked.

Dan was the one Phil would always turn to if he was having trouble. Dan was the easiest person to talk to and the most fun to be around.

If Phil had to choose one person to spend the rest of his life with, it would obviously be Dan.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

Phil would not only theoretically choose Dan, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dan.

That part of the realisation was the least surprising. What really made Phil’s jaw drop was that Phil wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dan the way he had spent the previous days with Dan.

He wanted Dan to be close. He wanted to hold Dan close. He wanted to be the one to value Dan for who he was. He wanted to be the one to shower Dan with affection.

He wanted to be the one for Dan.

Phil’s heart beat quickly. Phil put the note from Dan away and jumped up. He needed to move. He could not sit still.

Maybe, acting like he was Dan’s boyfriend had been so easy because he had acted out his heart’s desire unknowingly.

Maybe, Phil had not liked seeing Dan with his colleague that day in Costa (lot) not because Dan had reacted underwhelmingly to the new apartment but because he had been jealous!

Maybe, all of this was complete rubbish and Phil was simply deprived of any sort of human contact that he read all the signals wrong.

Then again, it was undeniable that saying goodbye to Dan had been the saddest part of the day and that seeing him with Phiphi and holding him close had been the best parts.

Also, Phil had felt weird promising Dan that tomorrow would be the last time he would ever ask Dan to act as his fake boyfriend.

Phil had felt weird because he did not want this to end. All of this was fake – from Dan’s side – but it was still the happiest and safest Phil had ever felt in a relationship.

The last realisation Phil had while pacing through the living room was that he had hardly had to act like he was that fond of Dan. It had come naturally to him, because it had quite simply been the truth.

Phiphi started making noises in her room at that point, and Phil only had time to whip out his phone and write a quick text to Jimmy.

He had come back to mind when Phil had discovered some things he had been blind to. Phil had the notion that Jimmy had seen something when he had come over, and it was high time Jimmy explained himself.

I think I need to talk to you.

I think you need to explain.

I think I am lost.

Phil pushed his phone into his trouser pocket and walked into Phiphi’s room. “Dad’s here. Calm down, love.”


	23. Wholesome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to see you again tomorrow... :) Enjoy the chapter! xx

** Monday, 23rd of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Somehow, Dan had managed to not start crying before he had reached the safety of his own home.

He was really a lucky person and there was no reason for him to be this sad, distraught and miserable.

Fine, he would stay alone for the rest of his life, but he still had a roof over his head and was leading a good life.

Realistically, Dan knew that he would one day emerge on the other side and feel better, but right in that moment that journey seemed unbearably long and painful.

Dan had to deal with being nothing but Phil’s place holder until a real boyfriend came along. Knowing Phil and the way he made virtually everyone fall in love with him, it could well be that even before Dan had fully dealt with the pain of that first realisation, he already needed to deal with the fact that Phil had found someone he could be happy with for the rest of his life.

Dan was not being terribly optimistic and hopeful, but that wasn’t terribly easy with a broken heart.

To try and mend his broken heart, Dan worked on the Christmas present for Ashley and Phil.

It was of course not helpful to constantly look at pictures of his two favourite people, or even of the three of them happy together, but it was making Dan’s heart feel warm in the moment and that was preferable to an icy heart any time of the day.

At some point, Dan had cried all the tears he was capable of. He managed to continue working for a little longer, but then he went to his bed and collapsed from pure exhaustion.

Dan’s sleep was surprisingly good considering the circumstances, but it was of course in no way comparable to the sleep both nights before. Dan would never again sleep as well as he had done in Phil’s arms after acting as his object of affection for a day.

Dan sighed deeply and sat up in his bed. It was punishingly early, but maybe, this was exactly what he needed. He needed to force his body through some unpleasant stuff in order to see that he was actually able to survive things like this.

Surviving a proper heartbreak would be more difficult than any early rising, but it was good training to be sure.

Inside the bathroom, Dan jumped a little at his reflection. His eyes were puffy, and he must have torn at his hair a lot the evening before judging by the way it stood into all directions.

Dan took a quick shower, felt as revived as he could in his current state and went back to his bedroom to get dressed.

As he stood in front of the wardrobe and pulled out a well-fitting button down, Dan thought: ‘Let’s show Phil what he misses.’

Dan put the button down on with new-found energy, but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he sighed.

The shirt fitted well, and Dan did not hate his reflection, but he changed his approach.

Dan would not try and show Phil what he missed. He would be his best friend, do him this last favour, as Phil had kindly stressed – and then, he would put some distance between them to shield himself from further and more severe heartbreak.

Dan stared his reflection down in the mirror, willing the tears to stay inside his eyes.

Yes. He would put distance between them. It was for the best for all of them.

It would not be a breeze to not see Phil and Ash as regularly as he did now, but if that secured their friendship in the long run, Dan was willing to put himself through the pain.

Dan kept the button down on, pulled Phil’s jacket on top for the sake of continuity and left his apartment with more than a hint of dread.

He arrived at Costa with little having changed with his feeling of dread.

Dan knew that he would survive the shift at the café and that he would not do badly at the signing of the contract, but those were not the things installing dread in him in the first place.

Dan dreaded the moment he would cut the ties he had wound around Phil. He dreaded the moment where he would have to turn his back on Phil and Ash and make his way to his apartment on his own, to stay on his own forever.

“You look great, but you don’t.” Cameron said when he walked through the door. “No, let me rephrase that. I love the shirt but not your face.”

“Thanks.” Dan said dryly.

“No. Once again. You look good wearing what you do, but you don’t look good as in your expression isn’t as happy as I am convinced you should be.”

“I got you on the first try.”

“And why didn’t you say anything?” Cameron asked.

“You were busy talking.” Dan shrugged and stared into the coffee he had prepared himself.

“Oh dear. Something is the matter, isn’t it?” Cameron sighed. He ran into the back and emerged just as quickly.

“You don’t need to have an eye on me every second.” Dan laughed.

“Who knows what you might do.”

“I can hardly drown myself in the espresso cup, now can I?” Dan sighed.

“Why would you want to do that in the first place?” Cameron tilted his head. “Are things good with you and Phil?”

Dan nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“Are you sure? Or do I need to punch him?”

“At some point in the future, yes.” Dan mumbled.

“What is going on?” Cameron asked with his forehead scrunched up.

“I can’t tell you now. I’ll tell you eventually.” Dan sighed.

“Then promise me to talk to Phil about this, whatever this is. The love that runs between the two of you is strong enough to deal with any hardship, anyone can see that.”

Dan did not answer Cameron. He would keep his promise and tell him about the act he and Phil had put on, but he would not do it as soon as possible.

Cameron would be disappointed in Dan for lying to everyone and Dan could live a little longer without that disappointment burdening him additionally.

“Anything I can do for you right now?”

“Make me think of anything else?” Dan asked.

“I need to know what you don’t want to think about in order to help you with that.” Cameron said carefully.

“I don’t want to think about the reason why I have to leave early again today.”

“You do?”

“Oh. Yes, I do. Can you cover for me?”

“Sure. Can you cover for Steve who’ll cover for me in the morning at some point?”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“Stay an hour after your usual shift, essentially.”

“I can do that.” Dan nodded.

“Great. Thanks, and now, let’s think of something else.”

For the rest of the shift, Cameron did a marvellous job of making Dan think of something else. He kept him entertained while also not forcing Dan to talk all the time.

It was also Cameron, however, who cleared his throat apologetically and pointed to the clock hanging above the door. It was time for Dan to leave and watch Phil sign a contract.

“Thank you for everything today.” Dan said, untying the apron behind his back.

“Of course. Any time. Good luck with whatever it is you do now.”

“Thanks.” Dan called over his back. He gathered his things and quickly left the café to get to the estate agent’s office.

The trip to the office felt like torture. Dan did not let himself label it quite so strongly yet, though, because he knew very well that whatever was to come would be a lot worse.

Nervously, Dan excited the bus and gathered his senses and his strength to walk around the corner and towards the estate agent’s office.

He could do this. He had to. He needed to do this ‘one last’ thing for Phil. He was strong enough.

“Dan!” Phil called excitedly when he spotted Dan walking towards him.

The universe wanted to make everything about this especially difficult for Dan.

Phil looked gorgeous in his blue coat (Dan was still wearing his black one after all) next to Ashley in her pram. He looked happy, healthy, energetic and quite simply like the man of Dan’s dreams.

This would be fun.

“Great that you made it on time.” Phil said enthusiastically.

When Dan was close enough, Phil suddenly put his arms around Dan’s waist and pulled him flush against his chest.

Dan did not expect that movement, and somehow jerked his head so that the kiss that was clearly intended for Dan’s cheek landed more or less on the corner of Dan’s mouth.

Dan’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

What did this mean?

Why would Phil greet him like this?

Phil leaned closer into Dan. Dan could feel the breath tickling his ear. He held his breath.

“They could be watching through the windows.” Phil murmured.

And again, Dan’s heart was broken clean into two.

Phil was not actually that excited to see him. Phil would not ever choose to do that to greet Dan. Dan was living in a fantasy, and Phil was only doing what they had agreed on.

Dan would have needed to prepare and steel himself a lot more, it turned out, if he wanted to emerge breathing from this last and probably intense experience.

“Of course.” Dan said, but he could not stop his hands from trailing to Phil’s shoulder, to squeeze and give him leverage in the embrace to press a kiss to Phil’s cheek.

“You’re good.” Phil murmured.

“Glad to see you noticed.” Dan said, but then he needed to get away from Phil, so he freed himself and picked up Ashley instead. She was not going to hurt him at least.

“Let’s get this over with.” Phil said.

He could not have made it any clearer that he did not like being with Dan. He was probably disgusted by nearly having kissed Dan, which was lower than Dan would have thought Phil could go.

Was he that repulsive?

“Are you okay?” Phil asked and put an arm around Dan’s waist.

“Yes. Tired. And excited for you, of course.” Dan babbled somewhat inelegantly.

“For us, you mean.” Phil said. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s temple, which was further away from Dan’s mouth – Dan wasn’t stupid – and pushed the door open.

Phil’s POV 

The entire evening, Phil had not received a text by Jimmy. He had not waited for it sitting by his phone the entire time, but he had certainly anticipated an answer.

Until Jimmy did not answer him, Phil did not dare push that boat out. He needed guidance if he wanted to find a constructive way of thinking about what he was experiencing.

When Phil had put Phiphi to sleep, he stayed up for the length of one Christmas game show in the television, but when no message had arrived after that, he decided to call it a day.

Phil went to sleep and was deeply unhappy how gigantic, empty and cold his bed felt without Dan by his side.

Thinking that put an alarming amount of water underneath the boat he desperately wanted to keep at shore for the moment, so Phil closed his eyes and went through all muse album names and afterwards individual songs which killed some of his energy and eventually made him sleepy enough to fall asleep without thinking about Dan.

The next morning, Phil woke up to an intense feeling of sadness once again. He opened his eyes and looked through the room.

The jumper Dan had worn the day before was neatly folded on a pile of clothes Phil had assembled over the past few days.

Dan was, however, not next to Phil.

Phil was alone in his bedroom and he did not feel happy about that.

With a mental dive, Phil managed to catch the end of the rope and pull the boat back to the shore. Phil would be shipwrecked if he attempted this journey on his own. He needed guidance.

Still tired, Phil sat up and grabbed his phone. He unlocked it. There was indeed a message from Jimmy waiting for him.

Never before had a text message that had not been written by Dan made Phil as happy as this.

Eagerly, Phil clicked on the message and prepared himself for whatever truth Jimmy decided to share with him.

First of all: Well done on getting this

far on your own, I did have my doubts.

Second of all: Congrats for not listening to

a thing I said that wasn’t about Dan. I will be

in meetings until like 3pm tomorrow. Let’s

talk then. Keep this up and nothing I say will

come as a surprise to you.

Phil put his phone away and groaned.

“Thanks for nothing, Jimmy.” Phil said and rubbed his forehead. He had the feeling that there was already some truth for him to discover in Jimmy’s text, but he was not yet up for looking further into that.

First, Phil would cheer himself up with reading Dan’s note.

Phil pulled the blanket around his shoulders and walked into the living room after quickly grabbing his glasses in order to avoid stepping on some of Phiphi’s smaller toys that were basically invisible to him when he wasn’t wearing any glasses.

In the living room, Phil opened the Advent Calendar and only put on one candle to increase the light he got from outside. Then, Phil settled down on the sofa with Dan’s note. He unfolded it slowly and vowed to read as slowly as he could and relish every word Dan had written.

_Dear Phil,_

_There we go! Two letters with a proper greeting already, how shall this go on?! I’ll tell you how, I have already written ‘Dear Phil’ on the remaining two! Oh… Spoilers, I guess. You’ll receive a note for the last two days too._

_I can’t actually believe there are only two days to go now! Insane, right? December just whizzed past._

_Oh. I am funny… Of course, December whizzes past when you spent three days creating an Advent Calendar all cooped up in your apartment. I can’t be sure it actually felt all that quick to you. I am just assuming that it might have._

_I have done a lot of assuming in the creation of Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza, actually. After all, in writing every single story I have assumed anew that you and Ash were going to like them. That’s a total of 25 times assuming in one present!_

_Today’s story got me feeling all nostalgic. I still hope it’s mostly intelligible. You’ll find your way through, I am sure. You understand me better than I do at times. You are like my charades partner but like in life – again, you’ll know what I am trying to say._

_Enjoy the story and continue to be the one single reason I still have faith in following generations – not everything has to fail when there are fathers like you around._

_Dan._

Phil held the note to his chest and took a few calming breaths.

There had been nothing shocking in the note, but still, Dan had once again managed to make Phil’s pulse increase simply by being his adorable and honest self.

Did it mean anything to Dan when he said that Phil was his charades’ partner in life? Did it mean that they were a unit and that they could only win together?

Did Phil actually understand Dan that well if he struggled to find the real meaning?

There had never before been a time that Phil needed to talk to Jimmy this urgently and just now, he was busy doing something else and could not help him.

Phil took his phone out and read through Jimmy’s message again.

Had he really not paid attention to anything Jimmy had said when they had not spoken about Dan?

It did not sound like Phil to ignore someone, but he had to admit that it did sound like him to pay more attention whenever anyone spoke about Dan.

All this meant was that Dan was Phil’s best friend, didn’t it?

Phil being excited over being Dan’s charade partner in life was also because it showed their strong friendship.

Phil’s desire to kiss Dan properly… had never before crossed Phil’s mind so was to be neglected in this aim to explain how incredibly normal everything he did was.

Phil was luckily prevented from spending more time thinking about this because Phiphi made noises in her room and Phil happily dedicated the next two hours completely to her.

Once, he jumped to his phone when it buzzed but was forced to ignore it when it was only a text from his mother inviting him, Dan, and Phiphi to their place on Christmas Day.

Phil could neither reply anything, nor could he think about what it would mean to him to go and spend Christmas with his family and Dan.

Phil banished his phone into his bedroom and went back to playing with Phiphi.

They had not yet read the Advent Calendar, because Phil wanted to wait for Dan with that. It would be rather late after signing the contract, but waiting was rewarded with having Dan with them, so neither of them protested.

In order to stop Phiphi from being cranky at the estate agent’s office, Phil put her down for an early nap after an early lunch and got some work done.

He briefly checked his phone but there were no notifications whatsoever.

Phil managed to get the most important pieces of work done. He would have to do some more later in the evening to ensure that he didn’t need to do anything over Christmas, but right now, it was more important to prepare himself for Dan and his final act.

Phil was not exactly sad that this would be the last time they actively lied to people. The thought he could not stand, however, was that he would lose this closeness to Dan.

Then again, he wanted Dan to be close because Dan wanted to not because he felt obliged somehow because he had agreed to do Phil a favour.

That meant, even if it was only a vague theory, that Phil wanted Dan to be his real boyfriend and not his fake boyfriend.

“Oh dear.” Phil said and stood up from the desk. “Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.”

Quickly, Phil walked into his bedroom and grabbed his phone.

Oh dear.

!!!

And you knew all of this and didn’t

say anything? You’re one kind of a

friend.

Phil put his phone down and walked back into the living room.

Phil wanted Dan to be his boyfriend.

Due to the fact that this thought made Phil nervous, he decided to not think about it until he had some more data to base his theory on.

He would go into the appointment open-minded, and he would see what the matter was. He was sure that he could quickly see if his whole idea was rubbish or had at least some sort of truth to it.

Phiphi woke up shortly after Phil had managed to get working again.

Phiphi’s inner clock seemed to be a lot better than Phil’s. She had woken up just in time for Phil to get both of them ready and make his way to the estate agent’s office.

Phil got into proper trousers, cleaned his glasses, and put on his coat.

Phiphi, he put into her warmest jacket and accessorised her with bonnet and gloves.

“Let’s go and see Dada.” Phil said and noticed with a start that he could well be in worse trouble than he had anticipated.

On the bus ride, Phil realised that he had been a lot happier with Dan than he was now without Dan.

Phiphi was calm and eagerly stared out of the window to look at the passing houses, but for Phil the quickly flowing city-scape, or whatever it was actually called, was actually more nerve-wracking than calming.

Holding Dan’s hand would have been the only thing to calm him down.

Phil left that thought standing in the room and went over to counting the stripes on a lady’s jumper a few rows ahead.

Once again, Phil arrived first at the office. He had planned to be there before the appointment and before Dan, so he needn’t have been surprised.

What surprised him really were his nerves. He was almost shaking with anticipation. And that anticipation was rooted in seeing Dan again, not in signing the contract.

Again, Phil left the thought standing in the room and went to count fairy lights in a nearby tree.

Phil stopped when he got to somewhere over eighty and let his eyes roam over the empty street. Before a new thought could have formed, a very familiar figure stepped around the corner.

“Dan!” Phil shouted. It had been an impulsive reaction, which was something to be added to the data he needed to analyse later.

“Great that you made it on time.” Phil tried to save himself somehow.

Ever since he had placed himself in front of the estate office, he had been aware of the big windows in his back which now became the perfect excuse to put his arms around Dan’s waist and pull him.

Phil went to kiss Dan’s cheek, but due to Dan’s jolt actually kissed the corner of his mouth which brought him to the closest experience of a cardiac arrest you could experience without it actually being one.

Phil’s heart was beating quickly, but he could not just lose sight of the agenda.

Phil leaned towards Dan’s ear and whispered: “They could be watching through the windows.”

“Of course.” Dan whispered back. His hands went to Phil’s shoulder and squeezed while Dan tilted his head to kiss Phil’s cheek.

“You’re good.” Phil mumbled involuntarily. Another piece of evidence to add to the data. 

“Glad to see you noticed.” Dan said.

He let go off Phil and picked up Phiphi, looking even more perfect than just a moment before.

“Let’s get this over with.” Phil said. He wanted to be back at home with Dan and Phiphi. That was all that was running through Phil’s head.

Dan did not look delighted at the prospect of going into the office, so Phil asked carefully: “Are you okay?”

He put an arm around Dan’s waist and steered him towards the door.

“Yes. Tired. And excited for you, of course.” Dan said.

“For us, you mean.” Phil corrected Dan. He turned to Dan and contemplated for a moment but then decided to kiss Dan’s temple. He could not risk actually having a cardiac arrest due to being too close to Dan’s mouth.

Phil opened the door and walked inside with Dan held next to him.

“Phil, Dan! A pleasure to see you!” the estate agent said and jumped up from his chair.

“The pleasure is all ours.” Phil smiled.

“Do you want to leave your daughter’s pram outside or take it in quickly?” the agent asked.

“Here, you hold Ash, I’ll get the pram.” Dan said, placing Phiphi into Phil’s arms.

“Thanks, love.” That just slipped out.

While Dan quickly went outside, Phil was shown to one of two chairs and sat down with Phiphi on his lap. Dan manoeuvred the pram inside and joined Phil on the other chair.

Phil smiled at Dan and felt his heart go light when Dan grabbed his hand.

The estate agent went through the particulars of the contract first and then welcomed them to their new home metaphorically while handing the key over to Dan, who took it with a bashful smile.

“All you need to do now is sign here.”

“Both of us?” Dan sounded the tiniest bit alarmed.

“One of you will suffice.” the agent answered, busy pressing stamps onto the documents before handing them over to Phil.

“Could you hold Phiphi for a second?” Phil asked Dan.

“Sure.” Dan smiled and picked Phiphi up.

“I am just curious. What really is your daughter’s name?” the agent asked.

Phil was reading the document once more and Dan sputtered a little which made the agent apologise immediately.

“Sorry. I did not mean to be insensitive.”

“Not at all. Our daughter,” Dan paused for a moment and all air seemed to have disappeared from the room in an instant, “is called Phoenix, but Phil calls her Phiphi and I call her Ash.”

“Why…” the agent interrupted himself. “No, sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

“That’s quite alright. You see, it’s the greatest sign of affection from Dan to give someone a nick name.” Not looking over to Dan, Phil grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Don’t ask me why he hasn’t given me one yet.”

The agent laughed, and so did Dan, but his laugh sounded a little forced.

Dan evidently wanted this to be over with, and Phil agreed wholeheartedly.

Wrapping everything up did not take terribly long. Phil kept holding Dan’s hand through the estate agent’s final speech and tried to focus on all his happy emotions. He could not let the fact that his perfect life seemed within grasp ruin these last moments of acting.

“And that’s all. Thank you for your patience and understanding.”

“Thank you for finding the perfect place for us.” Phil smile.

They stood up and Phil had to let go off Dan’s hand in order to shake the estate agent’s hand. Had he known that this would be the last time he held Dan’s hand that day, he would have probably risked seeming rude and holding on to Dan’s hand for all eternity.

Once Phil had let go off Dan, however, Dan seemed to distance himself. He carried Phiphi, so Phil took her pram. When they were outside, Dan placed Phiphi into the pram.

They walked around the corner in silence when Dan suddenly stopped.

“I am happy for the two of you. I truly am.” Dan said. “I need to get home now. Stuff to do.” he said, and now, Phil was certain that there were in fact tears in Dan’s eyes.

“Immediately?”

“Yes. Bye, Phil.” Dan said, and that sounded way too final for Phil’s liking.

“Dan…” Phil wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, actually.

“I need to go now.” Dan said and walked away.

Phil was in a daze the entire way home. Phiphi was unaware of that and simply went back to staring out of the windows of the bus.

Somehow, Phil managed to get the pram up the stairs and get Phiphi out of her jacket, shoes, bonnet and gloves.

He carried her to the living room and saw the Advent Calendar on the couch. Dan would not be there to open it with them, so Phil could as well read it to Phiphi now.

With a heavy heart Phil did not feel like investigating just then, he sat down and pulled the story out of the envelope and started reading.

**WINTER HEALING**

_No human can go with working every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year. All humans need breaks. Breaks, I find, is too harsh a work though. When a human takes rest, it should not feel like he is breaking something off. That sounds painful. A clean break sounds a little better, but still, the idea of destroying a unity does not agree with me. Both work and free time are an important part of a human’s life. Therefore, they should not always be ripped apart. The seams will weaken like that and it does not take a genius to figure out that that will have an effect on the human’s wellbeing on the long run._

_When a human has got an extended period of free time, it should be something joyful. It should be a time of healing. That is why I propose that especially the winter holiday should be called Winter Healing instead of Winter Break._

_In this time of Winter Healing, humans can discover things about themselves and recover from the stressful year that lies behind them. Winter Healing can feel like a task because the days are short and the sun is not there to warm human hearts for a lot of the day, but it should still be a period of recreation._

_During Winter Healings, humans should reenergise themselves with the crisp air outside. Days of complete rest cannot be avoided and should not be avoided. They should, however, be balanced out with days of completely running out of energy so that you have to get carried into bed. Make most of your days with extensive relaxing or extensive playing._

_A wholesome Winter Healing will be achieved as soon as a human understands that the time they have is precious but can also be wasted if a general sense of awareness is installed._

_Let’s stop calling free time around Christmas Winter Break and let’s start calling it Winter Healing, and most important of all, let’s make most of this time with family. Enjoy yourself in whatever way that may be – that is an order Ash!_

Phil folded the story back together and placed Phiphi down to play with her toys.

Dan was right.

It felt like something had broken between them. Dan was right. That was painful.

The daze had not yet completely lifted when Phil grabbed his phone and checked whether he had any new messages.

When Phil saw a new message from Jimmy, the daze disappeared only for the fast beating of his heart to drown out essentially every other sound.

I guessed it at most. You can call me now,

if you want. Or you can text, whatever suits

you best.

Phil rolled his shoulders back and sighed.

I think I am in love with Dan.

I know you are in love with Dan.

Jimmy’s reply came quickly.

And what should I do now?

Controversial idea, I know, but have you

thought about maybe telling him?

Haha.

You need to tell him.

Difficult when he ran away.

Well, chase him, you fool.

Can you say something encouraging at least?

You took less long than I thought you would

in figuring this out.

Great, I feel amazing now.

There you go.

Just tell him, Phil.

Jimmy did not stop spamming Phil with texts until Phil promised that he would talk to Dan. He would do that the next day, mainly because he had no idea how to go about it.

How did you tell your best friend that you only just noticed that you were deeply in love with him?

How did you tell the person you bullied into acting as your fake boyfriend that you wanted to date them for real?

How did you tell the person you told others was Phiphi’s second father as part of the lie that there was no greater pleasure than to have him in the same parenting boat?

How did you tell a person anything whose mere presence suddenly had you dumbstruck?


	24. Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest one yet so do grab a cup of tea and enjoooyyyy! <3 :)  
> See you tomorrow for a final chapter! xx

** Tuesday, 24th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan really ought to have been fine now that everything was over. Now that he had made the cut, he should have started healing, but somehow, it seemed more like he had caught an infection. The physical walking away from Phil had been less painful than what Dan experienced now.

Dan felt like he was burning from the inside. He felt torn apart and like every stitch with which he attempted to sew himself back together felt like a betrayal to his deep feeling and on top of that impossibly painful too.

Nothing Dan did lessened his pain.

Of course, every plan Dan started with the conviction that he would fail was not likely to end successfully.

An almost masochistic part of Dan enjoyed the pain.

Wasn’t there a saying that pain was the sign that you have truly loved?

So, a lot of pain meant that Dan had loved a lot. No news to him, but somewhat satisfactory to have proof.

One of the things that were very painful to Dan was the fact that whenever he was not completely aware of his surroundings, he could close his eyes, if only for a fraction of a second and imagine that he was at Phil’s side.

Dan’s imagination was so strong that he even felt the imprint of warmth Phil’s hand on him had left.

Dan was alone and he was hurting. He was longing for Phil’s proximity and company, but it would take a while before Dan could trust himself to go back into either Phil or Ashley’s company.

Ash. Ashley. Phiphi. Phoenix.

Phil had been right that Dan’s distribution of nicknames was highly selective and portrayed a very deep affection.

Dan had been hurt the day before – yeah, big surprise – when Phil had said that he wondered why he had not received a nickname from Dan.

How could Dan in that moment explain his fake-boyfriend, that he was so incredibly in love with him that no other name than the one he had come to understand stood for absolute perfection would do?

Dan could only call Phil by his name.

It felt like the universe had already given him the perfect nickname.

There was nothing more Dan could do. Especially, when you considered that philos in Greek meant love.

Dan was nothing against the universe when it came to nicknames, evidently.

That incident had, however, not been what had hurt most the day before. Phil’s eagerness to get everything over with was what had made Dan hurry away afterwards, so it was effectively what had brought the pain along at that exact time and place.

Once again, Dan managed to keep everything together while on his journey home. He stared out of the window blankly, did not engage in any sort of conversation and interaction with other human beings, left the bus and walked home. He unlocked the door and at the same time as he kicked off his shoes, everything came flooding out.

Dan actually succeeded in scaring himself with the way he suddenly started crying and sobbing loudly. The pain sat deep, and no amount of crying and human could achieve in one evening would do anything about that.

In the attempt to make himself think of anything but the abandonment, Dan put the finishing touches on his Christmas present for Phil and Ash.

He might have to give it to them at a later point or drop it off in front of Phil’s door without ringing the doorbell for him to find at some later point.

The only thing Dan knew was that he needed to finish the present that day if he ever wanted to complete it.

The stories and the hidden meaning were all copied into the scrap book and the majority of pages were essentially done.

Dan sat down at his desk and with concentrating. Even if it literally kept Phil in front of him the entire time, Dan’s tears slowly stopped flowing. The ache in Dan’s chest stayed with Dan, but he had already accepted it as a permanent feature and wasn’t hindered from working by it, at least.

Neither too late nor early did Dan call it a day. He was exhausted and could trust that sleep would come to get him quickly.

Dan left his desk in the state of avid crafting and went to bed. He didn’t bother with undressing because frankly, who cared? Who could judge him now? Whose opinion would he even care for?

Dan did fall asleep quickly and slept better in the night than he saw fit for the place he was at mentally.

Slowly, Dan peeled the covers off him. He did not know why he should stall the getting up. What sort of nice images could his brain provide at a time like this?

He did not need to lay in bed in order to be miserable. He could do that anywhere. He could not be happy anywhere, so he might as well be miserable in the shower and not in the bedroom.

After taking a shower for as long as it took that Dan felt human again, Dan got dressed in the most comfortable sweater he could think of at the top of his head.

He needed emotional support in whichever form he could get it.

Dan put his belt on while standing in front of his desk. It was too painful to look at the present, which was essentially done, so Dan tore his gaze away, only for it to land on the calendar.

Dan knew that today was Tuesday. He knew that it could not be the 17th, but he still jumped when he saw that it was the 24th.

Today was Christmas Eve.

Who if not Dan would organise to get their heart broken at precisely this date? Dan’s timing was genuinely second to none.

“This will be a fun Christmas.” Dan told himself and forcefully pulled the belt tighter. He would not be able to keep breathing for long like this, so Dan loosened the belt again and went to his coat rack to pull a jacket on. He did not pick Phil’s jacket.

At any other day it would have been the ideal emotional support, but on this precise day, Dan needed to stay far away from it.

With jacket and shoes in place, Dan turned the light off and walked to the front door. He made his way to the bus stop grinning grimly about the appropriately horrible and discouraging weather.

At Costa, Dan was alone and when someone arrived, it wasn’t Cameron who had made a deal with Dan for that morning, Dan remembered but was not less unhappy about it because of that.

When Cameron did arrive in place of the perfectly decent colleague, Dan almost felt emotional at seeing him.

  
“This is freaking me out.” Cameron said. “You need to tell me what on earth is going on with you.”

“Nothing.”

“Nice try.” Cameron put an arm around Dan’s shoulder. “Come on, tell me. What is the matter with you? I am your best friend. You can tell me everything.”

“I suppose…”

“Wait!” Cameron pushed Dan away from him. “I am not your best friend. You know I love you, but we have always agreed that another person is your best friend. Ah. Is Phil not your best friend because you are dating now?”

“No. He isn’t because I am stupid and messed everything up.”

“What on earth did you do that makes you think you messed everything up?” 

“I fell in love with Phil.”

“Call me old-fashioned, but isn’t that desirable when you are in a relationship?”

“We are not in a relationship. We never were.” Dan sighed and tried to free himself from Cameron’s grip, but he was holding on tightly.

“You never were? Dan? You are in love with _each other_!” Cameron said. “I never suspected you not because you are a brilliant actor, but because all I saw was as real as it gets!”

“Nothing of it was real. I love him, but it was all an act.”

“I did wonder about the lack of kisses, but I figured it was just your posh and uptight-self shining through.” Cameron said, and Dan punched him.

“Come on. It must have felt real for you too!”

“It did. That’s the problem. That’s why I needed to put some distance between us.”

“You did not think that talking about it would be a good idea?”

“Phil would be freaked out and I would lose his friendship even more quickly.” Cameron frowned. “You should have seen his face when he accidentally almost kissed me! Phil would not be able to stomach a confession. He would ask me to stop coming around. I am being kind with taking myself away.”

“You are 100% sure that you are right and did not miss some massive clue like Phil being head over heels in love with you for instance?”

“Positive.”

“Well, I guess, I’ll be on your side then, no matter what happens. You are safe with me.” Cameron squeezed Dan’s shoulder. “Saying that, I immediately have to tell you that you can’t spend Christmas with me. I’ll be out of town, but you can text me whenever.”

“I thought about just ignoring it all anyways.” Dan shrugged.

“Okay, this is getting too sad for me. Let’s work and be cheerful. Tell you what. I’ll have Steve come soon to cover for both of us. We’ll take a nice long lunchbreak and then I’ll stay on with you until your shift is over.”

“You really are a good friend.” Dan was touched.

“That’s more like it.” Cameron laughed.

“Speaking of my amazingness, why did you feel the need to lie to me anyways?”

“I did not want you to be proven right in what a failure you think I am.”

“Ah, well, Dan. You just proved again what a failure I think you are – none.”

“Pardon?”

“You are no failure and I never thought you were. So, let’s not have fake-boyfriends in front of each other again.”

“Not likely that anyone will ever ask me for anything again.”

“Too sad! Amp up the happiness and cheerfulness. We’re having fun, whether you want to or not, Dan!”

Cameron carried out his threat and kept Dan entertained through their shift, lunchbreak and last hours together in the café before Christmas.

He was being his good old obnoxious self, which was precisely what Dan needed.

Things went smoothly. Too smoothly evidently.

Why else would Cameron suddenly start kicking Dan behind the counter, jerking his head towards the entrance to make him aware of none other than Phil walking towards the door?

“Can you serve him?” Dan asked, already halfway on his way to the back.

“Nope.” Cameron said and caught Dan’s apron, pulling him back to the counter. “I am on your side, but I won’t just let you do something stupid like giving up.”

Dan and Phil arrived at the counter at the same time. Of course, Phil looked every bit like chiselled by the gods as ever.

“Welcome to Costa.” Dan’s voice was somewhat weak, but he needed to keep some of their traditions if he wanted Phil to stay his friend.

“Lot.” Phil answered with a smile.

“What can I get for you?” Dan asked.

“That depends.”

“On what?” Dan asked.

“On when your shift is over.” Phil looked a little insecure.

This confused Dan and made him insecure in return.

“In a couple of minutes. Go and buy him some cinnamon buns and he’ll be right out with two Hot Spiced Apples.” Cameron came to Dan’s aid.

“Yes?” Phil asked.

“Yes.” Dan nodded. Phil smiled brightly and for a second Dan’s heart felt like it was one again.

Dan was pulled out of his momentary trance by the sound of money being put into the money bank.

“We have a new rule. Whenever we see you staring at someone we are the ones to put money inside. Forcing you to pay did not teach you any lesson, so now, we are going to guilt-trip you into stopping to stare.”

“Great, thanks.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Go on. Get ready. I’ll prepare the drinks.”

“I wonder what he wants to talk about.”

“Yes. I wonder what it could possibly be.” Cameron called after Dan.

“What was that tone for?” Dan asked when he came back.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Cameron said and placed a coin into the money bank. “The rule got developed into also working when someone stares at you.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Dan asked.

“Help him, please!” Cameron shouted with his head tilted back.

“Cameron, you are being weird.”

“Oh yes, of course. I am the weird one suddenly.” Cameron pulled at his hair.

He seemed to be frustrated by something. Dan would have helped him had he known why he was that frustrated.

“Just go and write to me at the latest this evening.”

“What about?”

“Dan! I think you’ll know. Now, go!” Cameron shouted.

He pressed the Hot Spiced Apples into Dan’s hands and made the universally acknowledged gesture for Dan to piss off.

Dan was still clueless what that had been about but was forced to stop thinking about that when he spotted Phil outside with a bakery bag in his hand.

Dan stepped outside and walked towards Phil.

“There you go.” he said and handed Phil a cup.

“Dan, my coat…” Phil said, and Dan’s heart broke instantly again.

This was not a conversation to ensure they stayed friends. This was a conversation to cut the ties properly.

“Yes. Sorry. I will take it back to you. You will have it back. I can get it cleaned…”

“Stop talking, would you?” Phil smiled. “I only meant I noticed you aren’t wearing it which is a shame because it suits you a lot.”

Dan was confused. Phil did not normally say things like this.

This had to mean that from Phil’s point of view, the ties were cut already.

It felt like Dan was talking to a stranger. He did not know what to talk about suddenly. He still loved the person opposite him, but he felt as uncertain as he had ever done in Phil’s company.

“How is…” Dan stopped himself.

Could he even call Ashley Ash? Could a stranger call someone’s daughter by a nickname?

“How is Phiphi?” Dan asked, bravely looking into Phil’s face.

Phil’s reaction surprised Dan. He would have found any face justifiable, but there seemed to be no reason why Phil should suddenly be smiling this brightly.

“What?”

“I believe you owe me a meal.” Phil smiled.

“I can pay you for the cinnamon buns?” Dan offered.

“No…”  
“Or I’ll give you money to order something later?”

“No. Dan…”

“Do you want me to buy you something else then? Something savoury? Something even sweeter than a cinnamon bun?”

“Dan, could you just stop talking for a second?”

Yes, of course, Dan was annoying. He had never annoyed Phil before, but that had been when they had been best friends, which they obviously weren’t any more.

“Hey, Dan, look at me.”

“I am sorry, I did not mean to be annoying.” Dan said, glancing at Phil rather than full on looking at him.

“Dan, you are not annoying…”

“Sorry. You can choose whatever food you want.”

“Dan! For heaven’s sake! I am asking you on a date!” Phil called and laughed.

“Oh.” Dan said quietly.

Slowly, Phil’s words seeped through to Dan’s incredibly slow brain.

“Oh!”

“Please. You cannot know you won’t like it until you have tried.” Phil pleaded.

“There is no way…”

“Sorry. No. Yes. My bad. I shouldn’t have bullied you into this…”

“No. Phil. Stop. Listen. There is no way I won’t like it.” Dan said. He knew his face was bright red, but he did not waste any thought on that.

“We don’t seem to be very good at this.” Phil said slowly.

“Objection.” Dan said.

After a deep breath he leaned forward and softly kissed Phil’s cheek.

“We have already proven that we are the best.” he whispered.

“That was all acting.”

“Phil. You forced me to show you my one single drama production in school. I have never been a good actor. I didn’t act.”

Phil’s POV 

Phil was going to keep his promise to Jimmy. He would talk to Dan. Obviously, this was more for his own sake than to please Jimmy, but in this case, it was actually helpful to have someone pressuring you in your back.

Phil would talk to Dan, but maybe he would not tell him everything.

Why should he suddenly hurry? He needed to approach this level-headed.

Being level-headed about the situation entailed ignoring texts both from Jimmy and from his mother who were essentially both urging him to talk to Dan.

Jimmy wanted him to talk to Dan because he was in on the secret, but his mother wanted him to talk to Dan because she didn’t know about their lie and simply wanted confirmation for both of them coming over on Christmas Day with Phiphi.

Instead of answering either of them, Phil stood up and made himself a cup of tea, ignoring both – at least he was being fair.

With his cup of tea, Phil went into the living room, and even if it was tricky, walked past the Advent Calendar and over to his desk to finish up everything he could before Phiphi woke up so that he bought them some free time over the Christmas days.

Also, Phil was still hesitant about pushing the boat out on everything that had to do with Dan.

First, he would work, and then, he would deal with Dan.

Phiphi woke up a little earlier than Phil would have found useful. Not having to think, obviously, Phil put his work on hold and went to Phiphi’s room.

After taking care of her, Phil prepared breakfast to have with Phiphi in the kitchen. While they were eating, Phil tried to explain to Phiphi what they would now be doing: “There is some work for me to do, so while I work, you can read in your books and play with toys. We will look at Dada’s Advent Calendar later.”

Dada. Phil had said it again.

Breakfast was fun, and the work afterwards did not take too long even with Phiphi distracting Phil every now and then.

When Phil was done, he tidied his desk as meticulously as he hadn’t done in a long while. Phiphi was still busy with her toys, so Phil continued tidying the place. It was nicer to have a clean home for Christmas.

Phil carried Phiphi and her toys into his bedroom and put the clothes away and even changed the sheets on his bed in order to have something to look forward to when the day came to an end.

Only when Phil returned to the living room and started tidying a bookshelf did he realise that he was evidently procrastinating. There was something Phil did not want to do, so he tidied, but what was that?

Phil’s gaze fell onto the Advent Calendar. Yes, that was what he was dreading. Why did he dread Dan’s story and note all of a sudden?

The answer to that was simple, but difficult to admit.

Phil did not want to read either note or story because he knew they would make him want to act immediately, but acting did not guarantee success, it only lowered a guard and made him vulnerable.

Phil checked the time and saw that it was after midday already, so he could let himself off the hook for the moment and prepare lunch before reading to Phiphi and for himself.

Phiphi excitedly wiggled into a more sitting position on Phil’s lap when he finally pilled the Advent Calendar towards them to start reading.

“Yellow.” Phil read. “24th of December. Christmas Eve. One day until Christmas Day.” Dan had written none of those things, but Phil needed a few moments to prepare himself fully.

Phil closed his eyes briefly, kissed the top of Phiphi’s head, opened his eyes again and started reading.

**YELLOW**

_Not for the first time did I just and will you have asked yourself: Y am I/ is Dan doing this? (In case of any intellectual doubts, yes, that was hilarious!)_

_In this penultimate story, I want to try and summarise why exactly I have written a total of 25 stories for a little girl called Ash._

_I have written these hopefully encouraging and amusing stories in order to accompany a fabulous girl on her journey of her first proper Christmas with her father Phil. Some stories are uplifting, some stories are funny, some might make you think, but through all of them you can see one red thread. They were all written in an attempt to help a girl the author truly loves very deeply._

_My Christmas Eve wish for you – which is a tradition in the remote kingdom of Cendre, which is a story for another day, just let me tell you that the Queen of the kingdom is the nicest and most benevolent of her kind – my Christmas Eve wish for you is that, whenever you are feeling blue, that you find the yellow light inside you, your own little sun to feel green instead – to feel tranquil and lucky._

_A young person’s yellow light is bright and rarely dims down, but also when you are getting older, I will always be there to clean the lampshade to let the light shine bright again so that you can always add yellow to your blue and make green._

_So, in short, the reason I am writing these stories is to assure you that there will always be someone you can turn to. You never have to be alone. You have Phil and you have me. You will have friends. You have grandparents. You are loved and you love._

_My Christmas Eve wish for you is a promise really, I hope that is okay._

Phil let Phiphi look at the pictures Dan had drawn onto the page – the focus was clearly on everything yellow – while he already grabbed the envelope to get the note Dan had written him.

He was already shaking slightly and fighting to remain calm, so he needed to read the note quickly.

_Dear Phil,_

_Funny, aren’t I? I originally meant to name the whole story Y Am I Doing This, but then I thought that was not quite funny enough to make up for the lack of profoundness._

_In simpler and less profound terms, I guess the answer to the question is that I wanted to make a present for the two of your that would make it difficult for you to forget me. I wanted to make a lasting present with meaning. I wanted to cheer you up and help you through this maybe quite tough time of Ashley’s first Christmas with you. I do hope I managed to realise some of my wishes, but you’ll have to be the judge of that._

_All I know is that I had fun and pleasure creating this for the two of you, because, let’s face it, this Calendar is at least as much for you as it is for Ash. I couldn’t just give you a present that was constituted of my stories, not when you are essentially an author and don’t necessarily read children’s books for your own pleasure – though I can only recommend that! That’s what I do when looking for books I can give Ash!_

_So yes. This Calendar is for both of you. I hope it made you happy._

_Just one last note, because it has been playing around in my mind while listing reasons for the creation of this magnum opus: Three days ago, while I was busy in the factor, you wrote me a text jokily suggesting that I focus more on and care more for work than for the two of you. That is absolute rubbish! Utter crap! A complete dooferocity!_

_I don’t care for anything in the world half as much as I care for the two of you! I know you meant to be joking, but I just wanted to state the truth._

_Just one more day now, and then the Calendar can either rest a year or never be touched again, completely up to you! It was a pleasure, a joy and an honour to write it!_

_Dan._

Now, Phil was properly shaking. He put the two sheets of paper away and stood up with Phiphi in his arms.

Dan said he cared for the two of them more than he cared for anything in the world. Could that maybe mean that he could learn to love Phil the way Phil loved him?

There was no way around it, Phil needed to talk to Dan. He wanted to ask him out, but if that shouldn’t succeed, he needed to talk to him and sound him out at least.

In any case, he needed to do something!

It took a while for Phil to organise everything so that he was ready to go. He texted his mother and said he urgently needed her to look after Phiphi and to meet up with him in a park that was on the way to Costa (lot). He promised to tell her everything eventually, which might need a month or so, and started packing Phiphi’s things immediately after sending the message.

A simple ‘OK’ came back from his mother a short while later, and before long, Phil put Phiphi’s pram into her hand, kissed her cheek and continued on his way to Costa (lot).

Phil approached the café which always looked welcoming but also seemed dangerous in that moment.

He opened the door and was relieved to still see Dan and Cameron behind the counter. It was later than usual, Phil had noticed on the bus ride, but luckily, Dan was still there.

With one last shaking breath, Phil declared himself to be ready and walked towards the counter. Cameron and Dan talked but just in time with Phil, Dan also came to the counter.

“Welcome to Costa.” Dan said.

Phil had missed his voice, even if he had seen him at the estate agent’s office the day before and if in his head, Dan had read that note to him.

“Lot.” Phil answered and smiled.

“What can I get for you?” Dan asked.

“That depends.” Phil said. He was here because he wanted to talk to Dan, not because of the drinks.

“On what?”

“On when your shift is over.” Phil said carefully.

He was sealing his fate, and by the looks of it, it did not seem to end happily for him.

Dan looked confused and even scared. Could Phil still safe the situation somehow?

Before Phil could make an attempt to safe it, Cameron spoke up: “In a couple of minutes. Go and buy him some cinnamon buns and he’ll be right out with two Hot Spiced Apples.”

“Yes?” Phil asked.

“Yes.” Dan nodded, and just like that Phil was able to smile again.

Phil walked out of the café and did what Cameron had suggested. He bought two cinnamon rolls and waited for Dan to come join him.

He was nervous and excited. He wanted to be happy, but he justly called himself to order and did not allow himself to go further than anticipation.

Finally, the door opened, and Dan came walking to him with two cups in his hands in a jacket that Phil disappointedly realised was no longer his coat.

“There you go.” Dan pushed one cup into Phil’s hand.

“Dan, my coat…” Phil started, but Dan interrupted him: “Yes. Sorry. I will take it back to you. You will have it back. I can get it cleaned…”

“Stop talking, would you?” It was Phil’s turn to interrupt Dan now. “I only meant I noticed you aren’t wearing it which is a shame because it suits you a lot.”

It felt good to say something like this. Something he really meant. Something he had not really dared to say before but what he had always at the very least subconsciously thought.

It did not feel good, however, to see the lack of a reaction in Dan.

Dan could not listen to compliments like that from Phil because their relationship wasn’t like that. They had only pretended it was for a couple of appointments.

“How is…” Dan started, but then stopped, only to continue with a somewhat shakier voice: “How is Phiphi?”

Phil had been scared of what Dan might say, but now, he was delighted.

Dan’s question was the last puzzle piece to fall into place and create a clear picture of the plan Phil could follow.

“What?” Dan asked, noticing Phil’s smile probably.

“I believe you owe me a meal.” Phil smiled even brighter now.

“I can pay you for the cinnamon buns?”

“No…” The plan no longer felt quite as great. Phil had not calculated Dan’s refusal to understand him.

“Or I’ll give you money to order something later?”

“No. Dan…”

“Do you want me to buy you something else then? Something savoury? Something even sweeter than a cinnamon bun?”

“Dan, could you just stop talking for a second?” Phil asked.

Dan was adorable, but Phil needed to get his point across now.

Dan looked down and nervously tapped his fingers against the cup he was holding.

“Hey, Dan, look at me.” Phil said gently.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to be annoying.” Dan glanced at him.

“Dan, you are not annoying…” Phil started, but Dan interrupted him once again.

“Sorry. You can choose whatever food you want.”

“Dan! For heaven’s sake!” Phil was as frustrated as he was amused. “I am asking you on a date!”

“Oh.” Dan said quietly first and then a little louder: “Oh!”

Phil’s heart fell. Dan did not seem ecstatic. He did not even seem happy.

“Please. You cannot know you won’t like it until you have tried.” Phil said.

“There is no way…”

Fine. Okay. Abort mission. Abort it quickly!

“Sorry. No. Yes. My bad. I shouldn’t have bullied you into this…”

“No. Phil. Stop. Listen. There is no way I won’t like it.” Dan said quickly.

And all air was knocked out of Phil.

“We don’t seem to be very good at this.” Phil said slowly.

“Objection.” Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil’s cheek softly. “We have already proven that we are the best.” he whispered.

This was too good to be true.

“That was all acting.”

“Phil. You forced me to show you my one single drama production in school. I have never been a good actor. I didn’t act.”

“You didn’t?” Phil asked, slowly curling an arm around Dan’s middle.

“No. I didn’t. I shouldn’t have agreed to act to be your boyfriend. Living your dream knowing it’s not real is actually a nightmare!”

“I am your dream?” Phil asked with a grin. He tightened his hold on Dan’s waist.

“Don’t get big-headed, you are half my dream. Ash is the other, obviously.” Dan said, looking past Phil.

“I am fine with being half your dream.”

“Aren’t you modest?”

“You know me.”

“I do.” Dan giggled and hid his face in Phil’s neck.

“So, what about that date then?” Phil asked after a while.

“You’ve got nerves. First you want to use my slip of tongue as a way to make me go on a date with you, and now you have specifically selected the most romantic words known to mankind to repeat the question.”

“Dearest, beloved, perfect Dan, would you do me the honour of going on a date with me?” Phil asked.

Dan shoved him and ran his hand through his hair.

“You are unbelievable.”

“That’s common with dreams.”

“Phil, I swear to god. I am this far away from…”

Phil took a step towards Dan and kissed him on his lips.

“I wanted to say I am this far away from cancelling the date, but I have to admit, you had a good argument to rethink my decision.”

“I did not think dating you would be like this.” Phil laughed.

“Annoying?” Dan laughed. “Also, we should get going if you want to call this ‘dating’ all we have done so far is stand and talk, if that constitutes dating, I have dated a lot of people. I have dated Cameron today.”

“Shut up.” Phil said and kissed Dan again.

It was a little more than the first peck had been, but it was not quite as possessive as Phil felt.

“You are not jealous, are you?” Dan laughed with rosy cheeks when Phil pulled away.

“It turns out I have never been anything but.” Phil admitted, and Dan stopped laughing. “Come on, don’t pretend to be surprised! I was spoiled with all your attention for ages and then suddenly I had to realise that other people could not possibly be blind to your charms, what was I supposed to be but jealous?”

“It did take you a while to figure that out though.” Dan said, crossing his arms.

Phil could clearly see he was shivering.

“Oh, because you were so quick.”

“Please! I realised I loved you three months after meeting you.”

“Three months?” Phil was gobsmacked. “That’s…”

“Three years ago now. Yes.” Dan rubbed his neck.

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“How could I with Ash and your obvious disinterest?”

“I was never disinterested. I simply did not know that I was interested.”

“When…” Dan started, but Phil put a finger onto his lips.

“Come on this date with me and I might tell you all about how I realised I loved you.”

Dan’s eyes went round and big.

“Seriously? You said it first!”

“But _you_ said it!” Dan defended himself. “There was nothing else I more wanted to hear for the past three years.”

“You are exaggerating.” Phil laughed.

“I am really not, but if you can sleep better when I say yes: Sure.” Dan said and sipped his Hot Spiced Apple.

“If you stay here for one second longer, I am firing you, Dan!” Cameron shouted across the square making Dan jump and spill his drink onto his jacket.

“I am the store manager if someone does the firing it’s going to be me!” Dan shouted back.

“I’ll become independent with all the money from the money bank which…”

“Don’t you dare!”

“… accumulated because you couldn’t stop staring at Phil!” Cameron grinned wickedly.

“Cameron!” Dan growled.

Phil caught him around the middle and steered him towards the bus stop.

“Let him live, it’s Christmas.” Phil laughed.

“I like you Phil, so don’t mess up and treat him properly this time!” Cameron shouted before waving enthusiastically and closing the door again.

“You told him?” Phil asked amusedly.

“Was I supposed to keep everything bottled up for all eternity?”

“Fair enough, I confided in Jimmy.”

“Jimmy.” Dan said bitterly.

“Yes. He’s the person to see through me immediately and realise I was in love with you, but he did not think it would be a good idea to _tell_ me immediately.”

“Oh. He sounds alright then.”

“He’s nice.” Phil said and pulled Dan closer who finally relaxed.

Phil and Dan’s date turned out to be ordered-in pizza at Phil’s flat, but that was precisely what Phil would have wanted it to be.

“I love this.” Phil smiled and dipped the pizza into the sour-cream dip before eating it.

“Remind me not to put too much effort into future dates.”

“Oh, there will be future dates?” Phil grinned, mouth full of pizza.

“Not when you continue like this.”

“Straight to marriage or what happens when I continue like this?”

“Yes. Marriage, but only so that I can divorce you the very next day.” Dan grinned and continued eating pizza.

“Please don’t ever divorce me, not even when Nick Jonas asks to marry you.” Phil said after a while where he had simply stared at Dan.

“Can you please just let that phase, which lasted like three days at most!, go?” Dan whined.

“Only if you promise me.” Phil said and crawled over to Dan.

“I don’t know. Nick does look good…” Dan grinned and looked at Phil expectantly.

“He’s too short for you. You need someone that is approximately 1 ¼ inch smaller than you, but that is the absolute limit.”

“Mh. That sounds like good criteria. What else do I need to pay attention to?”

“He should dye his hair black but be going back towards his roots just about now. He should have blue eyes and wear contacts when he wants to look good or can be bothered.”

“So, I should take it as personal offence when he wears glasses, say in this moment?” Dan laughed.

“No, you see, you forgot the most important part: You need someone that knows everything there is to you, that has always loved you and just discovered through a bitter sweet journey how much you actually mean to you and now that he has almost lost you, vowed never to be careless again.”

“Hang on! You’re talking about yourself!” Dan called and rolled his eyes.

“No shit Sherlock.” Phil mumbled and leaned in to capture Dan’s lips with his own.

“I love you, Phil.” Dan whispered and leaned his head against Phil’s. “Very much.” Dan added and played with the collar of Phil’s shirt.

“So do I.” Phil whispered and kissed a very specific spot on Dan’s cheek that made Dan smile and reveal his dimple. “I love you, Dan.”

Phil pulled Dan halfway on and halfway between his legs and held him close, whispering to him how much Dan’s help and affection towards him and his daughter had always meant him.

That being in love with Dan was the most natural thing in the world and therefore so incredibly difficult to notice.

Dan hummed and cuddled into Phil. Phil could feel that he was content, and he never wanted anything to change about that.

It was not terribly late when this situation was broken off though, because Phil’s phone suddenly rang. It was his mother asking if he would be so kind as to allow her to climb the stairs with Phiphi.

Phil supressed the curses and quickly told her she could drop Phiphi off.

“You are not even going to ask me in for a cup of tea?”

“I am not alone.” Phil whispered.

“Yes, I know that.” his mother replied unfazed. “Fine. Show your mother the cold shoulder on Christmas Eve. See if you or Dan gets an extra slice of cake tomorrow.”

Phil’s mum was not actually bitter when she arrived at Phil’s door. She hugged him and Dan, who stood next to Phil with an adorably red face.

“See you tomorrow.” she said and waved at them.

“Tomorrow?” Dan asked warily.

“We are invited for lunch at theirs.”

“And you tell me that now?”

“When was I supposed to, when you ran away yesterday?” Phil asked and kissed Dan’s cheek.

“Fine. It’s still sudden.”

“You could pretend you’re sick, with that red face of yours, mum will believe any illness we tell her.”

“Remind me why I love you again.” Dan groaned.

“I am perfect.”

“Good point.” Dan sighed, taking the wind out of Phil’s sails.

“Let’s get you to bed, Ash so that you can have a great Christmas.” Dan said and picked Phiphi out of her pram.

Dan took care of changing her which he did with so much love and affection that Phil felt emotional watching him.

“See you tomorrow, little princess.” Dan kissed Phiphi’s forehead and walked out of the room. “See you tomorrow, Phil.”

“First: Still no nickname? Second: Tomorrow?” Phil crossed his arms.

“First: Phil is the highest affection anyone could put into a name. Second: It is absolutely vital for me to go back to my place before tomorrow.”

“Why?” Phil whined.

“Surprise.” Dan grinned.

“You’re mean. You can’t leave me alone.”

“You wish I would once I never leave again.”

“You wish.” Phil yawned. “This is going in circles.”

“Just go to bed. I promise you that I will be back here before you know it.”

“You better.” Phil said sleepily and rubbed his eyes.

“Don’t make it harder for me to go.” Dan mumbled.

“Oh! What was it I did? Rub my eyes? Yawn? Stay, please? Pretty please.”

“Perfect. You ruined it. See you tomorrow.” Dan smiled.

“I miss you already.” Phil sighed.

Dan groaned and went back to kiss Phil. This was the first time Dan had initiated a kiss, and he was not shy about it either.

Phil was left quite breathless when Dan took a step back.

“I need to go now.” Dan said slowly.

“Fine. Leave me.” Phil had caught his breath luckily, otherwise the sentence would not have had as much impact.

“Drama queen.” Dan smiled and put his shoes on.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, Phil.” Dan laughed and pulled his jacket on.

“Don’t forget my coat tomorrow.”

“I’ll look better than you whatever I wear.”

“Fair enough.” Phil leaned against the doorframe and kept his eyes fixed on Dan who already, even though he was still standing in front of him, seemed like a fragment of his imagination.

“I love you, Phil, and I probably will only hesitate a little bit before killing you if you should change your mind over night.”

“Duly noted.” Phil smiled. “I love you, Dan. I’ll not hesitate the slightest bit if you are not careful on your way home now.”

“When I am in hospital you will kill me?”

“No, I’ll kill you, should you die.” Phil clarified with his eyes closed.

“Shut up and go to sleep.” Dan said.

Phil could hear steps towards him, and Dan’s soft lips pressed against his own in a quick peck.

Phil whined when Dan stepped away again, but this time, Dan only laughed and skipped down the stairs.


	25. Zealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh you dear people. I am very sad that this is the last chapter and therefore the last chance for me to hear your reactions. <3  
> Thank you very much to all of you who have read and enjoyed the Calendar. You are very precious to me and made my December so much brighter. :)   
> I'll see you again at some point in the future, I am sure. :)  
> Merry Christmas to all of you and all my love for the new year! xx

** Wednesday, 25th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

Christmas Day was by far the rudest awakening Dan had ever experienced.

The alarm sounded barely a second after Dan had closed his eyes.

When Dan had returned home the day before, he had accidentally started weeping a little again but those were tears of pure happiness.

Once he had calmed down, Dan had sat down at his desk and completed his present for Ash.

He had flicked through it one last time when he had been completely done and had nearly started crying again because he was certainly very proud of himself.

Then, at a time he usually also went to sleep, albeit not as worn-out emotionally as this, Dan went to sleep only to have his alarm wake him at 4am in the morning.

Dan had hesitated the evening before whether he should finish the present and immediately make his way back to Phil’s place, but he had decided that that would be a tad too eager and that he could consider it his very own Christmas present to himself that on Christmas Day, he would get to spend the night with Phil again.

Also, the idea of taking another bus when he was as exhausted as that had seemed absolutely ghastly, so Dan had relented, changed into his pyjamas and climbed into his bed.

When he had set the alarm, he had seen messages Cameron had sent him.

You were meant to write me, Dan. I am

disappointed but I can’t say I am surprised.

Also, I saw the way you two hit it off and

that’s all the news I need. Congrats, I guess.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Oh and as you were preoccupied, I did not get

to tell you about your real Christmas presents

from your friends at work: we’ll all coordinate

holiday times so that you can spend at least a

week somewhere nice while still getting paid.

I have been told that is the least I can do to make

up for the OOS business. So, Merry Christmas,

I guess.

Dan smiled sleepily and dropped off to sleep.

Dan had never before known his minimum of sleep, but four hours and thirty minutes seemed to be a little lacking of the required standard.

Still, Dan forced himself to first sit up and then quickly made his way through the freezing hallway into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

  
Dan was almost awake after he had showered. He quickly gathered everything he needed and made his way to the bus stop.

There was only one bus an hour running at that time, and Dan was incredibly lucky to have somehow caught it. He was also incredibly lucky to wake up from his spontaneous nap exactly one stop before Phil’s.

Dan got off the bus and concluded that he simply must be incredibly lucky in general at the moment.

That was the only possible explanation for why Phil should have even thought to look at him in a different light.

Maybe, Dan needed to thank Jimmy one of these days.

Quietly and without putting the light on in the stairwell, Dan made his way to Phil’s front door. Carefully, Dan pulled the set of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He slipped out of his shoes and hung Phil’s coat next to Phil’s own.

On his tiptoes, Dan put his present for Phil and Ash underneath Tommy the fake tree and then made his way to Phil’s bedroom.

Now, he was standing in front of a problem, because he did not know what he should do or say in order to surprise but not scare Phil.

Dan carefully opened the door and stepped into the room.

“Is that you Dan? Please be you. Don’t tell me I’m dreaming. Not again.” Phil mumbled, and Dan’s heart doubled in size.

“It is me.” Dan said quietly.

“Heavens!” Phil sat up and rubbed his eyes. “You’re back. How late is it?”

“Quarter to five?” Dan asked.

“Get into bed.” Phil sank back into his cushion. “I have already missed you, you know?” he mumbled.

“Thank you.”

“Wrong.” Phil said and wiggled his pointer finger in the air. “You say: I have missed you too, Phil. I love you. You are the best thing in the world. And then I say: You are the sweetest, Dan. Will you marry me?”

“You are still talking.” Dan said gently and climbed over Phil.

“Ah. Didn’t mean to say that – yet.” Phil mumbled and pulled Dan against him immediately.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t go anywhere until I am awake.”

“I won’t.” Dan promised.

“I love you.” Phil mumbled.

“I love you, too.” Dan returned and kissed Phil’s cheek which made Phil hum.

Phil’s breathing was even quickly, and Dan felt his own tiredness getting back to him as well.

Soon, he was asleep and as comfortable as he could only ever be in Phil’s arms underneath covers, so essentially at a place in life where nothing and no one could harm him.

The next time Dan woke up was the opposite of a rude awakening.

Dan woke up because Phil pressed soft kisses to his hair, cheeks, temples, and nose.

“Merry Christmas.” Phil said when Dan opened his eyes.

“Merry Christmas.” Dan returned and kissed Phil properly, only to blush scarlet when he lay back down.

“Really? You are blushing?”

“Do shut up.” Dan said and buried his face in the covers.

“Hey. It’s cute, but after the kiss yesterday evening, I did not think you would get shy after such an innocent peck.”

“Those are worse.”

“Worse?” Phil asked amusedly.

“They make me feel more vulnerable.” Dan explained reluctantly.

“You don’t have to feel vulnerable with me.” Phil said gently and stroked Dan’s back.

“Thank you.” Dan was muffled by the blanket.

Phil laughed and started tickling Dan.

“Why are you so mean?” Dan whined and reappeared from underneath the covers.

“I am not mean. I want to see you again.” Phil smiled innocently.

“You are the worst.”

“Thank you. At least I am the best at something.”

“You are literally not, though?” Dan asked and started laughing loudly at Phil’s attempt to sulk.

“Let’s go to the living room and see if Father Christmas brought any presents.” Dan said and grabbed Phil’s hand.

“Could you wake Phiphi? I still have something to get quickly.” Phil said.

“Of course.” Dan grinned. “This is the best Christmas present ever.”

“That you get to change Phiphi’s nappies? I really shouldn’t have bothered with buying you anything.” Phil laughed.

“Idiot.” Dan said. He climbed out of Phil’s bed and pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head.

Dan returned to the living room after he had woken Ashley. She had been happy to see him, which was another Christmas present of immeasurable worth to Dan.

Phil was already sitting on the sofa. He had put a present underneath the tree himself and three steaming cups of tea stood on the coffee table.

“Merry Christmas, Phiphi!” Phil said when Dan handed her over to him. “Do you want to see the presents you got?” he asked her.

Dan cleared his throat. “Actually. It would be better to open the Advent Calendar first.”

“Don’t you mean Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza?” Phil asked.

“I’d like some cake, thanks for asking.” Dan laughed.

“It was all one big scheme.” Phil mumbled and stood up to get the box.

“The very last story. I am excited to see what word you chose for Z.”

“Yes, well… Don’t expect too much.” Dan scratched his head.

Phil pulled the paper out of the envelope, unfolded it and started laughing: “Zelebresion. – Celebration, I assume?”

“That’s what it says.” Dan rolled his head. “Do you want to read it?”

“I could never pass up an opportunity to hear you read, you know that.” Phil said and handed Dan the paper.

Dan accepted it reluctantly and started reading after shifting a little closer to Phil.

**ZELEBRESION**

_It did not occur all too often that Introversion was invited to a party, and that he actually accepted the invitation. Industriousness had assured him that there would be a lot of familiar faces among the guests, and Introversion had to admit that if someone could manage to throw a party that appealed even to him, it was the incredibly zealous Industriousness._

_Introversion meticulously calculated when to arrive at the party in order to neither appear overeager like Impatience nor too careless like Lateness. When Introversion knocked on the door, Anxiety jumped three feet high before calming down and opening the door for him. Anxiety was sometimes worse than Fretfulness and that was saying something!_

_Inside Industriousness’ house, Introversion immediately spotted Tiredness who seemed to be lacking the spirit to keep the party up for much longer. Next to Tiredness, Vorfreude, a German exchange student was excitedly bopping up and down on the balls of her feet._

_There were indeed a lot of familiar faces and also friendly faces among the guests, but Introversion did not feel completely at place yet. A smaller room with less people and less noise would have done him some good and would have allowed him to recharge his battery._

_After some careful navigation through the party, careful not to annoy anyone, Introversion finally found a quiet room, which was really more like a cupboard in which he could catch his breath and clam his pulse._

_He was feeling almost okay again and was therefore not far off from good when Resilience suddenly opened the door and pushed someone inside. Resilience was known for her ability to rise again after going through the worst and not afraid to show her true colours._

_Introversion admired Resilience incredibly, but he was not exactly thrilled with the unwanted addition to his party of one in the form of who he now recognised to be Extroversion. Where Introversion admired Resilience, he was in absolute awe of Extroversion and his ability to make everyone feel good, heard and entertained._

_“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I know you want to be alone.” Extroversion said._

_“You don’t count.” Introversion said kindly and with a few more second of silence in which only their knees touched, he was feeling good again._

_“Something is not quite working at this party.” Extroversion said into the comfortable silence._

_“I think we should turn down the music a little and get people to talk, distribute good food and if no one has got anything to tell, tell stories ourselves.”_

_“You would do that?”_

_“Of course, if you are by my side.” Introversion said, unaware of what he set off inside Extroversion. “Together, we can do this.”_

_Introversion was right. Together, Introversion and Extroversion made sure that everyone from their host Industriousness to Tiredness and even the culturally differently impressed Vorfreude had a good time, and all because Resilience, who was like a phoenix rising from the ashes, had brought them together at a crucial point in time._

Dan felt his face heat up as he was reading which now felt like the most obvious declaration of love he could have made without actually using the words: I love you, Phil.

“I like this one.” Phil said and gently tilted Dan’s head towards him to kiss him.

“I am glad.” Dan said quietly.

“I loved all of them.”

“I am relieved.”

“So you said.”

“What? When?” Dan frowned.

“In your notes. Do you really not remember writing them?” Phil laughed.

“Not exactly. I don’t remember details, I know that much.”

“Could you read today’s note to me?” Phil asked.

“Are you insane? That clearly falls under bodily harm.” Dan crossed his arms.

“Fine, I’ll read it on my own.” Phil laughed. “I want to give you my present now.” He said and handed Ash over to Dan before kneeling down on the floor to pull out the present he wrapped.

Without much ado, Dan handed Ash back to Phil and opened the present. Inside, there were three matching, almost hideous Christmas pyjamas.

“I love them.” Dan laughed.

“I bought them way before I was even close to discovering how I feel about you.” Phil said. “I guess I always saw us as a unit of three.”

“You could have said family. It was right there in front of you.” Dan rolled his eyes but could not hide how touched he was.

“Let’s take a picture and let’s print it on your printer immediately.” Dan said. Phil frowned but did as Dan had asked.

First, they needed to change into the pyjamas of course and then pose in front of the Christmas tree.

“Do you remember the photoshoot session we had?” Dan asked.

“Of course, that wasn’t five years ago, that was two weeks ago, or something.”

“Remember the last picture?”

“The family picture?”

Dan nodded. “I was incredibly touched that you asked me to be on it too. It was the closest I had felt to really being part of this.”

“Not even when Phiphi called you Dada?”

“You see, that was always you and never her.” Dan laughed.

“Yet.” Phil grinned.

“Now your present.” Dan said.

He gently pushed Phil and Ashley to sit down on the sofa again and got the scrapbook from underneath the tree.

“This will not be much of a surprise like completely, but I thought, it was a nice way to have it, anyways.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, so I am just going to open this now.” Phil grinned and carefully peeled off the Sellotape. Phil was never careful with wrapping paper. He wanted to annoy Dan. Dan was not going to let it get to him.

“Open the present Phil, or I will leave this instant!” Dan shouted. Oh well.

“Fine. Alright.” Phil laughed and tore the paper apart. He turned the book around first and then carefully opened the first page.

“Wow. Dan. This is on yet a different artistic level.” Phil said as he flicked through the pages.

“My personal pride in all of this is Ashley’s A to Z.”

“The Advent Calendar, yes.” Phil nodded.

“No. Well, not exactly. See, there is one word highlighted in every story? And there is one last short Christmas present story at the end. See, here.” Dan said.

Phil offered the book to Dan. “Read it.”

Dan took the book and cleared his throat.

**ASHLEY’S A TO Z**

_In life, you will soon have to learn that there seem to be a lot of expectations the world has of you. I do not want to stress you with expectations. I do, however, have wishes for you, and these wishes, I want to share with you._

_I wish for you that you will always be_ **Adorable** _so that you can have at least one trick up your sleeve. You are more than looks and more than what you show others. My wish for you is that you learn to utilise your advantages. And being adorable is one of them. You will be adorable. Of that I am certain – I know your father after all._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Bountiful** _in everything that matters. I wish for you that you will have happiness, joy, luck and love in abundance._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Congenial** _. There are people in your life that love you already and there will be a lot more people that will love you. My wish for you is that those people will share what you are passionate about and love you for it._

_I wish for you that you will always be_ **Dreamy** _. Have dreamy looks if you want, but I wish for you that you dream a lot and let your imagination run wild. Open doors to worlds no one has ever set foot into. Be yourself, and dream!_

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Euphoric** _. I wish for you that you will find things that you can be passionate about and due to which you experience true euphoria._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Fascinated** _. Let life fascinate you in all things big and small. I wish that you will be able to see miracles and marvel at them._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Generous** _with your abundance of happiness, joy, luck and love. Share what makes you happy to multiply your happiness and share your sorrows to make them less. I wish that you will not be stingy but generous with everything you have._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Harmonious** _. Not always will you be able to be around people that only love you, but I wish for you that you will find your voice and speak yourself._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Inspiring** _. Don’t be afraid to create dissonances when speaking your voice. Use moments where harmony seems to leave you to inspire others to follow your lead and speak themselves too._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Jovial** _while also not being afraid to show your sadness. Never be ashamed of your joy._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Kind** _so that you can see when someone is in need of help and when someone needs to be stood up for._

_I wish for you that you will find someone to be_ **Loyal** _to. Support those you trust and love and stick by their side._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Magnanimous** _. Be able to forgive others their wrongdoings. I wish that you won’t be too proud to be the bigger person._

_I wish for you that you will always be_ **Noticed** _and that all of your worries don’t go unnoticed. Speak up for yourself, but I wish for you too that those close to you will always have an eye out for you and if not an eye, certainly an open ear to listen to you._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Outstanding** _in whatever you do without having to deal with inhumane amounts of stress. I wish that you will try hard and then, you will have already be outstanding._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Patient** _both with your parents, your friends, teachers, bosses, strangers and animals. Life is quick but can be too quick to keep up with, so I wish for you that you can show compassion and allow additional time for those struggling._

_I wish for you that you will always be_ **Queer** _. Always be yourself. Don’t be afraid to be different. Different is the best thing you can be. Be proud of yourself._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Radiant** _and shine your precious light bright into the world to help you find your way through life._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Sincere** _. Don’t lie for the sake of it. Be truthful and honest and think of consequences before you act. That is my wish for you._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Thankful** _for the kind things others do for you. I wish that you will be able to receive as well as you will be able to hand out._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Understanding** _. Arguing can be fun, but I wish that you will try to see the other side’s view and base your argumentation on the truth._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Virtuous** _and find a gut feeling by which you can walk through life with the least trouble for yourself and others._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Wholesome** _. This one might be the most selfish wish. I wish that you stay innocent and excitable and lovely your whole life._

_I wish for you that you will always be_ **Young** _in your heart. Your body will grow old, but keep your young heart. Never be afraid to show your passion or to try new things._

_I wish for you that you will be_ **Zealous** _and put as much as you can into every project you do._

_I wish for you that you will be Phiphi, Phil Lester’s daughter._

_Love, Dan_ **x**

“This was a lot longer than I remembered it to be.” Dan said truthfully and placed the book onto his knees before he turned to Phil.

“Yeah.” Phil said weakly. There were tears in his eyes. Oh, and on his cheeks. In fact, his pyjama top was a little wet.

“Why are you crying?” Dan asked carefully.

“Only because my boyfriend showed himself once again to be the kindest, loveliest and sweetest person in the whole world.” Phil sniffed. “Phiphi can consider herself incredibly lucky to have you as your father.”

And just like that, Dan started crying too and if he was not mistaken, happy tears tasted a tiny bit sweeter than sad ones, and those were the happiest he had ever shed.

Phil’s POV 

Carefully, Phil opened his eyes and turned to the right.

Yes, his mind had not played a trick on him. Dan was actually lying next to him.

Not only next to him but actually in Phil’s arms, exactly where he was obviously supposed to be.

Gently, Phil pushed a strand of hair out of Dan’s eyes and smiled. Dan was beautiful, and he was right there next him.

Apparently, Dan loved Phil.

Apparently, Dan had loved Phil for a long time already.

Apparently, Dan was willing to stay with Phil.

Evidently, Phil was the luckiest person alive.

Phil kept looking at the way Dan lay peacefully next to him for a while longer. Then, he couldn’t resist and pressed gentle kisses on every part of Dan’s face that he could reach without twisting his body completely.

Phil did not kiss Dan’s lips though. It felt wrong to do that without Dan’s consent.

Slowly, Dan started stirring next to Phil. Phil continued pressing kissed to his face until Dan sleepily opened his eyes.

“Merry Christmas.” Phil said.

“Merry Christmas.” Dan pushed himself up and kissed Phil on the lips.

It was not a long kiss and Phil had already seen proof that Dan could kiss a lot less timidly, but still, Dan’s face had turned pink when he lay down again.

“Really? You are blushing?” Phil asked.

“Do shut up.” Dan said and hid. 

“Hey. It’s cute, but after the kiss yesterday evening, I did not think you would get shy after such an innocent peck.”

“Those are worse.”

“Worse?” Phil was amused.

“They make me feel more vulnerable.” Dan said eventually.

“You don’t have to feel vulnerable with me.” Phil said gently and ran his fingers over Dan’s back.

“Thank you.” Dan said, and Phil started tickling him as punishment for the barely acceptable use of ‘Thank you.’.

After some more bickering, they agreed to get up and go to the living room.

When Dan spoke of Christmas presents, Phil remembered the present he had bought as soon as the first shops had stocked Christmas stuff.

Phil sent Dan out of the room to take care of Phiphi while he took fished the present out of his drawer and wrapped it with the little time he had.

Phil left his bedroom and heard yet another original song from Dan sung to Phiphi. This time the song was about socks that lead a revolution because they did not want to be restricted to one foot only. Phil had the suspicion that Dan had no idea what he was singing about.

When Phil had once repeated one of the ideas Dan had sung about in his songs, Dan had laughed loudly and openly at him, declaring him a nutter.

Phil had in turn be very amused by that but had not attempted to talk about the songs to Dan again after that. If he did, Dan could stop singing as a reaction and he did not ever want that to happen.

While Dan was busy with Phiphi, Phil managed to make tea and settle on the couch waiting a couple of moments more before Dan and Phiphi emerged from her room, looking like Phil’s dream personified, which was precisely what they were.

“Merry Christmas, Phiphi!” Phil took Phiphi into his arms. “Do you want to see the presents you got?” he asked her.

Dan coughed. “Actually. It would be better to open the Advent Calendar first.”

“Don’t you mean Ashley’s X-Mas Extravaganza?” Phil walked right into that one.

“I’d like some cake, thanks for asking.” Dan laughed.

“It was all one big scheme.” Phil grumbled and went to get the box.

A tiny bit of persuasion-work later, Phil settled into Dan’s side with Phiphi on his lap, ready to listen to his story.

Phil was essentially smiling the whole way through the story. It did very much sound like Introversion and Extroversion had fallen in love.

It was an adorable story, and yet, Phil was immediately impatient to read Dan’s note that went with the story.

“I like this one.” Phil toned down his reaction in order to be sure Dan would believe him. Softly, Phil tilted Dan’s head towards him and kissed him.

“I am glad.” Dan whispered.

“I loved all of them.”

“I am relieved.”

“So you said.”

“What? When?”

“In your notes. Do you really not remember writing them?” This was so incredibly like Dan! 

“Not exactly. I don’t remember details, I know that much.”

“Could you read today’s note to me?” Phil asked.

“Are you insane? That clearly falls under bodily harm.” Dan folded his arms.

“Fine, I’ll read it on my own.” Phil laughed. He had not exactly expected Dan to agree to read the note to him.

It was a tiny bit like time travel to a slightly different time too. It was not precisely the same Dan that was sitting next to him in that moment that had written the notes.

Phil loved the Dan that had written the notes, the Dan he had first met, the Dan next to him and the Dan he would get to know over the next years.

Phil averted Dan’s attention with announcing he wanted Dan to open his present now: a matching set of ridiculous Christmas pyjamas.

“I love them.” Dan laughed.

“I bought them way before I was even close to discovering how I feel about you.” Phil admitted. “I guess I always saw us as a unit of three.”

“You could have said family. It was right there in front of you.” Dan was playing tough which was funny to witness when his eyes were clearly filled with tears.

“Let’s take a picture and let’s print it on your printer immediately.” Dan said suddenly.

Phil did not understand the sudden initiative but obliged Dan and changed into the pyjamas to take a picture in front of Tommy.

“Do you remember the photoshoot session we had?” Dan asked.

“Of course, that wasn’t five years ago, that was two weeks ago, or something.”

“Remember the last picture?”

“The family picture?”

“I was incredibly touched that you asked me to be on it too. It was the closest I had felt to really being part of this.”

“Not even when Phiphi called you Dada?”

“You see, that was always you and never her.” Dan laughed.

“Yet.” Phil smiled.

“Now your present.” Dan was difficult to keep up with, today more so than on usual days.

Dan pushed Phil to sit down on the sofa and handed him the present with a cryptic speech which Phil decided to ignore.

To tease Dan, Phil opened the present with as much care as he could muster. He was getting impatient himself, but he wanted Dan to crack first.

“Open the present Phil, or I will leave this instant!” There it was!

“Fine. Alright.” Phil laughed and quickly tore the present open.

A book. Nothing on the cover or back to give the content away.

Phil opened the book and was met with the first story he had read in the Advent Calendar, beautifully copied down and illustrated with the same drawings but also pictures of Phil and Phiphi.

“Wow. Dan. This is on yet a different artistic level.” Phil said when he flicked through more pages.

“My personal pride in all of this is Ashley’s A to Z.”

“The Advent Calendar, yes.” Phil agreed.

“No. Well, not exactly. See, there is one word highlighted in every story? And there is one last short Christmas present story at the end. See, here.” Dan said.

Phil handed the book to Dan. “Read it.”

Dan did not hesitate quite as much this time. He cleared his throat and started reading.

Less than halfway through ‘Ashley’s A to Z’, Phil was already crying silently. Dan was such a caring person. He was looking out for Phiphi and he was being plain amazing. He was a wonder to behold, truly.

“I wish for you that you will be Phiphi, Phil Lester’s daughter. Love, Dan. Kiss, or well x.” Dan read the last line and placed the book onto his knees. “This was a lot longer than I remembered it to be.” he said.

“Yeah.” Phil tried to pull himself together but to no avail.

“Why are you crying?” Dan asked with big brown eyes.

“Only because my boyfriend showed himself once again to be the kindest, loveliest and sweetest person in the whole world.” Phil sniffed. “Phiphi can consider herself incredibly lucky to have you as your father.”

“You are her father.” Dan sobbed.

“I am her Dad. You are her Dada.” Phil insisted. “There is no one that is nearly as important to me and her as you are.”

Phil pulled Dan into a strong hug which Dan returned. Neither of them stopped crying immediately, which eventually made Phiphi start crying too. That in turn, however made Dan and Phil laugh and soon dried Phiphi’s tears again.

“I got a Christmas present from Cameron.” Dan said when he had wiped his tears off.

“Oh?” Phil asked and felt himself stiffen a little.

“Really? After everything I have just said and written and read and done you think you have to be jealous of Cameron?” Dan laughed and cupped Phil’s cheek.

“One day you might notice that I am not a worthy companion.”

Phil had barely finished when Dan shouted: “Oh, do shut up, Phil. I love you. I have essentially always loved you. Don’t you dare think that is going to change, bafoon.”

Phil lowered his head, not because he was sad or embarrassed, but because he tried to hide his giggles.

“You are ridiculous.” Dan mumbled and pressed a kiss onto Phil’s nose after tilting his head up again.

“What present did you get then?” Phil asked.

“Cameron told me he’d arrange the staff’s holidays so that I’d get a week off while still getting paid to make up for making me pay for the Christmas party.” Dan explained with a slight blush on his cheeks.

“That’s very nice.”

“Cameron is very nice.” Dan winked.

“Come on, Dan, be fair. You know I am going to be possessive about you.”

Dan’s eyes widened. So maybe he had not known that exactly.

“I love you.” Phil whispered and pulled Dan into a kiss.

They broke off sooner than either of them would have liked. Phil took Dan’s hand a squeezed three times.

“I think we have time for another cup of tea before we go to my parents.” Phil said.

“I thought Monday was the last time you would ask me to come along to something.”

“That was the last time as my fake boyfriend. I did make that differentiation then already, but I couldn’t admit it yet. Anyways, now, you’re the real deal.”

“Oh, the real deal, am I?” Dan laughed. “Fine. I’ll come. You make the tea.”

“I already made tea once today!”

“And this is what I have let myself in for the rest of my life.” Dan mumbled, and Phil felt warm all over.

As soon as Dan turned his back on Phil to go to the kitchen, Phil pulled Dan’s note out of the envelope and started reading quickly.

_Dear Phil,_

_I cannot believe that this is the last time I am writing you. I neither thought I would manage the entire Advent Calendar in a week, nor did I think time would pass this quickly. Time is a funny thing, isn’t it?_

_There is not much I can or rather should say about today’s story. I don’t want to ruin your (hopefully) favourable impression, after all._

_Just one thing: I like the weird metaphor of sorts – story setting – I found for our friendship. Because of Ash (you know Resilience who emerges from bad periods like a phoenix from the ashes?!), the two of us make the best team. We are best friends and if anything, Ash helped manifest that._

_Thank you for continuing to read to the very last day of the Advent Calendar. It was, like I said before, a pleasure, a joy, and an honour to create this for the two of you._

_Love, Dan._

“Oh no. What are you smiling at?” Dan asked.

“Nothing.” Phil said and tried to hide the note behind Phiphi.

“How bad was the note?”

“Not bad at all. Adorable and delusional. Are you trying to tell me that you wrote the story thinking about our _friendship_?”

“Well, you see. It was easier to make myself believe that than to own up to the truth. I had done that enough times already, skipping once didn’t feel too bad.” Dan shrugged.

“I love you, Dan.” Phil smiled brightly.

“Guess what, I love you too.” Dan grinned.

After they had finished their tea, Phil took care to dress Phiphi in a smart outfit while Dan raided Phil’s closet to find something for him to wear.

When Phil came to his bedroom Dan was standing in a pair of jeans buttoning up a shirt.

“Give a man some warning!” Phil said, making Dan jump.

“Same to you!” Dan rolled his eyes.

“I am not the one looking like I am trying to seduce someone.” Phil said.

“Shut up.” Dan said, and Phil could clearly see that his cheeks were read.

“Sorry, I am just teasing.” Phil walked over to Dan and kissed his cheek. “You do look hot though.” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear.

“Phil!” Dan shouted and pushed Phil away. Phil giggled and handed Phiphi over to Dan once he was fully dressed.

Dan fled the bedroom when Phil started changing into some nicer clothes which Phil took as a compliment, actually.

Eventually, Dan, Phil and Phiphi left home looking their best to spend Christmas lunch with Phil’s parents.

Dan was a tiny bit nervous, but Phil promised him not to say anything about the pretend relationship.

Dan punched him when he said he’d safe that for New Year’s Eve, but he did calm down a little anyways.

Phil rang the doorbell and they were pulled inside even before Phil could have thought about the first muse album title, at least he knew where he had the speedy answering of doors from.

Dan picked Phiphi out of her pram and held her while Phil pushed the pram deep into the corner to take up least room. Without speaking first Phil took of his coat, and then Dan after he had handed Phiphi to Phil.

Phil had not been aware that his mother was watching them and by the way Dan jumped when she started speaking, neither had he.

“Emerged stronger than ever before. See, I told you, you would, Dan.”

Dan blushed once again and quickly grabbed Phil’s hand.

Soon, Dan lost any of his inhibition and was his usual cheerful and funny self that entertained the entire party.

If Phil interpreted the Advent Calendar story correctly this meant that Phil had the power to transform Dan from an introvert to an extrovert.

When Phil told Dan as much between courses, Dan whispered back: “I am always an interactive introvert, we are special.”

“You are.” Phil grinned and put his hand onto Dan’s thigh.

Later in the afternoon, the four of them played charades once again. Phil insisted on playing with Dan, because he was after all his charades partner in life.

“That sounds disturbingly familiar. Was that in one of the notes?” Dan asked with a frown. Phil nodded. “You do need to burn those, they have the highest percentage of crap a piece of writing can withhold.”

Charades was fun but the real highlight and surprise was when after they all calmed down after a series of laughing fits, they heard Phiphi making noises.

Not only that, however. She was saying something.

“Dada.” Phiphi repeated a couple of times and wiggled into Dan’s general direction. Dan’s eyes were brimming with tears and so were Phil’s. This was the one last thing that Dan needed to be convinced he had a place in their family.

After Dan had picked Phiphi up, she stopped saying Dada. She stayed silent for a while and then she said: “Da.” with a long ‘a’ a couple of times. Phil walked over to Dan and Phiphi, scared if she did not actually mean him, but as soon as he took her hand, Phiphi calmed down and giggled happily.

“Merry Christmas.” Phil whispered and couldn’t resist kissing Dan, even if his parents were in the same room.

“When are you two moving in together then?” Phil’s mum asked.

“As soon as possible!” Dan blurted out.

Phil’s mum looked satisfied.

His father looked content.

And Phil, Phil felt like he was going to burst from happiness any moment now.


End file.
